Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  I punched him in the arm. “Stop teasing me.”

  “Then talk to me.”

  I looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “We’ve never really talked. Why do you think I’d start now?”

  “Fair enough. But you’re going to tell me anyway.”

  “I’m not talking about it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly. We drove in silence for a moment longer. I couldn’t stand the silence and the lack of sexual tension between us was starting to freak me out. “You’d never understand anyway,” I blurted out.

  “Try me,” he said. “You might be surprised.”

  I snorted. “Like you’ve ever dealt with a true mate before.”

  Cole pulled over on the side of the road and stopped the car. He turned in his seat and looked at me. “Yeah, I have, actually.”

  “Wh-what? You don’t have a mate.”

  “I did once,” he said, and I could see the pain in his eyes. “It’s not something I talk about, Lily. Only two other people in this world even know about it.”

  “You ran from your one true mate?” I asked in astonishment.

  “No, I didn’t. She ran from me.”

  I felt his pain, and Thomas immediately flashed in my mind.

  “When?” I asked.

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “Does the pain get any easier?”

  “You really want me to answer that honestly? ‘Cause, no, I’ve never fully gotten over it.”

  “But you’ve never bonded either. Maybe it would help?” I offered.

  “The thing is Lily, once you find your one true mate all others pale in comparison. Look at me. It’s no secret you’ve always had a thing for me. I’ve never acted on it because I always knew you’d find your true mate someday and I didn’t want to get in the way of that. You’ve always looked at me with stars in your eyes, gorgeous. Right now, there’s nothing but sadness there.”

  “I don’t want him, Cole. Anyone but him. Why did it have to be him?” All the confusion, pain, and heartbreak hit me full force, and I sat there and cried. Cole pulled me into his arms and I couldn’t stop the growl that escaped. He laughed it off and continued to hold me as I cried.

  “He’s your true mate, Lily and you know what your mom says, God doesn’t make mistakes choosing mates.”

  “But he did this time,” I cried.

  He let me have my cry and didn’t speak again until I pulled away and wiped my face. I knew I must look awful, probably with black mascara running down my face, but I didn’t care. I needed to cry, to mourn my idea of what my true mate should have been.

  “Better?” he asked. I nodded. “Look, I don’t want to upset you any further, but can I ask you something?” I nodded again. “Did you break the bond before you ran?”

  “No. I didn’t want to face him. He already found a compatible mate, Cole. He’ll be fine.” I knew I needed to truly believe that.

  “He won’t, Lil. You don’t have to tell me who he is, but no one deserves to be left in limbo like that. I need you to understand that I’ve never been able to fully move on, because she never broke the bond. She chose someone else and denied our bond, but it was never broken, and I have to live with that. I don’t care how disappointed you are in your mate, no one deserves that. It’s no way to live.”

  “What? How do you break a bond? He may be a douche, but I don’t hate him enough to make him suffer like that,” I admitted, and realized I truly did mean it.

  Cole was in the process of pulling out onto the road when he stilled and put it back in park, turning to look at me.

  “Douche? Lily there’s only one person in this world I’ve ever heard you call that. Are you telling me . . .?”

  I cut him off. “Don’t say it!”

  “Thomas Collier is your true mate?”

  “Ahh, don’t say it! Somehow hearing it aloud just makes it more real. I don’t want it to be real,” I whined.

  Cole stared at me and then burst out laughing. “I’m sorry. That’s just priceless. As much time as you’ve spent at Collier all these years, how are you just finding this out?”

  “He’s always been away. I would visit for Maddie’s vigil every summer, and he’d always make some excuse not to be there. Before yesterday I hadn’t seen him since before she disappeared. We were just kids.” I buried my face in my hands, knowing it was turning all shades of red.

  “Wow. How’d he take the news?”

  “I don’t know, we didn’t exactly talk about it.”

  “What? Between getting plastered at the bar last night and running away today, you didn’t stop to talk to him?”

  I knew he was only trying to lighten my mood, but I punched him in the arm anyway. It was like hitting a brick wall, but still satisfying. “Shut up. And seriously? It’s not enough that there is no privacy in Westin Pack, must it filter over to everywhere I go?”

  “When you act so out of character? Yup, it’s talked about. Not like gossip, beautiful, just but there’s a lot of people who worry and care about you.”

  He was biting back a smirk and I hit him again.

  “They told you I slept on him, didn’t they?”

  He laughed a deep belly laugh. “And yet, no one suspected him.”

  I groaned.

  “Are you sure this is what you want? I can turn around and stick your pretty little butt back on a plane,” he offered.

  “I know that’s the right thing to do. And I know I need to break the bond and not leave us both in limbo, but I don’t know if I can. Would you come with me?”

  He gave me a haunted look. “Afraid not, gorgeous. Patrick’s already there, and one of us Betas stays home, always.”

  “I know, but it didn’t hurt to ask anyway.”

  “It’ll eat you alive if you don’t deal with this. Trust me on that, Lily.”

  Thomas

  Chapter 8

  Talking to Sydney had been easier than I thought. At the end of the day, we were still friends and that meant a lot to me. After talking with her I knew I had my work cut out for me where Lily was concerned, but I also knew I had the bond on my side. Westin wolves followed their hearts. They had more true mates than any other pack because it was important to them. I had to hold on to the hope that it was important to my mate, too.

  I grinned just thinking of Lily. She’d come around. I truly believed that. I’d just have to prove to her I wasn’t entirely the douchebag she seemed to think I was.

  After dropping Syd back off at her store, I headed straight for my parents’ house. There was a flurry of activity going on.

  “Hey, Mom, what’s up?” I asked, bypassing the commotion and heading for the kitchen. I had skipped lunch, anxious about the talk with Syd, and was suddenly starving.

  “Hi, sweetie. Can I get you something to eat?” Mom asked.

  “I’ll never turn down your cooking,” I said, kissing her cheek.

  Liam and Madelyn walked into the room.

  “I just can’t believe she took off like that,” Liam said.

  “Oh, hey, Thomas.” Madelyn acknowledged me while ignoring him.

  “Did she make it home safely?” Mom asked, but I didn’t know to who they were talking about.

  “Yes. I got a call a few minutes ago that she had landed safely and one of our Betas picked her up at the airport,” Liam said.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Lily. Something was up with her, but she wouldn’t talk about it. Said her wolf was agitated in Collier territory, so she went back to San Marco,” Madelyn told me, and I felt like my entire world was crashing in around me. “I’m just worried about her. She hadn’t been acting like herself since we arrived.”

  I tried not to growl or show my anger. She’d left? I knew I wasn’t her idea of the perfect mate, but I was still her one true mate. How could she just leave? Just the thought of her gone caused a physical pain in my chest. I had to get out of there.

  Without a word to the others I left, walking out the back door of
the house. The second I was outside, I stripped and shifted. Sprinting, I ran for the woods on all fours. With the wind in my fur, I gave a little more control over to my wolf, until he immediately turned and tried to run back to the house in search of more information that would lead us to the woman who was haunting us both.

  In a battle for dominance, I won. I always won, but my wolf felt stronger and more stubborn this time. He was very unhappy about our mate leaving. It was clear to me that Lily wasn’t ready for us, and the best thing I could do was give her some space, no matter how much my instincts screamed to turn around, drop everything, and go after her.

  I tried to think of anything but Lily. My thoughts turned to my sister. She was home, and she legitimately had this whole family thing going on. Seeing Oscar and how big he was freaked me the hell out. It was like I had heard of him and a part of my brain knew he existed, but I was having trouble reconciling the eight-year-old as my nephew. Still, he seemed like a good kid and I had no doubt Maddie was a great mom.

  Mom? She was ten months older than me. That was it. We were essentially the same age. They used to call us Irish twins, but seeing her now, she seemed years ahead of me. I hadn’t even begun to figure out my life and here she was living hers. The fact that she had done it without all of us hurt, but I knew I’d have to get over it. Mom and Dad were so excited to have her back. It was all they had talked about for months, and that had only made my resentment worse. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I couldn’t help it.

  I saw sparks of my sister still there, and I was trying to put on a good face for Mom, but I still wasn’t ready to completely forgive her.

  My mind drifted back to Lily. I had been shocked at the realization she was my mate, but holding her and caring for her had felt so right, more right than anything ever had. Now she was gone. I still had to deal with my anger and disappointment with my sister, but now I had this anger, hurt, and disappointment concerning Lily. How could she just leave? My emotions were all over the place, and I was not a man used to dealing with this kind of shit.

  Slowing my pace, I came to the river that ran the length of Collier territory. It was one of my favorite places on Earth. I shifted and walked over to sit on a large boulder looking out across the water. Whenever I had a problem to sort out or just needed to think and gain a new perspective, I’d end up here.

  As future Alpha of Collier, I had a lot riding on my shoulders. The expectations alone would kill a lesser man. I had done my rebellion and come to terms with my position in the Pack. We were largely a farming community, and I took pride in that. My father had moved us from crop farming into cattle ranching. It suited me and I loved riding horses out into the valley to wrangle our cattle. Occasionally I would go in my fur. It spooked the cows at first, but the animals had grown accustomed to it over the years. The wolves did a great job of herding them, and I loved to run in the open fields. It was a simpler life than other packs led. Hard-working folks made Collier Pack strong. I didn’t think Lily could possibly be a practical match for me because of that. She wasn’t exactly simple, leaving me torn on what to do next.

  I laughed. “Why?” I asked aloud. Lily Westin was no rancher’s mate. She came from Westin Pack, where they had more money than God himself. While I loved the idea of taking this beautiful girl I’d terrorized much of my young life as my mate—I mean, who wouldn’t?—I was also realistic enough to know that she was not cut out for a Collier life. Maybe her leaving was doing us both a favor, but it didn’t stop the pain of rejection pulsating through my body.

  My wolf growled in my head, angry at my thinking. He wanted our mate, period, end of story. Westins were well known for seeking out their true mates. They felt it made them stronger. My parents were true mates. I couldn’t really argue the theory, but Colliers tended to keep to themselves, so compatible mates were more of the norm. It was rare for a Collier wolf to find his one true mate.

  With that in mind, Sydney had seemed like a good, strong match for me, but now that I had caught Lily’s scent, I knew I could never settle for less. I loved Sydney, but it wasn’t enough. The pull of the bond between true mates was just too strong. I was glad Syd had taken the news well, but it didn’t make it any less difficult. I hated seeing her hurt and crying, even if she was happy for me. How happy would she be when she heard Lily had rejected me by leaving? If Lily truly rejected me, would Syd take me back?

  My wolf snarled and growled at the thought. No, it was too late. It would be Lily or no one for me. My natural instincts told me to go after her and enjoy every second of the chase, yet the ache in my chest made me stubbornly want to stay put and pray to God that she felt it too and came back to me.

  I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting out there, sorting through my feelings and shit that day, but I eventually went gone home and threw myself into work. I left immediately on a cattle drive and for three days I worked myself to the bone. Clay and Austin had made the run with me and quickly learned that it was in their best interest to just stay out of my way.

  The second I came home, I checked in at the Alpha house. I knew immediately Lily wasn’t there. I don’t know why I had even let myself hope she might be, but the realization that she hadn’t come back, that she wasn’t hurting as much as I was, both angered and terrified me.

  The truth of the matter was that Lily was now in Westin territory. I couldn’t even go to her without first getting permission from her brother, of all people.

  Being out on the range and really having time to consider all my options made me realize one thing: our mating bond had already begun. That’s just how it worked for true mates. I wasn’t going to break that bond, only Lily could do that, but there was no way in hell I could just live in limbo like this for the rest of my life. It was a living hell. Something had to give.

  I knew Maddie and Liam would be in town for another week. I also knew that everyone expected me to run away from them. Though they were wrong, I knew I could use it to my advantage. I had never run away from Madelyn’s vigils because I hated my sister and didn’t want to support her, no matter how others assessed it. I did it for self-preservation. All signs said she was dead, and I couldn’t live with the constant hope that maybe she wasn’t. Maybe that was wrong of me, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t the best option I could live with while she was away.

  I had been hurt, angry and I didn’t want to believe Maddie was capable of being alive while the rest of us waited around not knowing anything. My mind flickered back to Lily. That’s the same feeling she was leaving me stuck in. I wasn’t going through that uncertainty again.

  My mind made up, I headed down to my father’s office. I entered and closed the door behind me. Someday that office would be mine, but it wasn’t yet and made me feel like an intruder being there without Dad around.

  I double checked to make sure his dampener was on. This was not a conversation I wanted anyone to overhear, especially not Maddie and Liam, who I knew were in the house.

  Dad had the number on speed dial, as he did for all the Alphas of Collier’s closest five packs. I hit the one labeled Kyle Westin and waited with bated breath.

  “Zach,” Kyle answered, sounding like he had a smile on his face. Collier and Westin packs had always been close. Would they still be when I confessed I was his sister’s one true mate?

  “Hey, Kyle, it’s Thomas actually.”

  “Thomas? Good to hear from you, man. I hope everything’s okay. Your father’s well?”

  “Yes, this isn’t a pack call. It’s personal.”

  I could hear him move around in his office and then settle before speaking again. “Alright, you have my undivided attention. It’s not Maddie or Liam, right? Oscar and Sara are okay?”

  He sounded nervous and concerned. I liked that about Kyle. He was a strong Alpha, not someone even I’d be dumb enough to cross, but he had compassion too, and it was obvious how much he cared for his family and his pack.

  “They’re all fine, I promise. This has to do with
your sister.”

  He let out a sharp breath. “What did Lily do?”

  “What?”

  “Look, you said Maddie was fine. I know it can’t be Elise, because she’s been here working her butt off staffing a new project Liam dropped on her before leaving. To the best of my knowledge, you’ve never met Jenna, and I just spoke with Chase this morning so if there was a problem he’d have told me. That leaves Lily. Look, whatever it is, I can fix it.”

  I wanted to laugh at his assumption that Lily had done something wrong, like he was used to her getting in trouble. I considered that for a moment. Was he used to Lily getting herself in trouble?

  “Thomas, you there? Just give it to me straight. How bad is it? I know she was only there a short time. She won’t even talk to MC about it.” I smiled at the affection he used. Only the Westins had ever called Maddie that. “I know she got pretty drunk while there. Tell me she didn’t do something stupid. Is that why she ran home with her tail between her legs? She’s been avoiding me and nearly everyone else since she got home. Best of my knowledge, she’s only really talked to Cole Anderson about it, and he advised I wait until she was ready to tell me herself. So how bad are we talking here?”

  I bit back a growl at the thought of her discussing our bond with another man. I knew who Cole Anderson was, and that made it even worse. The possessiveness that gripped me was all consuming. I had to get through this call and get to my mate soon or I was going to lose it.

  “It’s really not what you think, Kyle,” I assured him, still stalling. How do you tell an Alpha as strong as Kyle Westin that you were mated to his sister?

  He blew out another breath. “Is this about her crawling into bed with you? Yeah, Liam told me. He wasn’t happy and I assume he spoke to her about it already. I’m really sorry about that. She gets, well, flirty and touchy-feely when she’s drinking. Shit,” he said, more to himself than to me. “Of all the people, she had to pick an Alpha heir. I’m so sorry, man.”