Never Again, No More

by Untamed

  “A’ight, muthafucka! Now let me go!” Big Cal yelled. Pooch released him, causing him to trip backward and fall. “Crazy-ass muthafucka,” Big Cal muttered, shaking his head. Big Cal grabbed a Kleenex from the small table nearby and wiped the blood that trickled from his mouth.

  “Yeah, a’ight, then. Remember that shit. You damn right I’m crazy. Crazy about my woman,” Pooch said, helping Big Cal up. “Now let’s go handle this business. You still my number one dude.”

  Pooch continued to walk down the hallway, and Big Cal followed behind, still wiping his mouth. Hurriedly, I grabbed Princess from the living room and left them so that they could discuss the information that li’l Juice had provided.

  After they all had left the house, I sat in the living room and prayed a silent prayer that Pooch would be fine and that he would be able to retrieve his product. I wanted to call Terrence and tell him what had happened, but I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that his words were coming to fruition. But if they were, what would that mean for me and my kids? I tried not to worry, but now I had to. I loved Pooch, but I loved my kids more.

  Charice

  My vacation in Dallas was just what the doctor had ordered. After I returned, I found that I was more productive and stress free. Honestly, I was ecstatic about the memories that had been created while we were there. For instance, Ryan had kept his promise and had spent much-needed time with the kids. So I had had a break, which had been long overdue for me. The Cowboys had won the game we attended by a score of 27–14. There was no greater rush than watching that team in action. Even Charity had loved the game, and she was an extremely girly girl, so sports had never been her thing. Before we left Dallas, Ryan had laced my pockets with three grand just for me. Of course, I hadn’t wanted to accept it, but then he’d told me to consider it back child-support payment and to spend it on myself. Now, that had been the clincher. That Dallas trip had wound up being a lot more beneficial than I’d bargained for.

  Since the trip, Ryan had called every day to check on the kids, and his mom had been really involved in their lives. The media, of course, had gotten wind of the fact that Ryan had kids and had broken the story about Ryan and his three children. He had released a press statement confirming it and stating that his focus was on his career and his kids. I could admire that and now vouched for it. He’d been true to his word thus far.

  My mom was impressed with Ryan’s efforts of late. Trust me, for Ryan to do that, it took an act of God, especially since she was upset with some of the consequences of him taking responsibility for his kids. Which ones? Well, being that she was no longer the kids’ only “acting” grandmother, she was no longer getting all the “Grandma” shine. She didn’t care that the media constantly tried to film Ryan’s mom with the triplets or interviewed her about her role as a grandma, but she was upset about the fact that she had to split her grandchildren time with Ryan’s mom now. Believe me, I’d much rather have my children be with my own mom, but the kids requested to be around Ryan’s mom just as much as she requested to see them. I believed that was what had given my mom the streak of envy, and I could understand that.

  You’d think after the five years I had cared for them, the triplets’ devotion would be to their mama, but if Ryan was mentioned, it was all about Daddy to the kids. It was like being introduced to your first taste of chocolate candy. Their relationship with Ryan was new, fun, and sweet, and it came with plenty of perks.

  Hell, even their mama benefited from the perks. One of which was spending part of my Christmas vacation back in Dallas. This time I let the kiddos stay with their daddy solo. I trusted Ryan to do right by them. With his feelings for me still open, I didn’t want to test the waters. Ryan was a charmer and could be very persuasive and persistent. I didn’t want to fall victim to any of his antics, especially since I still hadn’t gotten any loving since the last time we were together. It had been hard enough to resist the first time, but since I longed for a taste, it wasn’t a good idea to tempt fate again. You didn’t take a wolf into a butcher shop, and I was hungry like a wolf. So, I made sure I handled my business via four AA batteries and stayed at the Westin Hotel. Ryan let me drive his Benz, which came complete with a navigation system, in case I wanted to get out and explore on my own, which I did.

  The second day in Dallas, I shopped until I dropped and took in the beautiful sights in the city. After my long day, I relaxed in my whirlpool tub and sipped on champagne in my hotel suite, while the kids stayed at the house with Ryan. After I emerged from the tub, I glanced at the bedside clock and saw that it was only ten. I didn’t want to stay in, so I decided to go to the hotel bar and lounge and have a couple of drinks and listen to some music. I put on a nice backless black cocktail dress that fit the contours of my assets and a pair of stilettos.

  As I sat at the bar, I noticed the men watching me, but I wasn’t interested in any of that. I was a girl with morals and standards and was not into one-night stands. Since these men were in Dallas and not back home in Atlanta, that was all it would be, a one-night stand, so I focused on the music and enjoyed myself.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” a male voice said behind me.

  Quickly, I turned around to see who it was. Then I smiled demurely. “Lincoln. How are you?”

  After walking up to me, he bent down and hugged me. “I’m well. And you?”

  “I’m good. I brought the kids to visit their daddy before Christmas.”

  “Ryan told me you all were coming. I’m just surprised that you’re not with them,” he stated, puzzled.

  I waved my finger. “Nope. It’s Daddy’s time, and this is Mama’s time.” I laughed, pointing to myself.

  He held his hands up apologetically; at the same time his lips curled into a playful grin. “I can feel that. Mama needs a break too.”

  “Linc, what are you drinking?” the bartender asked, interrupting us.

  “Disaronno on the rocks.” He turned to me. “And you?” he asked.

  “I’ll have an apple martini,” I told the bartender. Then I focused on Lincoln again. “So what brings you to this hotel? Don’t you have a home with a full bar here in the big city?”

  With a chuckle, he took the empty seat beside me and said, “Yes, I do, but I like to get out too. I like the Westin and often visit the bar and lounge.”

  “I can tell. You’re on a first-name basis with the bartender.”

  He shrugged. “I tip well.”

  “I’m sure,” I said as the bartender handed us our drinks.

  “Let’s toast,” he said, and we raised our glasses. “To beautiful women and great drinks.”

  “Also, I’d like to toast to good times and new friends,” I said.

  We both blushed and smiled as we tapped glasses. “Hear, hear,” we chorused.

  For the next hour, Lincoln and I laughed and talked as if we’d known one another for years. The conversation flowed like water, and so did the drinks. He had three Disaronnos, and I had about three apple martinis and a cosmopolitan. We found that we had a lot in common, and like me, he was a great debater.

  “Well, Linc,” I said, calling him by his nickname, which he’d given me permission to use, “it’s been real, but I’m going to dance for a bit. The deejay is playing some real songs up in here now.”

  “Say it ain’t so, Ms. Lady! You don’t dance.”

  “Please. You don’t know me, Linc. Before I settled on being a nutritionist, my dream was to be a dancer and own my own dance company. I was good. Ryan loved my splits,” I joked.

  He swiped his hand over his chin beard and chuckled. “Show me what you got.”

  Now, who did he think he had challenged? I felt loose after the alcohol, so my inhibitions were as low to the ground as I was about to drop it. “You ain’t said nothing but a word,” I said and grabbed his hand and led him onto the dance floor.

  I was fluid and sexy as I showed off the latest dance moves with the grace of Beyoncé in my stilettos. Lincoln cheered me on
and nodded his head in approval.

  “I must admit, you are really good,” he complimented me.

  “Told you.”

  “Moving like that, Ma, it wasn’t just your splits that got Ryan, either,” he joked.

  The dance floor was my sanctuary. Between being a full-time employee and a full-time single parent, I hadn’t had time to enjoy my other first love. It came like second nature to me to set the dance floor ablaze. For the first time since I could remember, I felt carefree. Almost like the old Charice. I hadn’t realized she’d gone missing, but I found her on the dance floor, and I loved the fact that Lincoln provided the space and the judgment-free zone for me to do so. After about another fifteen minutes, I decided to take a rest, so Lincoln and I made our exit from our small center stage.

  As I headed back to the bar, Lincoln touched my arm. “I know it’s late, but would you like to take a walk with me?”

  “Sure,” I replied.

  He settled our tabs with the bartender, grabbed his coat, and rejoined me. Then we walked out into the night air.

  “It’s cold. I forgot that it’s wintertime,” I said.

  Lincoln put his overcoat around my shoulders. “Feel better?”

  “Yes. Thanks,” I said as we continued our stroll. “This city is so gorgeous. I guess I feel that way after being stuck in ATL for so long and having to tend to my babies.”

  “Dallas is a beautiful city, Ma.”

  “You must be from up north, with that slight accent and ‘Ma’ talk.”

  Lincoln flashed a proud smile. “Yep. I’m from New Yitty.”

  “What part?”

  “Queens.”

  “What do you city boys know about the dirty South?” I joked.

  “It’s different. I’ll say that. But I like it down here. Hell, why wouldn’t I? I play for the greatest team in the league.”

  “True, and your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell the city boys that you like country living,” I joked.

  “Thanks, Ma. I appreciate that.”

  We strolled for a few moments in silence as we took in the night sights. The glow of the city, with its mesmerizing beauty, cast a spell over me. It was then that I realized no matter where you traveled and for what reason, you always had to take time out to enjoy the beauty of a place.

  “So tell me, you really fell in love with Ryan during ninth grade?” Lincoln asked, catching me off guard with such a candid question.

  I didn’t necessarily want to stroll down memory lane, but conversing with Lincoln felt easy and therapeutic. Still, reliving that period of heartbreak was not something that I readily dived into. After all, I’d just purged Ryan out of my system. So to avoid the risk of reopening my heart, I gave him the CliffsNotes version.

  “Ryan was the king of our high school, literally. Not that I was attracted to that. I didn’t know who he was, but he captured me the first time we spoke. When we eventually linked up, I fell hook, line, and sinker. I loved him with everything I had until about four months ago.”

  What I meant suddenly dawned on him, and he nodded. “Hmm, the whole situation with Iris. You felt used.” Silently, I agreed, and Lincoln continued. “Listen, Ryan is my boy and all, but I understand. I try to help him because I see a lot of my old self in him. I want him to understand that this NFL shit is temporary, and so is everything that comes with it—the lifestyle, the fame, the women, and the money—especially if you get injured. Everyone loves you when you’re flying up and down the field on Sunday afternoons, but no one is checking for you when you’re forty and a sports announcer. In the end, he’s going to want to a firm foundation beneath him, with someone who is solid.”

  Lincoln took me to church with that. Whew! His words spoke to my soul and made an otherwise difficult conversation so simple to have. “Exactly! And not that Ryan hasn’t used me before, but at some point, you have to say enough is enough. I had to let go for myself. I’d devoted too much time to loving him and not to looking out for Charice. My heart, my head, my body, and my soul needed a release from him. I’m elated that he’s stepped up to the plate and taken your advice into account, but I’m not going back. I know how he feels, but I can’t open myself up to him like that again. I refuse to.”

  “I know. You have to do what’s best for you, for your own sanity,” he agreed. “I feel you on that, because I’ve been there. My daughter’s mother is finally letting me see my baby, and I’m glad, but I can barely tolerate seeing my daughter’s mother. She tries to fight every time she sees me, partially because she’s bitter over our outcome, but I can’t let that stop me. I’m better than that. I just want to take care of my seed. Fuck the rest.”

  We took in each other’s words and briefly allowed them to sink in. I noticed the distant, bothered expression on Lincoln’s face and chose to make light of the situation. “Being an adult is not easy for everyone,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder, which caused him to look over at me. “You don’t think I could kick Ryan’s ass every time I see him? I mean, I think about all the shit he’s done to me. I haven’t forgotten that. So yes, I could feel like kicking his ass every time I see him, but I’m not here to fight or argue. I’m here to let him be a father, plain and simple.”

  When I finished my speech, I glanced over at Lincoln, who was staring at me in wonderment. “You are amazing,” he said. “Ryan fucked up. He so fucked up.”

  I laughed. “You don’t have to say that. You know that’s your boy.” I playfully nudged him.

  Suddenly, he stopped, turned me to face him, and gently pulled me close. “Check it, Ma. I don’t say shit I don’t mean. My boy or not, he fucked up. A woman like you comes along only once in a lifetime,” he said seriously.

  As we stood there looking into each other’s eyes, surges of electricity passed through us. Though we knew we should break the connection, it was if we were stuck in a trance, neither one of us able to move away. As I stood there, mesmerized by his eyes, I unconsciously wrapped my arms around his neck, leaned in, and kissed him. We had been lost for minutes in our sensual kiss when suddenly, he pushed me back.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, turning away quickly out of embarrassment.

  Lincoln gently and swiftly grabbed my hand, which caused me to slowly face him. He gazed solemnly at me for a brief moment and then chuckled. “I’m sorry for liking it.”

  We both laughed nervously.

  “We’d better head back to the hotel,” I said shyly.

  “Yeah, we’d better,” he replied.

  The walk back was as quiet as it had begun. I thought we refrained from talking or breathing for fear of what might happen next. Rather than cross those blurring lines, we settled for silence, because silence was safe. Once we arrived back at the hotel, Lincoln, being the gentleman he was, escorted me to my room.

  “Thanks for the great evening.” I glanced down at my watch. “Well, morning . . . I didn’t realize that it was after one o’clock,” I said.

  “Time flies when you’re having fun,” he joked nervously.

  Both of us danced on the awkwardness of the moment. As I shifted my weight from foot to foot, he fidgeted with his keys. Since I didn’t want to cause any undue stress, I decided to end the evening.

  “Good night, Linc,” I said softly, then kissed him on his cheek. After stepping inside my room, I stood at the door and said, “For the record, your baby’s mama fucked up too.”

  He smiled devilishly. “Seems like I’m always finding myself in fucked up situations.”

  I smiled knowingly. “Good night.”

  “Good night, Ma,” he replied sweetly, and I closed the door.

  Immediately, I kicked off my heels and was determined to grab my bedroom toy, because Lincoln had my pussy hot as fire. Yes, forget the bullshit. My kitty had stopped purring an hour ago, and this heifer was now screaming at me to give her some attention. And attention she was going to get. In mid-stride for my bullet, I heard a knock on the door. After racing back, I looked through the peephole
and saw that it was Lincoln.

  Fuck. I need to handle this, I thought. “Did you forget something?” I asked after opening the door.

  I couldn’t read his expression clearly, but he looked confused. “No, but I hope to God this is the right decision.”

  Now it was my turn to be confused. “What?”

  He stepped inside the door and swept me into his arms. “Tell me that you want me as much as I want you. Tell me that this will not just be a one-night stand. If I pursue this with you and betray my boy, I have to know that this isn’t a casual thing for you.”

  Without a pause, I exhaled and said breathlessly, “I want you, and this isn’t just a casual thing for me.”

  As soon as I said that, he kissed me and kicked the door closed. We both knew what was going to happen and accepted it. Lincoln wasted no time as he carried me into the bedroom and laid me down on the bed. I was nervous but didn’t want to appear to be, so I lay there and watched as he slipped off his Ralph Lauren button-down, wifebeater, and slacks. As he stood there, wearing only his boxers, he slowly pulled me off the bed and helped me to my feet.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered in my ear.

  I gasped from the surge of sexual energy that shot through my body. I reached for my zipper, but Lincoln stopped me.

  “Allow me, please. I want to unwrap you like a Christmas gift under my tree.”

  I nodded, silent, and he slowly unzipped my cocktail dress, removed the straps from my shoulders, and slid the dress down my body. He took his time and kissed my neck . . . shoulders . . . . stomach . . . hips and thighs. I kicked out of my dress, and he lay me back down on the bed and massaged my feet.

  “Mmm, Lincoln,” I moaned.

  “That feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked in a raspy voice.

  My moans were the answer he needed. Lincoln continued his seductive path and removed my thong and bra. Once I was completely naked, he used his hands to knead out all the nervous tension in my body, from head to toe, then replaced his hands with kisses along the way. This felt so good, too good. Lincoln awakened senses I never knew I could feel.