All In

by Renee Williams

  I glanced irritatingly over at her. Was she trying to bag out of our deal? “No, you agreed to all in. That’s exactly what we’re going to do unless summer, Christmas, and every other weekend sounds better than it did the other night,” I stated firmly. I was pretty sure that was not what she wanted.

  She glared at me. “No, it doesn’t sound any better.” She continued to look me over.

  I wondered what she saw when she looked at me.

  “I guess we have a wedding to plan.”

  We sat for a second, each one of us in our own thoughts. We needed to start making plans. Lisa would be showing soon, and I wanted us to have as much of a chance to get to know each other as possible before the baby arrived.

  “Let me take you out to lunch? We can discuss our plans then.”

  “Sure. I guess this is a good time as any. I’m on call tonight.”

  I intertwined our hands together. She didn’t pull away, which made me happy for some odd reason. She looked up at me. I kissed her lightly on the lips. Yep, I was going to win her over. I could feel that imaginary string pulling us tighter together.

  Lisa played with her food at the restaurant. We hadn’t discussed any plans yet. Was she stalling? Was she changing her mind? It was too late. I had already decided that we were going to make it work. We were going to raise our child together regardless of whatever was going on in that big brain of hers.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Shouldn’t we be planning our wedding?”

  She played with her straw inside her drink. “I want to go to the courthouse and get married. I don’t want a big wedding like Haley and Connor. I don’t think it’s honest to have a grand wedding knowing that this isn’t a true marriage.”

  I frowned at her. I don’t know how many times I would have to tell her. “It’s a true marriage. We’re all in, remember?”

  Being all in was not something that was negotiable. We were going to be a married couple in every sense of the word. I was going to reiterate to her that our vows were going to be real every chance I got. This was not a game. This was going to be our lives.

  She nodded making me believe that she understood. I didn’t believe that she believed me yet, but she would.

  “True, but I still don’t think we should go all over the top. Even if it’s a true marriage, we’re not in love.”

  No, I didn’t love Lisa, but I hoped that we could eventually come to love one another. I wasn’t cynical about marriage. I had seen enough of the real thing to know that it was possible to love someone. Why not her? Why not us? We could have a real marriage.

  “Do you have a big family?” she asked me, continuing to play with her water.

  “No, I have one sister. She’s at college. I’m not close to my dad or mother. The only person that I want at our wedding is my sister if she can make it.”

  I would never invite my parents. She didn’t need to know that they weren’t the best representatives of what parents should look like. I wouldn’t be modeling any of my parenting techniques off the shitty way that they had raised me and my sister.

  She looked down at her food. “My family is huge. But, I don’t want them here. I think we should talk to Haley and Connor and ask them to be our witnesses.”

  I looked at her closely. She was marrying me not to disappoint her parents. It was inconceivable that she wouldn’t regret inviting them to our wedding. “You don’t want the rest of your family here?”

  She looked down at the table. “No.”

  “Won’t they be disappointed?” I would be disappointed if my daughter got married and didn’t invite me. I wanted to believe that no matter what my daughter did I could forgive her and be part of her momentous occasion.

  “Yes, but I don’t want anyone to change my mind. I’m doing what I think is right for me and the baby, and I don’t want them to try to force me to capitulate to their demands.”

  I didn’t want to contemplate the hurdles we might incur when her family found out. Obviously, they loved her and supported her. They probably wouldn’t want her to marry me. I was just a white guy she barely knew. Maybe not having them at the wedding would benefit my cause.

  “Are your parents going to be mad you married a white man?”

  She gave a little smile. “First, my parents are going to be mad I married anyone. They have never seen me with anyone in a long time. They will believe that something is up, but we won’t tell them that you slept with me and Vegas and got me pregnant. What happened in Vegas will stay between us four. Me, you, Haley, and Connor. I love my parents too much to make them think that I could be that careless. I don’t want to disappoint them. All this,” she said waving her hands between us, “is for them. I don’t want them to think that I am irresponsible.”

  She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I’m the only girl. I’m the first doctor in our family. We have other professionals in the family, but I’m the first one to have achieved so much. I can’t let them down because I screwed up. I have to believe whatever I saw in you that night is still there. I’m willing to go all in.”

  She wiped more tears. She was making me sad. I promised myself at that moment that I would do everything in my power to make her happy. She wouldn’t regret marrying me.

  “This baby is making me emotional. Trust me, I don’t break down easily. I’ve been a hot mess since day one with this pregnancy.”

  I grabbed her hands. I didn’t know what it was like to want to make a good impression on parents, but for her, I would try.

  “If you want to go to the courthouse then I am willing, but if you want a small intimate wedding, I am willing to do that too.” I would do whatever she wanted me to do. I didn’t like to see her upset and sad.

  She smiled through watery eyes. “Trust me, the courthouse is better. If we want to, we could have a wedding after the baby. I mean if we last,” she said hastily.

  I shook my head again leaning closer to her. My jaw ticked. I hated repeating myself over and over again. I took a deep breath. “No, all in. We don’t think about not making it. You and I both know that thinking about losing is the equivalent to losing. If you want a wedding later, we’ll do it. Divorce isn’t going to be a word in our vocabulary. If I do some shit that upsets you, let me know. I’ll work on it. If you do something that bothers me, I’ll let you know. Walking away will not be an option for us. Do you understand, Lisa?”

  I was serious if she wanted a wedding later, I would give it to her.

  She gave me a watery smile. “Well, damn. Look at you, Chris, sounding all hard. I think I like it.” She winked at me.

  This girl. I could just devour her. I had devoured her, and she didn’t even remember. I did, and I couldn’t wait to do it again and again.

  “I’m thinking maybe we should go and talk to Connor and Haley tomorrow night because I’m off. Are you busy?” she asked ripping up a napkin.

  She was fascinating. She was always in constant motion.

  “We have practice tomorrow, but I’ll be available later that night.”

  She nodded.

  “How much are you going to tell them?” I was willing to go along with whatever she wanted. I didn’t have the same worries as her. I didn’t have people other than my sister, Tiffany, to make happy.

  She chewed her lip. “I want to be honest with them. Haley and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember even though she is my cousin. She knows how to keep a secret, and she’ll support us. We’ll need someone on our side when the shit hits the fan.”

  “Ok. I think we should go by their house together as a united front even though we are being honest with them. I still want them to know that our marriage is going to be legitimate regardless of the reason we’re getting married.”

  Every chance I got, I wanted to remind her that it was a true marriage. She wasn’t a runner, but she was a skeptic. Skeptics were even harder to convince to stay than runners. Runners ran every chance they got, but skeptics questioned any and everything that a pers
on said. It was a weary endeavor to convince them to stay. But, she and this baby were mine. I wouldn’t let her leave.

  “Where are you staying?” I asked her because I didn’t really know anything about her. We were at a large learning curve. I had a lot of catching up to do.

  “I’m staying with a roommate from work. I just got here two weeks ago. If it had become necessary, I would have found me a place to stay later. Trust me, I didn’t know what you were going to say about my plan.”

  I looked at her closely. I didn’t see the point of waiting. We were going to live together anyway. Why not go ahead and get started?

  “You can move some of your stuff into my place tomorrow when I pick you up. You’ll eventually move in anyway. I stay about twenty minutes from Connor and Haley, so it wouldn’t make sense to drive you back home. I’ll take you the next day to get your car before I go to practice.”

  My new family life was already beginning.

  She started fiddling with her straw again. I could tell that she was nervous. She had come up with the plan but the follow through probably scared her.

  Lisa stiffened. “Ah, yeah. Ok.”

  Yes, Lisa. This was happening. There was no way to stop this train.

  “Send me your address. I’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow or whenever is good for Connor and Haley.”

  Lisa sighed.

  Tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of our lives.

  Lisa

  I sat in the car fidgeting with my purse. Sitting beside Chris was nerve wrecking. When he had picked me up from my roommate’s apartment, I had taken some of my things down to his Range Rover. He had carried all of the heavy pieces. I was mostly in the way.

  The closer we got to their house, the worse and worse I felt. By the time we arrived, I was beyond through. He pushed the call button for Haley and Connor’s house. The gate rolled open. I started feeling sweaty. People always said the truth would set you free, but I wasn’t sure that I agreed with that premise all the time. Spilling my guts to my cousin did not sound appealing.

  Connor parked his truck in their driveway and cut the engine. “You good?”

  I gave him a nervous smile. “Yes.”

  He opened his truck door and came around to let me out. I had to admit it was a nice touch. It wasn’t every day that men decided to still be chivalrous. He was getting bonus points for that alone.

  He opened my door and helped me out the truck. He closed the door and gripped my hand. I could only assume what Haley would think when we walked up to the door together.

  My heart pounded erratically. I was just telling Haley. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was. I had a thing about wanting to make everyone happy. I wanted, no I needed to make everyone happy and proud of me. It was a glitch in my personality.

  If I was this nervous about Haley, my heart would probably jump out my chest when we told my parents.

  Gripping Chris’s fingers tightly, I waited for Connor to open the door.

  Connor opened the front door. “Uh, hi, Lisa and Chris?” he asked looking at both of curiously. It was almost like a cartoon script. I could see the little question mark floating around his head in a bubble.

  I know, Connor. I’m just as shocked as you. But, hold on to your socks. It gets better. Get used to seeing us as a couple.

  Who knew?

  Certainly not me.

  “Can we come in?” Chris asked guiding me toward the entrance to the house.

  My heart thundered in my chest like African drum beats.

  Fast and frantic. For the second time in a few days, I was doing something that made my heart explode. Telling Chris was hard but having to tell the story over and over again was going to try my resilience.

  “Sure, sure.” He closed the door behind us.

  I felt like I was going to my doom with the door shutting.

  “Is that Chris?” Haley asked calling from the kitchen.

  “And Lisa. They came together,” Connor added unnecessarily.

  Now, Connor was just being messy. My family had rubbed off on him. That last part was so extra.

  The kitchen went silent.

  Right, girl. I know. You haven’t heard nothing yet.

  “Hey, I didn’t know that you were coming over with Chris.” She looked at me suspiciously once we all made it to the kitchen.

  I sat quietly letting the silence settle in the room. Chris looked over at me.

  He frowned.

  I guess he figured I was going to start the conversation. He would be wrong. It was his fault we were even in this mess with his no condom wearing ass. I had been drunk. I took responsibility, but he could take the mantle on by telling people too. I didn’t always want to spill my guts.

  My stomach tightened as Haley stared questioningly at me. I felt like I wanted to be ill. I hadn’t gotten sick since about the three-month mark, but it certainly felt like I could vomit.

  Chris sighed when he realized that no one was going to say anything. “Do you remember when we all went to Las Vegas a few months ago?” Chris started with.

  Yep, I kinda believed that was a great beginning to the story. It was how I started my conversation with him in the library the other night.

  “Yes.” Haley replied sitting on Connor’s lap.

  Good move, Haley. Girl, take a seat. Shit was about to get deep.

  “Uhmm, Lisa and I started doing a couple shots after you guys left the club. And, well one thing led to another, and we’re expecting a baby.” He finished.

  Well, he was a little light on details, but I guessed he had done a good job. I mean I hadn’t said a damn thing, so he had me beat.

  I thought of the saying that you could hear a rat piss on cotton analogy. It summed up this situation well. No one breathed or said a thing for a full three minutes.

  “Ah, Lisa, you’re pregnant?” Connor asked when Haley didn’t say anything. It seemed like the whole Williams’ family was at a loss for words.

  I squirmed in my seat. “Yes, I’m sixteen weeks.”

  Haley peered down at my stomach. “Congratulations?” she said staring at me questionably as if people ran around lying about babies every day. Or, she was questioning if I was happy. Too late for that. Happy was what you chose to be.

  “Thank you.” Neither one of us sounded very sincere.

  “I didn’t even know that you liked Chris in that manner,” Haley looked between me and Chris as if she was perplexed.

  Girl, me too. Welcome to the club.

  I didn’t know I was attracted to him like this either. I remembered Chris being a silent participant in events that Haley and Connor hosted. I couldn’t forget his ex-girlfriend, Taylor. Haley couldn’t stand her, so anybody she hated I pretty much hated too. Family loyalty. Knuck if you buck and all that. My family rode together against all enemies and takers. It didn’t matter what our education level was.

  “Yeah, well. Surprise.” I said trying to laugh it off. Nobody laughed with me. Right. Too much too fast.

  “Do your parents know?” Haley inquired knowing dam well they didn’t know. If they did, the whole family would be talking about it. Our family couldn’t whole water, especially not our two families.

  I gave her the get real look.

  “So, no,” she answered for herself.

  “No,” I replied giving her confirmation to a question that she hadn’t asked me.

  Haley looked at me sympathetically. She knew my parents. She knew how they doted on me. They would be disappointed. Hell, I was disappointed.

  “I can go with you to talk to them if you want me to,” she said getting off of Connor’s lap and walking toward me. She put her arms around me. I had to drop Chris’s hand, which I hadn’t even realized I was still holding to hug her back.

  “I won’t mind your support, but Chris will be there too.”

  Haley cleared her throat looking at Chris. “Ah, no offense to you Chris, but do you think it’s a good idea that he goes with you initially?”


  Haley knew my parents were going to hit the roof. They did not care that I was twenty-seven. I was still their baby. Times had not changed for my family. You got married. Then, you had a baby.

  “No offense taken, but Lisa won’t be talking to her parents without me.”

  Damn, Chris. You’re really turning about to be very surprising. It was a turn-on I admitted to myself. I liked this side of him. Taking charge looked sexy on him.

  “We understand. We just want to support you two in any way that we can,” Haley acquiesced.

  I cleared my throat trying to change the subject from Chris’s blunt response.

  “Well, there was something else that we wanted to talk to you two about.” I pulled away from Haley. I guess it was only fair that I tell them the other part of our news since Chris had shared the other news.

  Taking a deep breath, I added fuel to the fire, “Chris and I are getting married.”

  This time you could hear a pin drop when I dropped that bomb in the middle of the room. Haley looked from Chris to me again.

  “Ok, uhmm, Lisa. Let’s go talk in the library.” Haley walked away abruptly before I could even respond.

  She didn’t wait for me to follow her. She was walking fast.

  I smiled at Chris and turned to follow Haley to the library.

  “Hey,” Chris reached for my hand before I could walk off brining me into his body. He put his hands around my face gazing into my eyes, “this is between us. Nobody can dictate how we lead our lives except us.”

  I nodded my head affirming I understood. I knew what he was trying to tell me. Don’t let Haley change my mind. I squeezed his hand and walked to go talk to my executioner.

  I entered the library and sat on the same couch that Chris had bent me over on a few nights ago. My clit tingled.

  Good times.

  Girl, focus.

  I took a deep breath preparing myself to battle my sister cousin to discuss my huge decision. I got it. It was fast. It felt impulsive, but I didn’t care. I had made my decision. Chris and I had a plan. We would follow through regardless of what anyone else thought.