Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

  “Seriously? I think I’ve kept my voice pretty damn quiet for the past forty-five minutes,” I say to her, and she just sits there like a deer stuck in headlights. “Well?” I press her, waiting for something.

  “What do you want me to say?” she replies, her voice low.

  Oh, no, woman. I need more than that shit.

  “I want you to tell me why you didn’t tell me who you were? Why did you lie to me and tell me that your fucking name was Alyson?” I ask. My blood is fucking boiling.

  “At first, I thought you knew it was me. You were flirting, and even though I was surprised by your coming onto me, I liked it.”

  “So you decided to lie to me?”

  “You wouldn’t have gone home with me if you’d known that I was Everly Hayes.”

  “You’re damn right I wouldn’t have!” I yell at her, causing the table next to us to stare and then whisper. Fuck! I need to pull it together before they throw us out and I’m explaining why to Cam. I shake my head in disbelief at the whole damn situation and just how fucked up it is. “Cameron is my best friend. You knew that. You knew that when you decided to lie to me that night. Do you understand the fucked-up position that you’ve put me in here, Everly? How fucked up this is?”

  “I do, and I’m sorry. That night, I was in a bad place,” she says, and as I start to tell her off, she holds her hand up to let me know she’s not finished. “I had a lot of shit going on in my life recently. I know that this is no excuse for lying to you, but it’s what was going on in my head at the time, and I just want to explain. I didn’t plan to lie to you, it just happened, and once I did, well, I couldn’t take it back. Even now, as mad as you are at me, I wouldn’t change it. I know that sounds selfish or stupid. Maybe even both, but being with you that night was what I needed.”

  I sit there with my mouth open. I’m completely dumbfounded at her response, and I honestly don’t even know how to respond to her right now.

  “That doesn’t even make any goddamn sense!” I say to her, and it doesn’t.

  “I know, but it’s all I have. You were there. Maybe if it were someone else instead of you, I might have gone home with them, but it was you. I know you would never have talked to me that way or brought me back to your place—”

  “To fuck you? Because that’s what I did, Everly. We fucked like rabbits and then you up and left in the middle of the night! You have been talking to me by phone and text messages ever since. Didn’t you think that maybe you should clue me in on your lie then? Did you think that I would never find out that I fucked my best friend’s little sister? What the fuck?” I drop my head into my hands and let out a long breath.

  “Look, we had one night of great sex. I’m sorry that I lied to you. Truly I am.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously. Why are you acting as if you’ve never had a one-night stand before, Nikolas,” she says it like she knows all my dirtiest secrets, which I’m sure she knows some. Fucking Cam and his big mouth. “Look, I get it. You don’t like it when someone takes advantage of you. I did that, and I was wrong. This situation is one hundred percent on me, and I own that. I can also empathize with you, but it’s too late to take it back now, and honestly, I wouldn’t if I could. I had fun.”

  “Yeah? Well, at least you had fun. That’s the number one thing here, isn’t it, Everly?” I say, drawing out her name in the most sarcastic tone that I can. “Tell me, though, what was your plan?”

  “Plan? I’m not sure what you mean, I had no plan.”

  “Sure you did. What did you think would happen after we fucked the shit out of each other and you decided to string me along, pretending to be someone else? Your fucking plan!” I yell again, but I don’t care. She looks toward the restrooms where Cam went and then lets out a breath before speaking.

  “Honestly, I left your place with the intention of never seeing or talking to you again. I figured I’d avoid you by not being around my brother when I thought you might be with him. I don’t know. I didn’t think about after, but I do know that when I left with you that night, it was only for that night, Niko.”

  “That’s fucking bullshit. If that were true, the last two weeks wouldn’t have happened. You took my number. You reached out to me. Stop this shit. Fuck! The lies alone. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  She shrugs. “I didn’t reach out to you.”

  Okay, now I’m about to lose my shit here. Cam is going to come out to me flipping out on his kid sister, and I don’t give a flying fuck right now because what the fuck is wrong with her?

  “You just said that with a straight fucking face. I’m concerned now because I don’t think that Cam is aware of your mental health status. You do remember that I was there for all of this, right? I mean, you are lying to my face right now, knowing that I know the damn truth, yet you keep lying.”

  “There is nothing wrong with my mental health, Niko. I’m not lying. I didn’t reach out to you. Well, not at first anyway. Aly did.”

  I look around at the people sitting at the tables surrounding us, enjoying their dinner as they make small talk and wonder where the cameras are. Cam hasn’t come back yet, and I’m praying that this is a fucking joke.

  “I’m being punked, right? Am I being punked?” I ask her, praying that this is another one of Cameron’s lame attempts at being funny. I look back at her and look for a crack in her armor. She gives nothing away, though, and my leg again starts to bounce under the table.

  “Niko?”

  “This is a joke, right? Cam is hiding in the back right now with the guys laughing his ass off, and they’ve just been waiting for me to crack before they come out with a camera so they can play this shit on a loop at the station, right?”

  “No. Cameron is not in on this. He knows nothing, and I’d like to keep it that way. Look, I said I was sorry. I didn’t string you along. Maybe it seemed that way, but honestly, I just enjoyed our conversations, and I couldn’t ignore your text messages when they came in.” I sit there realizing that she’s serious and that this is not a joke. “I wouldn’t have used your number. I left it balled up on the table in the pub the night you sent the drinks.”

  “Do you have split personalities or something? I’m sure Cam would have mentioned something as serious as that, but maybe he was embarrassed.”

  “Well, kind of, she’s just a real person.”

  “You are not making any damn sense. Jesus, right now I can see the resemblance between you and Cameron, and it has nothing to do with your looks. Speak English!”

  “Alyson is my one of my closest friends. She was the girl you saw me with that night at the pub.”

  “Okayyyy. Other than the fact that you stole her name, what does she have to do with this?” I ask, wondering where she was going with this. She’s confusing the fuck out of me.

  “Well, I wasn’t lying when I said that I didn’t plan to see or talk to you again, however, you sending over your number with the drinks, well, Aly decided to give me a push,” she says, and it’s starting to make sense now. Well, just the texting and phone part. That doesn’t negate the fact that she lied about who she was and that we’ve fucked.

  “She’s who I’ve been texting and talking with on the phone all this time?” I ask for clarification.

  “Not the entire time, no. Just the first few the morning after you sent the drinks.”

  “This shit is making my fucking head hurt. You could have just told me.”

  “Truth destroys fantasy. I saw an opportunity, and I took it.”

  “What?” I can’t believe this. Is this the same woman I’ve been talking to? “You knew who I was before you sat down next to me, didn’t you?”

  She nods. “I did. Like I said before, I thought you knew who I was. And that maybe you decided to treat me differently now that I was no longer that thirteen-year-old ugly duckling that used to follow you and Cam around, crushing on you like a lovesick puppy. Seeing you again, after so many years and as an adult man? Well, once I reali
zed that wasn’t the case, I knew that you wouldn’t have given me the time of day if you’d known that I was Cameron Hayes’s little sister. I decided to take a chance.”

  “Yeah, how’d that work out for you, Everly?”

  “What do you want me to say, Niko? I’ve apologized. I’m only trying to explain.”

  “I think you’ve said enough, to be honest. You’re right about one thing, though—I would never have taken you home if you’d told me who you were. I would never have done that to Cam. He’s like my brother. You know this, and that is what I don’t understand about this whole thing. You’d risk fucking with your brother like this, forcing me into a corner to either lie to him or tell him the truth and hope that he doesn’t say fuck our friendship and believes me over his sister,” I say, and she has the nerve to look contrite.

  “I thought you knew who I was—” she says softly, but I’m done.

  “I didn’t,” I say between clenched teeth. At this point, she’s just saying the same shit over again, and she doesn’t make any sense to me. Doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to end this shit and get out of here. “Was it worth it, Everly?” I ask, throwing the contents of my drink back.

  “What, using you for sex?” she asks, and I choke on my drink before spiraling into a coughing fit. She jumps up to do what, I don’t know, but I don’t give her the chance to touch me and wave her off. “I didn’t mean I used you for sex! I don’t know why I even said that. Forget I said that.”

  I watch as she turns a few shades of pink.

  “Don’t start lying again now. You meant what you just said, so own that shit! You did use me for sex. Pretty sure that was already established the night I took you home and we fucked.”

  Jesus, I was fucking used. What’s worse is that I don’t like how it feels. I’m stunned, in complete shock that the woman in front of me is the same girl that used to follow Cam and me around when she was a kid. A nerdy, but very sweet kid. She just stares at me, completely mute.

  “Two weeks of text messages. Phone calls . . . Fucking hell, I was just texting you before you walked in here.” I turn away from her, my jaw clenching. “I don’t understand this. Did I do something to you that I don’t remember doing, hurt your feelings when you were a kid or something? I’m seriously at a fucking loss here, Alyson. Oh . . . Not Alyson. Everly.”

  “Let’s just forget that it happened,” she says. “We keep what happened between us to ourselves. No harm, no foul.”

  “No harm, no foul?” I say incredulously. “Man, he said you’d changed, but I didn’t realize you’d changed into a selfish bitch. Who are you?” I ask, and she doesn’t respond to me at all. Just keeps looking at the food in front of her, picking at it.

  “If that’s what you want to think of me, fine, I’ll accept that, but please, don’t tell Cam. I’m not trying to come between the two of you. I didn’t think about that when I decided to sleep with you. You didn’t know it was me, I get that, but you could get to know me now, as a friend?”

  I chose to ignore the last thing she says, focusing instead on the one thing I don’t do with women. “No, I didn’t know who you were, but you knew you were lying to me. That’s all I need to fucking know about you. That you’re a fucking liar. Maybe Cam needs to know that his sweet little sister isn’t so sweet after all, eh?”

  She flinches. Finally, a fucking reaction that makes fucking sense.

  Cam walks back to the table just as I stand up and grab my jacket from the chair.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I got a call and need to take off, but you two stay. Enjoy the rest of your food. I hear the dessert here is fantastic. I’m sure anything is better than what we order at the pub,” I say, referring to the fact that I called her my dessert when we were leaving the pub the night I took her lying ass home with me. “Take advantage while you’re here.” I grab my wallet to throw Cam some cash for my barely eaten dinner, but he waves me off.

  “It’s cool, man. I’ve got you. You sure you don’t want to stay?”

  “Nah, I’m positive. Apparently, I need to start watching what I eat. Seems to come back later to bite you in the ass when you cheat by having dessert.” I can feel her eyes on me as I pull my coat on, and I know it’s not lost on her what I’m referencing. It’s been a running gag, but there’s nothing fun or sexy about it right now. Whatever. I just need to get out of here.

  “I’ll talk to you later, Cam.” I turn and look at Everly, my eyes I’m sure are blazing right now with the fury I’m holding in toward her. “It was fantastic to see you again, Everly. You’ve grown up into quite the lady. No. Lady is too much. Quite the woman.” Cam is watching, confused by my statement. I’ve hardly said two words to her since she arrived other than when Cam left the table, but he doesn’t need to know about that.

  “You sure you’re good?”

  “Yeah. Enjoy your time with your sister. I know how much you’ve missed having her around the last few years. I’ll leave you to it.”

  And with that, I’m fucking out. The faster I get away from her, the better it will be for Cam, because I don’t think I could bite my tongue much longer.

  There are two very dangerous parts of my job—going into a burning building, and venting. I’m on the roof, prepping to vent the two-story building that’s home to four families. Every move is calculated. The section I’m on is slightly sloped, but takes a dive a few feet behind me. There are guys on the ground helping those who are in the building, and guys blasting water through a now broken window.

  I’m trying to help those who are inside. Right now visibility is almost nothing; the smoke is black and thick. It and the gases cloud everything.

  The smoke needs out.

  “Get back!” Cam yells, the loud roar of the chainsaw engine drowning out everything else.

  The chainsaw cuts through the layers of shingles, plywood, and rafters with variable ease. He steps back after the crude cut, and I swing the pike pole forward, grabbing onto the roofing and pulling until the hole is exposed.

  Flames erupt from the new hole, oxygen feeding the fire. It’s so hot I can feel it through my gear. Cam tugs on me, pulling me back to the ladder. The roof gives a little with each step, causing me to move faster as the thick, black smoke surrounds me.

  Once on, we book it down the shallow angle, which still takes time with all the gear, ready to move on to the next task. A loud crash causes me to look up, and I watch as the roof collapses.

  “Shit, that was close,” Cam says when we get to the top of the truck. We look back and watch the flames shoot twenty or thirty feet up in the air, smoke billowing all around.

  I nod, trying to catch my breath. “It went faster than I thought.”

  “Anyone still inside?” Cam asks Jenkins, who is putting a blanket around a shocked and crying woman once we reach the ground.

  “Peterson was the last one, and all occupants are accounted for.”

  “Pets?”

  “Jake’s giving oxygen to a dog, and there was a cat who ran off.”

  It’s always a good day when there are no casualties. There are some smoke inhalation and mild injuries, but that’s common. Any serious injuries were avoided, which indicates that there were probably good alarms installed, considering the sun isn’t even up yet.

  “Good job, you two,” the chief says as he takes the chainsaw from Cam. “There’s another ladder coming, so get ready to help with the hose.”

  We nod and turn back to the house. Even thirty feet away I can feel the warmth against my face. One hose isn’t enough to combat the plume of flames devouring the structure.

  The truck arrives a few minutes later and we run around, helping to set up the hose segments and attach it to a fire hydrant, which is two blocks away. We’ve already tapped into the one closest to the house.

  Eventually the fire goes out, white smoke is still escaping. The structure is a complete loss at this point. I won’t be surprised if more of the interior collapses while we’re here.
The good thing is that it didn’t spread. We were able to keep it contained and away from the houses that seem only a few feet away.

  “That was best case scenario right there,” Cam says as we watch the last resident head off. I nod in agreement.

  Some occupants were sent to the hospital, and others were guided to emergency housing. They’ve lost everything they own, but they’re alive. It’ll be hard, but we’ve got a great team of support to help them rebuild.

  “Fuck, I’m beat,” I say, noticing how the sky is beginning to lighten. It’s been a long day, and I’m ready for sleep.

  Cam nods. “Chief is with the investigation team.”

  I work on intricately folding up one of the hoses. “Deliberate.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  After every fire we speculate, using out years of experience, and wait to see if it lines up with the investigator’s report.

  I cock my head back to the building. It’s evident at the front door, the door nobody could get through. “Alligator charring.” I say. While it’s no longer considered an indicator of an accelerant, there are other factors that coincide. The shiny alligator blisters on the door, and the fact that the fire moved quickly through the stairwell and into the apartments, meant that the fire burned faster than normal.

  “Fuck,” he hisses. “I hadn’t taken a good look yet. Probably gasoline starter.”

  “Probably.” It’s the easiest to get hold of. “Real lucky everyone got out.” With the way it spread, we had to pull everyone out through the windows.

  “Now to find the bastard.”

  “I hope they do. The last thing we need is a pyro junkie.”

  We continue in silence, picking up the gear, getting the truck back in order, until everybody is ready to head back.

  “I can’t wait to crash, but after I shower,” I say. The adrenaline has worn off, and I’m dead tired.

  “Power nap,” Cam says.

  “What?”

  “Dude, it’s officially Saturday.”

  “And?”

  “You’re helping move Everly into her new place.”