Honor's Price

by Alexis Morgan

  She hugged him tight. “I may not be a warrior, but I am a skilled healer. Do not tell me that I cannot be of use once the fighting starts. You cannot leave Lavinia behind, either, although we both know Duncan doesn’t want her to face the duke’s magic in battle.”

  Then Merewen chuckled, although he could not imagine how she could find anything about this impending disaster amusing. “Alina offered to assist me in caring for the injured, and I said yes. When Murdoch bellowed and tried to change her mind, she told him she was done cowering in her room.”

  What could Gideon say to that? It wasn’t as if he had any better luck controlling Merewen. Murdoch was on his own.

  A wise leader knew when to retire from the battle to fight another day. “Let’s not argue about this now. I need to go distract Kane before he works his way through all of our troops. Maybe he’ll listen if I point out that it will only delay things further if we have to give them all time to recover from his lessons.”

  He was pleased when Merewen laughed again. Right now, there was precious little to smile about in any of their lives. The summer solstice was nearly upon them. He didn’t want to spend what time he had left fighting and listening to the screams of dying men. No, he wanted every last second with this woman in his arms, in his bed.

  He pressed a kiss against her temple. “I love you, Merewen. Never forget that.”

  Never forget me, although that last thought was pure selfishness on his part. A better man would want her to move on, to find happiness with someone else after the Damned stood judgment and learned what their fate would be this time.

  Please, Lady, let this half-life end for me and my friends. Our souls grow weary of the battle.

  In truth, he wasn’t sure he could face more centuries in the cold chill of the river only to return to a world that wouldn’t have Merewen in it.

  To his surprise, the Lady answered. “Have faith, my warrior. Stand strong and you shall know peace.”

  * * *

  Kane needed to get away. Now, before he hurt someone seriously. He settled his shield on his back and threw himself up on Rogue’s broad back. As soon as they left the stable, he started cursing. The guard he’d ordered to open the front gate for him was nowhere in sight. He should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to escape without someone interfering. At least it was Gideon, who stood the best chance of defending himself against Kane if he lost control.

  Which could happen at any second.

  “Get out of the way, Gideon. I have to go. Hob and I need to hunt.”

  His friend nodded. “I guessed as much. We leave tomorrow by midday. If you don’t return by then, catch up when you can.”

  “I will.”

  Gideon hadn’t asked him to explain why he was leaving just when there was so much work to be done. He gave one anyway.

  “I can’t be near people right now. Keirthan did something to me, to my control. Right now I’m not safe to be around.”

  He finally met his friend’s gaze. “I can’t stand knowing that I just left her there, Gideon. I could have overpowered her. Rogue could’ve carried us both to safety, but I didn’t do any of that. I abandoned the woman I love for my duty.”

  “But the gods—”

  His grief became rage. “Damn the gods, Gideon. No matter what we’ve done in their names, no matter how many centuries we have answered their call, they didn’t protect the one person in all that time who matters to me.”

  He expected anger from Gideon. Hoped for it, knowing it would give him a handy target for his frustration. Instead, the sympathy in Gideon’s expression was almost his undoing.

  “Kane, we both know the gods don’t work that way.” Gideon patted Rogue on the neck as he spoke. “I grant that you have the worst of it right now, but it’s not easy for any of the rest of us, knowing our women will ride right into the same danger as Lady Theda.”

  Kane knew that. It didn’t change anything. “Open the gate, Gideon. Please.”

  As he charged out of the keep, he hoped Gideon recognized that last word was meant as an apology.

  * * *

  Kane had no destination in mind other than to get away from the keep and everyone in it. All he was aware of was the pounding of Rogue’s hooves as the big stallion loped across the grasslands at a ground-eating pace. As the two of them put some distance between themselves and the crowded keep, Kane gradually became more aware of his surroundings.

  The sun was low in the sky, the growing darkness soothing him even more. Soon he’d have to rein Rogue in. It wouldn’t be fair to risk the horse taking a tumble because Kane’s own demons were riding him hard.

  As if sensing Kane’s improved mood, Rogue slowed on his own. It was then Kane realized they’d run out of grassland. He signaled Rogue to stop completely. The path ahead led straight up the mountainside. At the top lay the deep pool that had been the home of the Damned since the day they’d sworn service to the Lord and Lady. How had the horse known to bring him there? He certainly hadn’t guided Rogue there. Or maybe he had.

  Gideon wasn’t the only one to whom Kane owed an apology. He was also guilty of far more than simply cursing the gods themselves. Resigned to his fate, he dismounted and stood his shield against a nearby boulder. Next he stripped off Rogue’s bridle and saddle.

  Patting the big horse on the nose, he rested his head against Rogue’s neck. “I’m going up the mountain to have a conversation with the Lord and Lady. I don’t know how that’s going to turn out, but I suspect it won’t end well. If I’m not back by morning, find Lady Merewen and let her know what’s happened.”

  The horse nodded and shook his head. Kane laughed and patted him again. “I’m going to set Hob free, too.”

  He chanted softly, closing his eyes briefly against the flash of light. Kane smiled as Hob stretched before exchanging a quick sniff and snort with his equine friend.

  “I’m going to the river, Hob. You stay with Rogue. This is a journey I must take alone.”

  He rubbed his scaly friend’s head and walked away. He hadn’t gone but a few steps when he heard not just Hob but Rogue following in his footsteps.

  “No, you two stay here. That’s an order.”

  Despite Kane’s command, the contrary beasts ignored him. Finally, after another attempt, he gave up and let them do as they pleased. They would anyway.

  As the climb grew steeper, he slowed down, not for his sake but for Rogue’s. This trail was never meant for horses, but the stallion was nothing if not stubborn.

  Eventually, Kane found himself encouraging his friends. “It’s only a little farther. At the top, you’ll be able to get a drink of water and rest.”

  Ahead the trees thinned out, giving way to the rocky shoreline of the river. It was all painfully familiar. Despite Kane’s dread of the place, the cool night air and quiet murmur of the water eased him. Rather than approach the black mirrored pool right away, he took a seat on the ground and leaned back against a boulder.

  Rogue wandered to the river’s edge and took a long drink. Hob joined him, his forked tongue flitting in and out of his mouth as he slurped up the water. They were an odd pair, the scarred stallion and the gargoyle, but then Kane wasn’t exactly normal himself. Hadn’t been even before the gods had claimed him as their warrior.

  At least up here on the mountain, far from everyone else, he could breathe and his skin no longer felt as if it were a size too small for his body. He stared up at the stars overhead, enjoying the simple beauty of the night sky. Gradually, his eyes grew heavier, until he could no longer hold them open. Maybe a brief rest would be a good idea before he approached the gods. His temper, always unpredictable, was worse when he was exhausted. Since leaving Theda, he hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours at a stretch.

  He settled back and let his mind drift. As soon as he gave up control, the air around him changed. No longer did it carry the scent of damp rocks and pine. Instead, he smelled . . . what? Then he knew: roses and night-blooming lilies. He’d never paid
much attention to flowers. They had little to do with the life of a warrior. But the first night he’d strolled through Keirthan’s garden with Lady Theda, she’d pointed out her favorites.

  At the moment, he didn’t know if he was dreaming or simply imagining that he no longer sat by the river. Instead, he was sitting on a familiar bench, the one he’d shared with Theda in the garden. As he looked around, everything seemed so very real to him. The smooth texture of the stone seat. The bushes stirred in the night breeze, surrounding him with the heavy scent of roses.

  Noises were real, too. In the distance, one of the guards shouted at another to hurry up and relieve him. But the sound that had Kane lurching to his feet was the soft sweep of a lady’s gown across the grass.

  “Theda?” he whispered as the lady herself came into view.

  Her face paled in shock, standing out in stark contrast to the thick darkness around them. “Kane, is that you? What are you doing back here?”

  Then she looked around them. “Am I only imagining you? I remember going to bed.”

  “If you are dreaming, I am as well. I sat down and thought to rest but a short time before calling upon the Lord and Lady of the River.”

  As he spoke, he eased closer to Theda, terrified she would fade out of sight if he moved too quickly and jarred himself awake. This might be a dream world, but it was one he was in no hurry to leave.

  She stared at him in wonder. “This feels real to me, Kane. As if I could reach out and touch you.”

  Theda slowly raised her hand, moving as cautiously as he did. Finally, their fingertips touched, blessedly solid and warm. He brushed his hand over hers, lingering there briefly before taking another small step closer. Since when in a dream could a man feel the warmth of a lover’s skin and the soft flutter of her pulse?

  Rather than question his good fortune, he enfolded Theda in his arms, cradling her gently against him and savoring the simple joy of the moment. Holding her was a balm to his ravaged soul.

  “I should have taken you with me. I can’t breathe for knowing you’re here where Keirthan could turn on you at any moment.”

  She smiled up at him, her eyes shiny with tears. “You’ll be back soon enough. Know that I am counting the minutes until you return.”

  It would be days yet, and she was smart enough to know that. Armies, even one as small as theirs, moved at a crawl. “How did Keirthan react to my escape?”

  “I don’t know. He went down to his chamber only a short time before I retired for the night. He spent the whole morning sleeping and then heard petitions for most of the afternoon.”

  That made no sense. “But I’ve been gone for four days, Theda.”

  She looked up at him in confusion. “That can’t be. It was just last night that you and Averel left the city.”

  He didn’t understand what was happening any more than she did. “Perhaps in dreams time doesn’t move the same way. But I am not going to question this gift the gods have given us.”

  Already he could feel himself fading, their surroundings growing more indistinct. Rather than fight to hold on to the moment, he concentrated on the one thing he knew was real. He captured Theda’s sweet mouth with his, kissing her hard and deep. Her lips smiled against his, and she sighed with contentment as she twined her arms around his neck.

  He wanted so much more, to lay her down on the soft grass and make love to her, to once again claim her as his own. There was no time for that. Not with the world around them going black.

  “Theda, I will come for you.”

  She cupped the marked side of his face with the palm of her hand, her touch a blessing he needed so badly. “I know you will.”

  “I love you.”

  As soon as he said the words, she disappeared from his arms. No longer in Keirthan’s garden, Kane was back sprawled on the damp rocks on a moonless night. Had Theda heard him? Or had he simply imagined it all? He rubbed his mage-marked cheek, missing Theda’s touch.

  As if sensing Kane’s pain, Hob raised his nose to the sky and howled, his eerie call echoing off the rocky bluff above the water. Kane considered joining in as he often did when the two of them hunted together. Not tonight, though. He had other business to attend to before he could return to the keep.

  He approached the water, aware of Hob and Rogue moving to stand on either side of him. If he thought it would do any good, he would have ordered them to leave. He was the only one who should have to stand before the gods this night.

  However, he trusted the gods to not punish his companions for their loyalty to him. He knelt on one knee, head bowed. He remained in that position for several minutes, silent and penitent. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough and low as his emotions welled up and threatened to choke him: regret, anger, hatred, and most of all his love for his friends and Lady Theda.

  “My Lord and Lady, I stand before you to confess my failures.”

  It was the Lady who answered. “And what failures would those be, Lord Kane?”

  She knew full well everything her warriors did, but he would list his transgressions aloud if she needed to hear them.

  “I used the magic my grandfather forced upon me, breaking my vow to forswear it. In anger, I cursed your name. And I have let my emotions cloud my judgment. If I could’ve convinced Lady Theda to leave with me, I fear I would’ve forsaken my friends and duty to you.”

  “Your anger is forgiven, Lord Kane. It was your love and worry for the woman who has claimed your heart speaking. We know you will stand strong when we need you the most. As for your magic, it is part of you, not something that can be tossed aside or shoved into a box. You wielded it to save your life and to weaken the enemy. Where is the wrong in that?”

  A soft breeze toyed with Kane’s hair, as a mother would pat her child on the head.

  “Your four-footed companions stand with you because they, too, know you for a man of honor. Now rise and return to the captain and your friends. Time grows short and the battle the Warriors of the Mist must fight grows near. One more thing, Lord Kane. The dream was real in your mind and in your heart, as it was for Lady Theda. She heard your words. Take comfort in that.”

  “Thank you, my lady.”

  Kane rose to his feet, bowed toward the river, and led his companions back down the mountain.

  Chapter 25

  “How much farther?”

  Kane let Averel answer Gideon’s question. His memory of the route from this point on was a tangled mess. On their journey to the capital, he’d taken a different approach to the city gates, one that didn’t pass through this area. When he and Averel had escaped, he’d been too caught up in the pain of leaving Theda behind to care about the landscape.

  Averel stood in his stirrups to look ahead. “The city is less than an hour’s ride beyond that farthest ridge. This road winds around to the east end of those hills, where it joins up with one of the main trade routes.”

  It was time for Kane to contribute something to their effort. “If I’m correct, there’s a small river just west of here that cuts through the forest. I suggest everyone set up camp there for tonight. While you get everyone settled, I’ll take the scouts out to reconnoiter.”

  Murdoch joined them. “Sigil and I will hunt. We could all use some fresh meat.”

  Gideon glanced behind them, his mouth set in a grim line. Kane followed Gideon’s line of sight back toward the women stopped a short distance away. Not one of the three had uttered a single word of complaint over the long, hard ride that had brought them to this point, but their near exhaustion was clear.

  The captain’s decision wasn’t long in coming. “Averel, tell the men to ride for the river and set up camp. Post a double circle of guards, one near the camp and the other at the outer edge of the forest. Murdoch, hunt but don’t stay gone long.”

  The big knight nodded and rode away, waving for Sigil to join him. That left just Kane and Gideon. He shifted in the saddle as he waited for his friend to finish giving orders.

  �
�Send out the scouts, but I want you with me. We have plans to discuss, and I want your opinion. After we eat tonight, I plan to hold a war council and to present a united front to our allies. If we’re going to argue about how we’re going to do this, I’d rather do so in private.”

  What did Gideon have in mind that he thought Kane might object to? “I will join you as soon as I’ve given the men their orders.”

  “I’ll be helping Merewen get our camp organized.” Gideon kept his eyes on the horizon, a clear sign he was uncomfortable with what he was about to say. “I understand why you’ve been more at ease sleeping away from the rest of us. But now that we’re this close to the capital, I’d rather you stay in camp.” When Gideon finally looked toward Kane, he wore a puzzled look. “Are you all right?”

  That’s when Kane realized he’d been rubbing his chest right over the spot where he’d worn the symbol of his office as captain of the duke’s guard. He jerked his hand back down to grab Rogue’s reins. Surely that connection to Keirthan had been broken when Kane quit wearing the duke’s sigil. Was the ache real or memory?

  Either way, he owed Gideon an explanation. “When the duke made me captain, he gave me an emblem to wear that showed my new rank. I didn’t realize at first that he’d infused it with some of his magic. I suspect now that it was what enabled him to override my magic and imprison me. It weakened my resistance to magic of all kinds.”

  Gideon maneuvered Kestrel closer to Rogue. Other than flicking their ears back and forth, for once the two stallions remained calm. “I’ll ask again. Are you all right? If there’s a chance you’re still connected to him in some way, we need to know that now.”

  Kane wanted to deny even the possibility, but he wouldn’t lie to Gideon. “It didn’t interfere with my efforts to weaken the store of magic he’d poured into Damijan, that abomination he created. It was definitely my own magic that crushed his altar.”

  He closed his eyes, turning his senses inward. If there was something foreign inside of him, he couldn’t sense it. That didn’t mean much.