Shadows of Our Past

by Tanya Jean Russell

  “Perhaps we should make this more realistic?” he said, moving toward her. Even across the distance the sour scent of alcohol on his breath was evident. Her jaw went slack—that had to be the most unexpected proposition she’d ever had.

  She stared at him for a beat. Deciding that the old standby of ignoring the drunken man being stupid was the way to go, she declared she was off, slipping out of the suite door just as he lunged for her, lips puckered.

  Shaking off her bemusement at William’s adrenaline and alcohol-fueled behavior, she made her way to the service lift and selected the basement where housekeeping were stationed. With the combination of the stress he was dealing with and the mountain of alcohol he’d consumed, he could have been an awful lot worse. Relieved to arrive into the utilitarian, if overflowing, office of the head of the department without being asked to help with anything, she was pleased to find Holly waiting for her.

  After leaving the Academy, Amory had quickly been pressed into undercover work along with Holly, who had hated being undercover, instead finding that her skill lay in providing the heavy-duty backup the undercover officers found themselves requiring a lot more often than was healthy. Petite, curvaceous, and blonde, she had the mixed blessing of people not taking her seriously, or considering her any kind of threat—their mistake.

  Giving her best friend a hug, she gratefully sipped the mug of tea she slid over the desk for her. “Thanks for the uniform.”

  “The least I could do. I figured if Marek had people watching you there’s no way anyone would link the glamour society girl with a maid.”

  “Not this maid anyway. Without the makeup I’m just plain old Amory.”

  “Don’t knock it, Amory, with looks like yours the makeup is just a waste.”

  Amory laughed. “What makes you think Marek will have people watching us?”

  “What better way to check you’re who you said you are? It’s what I’d do.”

  “That’s why you’re the king!”

  “Queen, thank you!” Holly said as they raised their mugs in a mock toast.

  Laying out the events of the afternoon, Amory found herself relieved to see Holly’s expression tighten when she explained Berishka was attending the ball and staying at the house. This was going to be a big deal for their operation.

  “Blimey, you do realize this means you’ll have to go to the ball, don’t you?” Holly said.

  “Oh, damn. I hadn’t gotten that far.”

  “You know most women would kill to be in your position. Just think of the amazing dress you’ll need.”

  Amory crossed her arms across her chest and frowned at the excited expression on Holly’s face.

  “You know very well that’s your sort of thing, not mine.”

  “I promise to make you feel like a princess.”

  “Does that mean you’ll pick everything for me? I hate shopping,” Amory asked hopefully, realizing that while she was going to be stuck wearing the damn thing she might be able to avoid choosing it.

  “Oh yes, just to help you out of course,” Holly said, giving her a wink that made her smile. “Anyway, give me the recordings. James sent this for you. It’s the research file on Lord Jackson Halland.”

  She shifted back in the chair and looked at the file Holly pushed toward her before slowly reaching out and picking it up. She placed it in her lap without opening it. Did she really want to see his life laid bare as though he was just any other subject? Did she want to face the damage she’d caused?

  “Better late than never.” Holly laughed.

  Shaking off the impact of the slim folder, she handed over the recordings from that day’s meeting to Holly.

  “I doubt there’ll be anything useful but please can you do the checking yourself? You never know, and if there’s anything there I trust you to find it.”

  Holly raised one eyebrow and focused her piercing eyes on Amory.

  “From what you’ve said there’s nothing we don’t already know on here. Why are you asking me to double-check? What’s going on?”

  Amory took a deep breath and focused her attention on her almost empty cuppa. “I’m fine, just unnerved by Berishka and his pal.”

  Holly’s skeptical look made it clear she wasn’t buying it. There were definitely disadvantages to working with your best friend.

  “I’ve seen you cope with far worse than these guys before. Come on, Amory. I know you, what’s going on?”

  She looked at Holly uncertainly. Part of her wanted, no, needed to tell her friend about Jack, but she’d kept her secret for so long it was hard to know where to start. In the end Holly gave her the opening she couldn’t find herself.

  “You owe me for not pushing you about why you didn’t protect your cover with Lord Jackson Halland.”

  If she had any chance of getting through the next week unscathed, Holly was it. Studying the plain white mug in her hands she took a breath.

  “I already knew Jackson Halland. But when I met him he went by Jack Davies.”

  Once she’d started she couldn’t stop and before she knew it she’d told Holly everything. When she finally stopped talking she looked up from the mug to see how her friend was reacting to her tale. Holly’s face was a neutral mask. She’d known Holly long enough to know the mask only came out when she was processing or seriously pissed, so she wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing.

  She held her breath and waited.

  “Amory, you were twenty. Just out of the Academy and thrown in before you were ready, simply because it suited the DCI. You did nothing to be ashamed of. It was ten years ago and you did your job.”

  Her shoulders eased down as Holly spoke. She should have known Holly wouldn’t judge her.

  “Then why do I feel so terrible about it?” she asked, because while Holly wasn’t judging her she was struggling not to judge herself.

  “Because you’re a good person.”

  “Oh, Holly, I don’t know if I hate him for betraying his morals, or myself because what I did was so much worse. Now he seems to be playing some sort of game with me and when he’s in the room I can’t think straight.”

  “He must have been pretty amazing in bed to still be bothering you all these years later,” Holly said seriously.

  “It wasn’t about that,” Amory said with a frown.

  “I’m sorry. I know you well enough to know that’s not what matters to you,” Holly said. “But maybe you should think about taking him to bed again.”

  “Uh, uh, no way!”

  “Amory, you have slept with two, sorry three, people in the last ten years, of course your head is full of him. You should get it on with Jackson and get him out of your system. Let’s face it, you’ve obviously been comparing everyone to some misty-eyed memory of a twenty-one-year-old guy. This could be good for you.”

  “I am not going to sleep with him to get him out of my system. He’s not in my system. Just a load of guilt,” Amory said. Her body reacting to him wasn’t the same thing at all. It wasn’t.

  “Well,” Holly said, “if you’re daft enough to waste this opportunity, you will at least get to spend the next week with him and find out what a prat he’s grown into.”

  “True, and if I’m lucky, he won’t stay that long anyway. Besides which you’re my support. You’re supposed to make sure this job goes well, not encourage me to blow my cover and screw it up!”

  “First and foremost, I’m your best friend. I want to see you happy. Anyway, if Jackson figures out your part in his past, we’ll manage him. He’ll put his brother first,” Holly said, shrugging as if to reinforce that she didn’t think it would be a problem.

  “But if he figures it out, how will I manage?”

  “I’ll be there, and I’ll bring the Crunchies.”

  “Thanks, Holly,” Amory said, giving her friend a parting hug.

  As she dashed back to the room with a pile of fresh towels for cover, she felt much better than she had just an hour earlier.

  Chapter Fiftee
n

  Spending the afternoon rifling through William’s office was not Jackson’s idea of a good time. Much as he wanted to, he couldn’t make himself look in William or Amory’s bedroom and her desk had revealed nothing except for a serious chocolate addiction. Unfortunately his brother continued to evade his questions about why there had been no transactions in their accounts, and he needed to know what was going on.

  It felt like he’d been at this for hours. He slammed a drawer shut and began rifling through the stack of stuff waiting for filing. The grey and orange logo of the estate’s bankers, DeBoar & Sons, caught his eye as he flicked through the papers. Perhaps this would shed some light. Reading quickly, he ascertained that it was a letter confirming all of the estate’s accounts had been frozen. That was it. No explanation, no details of any kind. Just a dry letter from the bank confirming the current balance, which showed that the estate had not just had a good year, they’d had a fantastic year, but that no activity was permitted. What would make them do that? How on earth was William paying the bills? His blood pressure rising by the minute, Jackson vowed to tackle him about it the minute William and Amory got home from London. This was a bloody mess and William had some explaining to do.

  Shifting in the small chair at the desk in his room, Jackson stared at the letter. He’d been looking at it for so long he knew the contents by heart but he couldn’t face doing anything else. He needed William and Amory to get home because the minute they did his brother was telling him the truth.

  He’d just picked up the letter again for what must have been the millionth time when he heard a noise. Hoping it was the muffled sound of gravel shifting on the driveway, he flew out of his room and headed for the stairs. He stood on the landing as he watched the door open.

  “Thank you, James,” he heard Amory say to the driver.

  He watched silently as she headed straight for the stairs. Smiling, she stopped halfway up and holding on to the bannister leaned down to pull her shoes off, an expression of pleasure crossing her face as she did so. Taking in the rest of her outfit, his smile fell as his jaw clenched and his fists tightened. As she reached their shared landing he shifted to face her, crossing his arms as she turned slowly toward him.

  “I’ve had a long day, Jackson,” she said, the words coming out as a sigh.

  “So I see,” he said, letting his eyes flick down to her blouse and back up slowly. “You’ve missed a button.” He was surprised he’d managed to keep his tone so bland.

  Amory looked down at his words before quickly looking back up at him. She opened her mouth, as if to try and explain before closing it again. Gone were the blank features, instead she looked, well, he wasn’t sure actually.

  Not able to trust himself to say anything else, he turned and headed to his room. The last thing he needed was a raging attack of jealousy when he should be focused on the problem with the estate’s accounts. He mentally kicked himself. What he should have done was asked Amory about her role in all of this. She’d become William’s assistant just days after that letter from the bank, there had to be some connection. Yet despite his best intentions, he’d taken in her misbuttoned blouse and the flush across her beautiful features, and his world had narrowed to one gut-wrenching thought. That Amory and William had spent the afternoon together intimately. He felt sick.

  Closing the door to his room at gently as he could manage, he threw himself on the bed. He couldn’t speak to William, not yet. If he saw his brother now he’d be more likely to punch him. He needed to pull himself together. There was no way William was avoiding this conversation for long. Jackson was going to get him alone when they went out so he could figure out what the hell was going on.

  ****

  Amory sank against the doorframe, missing him as much as she was relieved he had saved her from her pathetic attempt to explain.

  It wasn’t as though she could tell him the truth.

  “Sorry, Jackson, I’m pretending to sleep with your brother so the criminals following us won’t know I’m secretly working with William to arrest them and give him immunity from prosecution. Oh, and while we’re at it, I’m the one who turned you in ten years ago. But none of that matters because I still think you’re the hottest guy around and really want to get in your pants.” She let out a harsh laugh at how ridiculous her own words sounded.

  Yes, that would go down well. She was good at her job, and like always, she’d managed to make the people around her believe her story. She had to hang on to the fact that that was a good thing. Personal feelings couldn’t be allowed to come in. At least the brothers were going out tonight. Maybe having the house to herself would give her the space she needed to get to grips with everything going on. Talking to herself certainly wasn’t going to improve things.

  Warm and damp from a long soak in the bath, she shrugged on a pair of plum velour pajama bottoms and a cream t-shirt. Adding the toweling robe William had provided, she decided to go and curl up in the library for a bit of reflection. If she was going to have to suck it up and get on with things she could at least enjoy the peace of her favorite room in the house while she came to terms with that reality.

  A glass of bourbon in hand, she pulled her knees up to her chin, watching the flames dance in the fireplace. As the flickering emptied her thoughts, drowsiness took over and she slipped into dreams of Jackson. His eyes soft with affection and desire, he reached for her, pulling her into a gentle embrace and his lips pressing against hers. Kissing her with the same urgency they had felt that first time, so long ago.

  Her mind was filled with the sensations of him exploring with his strong hands, getting to know the changes in her body and pushing her to the point of no return.

  “Amory,” he whispered as he sucked and stroked, sending her responses higher, as she moaned in response. His fingers on her hand … her hand?

  Jackson was crouching in front of her, a small frown showing his concern as he held her hand softly in his.

  “Amory, are you okay? You were moaning.”

  She blinked hard as she tried to reconcile the images in her head with the reality of the man in front of her. Heart racing as the sensations of her dream continued to flow through her, she took in the concern etched into his features. One thing was for certain, he couldn’t know the truth about her. If he did he wouldn’t be looking at her the way he was now. Hurried seduction could be about revenge, but not this gentle concern.

  Heat filled her cheeks as she fought to tamp her lust down. Jackson’s gaze was fixed to her mouth and unconsciously she licked her dry lips, trying to generate some moisture in her parched mouth. His hair looked darker in the light of the fire, darker than she remembered. The pale blond of his youth had given way to a deeper, dirtier shade that made her want to grab it with both hands. The flickering light set the lighter strands aglow like threads of gold.

  Before she could resolve the internal battle Jackson shifted back. Picking up her glass, he lifted himself in a smooth, effortless movement, moving to refill it while helping himself to a generous measure as well.

  As she watched him move across the room, the heat flooding her body ratcheted ever higher. The ease and confidence with which he moved made him compelling. The rolled sleeves of his white shirt displayed the muscles of his forearms, which rippled as he returned and passed a glass to her. Cream chinos that should have made him look smart missed the mark by a longshot. It would take a lot more than a pair of pressed trousers to take the raw edge off of his appearance.

  “I thought you’d be at the party with William,” she said, annoyed at the husky tone of her voice. She hoped the flickering light of the fire was dark enough to disguise the heat of her face and with it her mortifying reaction to him.

  “I wasn’t in the mood. Not really a party person at the best of times,” he said, pushing his hair out of his face as he spoke.

  The gesture was so familiar she had to blink away the image of him doing that very thing when they had lain in bed together, bodies entwin
ed so many years ago.

  Unsure what to say, she took a sip of her drink. Letting the heat of it seep through her, she tried to calm her racing heart. He seemed to take her silence as an invitation as he sat down beside her, angling his body so he was facing her.

  “How did you end up here, Amory?”

  She looked away, not able to take the intensity of his gaze as she worked out how to answer before turning back to him.

  “I’m helping William. I didn’t know it was your family home, I swear.”

  He continued to stare at her, not even blinking as he took in her words. She needed him to believe her. In this at least she was telling the truth, it just wasn’t the whole truth. She forced herself to hold his gaze, mentally running through the legend that had been created for her—how she met William, what she’d been doing before. How much of it would she need? What did Jackson know?

  “Do you love William?” he asked, looking as shocked at his own words as she felt.

  “What? No! I’m just working for him,” she said. Where the hell had that question come from? She’d expected him to challenge her on so many things but hadn’t considered he’d ask that.

  “And the rest.”

  “Jackson, I swear to you it’s not like that.” She closed her mouth abruptly, determined to stop herself from saying anything else stupid.

  What was wrong with her? It wasn’t like she would be able to answer any of his inevitable follow-up questions. Did she so desperately need him to understand that she was risking everything by leading him to the truth? One glance at Jackson and her misgivings faded away.

  “Thank God for that. I don’t think I could take it if you loved him,” he said, his words coming out a fierce whisper as he stared at his glass.

  “Jackson, what happened between us was a long time ago.”

  “I know, and I keep trying to remind myself of that, but I look at you and I see every dream I’ve had for the last ten years.” Slipping from the chair, he set both of their glasses on the floor, and kneeling in front of her he took her hands in his.