Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  I didn’t know why they didn’t want me to react or acknowledge that I knew Jacob, but somehow, I understood that this Dave guy was trying to help me in some weird way. It took every ounce of personal restraint I really didn’t possess not to cry out to Jacob for help.

  “What’s going on in here?” Jacob asked.

  “We have a new visitor. However, Kent let a witness go when he grabbed her,” Trevor said.

  “I see.”

  “Dave says she’s a Westin and we need to get her out of here. I’m thinking we should relocate her to the Philadelphia facility.”

  Dave and Jacob shared another quick look while the others continued to remain oblivious.

  “It’s too risky. They’ll be on the hunt for her for sure,” Jacob said. “It’s best the girl stays here,” he added.

  I shook my head and started to open my mouth to protest, but the look Dave shot me stopped me.

  “Don’t give them the satisfaction,” the big guy in the cage next to mine said under his breath.

  We didn’t speak again until the room cleared.

  “I’m Lily,” I said to my new neighbor.

  “Samson,” he replied. “You really think they’ll come looking for you?”

  “Definitely. Hey, reinforcements were already coming in looking for you. That’s why I’m here,” I confessed quietly. “Do you really think they’re recording us?”

  He nodded.

  I took a good look around the room, matching up the lights I’d memorized the night before in the dark with the camera and various other devices around the room. I took in everything I could about the place. Based on the cold concrete walls, the cement floor, the creepy hanging caged lights in the ceiling, I could only assume it was some sort of shelter, like a fallout shelter or something.

  It wasn’t long before Dave came back in, this time wheeling a metal cart with our breakfast trays. He passed each of them through a slot at the bottom of our cage. Two above me, which I could only assume were Lyle’s and Yutu’s, then Samson’s, and finally mine.

  He didn’t say a word, but he made eye contact with me. Again, I felt like he was trying to send me some sort of telepathic message.

  He glanced at my tray, then quickly turned and left the room.

  “Well, at least the food’s good here,” Lyle commented with a laugh as the other two men groaned.

  I lifted the lid to the tray and inside the lid was a note. It read, “Patrick’s been notified. Help’s on the way. Just sit tight and keep quiet. They’re watching.”

  I pretended to look at the food while I read it, and carefully set it down on the floor of my crate, certain no cameras would pick up anything suspicious. I wanted to cry in relief, but instead I ate and tried not to show any emotions. Lyle was right, the food was good.

  I didn’t know if I should remove and keep the note or leave it. When a new guy I hadn’t seen before came to pick up the tray, I pretended to want the banana I hadn’t eaten and discreetly grabbed the note and fruit at the last minute.

  “I might want it later,” I said with a shrug when I caught him looking curiously at me.

  I didn’t mention a word about the note to the other shifters. I didn’t really know who I could trust, and Dave had said they were watching. Did that mean they were listening, too? I wasn’t willing to take the risk.

  I still didn’t know what to do with the note, though. It was small, and paper. After a while of sitting there with too much time to think, I started freaking myself out. It was still in the palm of my hand, because I was terrified they’d see it on the cameras.

  Paranoid someone would eventually find it, I did the only thing I could think of. Remembering some old spy movie I’d watched with my brothers, I opened my banana, and somehow, without drawing any attention from even Samson, who was watching me, I managed to get the paper in my mouth and took a bite of fruit, swallowing them both down.

  I couldn’t let myself think about how gross it was that I’d just eaten paper. Fortunately, it wasn’t as hard to swallow as I’d feared it might be, and I was relieved to have all evidence gone.

  Patrick was on his way and he’d bring the whole cavalry. I just needed to be patient, keep my mouth shut, and wait. Too bad patience wasn’t a virtue of mine.

  Or keeping my mouth shut.

  Thomas

  Chapter 20

  I was still smiling when I saw Lily and Karis round the bend in the river. I was so busy watching my mate that the kids pummeled me with snowballs, causing me to lose my balance and fall back into the snow.

  With the battle back in full swing, I continued to play with the boys as Tulok stood by laughing. Suddenly the easy banter came to a crashing halt.

  “Upa! Upa! Help!”

  On full alert, Tulok and I turned in all directions, looking for the cry for help. Along the water’s edge, crawling on her hands and knees was Karis.

  I wouldn’t have believed the old Alpha could move so fast had I not seen it with my own eyes.

  Karis was crying hysterically. “They took her. I’m so sorry. She saved me, but I couldn’t save her.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stood up as anger and panic began to rise within me.

  “Karis, where’s Lily? I saw her walking down the river with you. Where is she?”

  I didn’t mean to raise my voice, or for my Alpha power to flow from me, but I was freaking out and unable to control it. When I went to advance on Karis, demanding she tell me, Tulok intervened.

  “Knowing you are a mating male, I will look past your overstep of power, but this is a warning, Thomas. You need to rein in your anger and tone down your Alpha power.”

  I fisted my hands at my side and took deep, calming breaths, trying to do just that.

  “I’m sorry, Thomas. I’m so sorry. They took her. They took Lily,” Karis cried.

  The boys started to cry, and their fear was evident. They were all looking around for the impending threat.

  A large snowflake landed on my nose as I looked up into the sky. I remembered hearing several times that the others were taken just before a major snowfall and therefore they were unable to track them properly.

  “Snow is coming. I have to find her before it does. Please Karis, show me where they got her. I need to hear exactly what happened,” I begged her.

  She was still on her hands and knees, crying.

  “Rise, child. We must try and help,” Tulok told her.

  “My ankle, I think it’s sprained, possibly broken. We had just crossed the river no more than half a mile back. Lily wanted to come and join in the snowball fight. She looked so happy, and then there was a pop and she had a funny look on her face. She collapsed. They shot her. They went to shoot me too, but she used her last bit of strength to throw me down, twisting my ankle in the process, but she used her body to protect me. She took the shot meant for me, too. She told me to run and get help, so I did, for as long as I could stand the pain, and then I crawled the rest of the way. You have to go. You have to find her. Follow my tracks back before it’s too late.”

  Tulok took one look at me and nodded. I shifted on the spot, my clothes and coat ripping to shreds across the white-covered ground.

  “Whoa!”

  “Cool!” the boys exclaimed, despite the impending danger.

  I took off at a full run following the river’s edge, paying attention to the tracks Karis had left behind. It wasn’t long before Tulok’s magnificent wolf caught up to me. I remembered being in such awe of him when I was a child, and I was surprised to see he no longer towered over my wolf.

  We came to a rocky area and saw the signs of struggle. I knew that must be where they shot Lily. Just the thought made my wolf snarl, but seeing spots of her blood on the snow made me both growl and howl. I caught her scent easily and gave over to my wolf.

  The snow was coming down harder and the sky was quickly darkening. It seemed odd at first, but then I remembered where we were. Alaska spent more time in the dark than in daylight this
time of year.

  Despite Tulok’s attempt at a protest, I pushed on until we came to a clearing and I could no longer see footsteps in the snow. Tulok shifted when I came to a halt, looking around and memorizing my surroundings.

  “These conditions could lead to a whiteout. Visibility is already bad. We need to head back quickly. I know you want to find your mate, and tomorrow we will resume the search, but for now, we have to go back and seek shelter. Your wolf is not used to this weather, and the temperature will only continue to drop through the night,” he said, trying to persuade me.

  I knew he was right, but it sliced a deep cut in my heart knowing Lily was out there somewhere, alone and unprotected, possibly drugged. A roar escaped as a menacing growl from within me. Tulok took a step back as I tried desperately to compose myself. The sound of my pulse beating in my ears was like standing near a train at full speed.

  As I slowly calmed my heart rate, I turned my face up to the sky as snowflakes continued to fall, and I let a mournful howl.

  I’ll find you, Lily. Wherever you are, I swear I’ll stop at nothing to find you, I swore to myself.

  With a slight nod toward the Alpha, I slowly turned around, stopping at the first tree to pee on it, marking the place we last saw their footprints. The snow might wash away the signs of their trek, but it would not wash away my scent. I made sure to stop every few yards and mark the path all the way back to Tulok’s. He should have stopped me. I knew it was disrespectful to mark his territory with my scent, but he only nodded his consent at each new stop, until we hit the village line. Seeing where we were, I refrained, and we ran the rest of the way back to his home.

  The snow was coming down harder and while it wasn’t a complete whiteout, it was close. Amka met us both at the door. We shifted and she quickly covered us each in thick wool blankets, ushering us inside where a warm fire greeted us.

  Karis delivered bowls of thick stew with shaky hands. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she continued to limp, though her ankle was wrapped tightly.

  “I’m so sorry, Thomas,” she wailed.

  “Karis, this wasn’t your fault,” I assured her. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded. “The village doctor stopped by, and he believes it is only a severe sprain. I’ll be fine in a few weeks, or I can spend some time in my fur and it’ll be good as new in a day or two..”

  I smiled at her, grateful she was okay, even though everything inside me screamed I should be out there still looking for Lily.

  When we finished our meal, the ladies took our bowls to wash up in the kitchen. Tulok hadn’t spoken since his speech in the woods.

  “You will make a fine Alpha someday, Thomas. Putting your own fears and worries aside to ensure your people are well is important. You demonstrated great restraint today and true concern and caring with my granddaughter.”

  I looked at him like he had gone mad. “Tulok, that was not me showing great restraint today. I was furious, wild, giving over to my wolf in hopes of finding my mate. I lost it out there on more than one occasion. I growled at you,” I said, feeling only slightly ashamed for it as my mind was still analyzing every step we’d taken, ready to restart the search at first light.

  He chuckled. “I suppose I should have said that you showed great restraint for a mating male who has not yet sealed his bond. There is a difference. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We will find her. Your tracking instincts are impressive, and your tenacity will ensure nothing gets in your way of finding your mate. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Thomas.”

  “I don’t feel strong. I feel . . .”

  “Empty, like half of you is missing?” Amka asked, entering the room and coming to stand behind her mate.

  “Yeah, it does,” I admitted.

  “That is Lily. A part of you is missing, and you feel it physically as well as emotionally,” she told me.

  “But we haven’t even bonded yet,” I protested. “How can I feel her so strongly?”

  “You may not have sealed your bond yet, Thomas, but it is already there and growing. The bond between you is strong. I felt it the moment the two of you walked in the door.”

  I knew it was still very early, but I needed some time alone, so I excused myself and called it an early night. Laying there in that cold bed without Lily was horrible. My chest physically hurt and at least once I feared I might be having a heart attack. Not knowing where she was or what condition she was in made me think of all the worst-case scenarios.

  I was confident Tulok and some of his men would help me in my search, but with or without them, and regardless of what the storm was doing, I planned to head back out at first light to find my mate and bring her home. I knew I would struggle to let her out of my sight again for quite some time, and then it dawned on me for the first time that this is what my mother must have felt like when Maddie didn’t come home.

  I had resented my mother for her actions after my sister’s disappearance. Never had I stopped to consider her feelings or what she must have gone through with the loss of a child. I was getting a glimpse of what it must have been like for her. That terrifying hopelessness, consumed with the need to do something, anything, but nothing would change the outcome.

  We lost Madelyn for eight years. I had been young and unable to even help in the search. It had weighed heavily on me for a long time. I would not live with that fear again. This time, I would do everything in my power to make damn sure my girl got back home safe and sound.

  With my plan cemented, I tried to close my eyes and prayed for sleep that didn’t come.

  My phone rang, and I picked it up with a frustrated sigh. Kyle Westin’s face flashed across the screen.

  “Hello?”

  “Thomas? How you holding up, man? And why the hell didn’t you call us?” Kyle asked.

  That was my breaking point. I wanted to ball up and cry, but I had to be strong for her. I felt like I had let down so many people—Kyle, his family, their pack, my pack, Tulok and the Alaskans who had invited me here to help find their missing people but had another go missing on my watch, and most of all, Lily. My biggest, most important job in life was to protect her, and I’d failed.

  “That good, huh? I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now, but cheer up some. We’ve got a lead,” Kyle said, after I didn’t respond to his question.

  “You what? How did you even know she was missing? Did Tulok call you?” I asked, suddenly regaining my brain and realizing I hadn’t called and told Kyle that Lily was missing.

  “It’s a long story. I’ve got a team deployed just waiting for the storm to pass, they’re in Anchorage right now, and they will make the final trek as fast as they can at first break in the weather. We have a man on the inside. He tipped Patrick off and we have the coordinates of Lily’s location. It’s a human faction we’ve dealt with before.”

  I was overwhelmed with relief. We had a lead. We had her location. I’d have her back in my arms tomorrow. That elation was short-lived, though, broken by a flood of thoughts, questions, and concerns.

  “Wait. What? Humans know about shifters?”

  “Uh, dude, there’s a lot we are going to need to discuss, but let’s save it till we have Lily back.”

  “Kyle, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should never have let her . . .”

  He cut me off. “Don’t do that to yourself, Thomas. I know you aren’t the douchebag Lily always claimed you were. And I know what it’s like to be a mating male with the emotions coursing through you. I can only imagine how on edge your wolf is, and as an Alpha, there’s the added fight for dominance. Kelsey and I were newly bonded when the Bulgarians put a death warrant on her. I do understand what you’re going through right now, probably better than anyone else. Just remember not to suffocate her when you have her back tomorrow. Lily has always had this special light about her. Don’t snuff that out. She is strong-willed, independent, and she will challenge you every step of the way, but she will make you stronger, too. Keep
that in mind tomorrow when every instinct in your being yells for you to lock her away and keep her safe from anymore threats.”

  I let out a sharp breath. “That’s a lot to ask of me, Kyle.”

  He laughed. “I know that, but my mom says God doesn’t make mistakes in matching true mates, which means you, my friend, are strong enough to handle this. Probably stubborn enough to match her, too, but smart enough to know when to pick your battles. I wish I could be there with you tomorrow, but Kelsey’s been having some contractions and we’re on baby watch here. I hope you’ll consider coming here for a visit when things settle down up there. We’ll have that talk, and I’ll fill you in on some highly confidential stuff you’ll need to be aware of as Collier’s next Alpha.”

  I thanked him, said we’d see him soon, and ended the call. We had her location. I’d have her back in the morning. It should have relaxed me, but a few hours of staring at the ceiling confirmed that wasn’t going to happen until I physically had my girl back in my arms.

  Lily

  Chapter 21

  By mid-morning I was going out of my mind with boredom. My whole body ached from the cramped space. I couldn’t stretch my legs. It was miserable. Plus, they didn’t even give us coffee with breakfast, which made me very grumpy.

  Kent walked in, and of course he was carrying a fresh, steaming, hot cup of coffee in his hand. I was ready to kill for that cup.

  “Is this your idea of torture? Why do you get coffee and not us?” I asked. “I get we’re prisoners and all, but come on, isn’t there some sort of ethical code here?”

  He looked at me with a puzzled look, and I quickly realized he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. “How is coffee against an ethical code?”