Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  Oscar relaxed and smiled at me. He was a cute kid. I might still have been upset with his mom, but I wasn’t about to take it out on a child.

  Glancing up, I noticed that Lily looked like she was going to bolt again, but no longer appeared to wish me dead. Mom was smiling through her tears, and I straightened and shook hands with Liam and Patrick, welcoming them to my territory.

  A larger crowd had gathered around us, leaving me feeling trapped. I knew most were there to welcome Madelyn home, but I suspected several were there to see how I was going to react. I’m sure I had disappointed the gossip mongrels with my civility.

  Through my peripheral vision I saw Sydney Parker moving towards me. Sydney and I had been on again-off again for years. She honestly thought we’d end up together and was preparing herself to be Pack Mother someday. How the hell was I supposed to tell her that was never going to happen, because now that I’d scented my true mate, I knew I could never settle for anyone but Lily Westin.

  My wolf was still highly agitated, and I didn’t need an audience for that inevitable talk, so I did what any sane man would do. I turned and quickly left the scene before it could begin. I dared a glance back over my shoulder just in time to see Lily take notice of Sydney moving toward me, and the look on her face was a mix of sheer fury and confusion.

  I headed straight for the one place I knew Syd wouldn’t follow, the Alpha house. I walked in and ran up the stairs, not stopping until I reached my old room. I collapsed down on my bed, my arm covering my face.

  What the hell was I going to do?

  At some point I’d have to sort out my feelings over my sister, but the more pressing crisis was Lily. My mate. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face at the thought, but seeing Sydney and Lily together had thrown me for a loop. Syd and I had a past; there were expectations there. Sure, she knew I had messed around with nearly every eligible wolf across two packs, but she had also been the closest thing to a girlfriend I’d ever had. When all was said and done, I always went back to Sydney.

  Just seeing Syd had messed with me. I couldn’t imagine touching her after catching Lily’s scent. I wasn’t sure my wolf would allow me even if I wanted to. The constant images and reminders of Lily that my wolf kept flashing in my mind were going to drive me insane.

  What I did know was that Lily Westin was my one true mate. I had an option to accept that or reject her. Truth was, I didn’t really know Lily anymore, aside from her obvious dislike of me. Maybe that would change, maybe it wouldn’t, but I knew with certainty that I would not get one bit of rest until I at least tried to see where things would go.

  My decision was made. I would hang out for a few hours until the insanity outside calmed. I could even give Lily a day to settle in for her visit, and then I owed it to myself to find out what this mating stuff was truly about. She may not want it, she may not like it, but the chase was on and Lily didn’t know what was coming for her, because now that I had her scent, I couldn’t see anything else.

  Lily

  Chapter 3

  My entire being had been painfully aware of Thomas when he’d come over to welcome Maddie home. He looked the part, he acted the part, but somehow it felt like a show. He had never been around for any of the vigils while Maddie was gone. I couldn’t forgive him for that. He had given up on my best friend, his own sister.

  How on earth could God possibly match the two of us? I had always tried to be a good person. I got carried away at times, but I wasn’t a troublemaker or anything. I knew God was sitting up there in heaven laughing down at me. Gotcha!

  All the expectations I’d had of my true mate had crumbled and exploded in a cloud of smoke. Thomas? I just couldn’t believe it, yet when he’d passed near me to hug Maddie, every nerve in my body had been aware of him. Despite her being my best friend and his sister, for crying out loud, my wolf wanted to rip Maddie to pieces for touching our mate. My wolf’s mate, I reminded myself. Thomas Collier could never be my mate.

  Just that thought caused physical pain in my chest. What was I going to do?

  A tall girl about my age bumped into me as she stood on her tip toes and strained to see above the gathering crowd. She stepped on my foot in the process.

  “Ow,” I complained.

  “Oh, sorry,” she apologized. “Did you happen to see where Thomas went?” she asked, clearly distracted.

  “No,” I lied. I had seen the look of panic on his face as he’d turned and headed for the house. I imagined he had likely exited out the back door and was long gone by now. If this girl was the cause of his quick exit, I should be thanking her. Instead I closed my eyes and bit back a growl as my wolf howled in my head, sending angry thoughts to my brain.

  The girl sighed and stopped straining. She looked at me and surprise showed on her face. “Oh, hey, I’m Sydney. I don’t think we’ve met.”

  “Lily,” I said. “I’m here visiting with Maddie.”

  “Oh, so you’re one of the Westin wolves?” she asked with obvious curiosity. “It’s crazy about Maddie right? It’s all the Pack talks about.”

  I cringed, knowing how much my friend hated being in the spotlight. It was one of the reasons she’d waited so long to return home.

  I shrugged in response. “It was a shock at first, but I guess I’ve had awhile to get over it. I’m just glad Liam found her and brought her home.”

  “Oh, definitely—and Liam Westin as her true mate—wow, he’s super hot,” Sydney said.

  I couldn’t help it. I snorted. “Gross. He’s my twin brother.”

  She looked surprised by my confession. “Really? You’re Lily Westin?”

  I nodded.

  “Wow. That’s so cool. Hey, would you like to get a drink and hang out some time?” she asked.

  I looked at Maddie. Liam and Patrick were still running interference for her and I knew Sara would need to eat soon, giving her an excuse to get away from everyone’s good intentions. I glanced up at the Alpha house, wondering if Thomas was still in there or not, deciding it was best not to chance it. I wasn’t ready to face him.

  “It’s been a long day. I could really use a drink now. You free?”

  She seemed surprised, but genuinely smiled. “Of course, come on.”

  Sydney linked her arm through mine and escorted me away from the crowd. We walked back down the main strip of town. I couldn’t help but think that only moments ago I had practically skipped down this same street in search of my mate, so carefree and blissfully ignorant. It already felt like a lifetime ago. Recognizing Thomas as my mate was quickly changing me, and I was freaking out. I didn’t want him for a mate. I needed a very stiff drink in hopes of passing out and waking up tomorrow to find it had all been one big nightmare.

  She led me into a rustic looking building. The floor was planked wood and there were peanut shells crushed all over it.

  “I know it’s not much to look at, but it has a full bar and the best damn steaks you’ll ever eat,” Sydney admitted.

  “Sounds heavenly,” I told her.

  “Hey Syd, you seen her yet?” the waitress asked. She was wearing a too-short skirt with a crop top, but she seemed friendly enough. I scolded myself for my bad habit of being a snob when it came to other people’s attire. I never said it aloud, but I always judged them in my head.

  “Yes, she looked good. Happy. I only saw her in passing though, didn’t get to talk to her. Milly, this is Lily Westin, Madelyn’s mate’s twin sister.” The ladies shared a knowing look that told me there wouldn’t be any more talk of my best friend, which was probably best for everyone present.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling as pleasantly as I could muster.

  “Hey, welcome to Collier. We’re all really happy you’re here and finally brought Madelyn home,” Milly said before turning back to Sydney. “How’s Thomas holding up? Everyone’s been worried sick about him. You had a chance to talk to him?”

  Sydney shook her head sadly. “No, he took off as soon as I got there and there we
re too many people around to chase him down. He didn’t cause a scene or anything when he greeted her. So, hopefully that’s a good sign. I’ll see him tonight and judge for myself.”

  The insinuation Sydney was making regarding my mate had my body on fire as I bit back a growl. My mate? No, no, no, no, not Thomas. I couldn’t think of him like that. The stupid bond was making me feel things I didn’t want to feel. It had to stop. I took in a deep breath.

  “So, you’re close with Thomas then?” I asked innocently. Where the hell had that come from? I didn’t care if this girl was close to him or not. I couldn’t care. He was Thomas Collier. I hated him.

  Milly laughed. “You’re looking at our next Pack Mother right here, sweetie,” she said proudly.

  My eyes widened and flew to the girl before me. All I saw was red and there was a pounding in my ears. He couldn’t have taken a mate, because he was my mate. Mate, my wolf growled in my head. I locked my jaw and ground my teeth as Sydney flushed.

  “Someday, I hope,” she confessed.

  Milly grinned. “She’s gonna make one hell of a Pack Mother, too. Those two have been inseparable since childhood. Now what can I get you ladies?”

  “How about a beer,” Sydney said.

  “Whiskey, neat,” I said. “Screw neat, just bring the bottle.”

  Milly stared for a second before heading off to fetch our order.

  Sydney placed her hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”

  I smiled. “It’s been a long, crazy day. I’ll be fine after a few drinks.”

  She nodded, but looked more concerned than anything. “Well, let’s get you wasted then and I’ll make sure you get back to the Alpha house safe and sound.”

  I snorted. A minute ago I secretly wanted to rip this girl’s head off over a mate I didn’t want. Now suddenly she was my new hero. Oblivion, here I come!

  It took four drinks for me to work up the courage to ask Sydney about Thomas.

  “So, you and Thomas?” I asked, trying not to slur my words. My tongue was beginning to feel thick and fuzzy, and my body was far too warm. I suddenly wished I had Milly’s outfit instead of my own. She may look ridiculous in it, but I could totally rock that mini skirt.

  “Thomas and I aren’t true mates, if that’s what you’re wondering, but we are compatible. We’ve already been through the Council testing and approved last fall. But then word came in about his sister and he sort of retreated again.” She sighed. “What happened to her was terrible, but it wasn’t easy on him either. We decided to hold off starting a bond till things settled.”

  I had never really considered what it was like for Thomas when Maddie disappeared, but I couldn’t get past how he had disappeared and refused to participate in any of the vigils or searches for her. I didn’t think I could ever forgive him that, yet hearing he was basically mated to this woman did all sorts of confusing things to my insides.

  It’s just the bond. It’s just the bond, it’ll pass when I break it, I kept reminding myself.

  “I’m sure it’ll happen soon, especially now that Madelyn is back,” she said almost sadly.

  “Aren’t you worried he’ll find his true mate?” I asked.

  She laughed. “Trust me, as many women as that boy has chased, if his true mate were anywhere within five packs, he’d have known it long before now. Besides, what are the odds, really? Isn’t it better to just be with someone you know makes you happy?”

  I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince me or herself. I shrugged. “My siblings have all found their true mates. My parents preach that it’s worth the wait.” But this time, they were wrong, I thought, but didn’t add.

  “I guess, but what if you don’t find him till you’re both really old? Do you just miss out on life, family, and children in the hopes you’ll find him? I don’t really know many true mates our age.”

  It was true. Our generation had all but given up on true mates. Westin Pack was an exception. It had always meant the world to me to find mine. I poured another glass of whiskey and drank it down in one gulp, letting the burn tame the anxiety of my wolf. She was furious with my thoughts, and with me for not ripping the throat out of the woman across from us trying to claim our mate. The varying emotions with the added liquid courage was just confusing me.

  “I never really thought of it, just honestly thought I’d find him one day,” I said. I couldn’t tell her I had. I suspected it would devastate her.

  We never did order dinner, but somewhere along the line, I did manage to finish off that bottle of whiskey.

  “I think you better get her home,” Milly told Sydney as my head hit the table. I was starting to feel the pull of the liquor, and getting sleepy.

  “Come on, Lily. I think you’re good and wasted now. Time to go sleep it off,” she told me.

  “Good luck,” Milly said, and I watched them share a look.

  Outside, the cool air brought me back to life. I threw my arms out and started twirling until the whole world was spinning around me.

  “Probably not your best idea, Lily,” Sydney said, righting me and putting her arm around me.

  I leaned into her heavily. “You are the best!” I said. “Sydney is the greatest!” I yelled. In my head I was speaking clearly and walking a straight line. I was invincible. A few guys walking by chuckled. “Do you know Sydney?” I asked them. “You should. She’s great. I love her,” I told them. “I love you, Sydney.”

  “I love you too, Lily,” she told me.

  “Do you need any help, Syd?” one of the guys asked.

  “No, it’s okay. She’s staying at the Alpha house. We can make it.”

  “Alright. Holler if you change your mind,” he said.

  We walked on a little further. She helped me up the steps when I tripped. Without knocking, she opened the front door and I helped her inside. I knew she was drunk, and I was perfectly fine, unstoppable.

  “Oh my gosh, what happened?” I heard Maddie ask.

  “Sorry, Maddie,” I slurred. “Sydney had a little too much to drink. She may need to sleep it off here.”

  “I’m fine,” Syd told her. “I just wanted to make sure she got home okay.”

  “Thank you so much. She never drinks,” Maddie told her.

  “She said she had a really rough day and needed to get wasted, and that’s exactly what she did. Do you need help getting her to bed?”

  “I’m fine. I’m fine,” I said, hugging Sydney. “I love you, Sydney!” Then I turned to Maddie and hugged her next. “And I love you, MC, the mostest, ҆cause you’re the best sister in the world. Now where’s my room? I’m feeling a little tired.”

  “First door at the top of the stairs. Your stuff is already up there,” Maddie directed.

  “Make sure my friend gets home safely. She had a little too much to drink,” I informed Maddie in what I thought was a whisper.

  I turned and crawled up the stairs. The whole house smelled of Thomas. Stupid Thomas. My body was tingling and warm all over. It’s just the alcohol, I lied to myself. I somehow managed to get the door open, and stumbled inside. I was hot. Too hot. Closing the door behind me, I stripped off my clothes, leaving only my bra and underwear on, and climbed into bed.

  Thomas

  Chapter 4

  “What the hell?” I said aloud as I was jarred awake.

  “Are you haunting my dreams now too?” Lily slurred.

  A strong whiff of alcohol assaulted me. It took me a minute to get my bearings straight. I had been hiding in my old room, trying to process things. I must have fallen asleep. The room was dark, and only a sliver of moonlight showed through the window.

  I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself. I was flooded with the scent of her. Mate, my wolf cried happily. An arm was wrapped around my abdomen. A leg pinned mine as a head nuzzled into my neck. My whole body froze. What the hell was happening?

  My wolf was content. Far more content than he had been since the moment I had lain eyes on Lily Westin. I turned and sniffed the
top of her head. Lily. I wrapped my arms around her as my body responded to the realization that she was naked, draped across me. Further inspection found she was in her underwear. As my hand stroked down her backside to confirm that, she moaned softly.

  I chanced a look down and she was staring up at me with big blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

  “I don’t want you in my dreams,” she pouted, then squeezed me closer and lay her head on my chest. “Why would God curse me with you as my mate?”

  Her words were slurred, and it was evident she was drunk, but she cut me to the core. I didn’t know words could hurt so much.

  Her muscles flexed around me. “Mmm, I do love the way you smell.”

  Just like that, my world seemed to right itself. It freaked me out, and yet I couldn’t have moved if I’d wanted to. Okay, so she had me pinned to the bed, but I also didn’t want to.

  She started snoring softly. I grinned down at the sight, closed my eyes, and went back to sleep. It was the most restful sleep I could ever remember. For once there wasn’t any nightmares. I didn’t toss and turn, and my mind wasn’t buzzing with a million things I needed to do, or Pack issues I needed to address.

  A miserable sounding groan woke me from a solid sleep. I wasn’t the best morning person and lying there, surrounded by the most alluring smell ever, I didn’t want to move. Lily stirred beside me as memories of the night before came back to me.

  I knew the moment she realized she wasn’t alone in bed. I didn’t even need to open my eyes to see the shock and confusion on her face.

  “Shit,” she whispered, reaching for her head. “What happened?” She started to sit up, then flopped down on me. “Uh, what the hell? What did I do?”

  I opened my eyes just in time for her hands to fly to her neck. My wolf stirred in excitement as she confirmed we hadn’t bonded.

  “Thomas,” she said, smacking me without even really looking at me. “What are you doing in my bed?”