Harare North

by Brian Chikwava

  'Animal something.'

  'It's called E . . . Elephant and Castle, Tsitsi.' Shingi solve the puzzle.

  Without Aleck around the air inside house feel light. Tsitsi already talk animated like free thing.

  'M. . . me I am wo . . . worryful that maybe Aleck is going to tell them police; soon they come and catch us?'

  'Aleck only run away from his baby and nothing else,' Tsitsi dismiss Shingi.

  We eat sadza and them sardines that Tsitsi have buy. All night we talk talk about everything and now we feel like free things while we sit on Tsitsi's bed. We discover by accident that she keep bundle of money hidden inside she mattress but we only laugh about it and talk big things.

  And Farayi – no one know where Farayi go and we don't know if he is going to come back. But he have clear everything that was around his bed and take it with him.

  We wake up late on Sunday and Tsitsi already in our room putting she baby on us so that baby can pull away the blankets and get us out of bed.

  'Why Aleck never make that call to the police to fix us?' I ask Tsitsi and she shrug and pick baby from my chest. I ask the question for the whole week but Tsitsi don't want to let fear stalk she so she don't want to talk about it. She is running the place like it's she place now, and like real mother she is busy making quick and hard decision on everything – food, cooking and the time for eating – and me and Shingi chill. But soon we also have to make hard decision about Tsitsi. If she stay here too long then she and the baby will start eating into our savings and me I will never leave this country. We have to make plan.

  Aleck have evil around his waist and evil can chase away other people's luck. How else to explain how you was struggling to hang on to graft except that he chase away people's luck? How else to explain that no sooner have Aleck leave you get new good graft? me I ask. That is after Shingi get brand-new graft at Westminster.

  Shingi agree. Last week he come home with this advert for graft that pay £12 per hour. That is more than £2,000 per month even after the tax. Shingi want it and want me to take it too. But it was BBC graft.

  Good money, but that's because you will be wiping posh buttocks, it sound like. You want to do something – what is better, to try doing it your own style and risk finding small success, or to do it in undignified pooful way and find big success? I ask him. It's after this that he find Westminster graft and me I cook him big steak on the day he start graft because he is now proper breadwinner. Once Tsitsi go, everything will sail smooth.

  Things is getting sweet now because soon me I am cruising at steady 90km/h inside Shingi's pocket. Soon I also cruise at 90km/h inside Sekai's pocket as soon as she come back. That will make total of 180km/h and there's no speed limit in sight. And when I shoo Tsitsi away, soon the big plan come together and me I will be sweet.

  The problem with secrets is that sometimes even if you bury them 90km underground they can still come out and chomp your head off, I warn Shingi. He have now start getting streetwise about things; he have grow some small secret: he don't want his family to know that he now work in Parliament because they maybe get wrong ideas and start wanting to dust out his pockets.

  I know this native style but I keep his secret safe.

  And the weather in London, it now begin to change and put me in good mood as we coast into them unending English summer days. Everything is sweet; them Harare North girls and the flowers mainly. And Tsitsi, now she wake us every morning with baby because now we is buying proper food.

  'Tsitsi, you have to be careful with Shingi because his bestest sexy touch is as sophisticate as that of goat.' It's after supper and Shingi give me talking eye.

  Don't worry, it's only them these good meals make me talk gibberish. These days Tsitsi cook meals that if you don't have strong mind you can only eat while tied down by wire because these meals is so wicked-nice they can make you go raving and talking gibberish all week if you is not careful.

  Shingi don't say nothing. Not even one laugh.

  She is mother, this Tsitsi. Mothers can cook number-one meals.

  Tsitsi take baby to she room because he want to sleep.

  Me I don't know why Tsitsi come back to the house instead of going to she aunt. That make two more stomachs now if you count the baby and that will make big dent on your savings, I tell Shingi.

  Shingi say nothing.

  But she is sweet because now she sometimes leave baby with me so I can bottle-feed him when she is cooking. And the baby now smile at me when I squeeze the milk into his mouth. He like me.

  With them days splashing up and down dead on London skyline, Shingi have start to talk like the old comrade that I know. He buy all the food for us and now have heap of money because the week has end and he have been paid again.

  Me I am worryful about keeping lot of money inside the house.

  Why?

  Who keep money inside house?

  Take it to the bank.

  I try to open bank account last week but it's impossible if you is Zimbabwean. Them banks want heaps of papers from you before you can open account. They say it's because of them sanctions that is target at Zimbabwean government people and they relatives. Me I have no time to find all them paper – things from tax office and all.

  Then put it inside mattress like Tsitsi, Shingi say. I give him smile.

  Out of nowhere he do this old-style trick on me. You don't mind keeping eye on my money since you is inside the house most of the time? he say.

  Clever idea; get the thief to look after your things and he won't thief them, but I don't say it.

  I will think about it because this is the first time I've ever hear of someone trying to turn his friend into his own security guard. Me I don't know whether to feel offended or what, I tell him.

  It's because your suitcase is strong and more secure so maybe it's better if I keep the money there.

  So now I'm supposed to look after your money?

  Shingi look defeated.

  OK, for you I'll do it even though I do it with heavy heart, I say after powerful reasoning.

  You have not buy me the security guard's cap, uniform and rifle but it's OK, I give him warm grin. If it was anyone else I would not agree big responsibility like this because what happen if the money get thief from me? But you are old friend. It's OK for your money to live inside my suitcase.

  Now Shingi sing out-of-tune numbers while taking his showers every evening. He chew up many songs in bad way and step out of the shower with satisfied look on his face and you can tell he is trying to thief his way into Tsitsi's head again.

  Me I don't want to disturb you now if you want to catch Tsitsi, I tell him. You are Governor of the Reserve Bank of our house now, so we have to make sure we put this rural fish, flipping and flopping, inside your claws.

  One month splash up splash down and dead and there's still no sign of Sekai, Aleck or police. Shingi say he want to take over Aleck's room because it's near Tsitsi's.

  It's good move to take position inside Aleck's room, I tell him.

  Tsitsi have to go back to she aunt soon otherwise we don't make savings in this house with all these stomachs. I can see it the way the money inside my suitcase is going down because of baby food. If Shingi get his claws on she, then she is going to want to live with us for ever. But me I don't let this disturb my focus.

  I start putting them notes down into my likkle diary and try to keep the comrade cheerful.

  I am thinking that maybe soon we meet someone that know how to write books, we give them the diary and ask them to write story about me, you and Tsitsi, I massage Shingi ego. My big wish is that maybe when we have find good pen driver he can write cat-and-mouse adventure story about us, make us heaps of money, and maybe for just one night before I fly back home, we can afford chance to stick our noses in at one of them cocktail bars in the city and hit them jugfuls of 'pink pussy' cocktails like everyone is doing. And maybe if the book really sell like them hot cakes, maybe we end up rubbing them noses with the mig
hty people in London, hitting fattened duck liver and all and going kak kak kak inside them gents' toilets because they say original native laugh can frighten important people sometimes so you don't do it at dinner table. Then me, when I go back home, I have money to buy dozen cattle and invite the whole district to Mother's umbuyiso ceremony.

  Shingi and Tsitsi pay attention.

  After shovelling lots of words around and all over my diary, me I think there is chance that we can hit big fame. I can't guarantee nothing. But we don't want things to catch us by surprise, I put more sugar in Shingi. We have to acquire what they call culture, so we don't get embarrassed in company of proper people.

  I stir the sugar inside Shingi and Tsitsi for days and tell them that to learn this culture they also have to ease down some of they native behaviours so they don't frighten them important English people.

  It is important to use your eyes, your ears and mouth if you is wanting to catch culture, I teach them. Look, listen and taste. Listen to the music that them people here is listening to, and be careful about them names of the bands that you is listening to. I also write all this in my diary because last week, after we have spend long time reasoning about learning culture, we have hear about them Red Hot Chili Peppers playing at the Brixton Academy. Shingi have big ginger for learning and decide that we go to Brixton Market so he can buy some of they music so we can put it on iPod when he finally buy it. Before I know it dust is rising off them pavements as he start big stand-off with music vendor who keep saying that the band that Shingi is talking about don't exist. That's because Shingi have been asking for the Red Hot Piri-Piris instead of Red Hot Chili Peppers.

  That kind of style we have to put inside bin, I tell Shingi. It important to pay big attention to some of them subtly things. I know how these things work. Also keep the native way down in the hole because if he jump out he can cause disorder and then no mother is safe in all of Harare North. 'Don't say, to them English people, "How can I get to Animal Something?"' when you want to say, "How can I get to Elephant Castle?" Enough of that even if you are mother', me I tell Tsitsi. 'Otherwise, we send you back home.'

  We talk heaps about how we now have to start getting familiar with them clothes labels if we want to acquire proper culture. All them names like Tommy, Diesel, Levi, iPod, Klein and all them such kind of people that stick they names on people's clothes.

  'These is big important people but don't worry too much trying to know who they is because no one know them. Even Tony Blair don't know who Tommy, iPod or Klein is; and the prime minister know buckets of people.' I get ready to finish my lecture and Tsitsi go kak kak kak kak.

  'But Tommy and Klein know everyone. That's how big they is. Maybe one day Shingi become real big Governor of the Reserve Bank and also get the right to stick "Shingi" on people jeans. Even on them mothers' knickers. All of them. Then you know we have hit them big times when that happen.'

  Tsitsi look at me funny now. Me I ignore she and continue talking.

  'Has Uncle Rasputin now drop us some of his money because he is getting away with murder?' I say when Sekai open the front door. She is back. 'If we was back home he will not have been make to pay many herd of cattle for sharp knife like you, but many herd of elephants and rhinos. With all they tusks and horns still there.'

  Sekai is not in mood for jokes. She walk straight to the lounge.

  'How was the funeral?' I follow behind she. She don't talk but just curl up at the end of couch. She is snorting and wiping tears from she face with tissue paper.

  'You . . . you . . .' She shoulders start shaking, she voice crack and she start to cry. Me I don't know what to do with this. I have not even catch what she want to say.

  She wipe she face again and stop being porridge. She go quiet.

  'I know why you are here and you think that I'm your thing now,' she start without warning. Then she start throwing this other fishwife kind of mouth all over like she don't care, throwing arms in the air and all: Yes I do it with Yakov and the dog witness it. What's the big deal, have you not hear of people having sex? And anyway, this mbutu is mine, I can do whatever I want with it. Have I ever ask your cousin what kind of holes he stick his mboro?

  I have never hear she talk like this. She wipe the snot and catch she breath. 'Now you know everything. Go on and tell your cousin and get this over and done with.'

  Then she break down and start crying. 'I was thinking that maybe Yakov would free me from the pain I feel after your cousin cheat on me. Yeee but now it only leave me feeling worse and bitter I end up having quarrel with my brother and telling him that I don't care about his Aids and he can jump off his balcony if he want. And he go and jump. From eighth floor. Now . . .'

  Me I don't know what to do with this kind of thing.

  'Don't worry. I know what you is feeling; I have feel it too. I forget to visit Mother's grave for two years –'

  'You don't know what you talk about,' she sniffle. 'Stop pretending you know everything; you have no idea how I feel.' She even start shouting now. 'And stop hiding behind the memory of your mother so you don't have to face up to your real crimes back home. Do you even know what is happening right now at your mother's village? Do you want me to tell you?' Now she is going out of topic; I get up and get out of the house before she get out of control, this woman.

  She is silly woman. I puff my cigarette as I step to the station. She is stupid woman – she want me to do she dirty work. And Tsitsi, this baby food is making big hole in our budget. Women, they always complicate everything.

  In the evening I get text message from Original Sufferhead – him that was swinging like crazy on the door of the jackal the day they recruit me. He is now in Harare South – Johannesburg; that's where he run away to when I run away to Harare North and now he is planning to sneak back home because his sister dead. Me I have no ginger for this right now. If the police catch him, then he is not clever.

  Shingi say he have see another BBC graft advert – £13 per hour. I give him one look and he know.

  Th . . . this p . . . principled . . . m . . . man style will stop you getting back home. But anyway I don't understand why y . . . you w . . . want to go back to Zim if y . . . your mother's village is going to be t . . . take over?' Shingi say. Me I have nothing to say.

  19

  You can throw baby in the air and catch it with the point of bayonet. That's what they used to do in Cambodia, I tell Tsitsi and she go cold and quiet. Me I'm just joking, Tsitsi. Don't lose sense of humour so fast, me I try to sweet she.

  Shingi have been taking position in Aleck's room for two weeks now.

  Buy Tsitsi some sweet thing that will make she bite the bait, I advise him. Something like one of them pointy shoes that make London girls go crazy. But Shingi decide to buy denim miniskirt for Tsitsi and one fetching hat for himself.

  When he give the skirt to Tsitsi she laugh, 'I'm not prostitute.'

  'But every girl in London we . . . wear this.'

  'Maybe I ask MaiMusindo,' she threaten and run to she room leaving the skirt on kitchen table.

  That is empty threat, I tell Shingi. She have now stop going to MaiMusindo on account she like it here without Aleck.

  Shingi look at me and say nothing.

  Don't worry, be happy; is it OK if I use some of your money to buy us box of cigarettes and beer to celebrate life? I ask.

  Them days jump up and down and dead; miniskirt is still on the kitchen table. Now there's tea stain on it already and Shingi have go out of the house.

  'You was right,' I tell Tsitsi. 'No mother can ever wear that.'

  Tsitsi look at me with big confusion.

  Because now there is no use for the skirt and our floor mop's head is worn out, I take the duct tape that Shingi pick from skip long time ago and I tie the skirt to mop stick. Now we don't have to buy new mop; I have save us £5.99.

  Original Sufferhead have sneak back home. He have send another text message and is excite – yari yari yari Comrade Mhiripiri leave th
e Green Bombers.

  You is years behind things, Original Sufferhead, you didn't know this? Tom tell me this before I even run away. Ask me if you want to know, I reply him.

  That is big-risk style especially if you is someone that have big stammer. Only someone with smooth-talking style is able to whip any girl with them lyrics, I warn Shingi. He have make another plan to catch Tsitsi. He think he can whip she with them big lyrics, get she head out of gear and before she know it, he will thief his way into she knickers. But he don't want to listen to me.

  Lyrics don't work on mother, I warn him again and he still ignore me. Soon he step out of the house because he don't like what I'm saying.

  Me I drop £50 on Tsitsi. 'You can use it to go to your aunt if you want. Don't trust Shingi these days.'

  Tsitsi now behave like silly hen, she take the money with stupid smile, give me the baby's milk bottle and leave baby with me so she can go shopping for baby things.

  In the evening, Shingi step back inside the house and pounce on Tsitsi in the kitchen. He start chewing them words in way that is not grand.

  'I b-b-buy youuu sweet music CD soon,' he throw lyric at she.

  'No, I don't want music. I have to buy baby nappies first.' There is short silence now because this have put Shingi's head out of gear. Then he find his way out of it and break out laughing like this is joke and singing, 'Tsitsi, you are my sweet sweet sugar pie.' Tsitsi think he is joking; Shingi mean it.

  'You should only be uncle to the baby,' she laugh.

  'OK, I will also b . . . be uncle.'

  'You will only be uncle.'

  'D . . . do you wa . . . want F . . . Fanta?'

  'I want water.'

  Shingi talk.

  Tsitsi quiet.

  Shingi go dump himself on his bed like hopeless man. Later me I go inside my suitcase and drop Tsitsi another £50. 'I told you Shingi is not person to be trusted these days. This is your last chance.'

  Shingi is looking troubled that he is only uncle.

  But everything going to come together if you keep your eye on the ball, I try to give him more ginger. Biggest weakness is that you don't know how to put girl in tight corner, I teach him now. You and everyone was treating me funny because I was Green Bomber, but boys of the jackal breed know how to talk to people and convince them about anything. If I was you, I would have win long time ago.