What Happens to Men When They Move to Manhattan

by Jill Knapp

  “Stapedius!” I said in a loud whisper.

  I felt a light shove from behind me, followed by a whispered “Hush!” I slowly looked over my right shoulder to see no other than Alex. He gave me a small nod, and then went back to finishing his work.

  I glanced down at my watch once again just as our T.A. called, “Time’s up!” Well ain’t that for timing?

  Slamming my blue test booklet shut, I shook my entire desk, knocking over my pens and water bottle.

  “So how did you do?” Alex asked with a huge grin on his face.

  A part of me wanted to lie and seem overconfident with my work, but all I could muster up was a soft grunt. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t wait to get out of this classroom and forget this semester ever happened.

  “That good, eh?” he called out to me, as I walked away.

  After retrieving my belongings from the floor, I pushed my way through the harem of students; the classroom was never quite as full as when we had an exam. There were people in the classroom who I had literally never seen before. On the way out, I saw a few of them wipe away tears, and a few of them just dead-pan as if they’d been molested during the exam.

  I slammed the door behind me, a proverbial “Screw You” to the school. I was then greeted by the sun, which felt particularly bright after being cooped up in the dimly lit auditorium for the past three hours. It was the kind of feeling you get after seeing a matinée at the theatre, except without the enjoyment of being entertained and eating seven-dollar popcorn.

  I stormed across Washington Square Park, and headed down 5th Avenue, making a beeline for the subway, when I heard a male voice call my name.

  “What is it?” I snapped, expecting Alex to be there when I turned around.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I scare you?” answered Michael, taking the brunt of my frustration.

  “No, I’m sorry, I thought you were Alex. I am not in the mood to hear one of his one-liners right now,” I explained. “But listen, I am going to just head home and I’ll talk to you later.”

  I made it about two feet before Michael called out, “You ran out kind of fast and I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  I don’t know why, but this stuck out to me. Was I all right? For some reason, coming from Michael, it seemed like the most condescending question in the world. Kind of like when your boss at McDonalds asks you if you’re all right after you’ve mopped the floors.

  I took a step toward him.

  “You wanted to make sure that I am all right? Seriously?” I asked, venom in my voice.

  “Um, yeah?” he asked, taking a step back.

  I pressed my hands against my eyes and rubbed them slightly. “Really? Well let’s re-cap, shall we? In the past year I got dumped by my boyfriend who then tried to get back together with me only after he turned into the biggest douche-bag in New York, I got jerked around by you for a good six months or so, and now thanks to my complete lack of sleep and studying I probably failed that class. So no, Michael, I most certainly am not all right. But thank you for your bullshit platitudes, I really appreciate them.”

  He just stood there, looking stunned. It was the first time I’d really ever challenged him, or called him out on how he was treating me. It was clear by his expression he was not expecting that.

  “I jerked you around?” he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. “And how exactly did I do that?”

  My blood pressure hit the roof. I had never felt such deep anger before. That someone so blatantly could take advantage of me, and not own up to it. Someone I trusted. Someone I called a friend.

  “You led me on, treating me like I was someone you cared about when all you really wanted was sex. You tricked me into thinking we could be more,” I said coldly. “I had genuine feelings for you, and you were utterly aware of it. I was vulnerable after my break up with Nicholas and you took advantage of it.”

  I felt a little nervous saying all of this. After this conversation, I could possibly lose him as a friend forever. But then again, did I really ever have him? Had I been fooling myself this entire time, wishing it could be something more? As I looked at Michael, I couldn’t help feeling extreme sadness. His dark eyes were glued on mine, only reminding me of all the intimate times we had shared. I stood completely still, anxiously awaiting his answer. Hoping it was something resembling an apology.

  “Amalia,” he finally spoke. “You knew what this was.”

  I waited for the pain. Waited patiently for the overwhelming, all-consuming pain that would undoubtedly flood through my chest.

  I waited, and I waited a little longer. But it never came.

  I slowly shook my head and turned my back to Michael. The subway no longer looked appealing to me, so I walked the rest of the way home. The whole time waiting for the hurt to kick in, but it never came. I felt nothing. Utterly numb, unaware of any damage that has just been done to me, to my self-esteem, or to any future relationships I may have. I felt nothing. Sadly, it was the best I had felt in a long time.

  Chapter 36

  All my best, Christina

  “Are you sure you have to leave tomorrow?” Cassandra asked, doing her best puppy-dog eyes.

  It had been a week since my last encounter with Michael, and I had done a surprisingly good job keeping him out of my mind and focusing on my trip to Brazil. Tomorrow’s flight was at 6a.m. Pretty standard for international flights.

  “Yes, Cassie,” I answered, mockingly. “I’m completely sure the flight is for tomorrow, hence the reason half my closet is spread across the bedroom floor. You’re supposed to be helping me pack, remember?”

  “Well I can’t, Amalia,” she said, bordering on whining. “It’s just too sad. What am I supposed to do without you this summer?”

  “Don’t you have a job?” I stood up, and stared over the messy pile of clothing on my floor. This was not something I should have left for the last minute.

  “Need any help, sis?” said Aaron, peeking around the door hinge into my bedroom.

  Aaron’s presence had been a huge calming effect on me this past week. After his big breakup with what’s her name, we had a long heart-to-heart. His semester was almost over, so after his last final, I asked him to come back to the city and stay with me until I left. I felt closer to him than I had in years.

  “Yes, Aaron. I actually do need some help,” I motioned to Cassandra, who was propped up by three pillows, sitting on my bed and reading People magazine. “See Cassie? Some people are actually helping me pack.”

  She kept her cavalier demeanor as she flipped the pages and muttered, “Whatever.”

  I picked up a blue and gray tank top I remembered buying on a vacation to Boston I took with Nicholas. I waited for the usual overwhelming wave of nostalgia. I braced myself for the feeling of longing, of regret, of believing I made the wrong choice cutting him off. But just like the pain for Michael, it never came. Relieved, I shrugged and tossed the shirt in the trash can by my bed.

  “So, any big summer plans, Aaron?”

  “Well, now that you brought it up, I actually got a paid internship here in the city,” he said, grinning like a fool.

  “What! Where, when, how?” I shouted. I felt like jumping up and down for joy, but I composed myself to set a more mature example. “I’m so excited for you. Where are you going to live?”

  “Easy there, sis!” he laughed. “I got a small studio apartment up on the West Side. I don’t know if I could do the whole roommate thing. And the internship is at Merrill Lynch. I’m going to be shadowing a financial analyst and learning the ropes of finance. I got it through one of my business professors, after acing his final.”

  “You hear that, Cassie? Aaron’s going to be in the city this summer too. Maybe you can show him around? Get him acquainted with everything? You definitely won’t be bored.”

  This got Cassandra’s attention. She bit her bottom lip, which was shellacked with bright-coral lip-gloss, and tossed the magazine on the bed. “All right, litt
le Hastings. I will take you under my wing and show you around. Consider me your cruise director,” she said with a smirk. Cassandra gave me a small smile and I smiled back. I was going to miss her.

  “You’re a good friend, Cassie,” I said, blinking away tears.

  She walked over to me and gave me a hug. The sound of her heels on the hardwood floor made me laugh away my tears.

  “Don’t abandon me for some sexy Spanish-speaking guy down there,” she mumbled, not letting go. “You better come home, no matter how good the weather is.”

  “They actually speak Portuguese in Brazil. Why does no one know this?” I laughed.

  “Whatever,” she said, breaking away from me and sitting on the bed again.

  “I hate to interrupt this powwow, but I just found this note for you stuck on the fridge,” Aaron said, handing me a piece of loose-leaf paper.

  I unfolded the paper and read it out loud.

  Amalia,

  I’ve really enjoyed living with you and getting to know you over the past year. I wanted to say goodbye to you properly before you headed to the airport, but I already left myself late last night. I didn’t want to wake you, so I left you this note. I won’t be returning to Manhattan. I have moved to Cincinnati to begin a new job, and a new life for myself. Don’t worry, I paid the landlord my portion of the rent till the end of the month.

  I hope you have a wonderful time in Brazil, and you find what you’re looking for.

  All my best,

  Christina

  I folded the note back up and put it in my pocket. Something about what Christina said when she wrote “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” really stuck out with me.

  “Well I guess that answers the question, ‘Where’s Christina?’” Cassandra said.

  “I guess,” I answered softly. “She didn’t even take her couch.”

  It was a sad realization that I would never see Christina again. She had been good roommate. But that’s the difference between a good roommate and a good friend. A good roommate might respect your privacy, but a good friend would never leave without saying goodbye.

  Just as I finished putting the last article of clothing into my suitcase, an urgent knocking began on the door.

  “That must be Olivia with the wine!” Cassandra clapped her hands and jumped off the bed. “Let the going-away party begin!”

  Cassandra darted to the door, but her voice filled with disappointment when she swung it open. “You’re not Olivia,” she said. “And you obviously don’t have any wine, so if you don’t mind, we are having a small going-away party for Amalia.”

  In my bedroom, I made eye contact with Aaron.

  “What the hell is going on?” he asked.

  “No clue,” I sighed. “Let’s go see.”

  “Amalia!” Alex said. “Um, hey. Listen, have you seen Olivia? She told me earlier today she would be here around this time. I need to talk to her.”

  “Why do you need to talk to Olivia? And why are you at my apartment?” I asked genuinely annoyed. “Seriously guys, I need to pack.”

  “I’m sorry to interrupt your packing, I know you’re leaving tomorrow,” Alex said, almost sounding sincere.

  “Alex, thank you for stopping by to say goodbye to me or whatever it is you’re doing here, but I really need to finish up here.”

  “Please, Amalia, I really need to stay. Just until Olivia gets here and then I will leave you alone.” He looked worried. His normal olive-toned skin had taken on a color more resembling day-old milk. His hair was a mess and it hadn’t been raining. I noticed big black circles under his eyes, as if he had been up all night. Or possibly crying.

  I took a step closer to his and examined his face more closely. “Alex, are you all right?”

  “Excuse me?” Aaron said, making his way up the door. “Um, who’s Olivia?”

  Just as I opened my mouth to answer, Alex beat to me to it, and said something none of us expected.

  “She’s my girlfriend.”

  Chapter 37

  Will you stay?

  “What the fuck?” I uttered, stunned and still standing in the hallway.

  Did Alex just say what I think he did? Had he and Olivia been together this whole time and none of us knew? And why was she hugging Jason in secret?

  “We’ve been dating since the beginning of the semester,” said Olivia, who had suddenly materialized outside my doorway.

  I looked at her and then looked back at Alex. They were caught red-handed, and clearly had no contingency plan.

  “How long have you been standing there? Never mind, this is way too much for me to handle right now,” I said, turning back toward my bedroom. “Thank God I am leaving tomorrow.”

  “Amalia, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Olivia looked very upset. Like Alex, she had dark circles under her eyes. Her usual pin-straight hair was thrown into a messy bun. “Please don’t walk away.”

  “Look, you can explain later, Olivia. I really need to talk to you now,” said Alex, desperation in his voice. “I am really sorry about earlier. You know I love you.”

  “Wait a second. The two of you are in love?” I shrieked.

  The two of them just stood there and looked at me.

  “Well actually, this is the first time he’s ever said it,” said Olivia with her eyes locked on Alex. “But yeah, we are in love. I love you too, Alex.”

  I shook my head and thought if I shook hard enough I would wake up from this insane dream I was having.

  “But you better never hurt me like you did the other day ever again. Understood?” Olivia said with authority in her voice.

  “Olivia, I won’t. I swear!” Alex said putting his arms around her and giving her a kiss. “Forgive me?”

  “Hurt you?” I turned to Alex. “What did you do to her? I’ll kill you.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Amalia,” Olivia answered for Alex. “It’s under control.”

  This entire situation was bizarre to me. Not only were Olivia and Alex dating, not only were they “in love,” but it seemed Olivia wore the pants in the relationship. Watching Alex get bitched around by a girl was the best thing I had seen all year.

  “Okay, but wait a second, Olivia,” I shook my head, still extremely confused. “I thought you were dating John?”

  Now it was Olivia’s turn to look confused.

  “Um, John who?” she asked.

  “Hello!” I said. “Our T.A.! I saw you two after class one day hugging. You were alone and it was dark, so I guess I just assumed you two were together.”

  Alex quickly looked toward Olivia.

  “No! I’m not with John, at all.” She crinkled her face into a grimace. “He’s gay.”

  “Really?” Alex and I both said in unison.

  “Yes, he’s gay,” Olivia answered, growing annoyed with the conversation. “I was hugging him because he’s been going through a difficult time with his family. They haven’t been as supportive as they should be.”

  “Well, I guess that explains it then,” I muttered, a little disappointed. I had been really oblivious to what was going on with my friend this semester.

  “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, I just felt it was best if no one got involved in our relationship,” Olivia shrugged. “Alex wanted to tell people, but I didn’t want the drama to get in the way of my first year of graduate school.”

  “Mission accomplished,” I said under my breath. She shot me another look and I shook my head and gave her a hug. “It’s okay Olivia, I forgive you for keeping me in the dark.”

  I really needed a break from this city. I turned around and looked at Cassandra, who was practically in tears from laughing so hard. I couldn’t blame her; the whole thing was pretty ridiculous. After the initial shock of everything was over, Aaron introduced himself to Alex and Olivia and we all had a few minutes to catch our breath and talk.

  A little while later, Olivia and Alex completely patched things up, wished me a safe trip, and headed out together. A few minu
tes after them, Cassandra and Aaron left my apartment too. The two of them were going to grab dinner, and I felt relieved that Aaron would have a friend in the city while I was gone.

  I took a look around my bedroom, then the living room, and finally the kitchen. My apartment was empty. Really empty. Besides my bed, the only piece of furniture left behind was Christina’s couch. It finally occurred to me that after I left tomorrow, no one would live here anymore. A pang of nostalgia and sadness filled me. It made me think about Nicholas bringing me soup when I was sick, about Cassandra and me talking about life and our choices, and I even thought about my first night with Michael. Even though I had these memories, and most of them were even good ones, I was resolved that I needed a change.

  I had arranged for movers to come by after I left to take my bed and the rest of my clothes, and put them into storage for me. I didn’t know where I would put them after I returned. Even when I got back from Brazil, there was no way I was coming back to this apartment.

  When I heard the buzzer go off, I walked toward it slowly, taking the opportunity for a final look around to see if anything else had to be packed. Even without asking, a part of me knew who it was. Still, I was a little surprised when I opened the door a few minutes later, and saw Michael standing there.

  “Hi,” he said, holding a bouquet of white roses in his hand.

  “What are those for?”

  “They’re for you.” He looked sheepish.

  “Michael, what are you doing here?” I ignored the flowers. “I have had enough visitors for today and honestly it’s late and I have a flight tomorrow morning.”

  “I’m here because I’m an idiot.” He looked into my eyes.

  “You’re here because you’re an idiot?”

  “Look, you were right. I wasn’t treating you fairly, and with someone who I consider a friend, I really messed up,” he let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry you got caught up in the middle of me figuring things out with Marge, and hell, with myself. I’m just not who you think I am.”