by John Coy
“It is.” Rayne dipped hers in peanut sauce and took a bite.
I chewed a corner and it tasted like grass and twigs.
“Delicious, isn’t it?” Rayne licked her lips.
“I need sauce.” I spooned some onto my plate.
“I heard you’re starting your orientation,” Rayne said.
“I’m having dinner at the house tomorrow.”
“I know. You’ll meet Eli, who works weekends. You’ll like him. He went to art school for a couple of years but is taking time off to concentrate on his music. He plays guitar and sings with a fun band.”
I took another bite of the spring roll. It was weird how Rayne knew everything before I did.
* * *
AFTER WE ATE, Rayne said it would be a good night to check out the view from Croton Hill. I moved lightly along the path, excited to be alone with her.
Rayne scurried over a fallen tree.
“Nice shoes.”
“I told you these would be good for more than bowling. I wouldn’t want to do this in flip-flops.”
“Absolutely.” I liked her in those goofy shoes.
At the top, rather than looking over the city, Rayne led me the other way. A little path wound down around rocks and trees to a different view, one of a big bend in the river.
“Everybody goes to the other side to see the lights, but this is better.” Rayne sat on a ledge. “It’s more peaceful.”
I sat down next to her and looked out at the water. I’d done some stuff with girls, but never anybody like Rayne. I didn’t know where things were headed, but it felt significant, less like being in high school and more like real life. I reached out my hand, but she pulled hers back. “What’s the matter?”
“There’s something you need to know.”
“What?”
“My mom’s gone.”
“What do you mean?” I wanted her to face me, but she kept staring straight ahead.
“My brother and I live with my dad. My mom split when we were little. We don’t see her.”
I swallowed and thought about what to say.
“Plenty of people can’t handle it.” Rayne finally turned toward to me. “I need to know up front.”
“I can handle it.” I looked directly at her and felt like I was making a pledge. I felt strong saying it, though I didn’t know what it would require. I wanted to kiss her at that moment, but it didn’t seem right after she’d just pulled her hand away.
A million questions popped into my mind. I knew Rayne wouldn’t want me freaking out and asking them, though, so I played it cool. I didn’t need to know everything right away, but one question felt okay to ask. “What’s your brother’s name?”
“Aaron,” Rayne said.
“I like that name.” I was dying to reach out and hold her, but that clearly wasn’t what she wanted since her hands were squeezed between her knees and she was staring ahead like she was in a trance.
I focused on the bend in the river as the first stars came out. Everything with Rayne felt intense.
OAKCREST
SATURDAY AFTERNOON, Dad caught me in the kitchen munching Honey Nut Cheerios out of the box. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Eating breakfast.” I wanted to call him out about going behind my back, but I’d promised Jett I wouldn’t.
“What were you doing this morning?” He made himself another cup of coffee with his new Italian espresso machine.
“Sleeping.” Asking questions he knew the answers to was one of his favorite tricks.
“Have you found a real job yet?”
“I’m starting my new one today. I’ve got orientation at six.” I poured cereal into a blue-rimmed bowl and added milk.
“For what? Sleeping? How much orientation does that require?”
I sat down at the table. Sometimes the best thing to do was ignore him and hope he’d stop talking.
“Lansing is at the country club caddying. You should be setting an example for him, not the other way around.”
“I’ll find something else,” I answered automatically.
“Listen.” Dad sat down across from me. “Your mother says you think I’m being tough on you. My dad was much tougher on me.”
“How?”
“He used a belt for discipline, for one thing. You’ve never had a belt used on you, have you?”
“No.” I’d never heard this about Grandpa. Maybe that was one of the reasons Dad was so extreme.
“Your mother and I never even spanked you boys.” He said it like he was proud, like it was an accomplishment.
Maybe he’d tried to be more different from his dad than I realized.
“I’ve been thinking.” His tone softened. “As a doctor, you have a chance to make a significant impact. Most people respect and admire their doctor, and you deal with issues of life and death. What could be more important than that?”
I had no answer as I ate my cereal.
“Your mother and I planned to give you a car this summer for starting college.”
A car? I looked up. I desperately needed a car.
“I’ve got a friend at St. Luke’s who I spoke to yesterday about your situation. I asked him to keep your spot open while we figure this out. He said they’re willing to do that, and they’re eager to have you as a member of the incoming class.” He clasped his hands like he was praying. “I’d like you to do it.”
“Under what conditions?”
“The ones we discussed—a fully paid college education for you to be premed. You can take any other classes you want as well.”
He expected me to cave that easily.
“And a new car. We can go out to the dealership and pick it out today,” he said. “What do you think?”
“What dealership?”
“Your choice.”
Different cars popped into my mind, but I couldn’t do it. He wanted to buy me off.
“No.” I watched his face fall. I was giving up a brand-new car, but if I said yes, I’d be doing what he wanted every single day for the rest of my life. I’d live my life for somebody else.
“People from all over the world dream of coming to the United States to be doctors. Here you are with everything being handed to you and you’re turning it down. You’re ruining your life, Cray. Can’t you see that?” Dad shook his head sadly. I could tell he couldn’t believe I hadn’t gone for the car. “I don’t know why it’s so damn hard for you to accept help.”
“You want to know why? Because it’s not about what I want. It’s what you and Mom want. You don’t even bother to ask me.”
“Yes, we do. Besides, you’re seventeen. The frontal lobes of your brain are still developing—the part that governs consequences.” Dad tapped his head. “Most kids don’t know what they want at seventeen. They need help, and the best people to provide it are parents. That’s all your mother and I are doing.”
“No, it’s not.” It felt impossible for him to see my perspective. “I’ve got to make my own choices. I’ve got to find some things out for myself.”
“Then do it.” He stood up. “You can start by finding a real job to pay your way around here.”
“I’ve got a job. I’m getting paid.” I stood up, too.
“Sleeping over is not a real job. You need something full-time during the day.”
I picked up my bowl and spoon, opened the dishwasher, and put them in. “What I do is never enough.”
“That’s not true.” Dad raised his voice. “But in this case it is. What you’re doing about college and your future isn’t enough. It’s nowhere close to enough.”
“Whatever I do is never enough for you.” I walked out and left him standing there.
* * *
WHEN I CLIMBED THE STEPS TO OAKCREST, a woman with short brown hair and big glasses opened the door before I even had a chance to knock. She was the same woman I’d seen at the concert earlier in the week.
“Hi, I’m Nicole. You must be the new sub.”
; “Yeah, I’m Cray.” I was surprised by how old she looked up close, probably over forty.
“Do you like Justin Bieber?”
“Who doesn’t?” I followed her up the stairs and looked around for Stephanie.
“He’s here,” Nicole yelled.
People streamed into the living room.
A chubby guy with a big grin and a red NASCAR T-shirt greeted me. “I’m Sean Reid.” He was the dancer from the concert. “Do you like jokes?”
“Sure.”
“What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?” he asked excitedly.
“Broccoli and boogers? I don’t know.”
“Kids don’t eat broccoli.” Sean laughed loudly, and he had one of those deep, rumbling laughs that made other people laugh.
“Oh, Sean, that is so disgusting.” Nicole frowned.
“No, it’s not. It’s funny.”
“I’m Brent.” A big guy staggered over and shook my hand with a firm grip. He had dark hair, glasses, and patches of stubble he’d missed shaving.
“I’m Cray.”
“That’s a funny name.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Over there, that’s Kate.” Nicole pointed to the couch where a woman with short blond hair sat frowning with her arms crossed. “She’s shy.”
“She’s not shy,” Brent said.
Kate grunted but I couldn’t understand her.
“She says she’s shy,” Nicole said.
“Hi, Kate.” I waved, but she looked away from me. All the people in the house were at least twice my age. It was hard to believe I was supposed to be in charge of them in case of an emergency.
“Hey, I’m Eli.” A short guy with a goatee walked over but didn’t make eye contact. “I work weekends.”
“Hi.” I looked around again and wondered why Stephanie wasn’t here when she said she would be.
“Brent and Nicole are putting dinner together. Make yourself comfortable.” Eli followed them into the kitchen.
I wasn’t sure about him. Maybe I wasn’t going to like Eli. Maybe Rayne would be wrong about something for once. I looked over at Kate, who continued frowning.
“Do you like card tricks?” Sean asked.
“Sure.” The cat wandered in and I reached out to pet him but he scooted away.
“I’ll get my cards.”
I sat down in a chair by Kate, who turned and bit her arm, which freaked me out. “What’s for supper?” I tried not to show it.
She ignored me as Chimney jumped up, but she stopped biting her arm to pet him. I didn’t know what else to say and was relieved when Sean came back.
“Pick a card, any card,” he said.
I chose the eight of clubs and showed it to Sean.
“No, no, you don’t show it to me.” He looked over at Kate. “He doesn’t know anything.”
She shook her head like I was hopeless.
The front door opened and Stephanie appeared. “Sorry I’m late. I had an emergency at another house.”
“He pulled a card, but he showed it to me.” Sean held it up. “He was supposed to keep it secret.”
“Looks like you’re settling in, Cray,” she said. “I need to check in with Eli.”
“When’s Rebecca coming back? I miss her,” I overheard Brent tell Stephanie in the kitchen.
“Shh,” Stephanie whispered. “Not until September.”
Sean stared at me with his mouth open. “Ray, Jay, that’s a hard name to remember.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Maybe I should change it.”
“To what?”
“I don’t know.” I looked at his shirt. “I could go with something completely different, something easy, like … Race Car.”
“Race Car?” Sean burst out laughing his deep laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Nicole came out to check.
“He said his name is Race Car.” Sean started laughing again.
“Nicole, get back in here and finish the salad,” Brent shouted.
“Race Car,” Sean said. “That’s what I’ll call you.”
“Time to eat. Everybody, wash up,” Brent called.
Sean and Kate went off and I gathered the cards and stacked them neatly.
After they finished, I walked down to the bathroom. I scrubbed my hands with extra soap and thought about what Dad had said about a “real job.” Oakcrest didn’t feel like a real job, more like hanging out at a house and getting to know people. I wasn’t sure how I’d do or if anybody would listen to me or what it would be like to work with Kate who didn’t like me and bit her arm. I was supposed to be in charge in case of an emergency, but I didn’t know what to do because nobody was telling me.
I dried my hands on a towel and looked in the mirror and saw some fear. I hadn’t thought about it enough. I wasn’t qualified for what I was getting into. Maybe I should have taken the offer of the new car and enrolled at St. Luke’s, just like everybody else who was off to college.
ORIENTATING
“PASS THE CHICKEN,” Nicole said when I sat down at the table.
“Please,” Stephanie added.
“Please,” Nicole repeated.
I reached out to take the plate of grilled chicken from Kate, who continued to look away, and handed it to Nicole.
“I started my new pills today,” Brent announced.
“We know that,” Nicole said.
“I wasn’t telling you.” Brent looked at her irritably. “I was telling Stephanie.”
“That’s good.” Stephanie nodded.
“The nurse said they should make me shake less.” Brent took a spoonful of rice and shook noticeably.
“I hope they work better than the old pills.” Stephanie passed me the salad.
“Who still needs rice?” Eli held up the bowl.
“Kate does,” Nicole said.
“No,” Kate snapped.
“You don’t have any on your plate.” Nicole pointed.
“No rice.”
“You used to like rice.”
“Let’s let Kate decide if she wants rice,” Stephanie suggested. “She can make her own dinner decisions.”
“I was just helping,” Nicole said.
“I know,” Stephanie said, “but Kate can do it.”
I tried to figure out why Stephanie and Eli sometimes told people what to do and sometimes didn’t.
“How come you have a scar by your eye?” Nicole asked.
I told the story about me and Jacob at the playground and was surprised by how sympathetic everybody was.
“Somebody didn’t clean the litter box. It stinks,” Brent said. “Whose turn is it?”
Nicole spun around to study a chart. “Sean’s.”
“No, it’s not,” Sean said. “Remember, I cleaned it out for you last week when it was full of poop, and you said you’d do it this week.”
“This is dinnertime,” Stephanie said. “Let’s discuss it later.”
“I left my shampoo in the bathroom this morning,” Nicole reported. “And somebody stole it.”
“Seeeeaaaaannnnn,” everybody said together.
“Make sure that gets back to Nicole right after supper.” Eli pointed at him.
“Why is six scared of seven?” Sean asked me.
“What?”
“No more jokes, Sean,” Nicole said.
“Why is the number six scared of the number seven?” Sean ignored her.
“I don’t know.”
“Because seven ate nine,” Sean said triumphantly. “Get it? Seven, eight, nine.”
“That’s good.” I took a bite of chicken. It was dry, but I was hungry after not eating anything but cereal earlier.
“Don’t encourage him.” Nicole opened up her napkin. “He’s always telling jokes.”
“I like that one.” Eli held the bowl of corn for Brent. “Where did you hear it?”
“At work. Keith, my manager, told me. He knows lots of jokes.”
“Speaking of work.” Stephanie turned to him
. “How’s your job going?”
“Keith says I’m doing outstanding.” Sean sat up taller. “He says I’m his best worker.”
“They must have bad workers,” Brent mumbled.
“Where do you work?” I looked across at Sean.
“The McDonald’s by the mall.”
That was one of the places I couldn’t get a job—the one where the manager asked how much experience I had in the food-service industry. That seemed like a different lifetime.
“I’m a cook,” Sean said proudly.
“That’s why I never eat there.” Brent struggled to cut his chicken but worked diligently at it.
“Is that nice to say, Brent?” Nicole asked.
“It’s true,” Brent said.
I caught Eli’s eye across the table and he smiled. He was laid-back, but he was also deliberately letting people talk the way they wanted in their own house.
“What’s your name again?” Nicole looked at me.
“Cray.” I piled corn on my plate.
“No, it’s not,” Sean said. “Your name’s Race Car. That’s what you said. Race Car.”
“Yeah, Race Car,” Nicole joined in.
“His name is Race Car,” Sean repeated.
Eli shrugged like I had no chance of undoing that.
“Race Car, will you pass the salad?” Brent asked. “Pretty please, Race Car.”
I handed him the wooden bowl.
“Thanks, Race Car.”
“Do you think we should check with Cray about whether he’s okay with being called Race Car?” Stephanie asked.
“Nah.” Brent shook his head.
“Are you okay with it?” Sean looked at me expectantly.
So did Brent and Nicole.
This was my first test at Oakcrest, and I knew how to pass. “Yeah, Race Car is fine.”
“Race Car.” Sean clapped and Nicole grinned. Eli nodded and Stephanie opened her hands in a what-can-you-do way.
A new name was fine. I’d never liked having the same one as Dad and Grandpa.
* * *
STEPHANIE LEFT AFTER DINNER AND ELI SHOWED ME how to access program information on the computer. Sean returned Nicole’s shampoo and hummed as he cleaned the kitchen. Kate and Nicole watched a Justin Bieber video in the living room and Brent retreated to his room.
Eli talked about how great Stephanie was and said she’d even volunteered to come in at nine so he could get off early because he had a gig. “She’s the coolest boss ever,” he said.