by John Coy
“What are they?” I asked.
“Round corn cakes that are split in half and filled with different ingredients. They’re the main food in Venezuela, where she’s from.”
“My favorite is the slow-roasted pork,” Marco said.
Rayne obviously hadn’t made a vegetarian of him. I studied the menu and decided to go with the black beans and cheese ones.
The waitress brought Marco a beer. When I ordered a Sprite, that made the age gap between us even more obvious.
Marco and Rayne knew the waitress, and he ordered in Spanish from her. I did, too, when my turn came and was pleased when Rayne chose what I had.
“Your Spanish is very good,” Marco said to me.
“Thanks, so is yours.”
“Spanish and Italian are close, so it’s not difficult.”
“I wish I’d taken Spanish,” Rayne said.
When Marco got up to wash his hands, I looked across at Rayne.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“It’s fantastic to have him here.”
That was exactly what I’d feared. I knew we didn’t have much time before he returned, and I blurted out what was on my mind. “Where’s he sleeping?”
“In my bed.” Rayne looked at me like that was the dumbest question she’d ever heard.
“Your dad’s cool with that?”
“Of course. We’re lovers. He knows we have sex.”
Immediately I regretted asking and felt like a kid again.
When Marco returned, he and Rayne talked about photography and film, and I mainly listened since I didn’t have much to add. They both were excited about something they’d seen called The Clock, which was twenty-four hours long.
“It’s about time and the history of cinema,” Rayne said, “but it’s about so much else.”
“Exactly.” Marco moved his hands for emphasis. “It’s sex and love and life and death.”
As they talked, I realized how perfect they were for each other. Rayne had found a guy who loved the same things she did.
When the food came, Marco turned to me and asked if we could speak in Spanish.
“Si.”
He looked at Rayne and said, She likes to be right, doesn’t she? I nodded and he said, She likes to be in control, too.
“Are you two talking about me?” Rayne said. “If so, you need to switch back to English immediately.”
“See what I mean,” Marco said in English. “We were saying you have strong opinions.”
“Is that a problem?” She took a drink of water.
“No, not usually. But sometimes it’s important to trust people and go along with them.” Marco wiped pork from his lips with his napkin. “What do you think, Cray?”
I didn’t know what he was getting at, but I knew how I felt about Rayne. “I like it that Rayne knows what she wants. It’s cool she’s willing to be different and try things other people wouldn’t. We need more different around here.” I glanced over at her and caught a slight smile.
“Yes,” Marco said. “But there are times when it’s important to trust others, especially when it’s people we love.”
He and Rayne went back and forth for a while and were obviously talking about something between them. I felt like I was on the outside looking in, so I concentrated on my arepas, which were surprisingly good.
After we ate, Marco asked if I’d ever been to Italy.
“No, I’ve never even been to Europe.”
“You’ve got to come. You’ll love it. And when you do you can stay with us in Modena. You’re welcome anytime.”
Later I realized I wasn’t sure who the us referred to. Was it Marco and his parents? Or was it him and Rayne?
Had they already decided their future together?
ZERO
WHEN I GOT TO OAKCREST LATER THAT NIGHT, Sean and Nicole were finishing up a game of Uno with Eli, who was subbing for Kirsty.
“I won.” Sean raised his arms triumphantly.
“You cheated,” Nicole said.
“I did not. You have to say ‘Uno’ when you only have one card or you have to draw two new ones, don’t you, Eli?”
“That’s right.” Eli gathered up the cards as Sean and Nicole argued, and I sat down on the couch.
“We can play again tomorrow,” Sean said.
“We’ll see about that. I’m going to bed,” Nicole announced.
Sean discussed his win and then went down to his room, too.
Eli turned to me. “How are you liking Oakcrest?”
“Good. I’ve got lots to learn, but I like being here.”
“It takes time. You’re off to a good start.”
“Thanks.”
“I heard from Rayne you’re not going to college this fall.”
“Yeah.”
“That takes guts. Too many people go because they feel they’re supposed to without thinking about what they really want. Half the time, they’re doing it for their parents, not for themselves.” He rubbed his chin.
“What about you? Are you planning to go back sometime?”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely get my degree, but right now I’m learning a lot here and being in the band and improving as a musician and songwriter. It’s all good.” Eli put his guitar in its case and clicked it shut and gathered up his stuff.
“See you tomorrow, Race Car,” he said as he went out.
“See you, Eli.”
After he left, my thoughts turned back to Rayne and Marco. That conversation with Marco in Spanish had been weird, and something was going on, but no matter how much I replayed it, I couldn’t figure it out.
* * *
FRIDAY NIGHT, as I was sitting in my room watching Vines on my laptop, my phone rang. It was Rayne.
“What’s up?” I tried to sound casual.
But she didn’t say anything. Instead I heard the deepest, most painful crying, like a wounded animal.
“Rayne, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Nnnnn.” The crying continued.
“Do you need help?”
She kept crying.
“Rayne, tell me what happened.”
Eventually I was able to make out some words between the sobbing.
“Gone … ended … asshole.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Can you come, Cray? I need you.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“I’m at the cemetery.”
“I’m on my way.” I ran as fast as I could and worried about what Marco had done to her.
* * *
I SAW HER STANDING BY THE GATE. She wiped her red, puffy eyes on her sleeve.
“What happened?”
“We had a terrible fight.”
“Did he hit you?”
“No, nothing like that, but it was awful.”
“What happened?” I handed her a tissue from the pack I’d grabbed.
“Marco wants me in Modena and can’t understand why I’m not there. He’s taking it personally that I’m going to Scotland by myself instead of coming to Italy to meet his parents. He’s talking marriage and how much fun it would be to have a bambino.” She blew her nose. “I’m not close to being ready to have a kid. I still feel like a kid myself.”
We walked along the paved path past gravestones, and the talking seemed to calm her down.
“Something changed when Marco went back. He’s getting pressure from his mom, who’s in a hurry to become a grandma, and rather than stand up to her, he’s going along with it. He’s acting much more traditional, and he came all this way to persuade me to come back with him, but that’s not what I want.”
Rayne wiped her eyes again with her sleeve so I handed her another tissue.
“He didn’t listen to anything I said about how important it is for me to go to Scotland. He said Italy is sunnier and warmer and the food is much better, which isn’t the point at all.”
We continued past Mr. Driggs’s and Zoran’s graves but didn’t stop.
“H
e was being selfish, but when I said that he called me a selfish bitch and started swearing in Italian. I kind of lost it and called him an arrogant asshole and other names and he made a bunch of accusations.”
“Where’s he now?” I asked.
“Gone. He took a van to the airport to fly back. He’s gone.”
“Really?” I stared in disbelief. He was supposed to stay a week, but he hadn’t made it half that time.
“He accused me of liking you more than I liked him.”
“What?” That sounded crazy.
“I told him that based on the way he was acting, I did, and that made him even madder. I said you weren’t trying to control my life.”
“You told him you liked me better?”
“Yeah.”
“But you were having sex with him.”
“I was, but that’s over. Done. Finito.” She clapped her hands together.
We reached the end of the cemetery and started looping back. I couldn’t believe it. Rayne wasn’t going to Italy. She was done with Marco. She liked me better.
“You saved me, Cray. I didn’t know what I was going to do with Marco gone.”
“You saved me.” I stopped. “I couldn’t imagine this summer without you.”
“Me too.” She reached out and gave me a hug. It felt so good to hold her body against mine. I held her tightly but then remembered something. I pulled back and checked my phone.
“Oh shit. It’s five to ten. I’m supposed to be at Oakcrest.” I started running down the path.
“I’ll call Kirsty,” Rayne hollered. “I’ll tell her you were helping me.”
* * *
I SIPPED A LARGE ICED COFFEE AT THE EDGE WHILE I kept a saucer on top of Rayne’s tea to keep it hot.
When she walked in, I gave her a hug.
“Thanks again for last night,” she said. “I’m less a mess today.”
“You look good.”
“Thanks for the tea, too.” She blew on it and took a sip. “How’d your night go?”
“Fine. Kirsty said she was okay with me being late.” I leaned back. I felt bolder with Marco gone and after Rayne had said she liked me better. I shook the ice in my coffee. “I’ve decided something big.”
“What?”
“Stephanie said she’d consider me for your full-time position this fall, but I’m not interested.”
“Why not?” Rayne looked puzzled.
“I’ve been thinking. It doesn’t make sense for me to pay rent to Dad when I could take that money and travel. The way they’re acting, they should be paying me to stay with them.”
Rayne laughed. “Where do you want to go?”
“Skye,” I said confidently.
“Skye?”
“I’ve been reading your guidebook. I want to see Scotland, too. We could go together.”
Rayne shook her head.
“What’s the matter?”
“That’s not possible.”
“Why not?” I’d expected her to be excited.
“I need to do this on my own,” she said.
“Why?” I felt like the floor had gone out beneath me.
“This is my trip, a solo trip. First Marco, now you. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you guys to understand.”
“I’m not him,” I said loudly. “You were clear about that last night.”
“I know, but it’s not about you. This is about me. I need to make this trip for myself. I don’t want a traveling companion.”
I stood up and threw my cup in the trash.
“I’m sorry,” Rayne called.
I didn’t respond as I slammed the door behind me. Traveling companion. Traveling companion. That sounded so pathetic. I wasn’t interested in being her traveling companion. After last night, I wanted way more from her than that.
For the next three days, I blocked out Rayne. No phone calls. No texts. No IMs. Nothing. I didn’t see her at Oakcrest either since we worked on different nights. Not talking to her ripped me up, but talking to her would have been worse. I needed her to know how angry I was.
I slept a lot and stayed in my room playing video games. Mom noticed and asked about it, but I said I was fine. I was killing time, which was a strange expression. It wasn’t time’s fault I felt so shitty.
I kept circling back to Rayne’s comparison of me and Marco and her traveling companion crack. It sounded like I was some hopeless, lonely person. If that was how she felt, I’d been delusional about what was happening between us and she’d just used me that night in the cemetery when her wounds from Marco were fresh. Maybe I’d totally misunderstood how she saw me.
I struggled to figure out what I would do. I might have to consider Stephanie’s offer of the full-time job. I might have to pay rent at home until I saved enough to move out. That permanent job at Oakcrest might be what I’d do for my gap life.
A couple of times I picked up my phone and came close to calling Jett, but I couldn’t handle telling him what had happened. He and Nora had warned me about Rayne, and I hated to admit they’d been right.
When my first paycheck was finally deposited into my account, I went down to the bank and withdrew the money. The teller gave me an envelope of cash and I didn’t even count it. Instead I took it home to Dad, who was looking at his iPad in the kitchen. I handed it to him and said, “Here’s my rent.”
“Okay.” He set it on the table and kept reading.
It was as if he was getting paid for my work at Oakcrest, which completely sucked. If that was supposed to force me to go to college on his terms, it was backfiring.
I continued to work my nights at Oakcrest. I enjoyed hanging out with the people there and they seemed to like having me around. Brent talked less about missing Rebecca. Sean volunteered to show me his shampoo collection of 106 bottles lined up around his room, all with shampoo in them so he’d never run out. I was even getting more comfortable with Kate and her silence. She seemed to pick up on that and wasn’t quite so anxious.
On Father’s Day, I went through the motions of giving Dad a card, new golf balls and tees, and a blue-checked tie that Mom picked out. He said thanks, but we all knew what he really wanted: me enrolling at St. Luke’s and studying premed. That wasn’t happening, so the other gifts felt pretty small.
I kept reviewing how I’d misread Rayne’s intentions about Scotland. I’d made a fool of myself and hated how she’d compared me to Marco. He hadn’t realized why Scotland was so important to her, and I had. But we both wanted her to do what we wanted without hearing what she needed.
I’d hoped traveling with her would solve things. Now I was back to zero.
ON THE BRIDGE
TUESDAY EVENING, as I was wheeling the trash bin to the curb, my phone buzzed and it was her. I gave in and answered.
“Eli’s band is playing an all-ages show tonight at the Main Stage at eight,” Rayne said. “Everybody from Oakcrest is going, and Stephanie said you should join us.”
I paused. I wanted her to apologize, not act like nothing was going on between us.
“Cray?”
“Yeah.” I breathed in rotting garbage.
“Can you meet us?”
I didn’t respond. I had no desire to go, but if Stephanie wanted me to, I probably should. I owed her for giving me a second chance. “Okay. I’ll be there.” I was ready to disconnect. But I hung on for one more beat.
“I can’t wait.” Rayne ended the call.
I debated whether Rayne was playing games, whether she was manipulating me the way she said Nora was with Jett. Part of me wanted to stay mad at her and part of me wanted to get past it. Those two parts were at war and I didn’t know which would win.
* * *
AT THE CLUB, THE SMELL OF STALE BEER HIT ME AS I looked around. Onstage, equipment was set up, but nobody was playing, and a small crowd gathered waiting for something to happen. I wished I was back outside.
“Cray.”
I turned to see Stephanie, Rayne, Kirsty, and an older woman who h
ad to be Darla, the morning person, standing in back. As I walked past beat-up tables, I wished the others were somewhere else so I could talk to Rayne alone. She was wearing jeans and her cracked peace sign T-shirt, which seemed appropriate considering our fight.
“Glad you could make it.” Stephanie stepped forward. “Come meet Darla.”
“Hi.” I shook Darla’s wrinkled hand.
“Pleasure to meet you, Cray.” She had a soft, grandmotherly quality about her.
“Nicole, Sean, Brent, and Kate are backstage with Eli,” Rayne said. “He’s introducing them to the band.”
“I hope that’s all he’s introducing them to,” Kirsty added.
“They should be back soon.” Rayne acted like there wasn’t anything special between us. I wondered if that was because work people were around or if there really wasn’t. Maybe I’d been so desperate I’d made it all up.
With a burst of noise, Brent, Nicole, Sean, and Kate rushed across the floor. They were all talking at once.
“Eli’s dedicating a song to us,” Brent said.
“The drummer. I forgot his name. He said I have good jokes.” Sean shifted from one foot to the other like he couldn’t wait to dance.
“His name is Zeke,” Nicole said.
“Zebra?” Kate questioned.
“Zeke,” Nicole repeated.
Brent looked over at me. “Hey, Race Ca—” He stopped when Rayne elbowed him. “I mean Cray.”
“I wish Justin Bieber was here. Then the place would be packed.” Nicole looked around.
“I think he had other plans tonight,” Stephanie said.
The band came out and launched into their first song and were tight. Eli bounced around the stage and the other band members followed his lead. For someone who was so low-key at work, he was full of energy onstage. Sean and Nicole rushed out to dance and Eli encouraged others to join them.
“Let’s dance.” Stephanie waved everybody forward.
“Not me.” Kate shook her head.
“I don’t dance.” Brent backed up.
“I’ll stay with them,” Darla said.
“Me too,” Kirsty added. “You three go out.”
So Stephanie, Rayne, and I moved onto the dance floor with Sean and Nicole. I noticed people watching and wished I’d stayed back with Brent and Kate. Stephanie swirled around and Rayne danced energetically. I moved back and forth awkwardly, but then Nicole came over and danced in front of me. She grinned, but I felt miserable, even as I pretended to be having fun.