Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  Thus, she had to concentrate on the answers she was giving, and Sonja’s presence was thankfully forced into the background. When the meeting began, their seats in the large conference room were as far apart as befitted their relations.

  Kim tried to avoid Sonja’s gaze, sometimes by staring at the conference agenda in front of her or writing something completely meaningless on a pad of paper. The meeting whooshed past her, but that was no great loss. As both she and her new boss had expected, the whole thing was a waste of time; self-adulation on the parts of the various departments, a scrap over budget allocations, and an exchange of constantly repeated phrases. Kim was amazed that it was possible to run a business like this. But apparently, it was possible, since the company wasn’t doing too badly.

  Something was said about her, as well – Rolf Winkelmann praised her in the highest terms and practically nominated her as his successor.

  Kim was so surprised that all she could do was stare at him.

  “I second that,” a clear voice announced from the other side of the conference room – Sonja’s voice. “I let Ms. Wolff go with regret, for the good of the company. She was always an able and reliable employee, but vastly underchallenged in her role as my assistant. She’s capable of much more – as she has now proven.”

  I proved it to you, too – in a different respect, Kim thought. But you weren’t interested. She was amazed at Sonja’s openly pronounced praise. This must be how she had pushed for Kim’s promotion, as well. She truly could separate the personal from the professional; Kim had to give her that. If Sonja had insisted on Kim’s dismissal with the same vehemence, no one could possibly have countered it.

  Kim sought Sonja’s gaze, and for a brief moment their eyes engaged each other, before Sonja turned her face away from her and looked, unmoved, in a completely different direction. She doesn’t look good, Kim thought. But that can’t have anything to do with me. She’s probably just working too much. Still, she recalled that exactly that had always tended to excite Sonja – it spurred on to ever more work, which she enjoyed doing and which brought her satisfaction. Which conjured forth her laugh that could fill an entire room with sensuous joy.

  Maybe I showed her that there’s another kind of satisfaction, Kim thought. And she misses it now.

  No, that’s crap! She doesn’t miss anything! Why should she? She’s married. She has sex whenever she wants. She never said that it wasn’t fun for her.

  Maybe she didn’t always get exactly what she had in mind. With Klaus, it seemed to have gone that way, but surely, there would be some compensation for that.

  Me, for instance. Kim sighed. Probably that was all it had been. Klaus caused a certain balance to teeter that had to be brought back into equilibrium, and here was this little assistant who wanted nothing more dearly than –

  Kim stopped, and her teeth clenched. That’s how it had been, exactly like that.

  She looked at Sonja, whose face was turned away as she listened attentively to someone’s contribution, unaffected, focused. In contrast to Kim, she seemed genuinely interested in the contents of her colleague’s speech.

  She’s just like that. She’s only interested in her work, and in between, she needs some recreation, that’s all.

  Kim locked up all the chambers of her heart and waited for the end of the meeting.

  When it was finally adjourned, everyone picked up their papers without any great hurry, conversing with one another or rising to go. Kim looked for Sonja.

  But Sonja had disappeared.

  ~*~*~*~

  “You two are definitely a pair of odd birds,” Kim said with a laugh as Jo and Jennifer led her blindfolded into Jennifer’s living room.

  “Hey, come on. It took long enough,” Jennifer replied. “Jo and I couldn’t agree, but eventually I just had to put my foot down.”

  “Yeah, sure.” Jo sounded good humored. “You put your foot down.”

  Jennifer hesitated, considering her answer. But then she reached for the cloth around Kim’s head and untied the knots. “And now – kindly be delighted. Surprise!” She ripped the cloth from Kim’s eyes.

  I hate surprise parties, Kim mused, but so many beaming faces met her gaze that it chased away all traces of displeasure. “You really are crazy. All of you.” She had no way to oppose this roomful of good cheer and had to laugh once again.

  “That’s the meaning of life,” Jennifer said. “What’s the point in always running around stressed out?”

  “This causes stress, too,” Kim objected.

  “But positive stress,” Jo said, “and that’s healthy.”

  “I read otherwise recently,” Kim said.

  “You read too much,” Jennifer replied nonchalantly. “I’ve always said so. So, are you happy, or not?”

  “Yes, I’m happy.” Kim smiled at Jennifer. “Thank you.”

  “Not at all,” Jennifer said. “It was getting to be high time for a party anyway. The women’s dance just doesn’t come around often enough.”

  “You can say that again,” Jo agreed. “Hey, girls, turn up the stereo!”

  The music blared from the loudspeakers much too loudly, grating and howling. A second later, the volume was turned down a bit, and the women in attendance began to dance.

  “We have a couple of presents for you,” Jennifer said. “From us and a few of the others.”

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Kim said. “What for?”

  “Because, of course, we’re expecting presents from you in return.” Jo laughed. “The next time.”

  “When you get promoted?” Kim asked.

  “Oh, no, no!” Jo lifted her hands as if to ward off such misfortune at all costs. “Not me! Sappho forbid! I have enough work to do already!”

  Kim grinned. “Too much work? Do you need an assistant?”

  “Do you want to come back?” Jo asked with a wink.

  “No.” Kim became serious. “I’m doing pretty well in my new spot.”

  “Me, too, actually,” Jo said, “but that Kantner –” She broke off. “Sorry, I wasn’t going to mention her.”

  “Go ahead,” Kim said, her face dispassionate. “That doesn’t concern me anymore.”

  “If you say so,” Jo replied doubtfully.

  Jennifer chimed in. “Jo tells me Kantner’s been getting edgier by the day. She blows up at every little thing.”

  “She looks pretty stressed out,” Jo added.

  “I know,” Kim said automatically.

  “You saw her?” Jennifer and Jo gaped at her simultaneously.

  “At the managers’ meeting.” Kim cleared her throat. “We didn’t speak.”

  “Hmm,” Jennifer murmured. “But obviously you got a really good look at her.”

  “That was unavoidable,” Kim retorted. “We were in the same room for hours.”

  Jennifer opened her mouth as if to say something, but changed her mind and shut her mouth again.

  “After her husband calls, she is always absolutely intolerable.” Jo sighed. “Then I really have to watch my ass around her. I feel like I have to be walking on eggshells, and even that doesn’t always help.”

  “Her husband?” Kim raised her eyebrows in astonishment. “He calls her?”

  “Oh, yeah!” Jo rolled her eyes. “And he calls her a lot more often than he used to.”

  “The whole time I was there, he never called once.”

  “Lucky you.” Jo sighed again. “He seems to really upset her. On top of everything she already has to do for the company. Sometimes, I feel sorry for her, but then again – sometimes she can really be a bitch, you know.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Jo,” Kim said.

  “Nothing you can do about it.” Jo took a deep breath. “You’re not her husband, after all.”

  Jennifer’s eyes widened.

  “Oh, damn.” Jo frowned in embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t want –”

  “It’s fine.” Kim waved it away. “You’re right. Wha
t you said only reflects the facts.”

  She didn’t know what to call the feeling that was gripping her just now. Sonja was unhappy, that was obvious. And she had also been unhappy back when she’d cried in Kim’s arms. Was this the same unhappiness or a new one? Had her husband been the reason back then, too? For everything? For Klaus? For . . . Kim?

  “Forget about it.” Jo rested a hand on Kim’s arm. “Hey, look over there, the blonde. Fresh meat. You like her?”

  Automatically Kim followed Jo’s gaze and saw the young blonde swaying across the improvised dance floor like an angel. It didn’t stir anything in her. The girl was cute, sure, but that was it.

  “Not interested?” Jo looked inquiringly at her.

  “I could’ve told you that right away.” Jennifer shrugged. “Or would you say that she could compete with Mrs. Kantner?”

  “Well . . .” Jo watched the blonde with interest.

  “Please, stop,” Kim said softly.

  “Sorry,” Jennifer said abashed. “You’re still pining for her?”

  “I’m not pining for her –” Kim flared, but then her voice became quieter again. “It’s just that . . . she really didn’t look good at the meeting.”

  “Which is no longer your concern,” Jennifer added. “Nor was it ever, really. I’m sorry to have to put it that way, but it seems to me like you’re losing touch with reality, Kim.”

  “You two brought it up,” Kim defended herself.

  “Just don’t get your hopes up,” Jennifer warned. “She might be in the middle of a marital crisis, but that certainly doesn’t mean that you can come in like a knight in shining armor and rescue her. Maybe she doesn’t even want to be rescued. And if she does, it’s not by you.”

  “I didn’t want to –” Kim protested.

  “Oh, yes you did. I know that look.” Jennifer sighed. “And I know the feeling. They’re always so enticingly helpless, these ladies. But she doesn’t want your help. She wants a man. When will you finally understand that?”

  “I’ve understood that for a long time,” Kim said softly. “Believe me.” She looked at Jennifer. “She has a man – and not just one. I don’t think she’s missing anything in that department.”

  “Not just one?” Jo looked at her in astonishment. “You mean she’s having an affair? That’s why her husband is freaking out?”

  “She’s not having –” Kim took a deep breath. “I have no idea whether or not she’s having an affair. But back at that seminar, she wasn’t just with me –” She broke off.

  “Wow!” Jo gasped and whistled between her teeth. “I never would’ve guessed that of her. To me, she’s always seemed a little . . . stuffy.” She gave Kim an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

  “What for?” Kim said. “I think we ought to change the subject. It’s not very polite to talk about people behind their backs.”

  “Maybe not polite, but interesting,” Jennifer said. “I’ve heard so much about this woman already, first from you and then from Jo – I’d really like to see her sometime.”

  “Sure, you can do that. Just come visit me for lunch at work.” Jo grinned, and Jennifer grinned back.

  “You will not do that!” Kim raised her voice.

  “What did I just say?” Jennifer shook her head. “She keeps sticking up for her.”

  Kim made a face. “Leave her alone, please. If she’s really not doing so well . . .”

  “We’re not going to do anything do her,” Jennifer said. “I just want to have a look at her. Mostly thanks to you. Jo doesn’t much like her, after all.”

  “She’s not a circus attraction!” Kim was furious.

  “I think we’ll have to skip lunch, darling.” Jennifer lifted her hands placatingly. “Or else Kim is going to kill me.”

  “I think you’re right.” Jo grinned. “Calm down, Kim, we’re not going to do anything, did you hear?”

  “I . . . I’m sorry,” Kim said. “I . . . I . . . I know that none of this is my concern, you’re right.”

  “Obviously, it’s very much your concern.” Jennifer sighed. “Kim, this is not good for you . . .”

  “But I don’t want . . . I mean . . . I know she’s married . . . and that she . . . prefers men.” Kim’s expression was agonized. “But sometimes . . . when I think about her . . .”

  “You had a passionate night, I understand that,” Jennifer said. “That sort of thing sticks in the mind, whether you want it to or not.”

  “Unfortunately.” Then again, maybe not, Kim thought. “Maybe I just need to talk to her again –”

  “Are you nuts?” Jennifer punched her painfully on the arm. “Do you want to start the whole thing over from the beginning? Keep your distance from her, that’s the only thing you can do.”

  “Ow! That hurt!”

  “Not as much as it will if you see her and talk to her and get yourself all worked up again,” Jennifer warned. “I can promise you that.”

  “Jenny’s right. And you know it.” Jo looked sympathetically at Kim. “We’ve all been through this at one time or another. It’ll pass. Eventually.”

  “You, too?” Kim looked at Jo, who nodded. Kim looked at Jennifer. “But you haven’t.”

  “Oh, sure,” Jennifer said. “Before we met. We’re all susceptible to it. But like Jo said: It’ll pass. Eventually.”

  “Eventually,” Kim repeated pensively.

  “I know it’s hard to remember that while it’s happening, but one morning, you’ll wake up and not think about her first thing. It’s always like that,” Jennifer said. “You know I’m telling the truth.”

  “If you say so . . .” Kim replied slowly.

  Jo laughed. “You don’t believe it – now. But just wait.”

  “How long?” Kim frowned.

  “Oh, come on.” Jennifer picked up her hand and squeezed it. “Nobody can answer that. But you can count on it.”

  “Okay, fine.” Kim sighed. “I’ll keep my distance from her. Promise.”

  “Well . . .” Jennifer’s voice sounded skeptical. “Can we take that to the bank?”

  “Yes.” Kim nodded vigorously. “I’ll call in sick the next time there’s a managers’ meeting. Or plead an appointment out of town. There’s nothing about these meetings to miss, anyway.”

  “Do that.” Jennifer began to grin eagerly. “And now, open your presents.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “If you don’t go home right now, I’m throwing you out,” Rolf said, laughing as he leaned into Kim’s office. “It’s eleven o’clock at night!”

  “You’re still here, too, Rolf,” Kim replied with a smile.

  Rolf and Kim had found out that they worked very well together and enjoyed each other’s presence at the office.

  “I’m an old man. I’m allowed. You’re a young woman. You ought to have other plans on a Friday night.”

  “But I don’t.” Kim was still smiling. “And the work doesn’t do itself.”

  “No, hardworking Kim does it.” Rolf came over and pressed the button that shut her computer down. “No matter what you were doing just now, it can’t possibly be that important.”

  “I was right in the middle of the statistics –” Kim started to object, but Rolf interrupted her.

  “Whatever statistics they were, they can wait until Monday. Go home.” He tugged her chair out from under her so that she had to stand up.

  “Rolf!” Kim laughed.

  “Don’t ‘Rolf’ me, and you’re leaving now. That’s final. I’m only trying to protect the interests of the company. They can barely afford your overtime pay anymore. And I’m accountable for that.”

  “The interests of the company.” Kim chuckled. “Right.”

  “That’s how it is.” Rolf’s confirmation was assisted by the jolly little wrinkles around his eyes, which twinkled so much that a person could hardly take his words seriously.

  “Well, then, I’d better . . . before I bankrupt the company . . .” Kim reached for her jacket.

  “That’s
very considerate of you, as far as the company’s concerned. Would you give me a ride to the main parking garage? My car is over there.”

  “Ah, not quite so altruistic, after all.”

  “I never claimed to be. You know I’m notorious for taking advantage of my employees.” The twinkling in Rolf’s eyes increased another degree.

  “Yes, I hear about it every day. You’re quite the dreaded slave-driver.”

  “I should think so. That’s how it’s got to be.” He grinned. “Let’s go.”

  “Ah, I almost forgot,” he said, when they’d arrived at the main building and Kim was about to drop him off. “I have something for you in my car. My wife asked me to give it to you. Would you come down with me for a second? If I show up with it at home, all hell will break loose.”

  “Hey, now, Margit’s not that bad.” Kim laughed. “You just like to say so.”

  “You’re not married to her.” Rolf sighed. “It seems that she’s quasi-adopted you, and now she wants to mother you from sun-up to sundown.”

  “A cake?” Kim asked apprehensively.

  “I was trying not to have to say so. I don’t want to have to eat the thing myself. That’s what’s in store for me if I bring it home again. That, plus a tongue-lashing.” He grimaced comically.

  “Poor Rolf. All right, fine, I’ll come get the cake. I don’t want you to suffer unnecessarily.”

  “That’s kind of you,” Rolf said gratefully, and they took the elevator to the underground garage.

  Rolf handed the cake to Kim, wished her a nice weekend and put his seatbelt on.

  She watched his brake lights get smaller as he drove off.

  She considered the cake. Should she just leave it there? Unfortunately, Margit was not much of a cook. She seemed not to know it; she was always trying to please others with her cooking and baking arts. By now, when Kim brought anything made by Margit home, Kim’s friends refused to touch it. She sighed. Perhaps she could find a homeless shelter or any other place where people would be glad to have it.

  She walked back to the elevator. The heavy steel door between the garage and the hallway offered some resistance when she tried to pull it open with just one hand. Suddenly, the resistance lessened. Someone was pushing from the inside. The door opened.