Bricking It (A Wayfair Witches Cozy Mystery #2)

by A. A. Albright

  Justine shrugged. ‘Not my fault your daughter is so useless with a wand.’

  ‘Not my fault your sister has a wand up her behind,’ my mother retorted.

  ‘Oh, really?’ Justine wrinkled her nose. ‘Well at least her behind is slim. Have you taken a look at yours lately, Beatrice?’

  Okay, so maybe dragging the negotiations out hadn’t been such a wonderful idea. This was getting ridiculous. It was beginning to remind me of the time Christine’s and Melissa’s familiars decided to fight over one tiny slice of goose that fell on the floor at Winter Solstice – despite the fact that there were two very big bowls of meat in front of each cat. Justine and my mother hated each other. Not just we have differing political opinions sort of hate. This went deep. I was all the more curious about what Gabriel was going to tell me in Three Witches Brew.

  But setting my curiosity aside, this tit for tat was going to go back and forth all afternoon and I was way too tired for that.

  ‘Look.’ I sat forward. ‘I get it. You see me as a threat. People like me. My in-the-nick-of-time empowerment, catching Alice Berry and now her brother … it’s reminded people that the Wayfairs have always been there for them, whereas your Peacemakers … well, they’re only there for you.’ She looked about to interrupt, so I held up a hand (I was surprising myself just as much as her, believe me). ‘But you are right about some things, Justine. I’m not very good with a wand. I have a lot to learn, and I want to learn. I want to pass the remainder of my classes. I really do. I even want to go on to Crooked College and study Magical Law like my mother and most of my coven before me. But in order for that to happen, you need to let me go back to my original schedule. Potions and Magical History next. Then Simple Spells and Incantations. And not because I hate your sister and want to put off the class for as long as possible – though that’s a pretty big factor – but mostly because I simply can’t muster the strength right now. I need to recuperate a little more before I have enough magic to do her class. So if you agree to that – and to letting me step in to help my coven should the need arise in the meantime – then we might have a deal. Oh, and using magic, too, when I need to. That’s the very last condition I have. I’ll be sensible, I swear. I mean, it’s not like I’ll be up to anything advanced for quite some time, is it?’

  She steepled her fingers, looking at me like every inch of the megalomaniac she was. ‘I’ve been thinking about why I dislike you so much, and I’ve just realised why. It’s the way you speak to people. As if you’ve got absolutely no respect for authority. As though you think you’re actually on the same level as your superiors. It’s fascinating. It’s–’ She paused, noticing that my mother and I had covered our noses. An intriguing smell had entered the room. The Minister sniffed, looking behind at her cat.

  He was standing up in his flowery bed, staring at his bum in horror.

  ‘Yes, you stinky little kitty,’ I said. ‘That did come out of there.’

  Justine’s eyeballs bulged, but she chose to ignore me. ‘Is it time to go poopies, Monty?’ she asked him in a silly voice. ‘Does lickle Monty have to go poopie woopies?’ She picked the cat up in her arms, opened up a set of French doors that led to a courtyard, and watched him rush to the bushes.

  ‘You know,’ she said, not turning to face us. ‘I can be as stubborn as I like, when it comes down to it. I don’t have to give you anything at all. Your coven might be willing to lie under oath, but I have a sworn statement from Will Berry that proves you have broken every single rule I set for you.’

  I felt my eyes begin to sting. Luckily, my mother and the Minister were too busy looking at the cat taking his poop to notice my watery eyes. To be fair to them, it was a very long poop. Instead of thinking about Will’s betrayal, I looked at the cat too. The things coming out of Monty looked far from natural. I wondered what poor minion had the job of cleaning it up. Hopefully not Melissa.

  ‘Will Berry could have signed a hundred statements and it wouldn’t matter, Justine,’ my mother said wearily. ‘Everyone knows that Wanda broke your rules. But seeing as she saved the day and quite a lot of witches, people are sensible enough to realise that her actions were not only justified, but necessary. Well, everyone except you.’

  ‘You’re right.’ The Minister finally turned to us, a forced smile on her face. ‘But my opinion is what matters. Not theirs. Still. I can see the benefits of giving you some leeway. That lot out there are making my ears bleed, so the sooner you can get them to shut up, the better. Fine. You have what you want. Now get the hell out of my office before I change my mind.’

  22. Little Miss Perky Nose

  A few days after the meeting with the Minister, myself and the other survivors were released from hospital. I wanted nothing more in the world than to go to Wayfarers’ Rest and sleep in my childhood bedroom until I felt better. Maybe cry into my pillow a little, too, while I was there. But there were things I had to take care of at my house in Westerly Crescent first – namely, the maintenance minutes that I had neglected while I’d been convalescing.

  I travelled back by myself, because I needed to see if I had that much magic available at least. It turned out that I did, but just about. When we arrived in the living room, Dizzy settled onto the back of the couch with a happy little sigh.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ he asked as I flopped down beside him. ‘It’s just until I figure out what to do next.’

  I tickled behind his tiny ears. ‘Stay as long as you want. In fact, my mam told me this morning that she’s filled my freezer with chopped mango just in case you did decide to stay on.’

  Dizzy’s eyes grew just a little bit excited, so I went to the kitchen to defrost some fruit.

  ‘I need to go out and relieve myself while you do that,’ he said, flying behind me. ‘I’ll just be in the garden.’

  The window above the kitchen sink was already open, so I left him to it and pulled the fruit from the freezer.

  I was just plating it up when Max entered, saw me in the room, and let out a little yelp. The box of chocolates he’d been holding fell to the floor, and a balloon floated out of his hand and up to the ceiling. ‘Wanda!’

  I grinned at him. ‘You look really nice.’ He did. His hair looked like it had actually met with a comb recently, and his jeans fit better than usual.

  ‘Give over,’ he scoffed. ‘A dog puked on my favourite jeans. This is the only clean pair.’

  ‘Oh. Well you still look nice.’

  He picked up the chocolates and handed them to me. ‘I was just about to leave for the hospital to collect you.’

  ‘I thought you were working today, so I figured I’d save you the trip. Oh, yum.’ I ripped open the box. ‘Mint thins. Are they for me?’ It might be an issue if they weren’t, seeing as I’d already crammed three of them into my mouth.

  He pulled the balloon back down and twirled it around so I could see the front. It said Welcome home Wanda. ‘I’m glad you like the chocolate. It might be the last pressie I can afford for a while. I lost my job this morning.’

  ‘Oh no.’ I pulled out a seat at the table. ‘Come. Sit. I’ll fetch you a chocolate soy milk while you tell me everything.’

  It seemed like he actually sighed himself to sitting. I knew how he felt. I’d lost my job at Bargain Bites too, because I hadn’t been there very much lately. My manager Gary had told me just that morning, using the loveliest personal touch – a text message. It was probably against some law or other to dismiss someone via text, but I wasn’t about to argue. Difficult though it might be, I was going to have to figure out a way to survive without a job until I got through my exams.

  As I handed him the carton, he said, ‘There’s a new owner at my job.’ He began to slurp his drink through the straw. ‘And they only want to run the paid kennels. They’re not interested in the rescue dogs. I got in this morning and there was only one dog left. They told me they sent the rest of them off to a farm somewhere.’

  ‘Really?’ I poured myself an ora
nge juice. ‘They said they’d sent the dogs to the farm?’

  Max groaned. ‘I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same. That’s why I argued with them and got fired.’

  I sat across from him and patted his knee. ‘Well, it’s a good thing we get to pay our rent here in maintenance minutes then, isn’t it? We’ll figure out a way to pay for the little extras like … food, heat, electricity … Hey – I thought you said there was one dog left. What happened to it?’

  He was suddenly concentrating very hard on his chocolate soymilk. ‘Um … yeah. Someone dumped him this morning. Left him tied to the kennel gates. The new owners said he was too ugly for words and they were going to send him off to the farm too. So …’

  In the back garden I heard a sudden woofing, followed by a furious, high-pitched squeal. Max and I jumped up and ran outside at the same time. A huge Irish Wolfhound with a fawn-coloured coat was standing at the back door, wagging his tail and looking up at us.

  ‘I got you this,’ the dog said, and nudged something on the doorstep.

  The something he nudged was a saliva-coated Dizzy. The bat sat up and tried to fly up to me, but the dog lunged again.

  ‘Bad dog!’ cried Max. ‘Drop him! Drop the bat!’

  The dog looked shocked and, I have to say, quite a bit contrite. ‘Sorry Max,’ he said. ‘My last owner hated bats.’

  I scooped Dizzy up. He was shaking, sickly and miserable.

  I didn’t know who to glare at first, so I chose Max. ‘What is he? Where is he from? What the … hey, is he the dog who puked on your jeans?’

  Max rubbed the dog’s head; even though he was just about the tallest guy I knew, the dog came up to his waist.

  ‘Hello,’ said the dog, raising a paw. ‘I’m Jasper’s dog.’

  I couldn’t help it – potential bat-murderer or not, he was just too adorable. I found myself smiling down at him. Not very far down, either, seeing as I wasn’t the tallest woman in the world. ‘And Jasper is …?’

  The dog dropped his head. ‘Jasper left me. Max took me home, even after I sicked on him. I’m Wolfie.’

  Max and the dog both looked at me with big brown eyes. ‘I had to take him home,’ said Max. ‘We’re trying to decide whether to put his picture up online or not, in case Jasper dumped him by accident.’

  ‘Oh yeah? Where online? On the magical dogs’ lost and found website?’ I scoffed.

  ‘Yeah,’ Max replied, totally serious. He rubbed Wolfie’s head again. ‘Where else would we post it? But we’re going to wait and see if Jasper looks for him first. We don’t want to come on too desperate.’

  ‘I’m from Riddler’s Cove,’ said Wolfie. ‘Jasper has a big, big house there. He has lots of parties and girlfriends and the best food. Jasper tells me to eat bats if I want to. And birds. Jasper doesn’t like bats. Or birds.’

  I sucked in a breath. ‘Jasper sounds … great,’ I lied. ‘But if you’re going to stay here you have to be nice to Dizzy. He’s our friend.’

  Wolfie looked in at Dizzy. The bat had made his way to the kitchen counter, where he was sitting behind his plate of mango slices, chewing them nervously even though they were probably still hard. ‘Sorry, Dizzy,’ said Wolfie. ‘I didn’t know you were a familiar.’

  Dizzy and I looked at one another. ‘Yeah, well he is,’ I said. ‘I’m a witch, and Dizzy is my familiar.’ Saying it gave me a funny little leap in my stomach. When I glanced back at Dizzy to make sure I hadn’t overstepped, he was grinning from ear to ear. I turned back to the dog. ‘Is Jasper your witch, Wolfie?’

  Wolfie let out a wheezing laugh, banging his paw against the doorstep like I’d said the most hilarious thing in the world. ‘Jasper isn’t a witch! Jasper is a werewolf!’

  Max’s eyes grew round. Werewolves and weredogs were not the best of friends.

  ‘Well, we’ll figure something out,’ I told the dog. ‘Max and I were thinking of taking a trip to Riddler’s Cove soon anyway. Maybe we can look up Jasper while we’re there.’

  Wolfie panted and smiled, while Max just scrunched up his nose and squinted at me. ‘We can’t go on a trip. We have ... we have …’

  I went to grab a towel so I could dry Dizzy off. ‘We have what? Jobs? It’ll be great, trust me. It’ll be easier on me to be close to the school until I’m back to myself. And you’ll be able to spend some time with your cousin Lassie. Plus, there’s an attic in Wayfarers’ Rest that Dizzy will just love, and there’s a couple of spare bedrooms, so there’s more than enough space for you too.’

  Max bit his lip. ‘I dunno. I mean I’d love to see Lassie, but … we have maintenance minutes to catch up on and …’

  ‘So, we’ll go do them now before we leave. And we can pop back every weekend to make sure we keep up until we’re ready to come home.’

  ‘But …’

  I cocked an eyebrow. ‘But what, Max? I know how much you miss Lassie. So what’s the real reason you’re so reluctant?’

  He looked at his feet. ‘Will your family want a weredog in their house?’

  I pulled him into a hug, choking back a sob. ‘My coven love you as much as I do, Max. So come on – let’s go get this stupid work out of the way so we can get going.’

  ≈

  Everyone that lived in the other enclave of Westerly Crescent had more maintenance duty than the rest of the supernaturals who lived around Luna Park. The wizards had apparently already cleaned all of the witches’ windows earlier that morning, the dayturners had swept the roads, and the other weredogs had raked up the leaves in the park. The only job left for Max and I to do was, naturally, the worst one on offer.

  We had to clean the park’s bins.

  I wheeled the cart around and swept up any overflowing rubbish while Max lifted the plastic bags out of the bins. I managed a little magic here and there to make the job go by more easily, but I was far from back on top of my game.

  Wolfie came along with us, peeing and sniffing everywhere, getting excited every time he smelled a werewolf – and getting disappointed every time he realised it wasn’t Jasper. Dizzy stayed home to nap.

  We had just made it into the east section of the park when I saw them, riding a tandem and laughing together. My jaw dropped open.

  ‘That’s Mandy Parker.’ Max’s voice had gone a little bit funny. ‘What’s she doing here?’

  ‘I have no idea who Mandy Parker is,’ I replied. ‘But you can see just as well as I can what she’s doing here. She’s riding a stupid tandem bike with stupid Will Berry. That’s what she’s doing.’

  I did my best to keep the bitter edge from my voice. Clearly I was unsuccessful, because Max rubbed my arm and Wolfie licked my hand. ‘I’m okay,’ I told them. ‘Who is she, anyway?’

  Max’s voice was still doing that funny thing, taking on a high-pitched twang. ‘She’s in that show on the Wyrd Entertainment channel. She plays a human in love with a witch. It’s hilarious. She has to act like a witch in front of his friends and pretend she can do spells and all sorts. The guy in the show is a total twat. He’s supposed to love her, but he’s embarrassed she’s a human and he’s always trying to turn her into something she’s not.’

  They were getting closer, and Max and I had to stop at yet another bin, so I had plenty of time to see Mandy Parker’s perky little nose and her gorgeous blonde hair and green eyes as she grabbed onto Will’s waist and made him giggle. Yes, I said giggle. Turns out, Will giggles.

  I guess I had a few choices under the circumstances. I could have taken the high road – just ignored Will and acted like I didn’t give a monkey’s about what he’d done.

  I went for the low road.

  ‘Wanda!’ Will squealed as he halted the bike in front of me. He kind of had to halt, seeing as I was standing there with my hands on my hips, and the rubbish cart blocking the path.

  ‘Hello Will,’ I said. ‘Hello Mandy.’ I gave her a pleasant little wave.

  She didn’t return the greeting. Instead, she wrinkled her nose and whispered to Will
, ‘I see what you mean. Is that a banana skin on her shoulder? Gross.’

  I gracefully brushed the banana skin aside and said, ‘I think you owe me an explanation.’

  Will rolled his eyes. ‘Owe you? You’re kidding, right?’ He turned back to Mandy and guffawed (I know, I know, but he really was doing these ridiculous laughs). ‘Wanda Wayfair, the interfering little witch who has now put two of our coven behind bars thinks that I owe her an explanation.’ He looked back at me. ‘Okay then, I’ll give it to you. Can you let us have a minute, Mandy?’

  Mandy gave him a sickly little smile and jumped down off the bike, moving a few feet away, where she stood twirling her hair, playing with her phone, and generally being so irritating that I wanted to send some questionable spells in her direction. Will jumped down too and, holding the bike in place with a wiggle of his fingers, he said, ‘I’m a little surprised you need an explanation, to be honest. You know perfectly well that Berrys always put their coven first.’

  ‘Is she your new girlfriend?’ I silently cursed myself. Why had I asked that? What did it matter? He was a duplicitous son of a psychopath.

  He snorted. ‘She’s an incredibly respected member of my coven. I’d be a lucky man to have someone like Mandy Parker as a girlfriend. For now we’re keeping it casual. Is that the explanation you wanted?’

  ‘I just thought … I mean … well … what the hell, Will? You saw what your dad did to those witches. To your uncle. Why would you want to sell me out to Justine Plimpton like that? I was trying to save people for Gretel’s sake. Even a Berry must see that.’

  ‘Yes. Well. Look, Wanda, I agree with you that what my dad did was a bit over the top. But it’s not as though he wanted to kill anyone. He meant it when he told you that he’d tried to do it in a way that would keep everyone alive.’

  Over by the bins, I saw Max glaring at Will, wringing his wrists out. He began to walk towards us and, judging by the blazing fury in his eyes, I think he might have had fisticuffs in mind. ‘It’s okay, Max,’ I said. ‘I’ve got this.’