Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  “Can’t believe she’d have the guts to show her face around here without Thomas to protect her,” someone said from the table next to me.

  I snorted and tried to bite my tongue. I told myself not to engage, but it wasn’t in me to back down from a challenge. “I don’t need Thomas to fight my battles for me.”

  “Ohhh,” came from a few instigators, as if a challenge had just been issued.

  “Ignore them, Lily,” Milly warned me. “Been in here all day and already two sheets to the wind and looking for a fight.”

  “I’m not looking to fight anyone,” I assured her.

  “Well ya better be,” the same guy said. “’Cause you don’t belong here, and every she-wolf in Collier is going to stand up to challenge you until you realize that or are good and dead.”

  My heart stilled for a moment, but some little voice inside my head told me he was just drunk and trying to goad a response from me. “Maybe,” I said. “But I certainly hope that won’t be the case. Collier Pack will be a lonely place if I’m to be the only remaining she-wolf in it.”

  Shocked sounds came with hushed whispers throughout the room as the man bellowed out a laugh. “You definitely have spirit, girl. I’m Hewitt. Welcome to Collier Pack.”

  He offered me his hand, and I shook it. Maybe trying to be humble and keep my mouth shut wasn’t being true to me. It dawned on me then that maybe Mom was right. God doesn’t make mistakes in matching mates, and I didn’t need to try to be anything I wasn’t. Just being me was enough, and I vowed to stop biting my tongue so much and just do me.

  Most of the place settled down and went back to life as usual after my brief encounter with Hewitt. Sure, I still got stares, but there was a curiosity to them now, until Sydney came in. She spotted me immediately and made her way to join me.

  “Hey Lily,” she said sweetly. “Mind if I join you?”

  “Hi, Syd. Not at all, take a seat.”

  “Thanks.”

  Before we could get past the basic greetings, three women came to our table.

  “Sydney dear, we heard about Jessie. Is she really going through with the challenge to her?” the first asked, emphasizing “her” and nodding my way as if I wasn’t sitting right there, too.

  “Yes, is it true?” the second one asked.

  “It is true that Jessie issued a formal challenge to Lily, but she didn’t really understand the implications of that. She hasn’t officially reneged on her challenge yet, but my parents seem confident she will. She seemed to be under the impression that if I wouldn’t challenge Lily, then Jessie could at least, and then give me her place after she won the battle. We had to explain to her that things don’t work that way. She’s a little freaked out right now, but I think she’s going to be okay.” She turned and smiled to me. “Lily did a great job of talking her down before I got there.”

  The third woman’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Of course she did, Sydney. She’s only protecting her own tail. Beat her psychologically before they even reach the arena.”

  I gawked as my mouth dropped open and this time I was struggling to shut it. “She’s a child,” I said. “Her wolf came in only a month ago. I’ve been training for this my entire life. Do you really think I’d take any pleasure in beating a pup? I don’t take pleasure in killing anyone, but certainly not a young girl who’s confused and upset because things aren’t going the way she expected them to.”

  The women looked a little taken aback by my outburst, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

  “Lily’s right,” Sydney said. “Jessie is no challenge for her, and I don’t want to lose my baby sister over some warped sense of obligation.”

  “I still don’t understand why you haven’t issued your challenge and staked your claim as Pack Mother. You belong with Thomas, Sydney. The entire Pack is behind you,” the first woman said.

  “You’re wrong, Edna,” Syd said to the gasps of all three old biddies. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand in show of support. “Thomas is my best friend, and I get that everyone around here has had the two of us paired off since we were in diapers. For a short time, I had even believed we could go through with it, but that compatibility approval has been hanging over our heads for more than a year now. Don’t you think there’s a reason we never went through with it? If you guys could just get your damn heads out your asses for five seconds and really take a look at Thomas, how happy he is, how she smooths out those rough spots and calms his wolf, you’d know without a doubt that she is what’s best for him, and what’s best for all of us.”

  “You can’t possibly mean that, Sydney,” the third woman said.

  “I do, Edna. Thomas is my best friend. Until Lily, I was closer to him than anyone, but I can’t be her. She is his one true mate, and quite frankly I deserve mine, too. I don’t want to be second best. She’s the daughter of Jason and Mary Westin. She knows what it takes to be a Pack Mother. She knows what Thomas will need as Alpha better than I ever could. God doesn’t make mistakes pairing true mates, and I will not come between that. If you’re all seriously waiting for me to challenge her, then stop. I’m telling you now and you can go spread the gossip throughout the Pack, but I will not be challenging Lily. I cannot be your future Pack Mother, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.”

  As their shocked faces took in all she’d said, I squeezed her hand back in appreciation and grinned. “You know, my Mom has always said that.”

  “What?” Syd asked.

  “About God not making mistakes with true mates.” I snorted. “You were there the night after our wolves connected. I don’t think it will come as some big shocker that I was questioning that statement then. I didn’t want it to be true. I had spent years channeling all this anger and hatred at him, when really he was just my scapegoat for missing Maddie.”

  The ladies were openly listening now and others began to join them, surrounding our table. I ignored it and stayed focused just on Sydney.

  “Madelyn is my best friend in the entire world. Despite being from two different packs, we grew up together. We attended the same camps, she’d visit me in San Marco, and I’d spend weeks here in Collier with her and her family. This place has always felt like home to me. The Colliers have always been family, and when Maddie disappeared, a part of me died. I needed some way to channel those emotions, and whenever I’d come back for her annual vigil, Thomas was gone. I built him up to be this uncaring beast and I called him a lot of harsh names and said some really bad things about him over the years, but I was wrong.”

  Sydney laughed and gave me a quick hug, understanding that it wasn’t easy to talk about, but I had the attention of the entire room, and they needed to hear my story. She encouraged me to go on.

  “I rarely admit I’m wrong about something. My mom says I’m too stubborn for my own good. Maddie coming back into my life was a great gift. To find she was mated to my twin brother was even more incredible. We were finally sisters, for real, but a piece of my heart was still broken from all those years of missing her, and only Thomas could repair that. I had to let go of that anger and hatred, and that wasn’t easy for me. He embodied that to me, and I definitely wanted God to be wrong when I realized that Thomas, of all people, was my true mate, but you’re right. My mother was right. God doesn’t make mistakes. We’ve worked past old prejudices, despite how unfounded they truly were. Thomas is a great man, and he’s going to be an amazing Alpha. He needs a strong woman by his side.” I looked out across the room, making eye contact with as many as possible. “If you let me, I can be that woman. No one else can ever truly take my place because I am his true mate, and with that comes a strength I didn’t know was possible. I’ve been groomed for leadership my entire life, but never really fit in anywhere. I’ve worked dozens of jobs at Westin Foundation. I’m adaptable and good at all of them, but I could never commit to any one. That’s because my place was never meant to be there. I’m supposed to be here, in Collier, by Thomas’s side, and suppo
rting all of you, because that’s what a Pack Mother does. And quite frankly, I’m gonna be a damn great one.”

  Sydney laughed and hugged me. “Yes, you are.”

  I had built up my speech expecting some major change to occur, but they all just continued to stare at me.

  “Come on, give her a chance. I promise you won’t regret it,” Sydney told them, breaking through the silence as murmurs started throughout the room. “They’re gonna be talking about this for years,” Sydney whispered to me.

  “I didn’t say anything too embarrassing, did I? I have a problem keeping my mouth shut sometimes,” I confessed.

  “Your speech was just what we needed to hear,” Edna assured me. “Change is hard, and we won’t go easy on you, but if you survive the challenges, we’ll come around.”

  “Thanks, I think,” I said with a chuckle.

  Several women came up and introduced themselves. A few even wished me well. The aggression towards me was already subsiding, and I believed everything was going to be okay.

  I saw Lizzy and Shelby make their way through the crowd.

  “Wow, what’s going on here?” Lizzy asked.

  “I think Lily has decided to just campaign for Pack Mother in order to win over the old biddies,” Sydney teased.

  I covered my face with my hands and shook my head, knowing my cheeks were burning.

  “That’s not necessary, you know,” Lizzy said.

  “Unfortunately, I think it might be,” I confessed.

  “Um,” she started, uncomfortably bouncing from one foot to the next. My face dropped. I knew something was wrong. “Can you come back to the house? Dad wants to talk to you.”

  “You’ve got another challenge,” Shelby blurted out, and the whole room quieted again.

  Thomas

  Chapter 28

  I was pacing back and forth across Dad’s office since the call had come in. Wanda Larken had challenged Lily. My instincts to protect my mate were high, and my wolf was agitated. Dad had sent two of my sisters to get her, but it should have been me.

  “You need to stay here and calm down. I know this is tough on you both, but every mating couple goes through this, and as future Alpha, son, you knew the probability was high she’d be challenged.”

  Lily walked into the room with Lizzy and Shelby, who was looking rather guilty, and I knew she’d spilled it and already told Lily of the challenge. I stared at Shelby and watched her squirm in guilt. They were supposed to just say she was needed back at the house so I could be the one to break the news to her.

  Lily threw her hands up when I started to embrace her. “Just tell me it’s a real challenge this time and not another pup paying tribute for Sydney.”

  I pulled her against my chest and wrapped my arms around her, letting her soothe my wolf’s nerves. “It’s a legit challenge, babe. I’m so sorry.”

  Lily pulled back and looked up at me like I was crazy. “What are you sorry about? It’s not like I didn’t know it was coming. Future Pack Mother is the highest position a she-wolf can obtain in the Pack. Of course I’ve got a target on my back. I’m ready,” she insisted. “Who is it, sir?” she asked my father.

  He threw a file down on his desk. “Wanda Larken. Everything you need to know about her is in that file.”

  Lily picked it up and thanked him. “When?” she asked, a little too calmly.

  “Standard three days.”

  “Got it,” she said. “I’m going to go study up on this information, if you’ll excuse me.”

  “Of course,” Dad said.

  “Wait,” I ordered. “You can’t seriously be this calm about the situation.” She was being challenged by a Larken, the most ruthless I’d ever met of our kind, and she was acting like Dad had just told her to go bake cookies. Where was the fire and the passion in my girl? She was freaking me out.

  Lily stared at me like I had two heads. “It’s fine, Thomas. Don’t worry.” She grinned, and I saw just a hint of mischief in her eyes. “I’ve got this.”

  “Don’t you even want to know about her?” Shelby asked, sounding as shocked as I felt by how well Lily was excepting this challenge.

  “Sure,” she said. “What can you tell me about Wanda Larken?”

  “First,” Shelby started, “she’s a Larken. That alone should concern you.”

  “Explain,” Lily said.

  “She’s a Larken. What more is there to explain?” Shelby insisted.

  “The Larkens were once part of Collier Pack. Her uncle, Jedidiah Larken, had a falling-out with Dad when we were just little pups. He pulled his allegiance and left. A few other families followed him. They still live in the area, just on the other side of the railroad tracks in a rundown trailer park. They’re bad news, Lily,” Lizzy added.

  “Oh,” she said sounding surprised, then her whole face lit up. “She’s not actually a Collier wolf then?” The girls shook their heads. “Great! Well, that’s certainly an improvement then. Thanks!”

  Lily turned to leave, looking much too happy.

  “Why are you okay with this? Why aren’t you freaking out, Lily?” I asked, trying not to freak out myself. “This is a challenge to the death. I need you to take this seriously. She’s lethal and won’t back down.”

  Lily turned to me and there was fire in her eyes. “Thomas, you need to have a little faith in me right now. I’ve prepared my entire life for this. I’ve been training since I was a pup, and my wolf and I are in perfect synch. You may think her lethal, but that’s only because you’ve never seen me fight. I need you to just support me right now. I am capable of taking care of myself, you know? And quite frankly, I did not just confess way too much to the entire pack to just give up and die. I’m slowly gaining respect, but I still have a lot to prove to them, and apparently to you as well. I need some time alone to go over these notes and to train. Is there a place I can do that?” she asked.

  I gulped. She seemed cold and disconnected, and I really didn’t like it, but I nodded.

  “I can show you a place,” Lizzy offered. “I use it when I need to just get away. No one will bother you there.”

  I was probably the only other person on the planet who knew where she was talking, but I didn’t say it. Lily would be safe there at least, and I knew Lizzy would keep a close eye on her.

  “You have nothing to prove to me or the Pack, Lily. They’ll come around,” I told her.

  She smiled, but there was still a cold feeling behind it that made me shiver. “They will, but you’re wrong. I have everything to prove.”

  Lily and Lizzy left and I was once again alone with Dad. He chuckled and shook his head. “I understand you want to protect her, son, but she’s a Westin. I guarantee Jason and Mary have personally seen to her training. She’ll be ready. She needs your support more than your protection right now.”

  “I get that, Dad, but that’s a lot easier to say than do. My job is to protect her. I hate this challenge bullshit. What is even the point? It’s such an archaic system.”

  “I don’t entirely disagree with you, but we fall under Grand Council law. It can only be changed by them.”

  My mind was already going a million miles an hour, thinking through scenarios and petitions that would be necessary to get the challenges dismissed. The previous night while Lily lay sleeping in my arms, I had scoured through the full text from the Grand Council regarding mating challenges, searching for any loophole possible to get her out of this. I knew it was too late for us, but I never wanted our children to have to face this, and I would do everything in my power to rally enough support to ensure they’d never have to.

  “Look, Thomas, I know it’s not ideal, but it is tradition and part of our heritage. I really need you to just hold it together for a few more days. Jedidiah is bringing Wanda over to meet you in little while. I’m expecting them anytime now.”

  “And you just thought to warn me about this? Should Lily be here, too?”

  “She wants to meet with you, not Lily. Besides, your m
ate asked for time alone. We should give her that. The less stress on her or her wolf, the better shape she’ll be in to fight. I do not need Wanda agitating her and making things worse, and mark my word, that’s exactly what these Larkens will pull.”

  I had been so young when Dad and Jedidiah had their falling out that I still didn’t know all the details, or even why it had happened. All I really knew was that Jedidiah had sworn revenge on the Collier Pack, and if this was how he planned to enact it, he was in for a major disappointment.

  A knock on the door of Dad’s office alerted us to their arrival. He answered it personally.

  “Hello Jed.”

  “Zach,” the man said just as curtly. You could feel the tension thickening in the room as the two Alphas watched each other closely. “My niece, Wanda,” Jed finally said.

  “Hello, Wanda.” My father nodded toward her then looked to me.

  “Yes, hello. Welcome. I’m Thomas Collier,” I said, following Dad’s lead and not bothering to extend a hand to either of them.

  “Wow, you’re a lot sexier than I imagined. This isn’t going to be such a bad gig after all,” the woman said. She was tall, much taller than Lily, with luscious curves that once might have tempted me, but all I felt was disgust towards her.

  “Come again?” I asked, not sure what she was getting at.

  She stalked over to me and placed her forefinger at the top of my chest and proceeded to move it down. I growled and took a step back.

  “Thomas,” my father warned.

  “No,” I insisted. “Meeting her is one thing. She has no business touching me. My wolf will not stand for it.”

  Wanda laughed. “When I kill your mate in the challenges, you’ll reconsider that. After all, I am going to be your new mate and Pack Mother of Collier Pack.”

  She sounded so certain that I wanted to smack the smirk off her face, but I knew Dad would never tolerate it. His wolf was barely holding on to sanity just with Jedidiah in our territory. Even I could feel his heightened stress.