Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “She’s been through a lot,” Sonja said quietly.

  “I can’t judge that,” Sandra said, “but the fact is, Pops is the most tolerant person on the planet. She must’ve gone to considerable lengths to motivate him to get a divorce.”

  “Don’t fight,” Kim interjected. “None of us knows what really happened between your father and your mother. That’s in the past.” She went to Sonja and touched her gently on the arm. “I am so sorry,” she said. “If I’d known . . .”

  “You wouldn’t have been able to change any of it.” Sonja sighed. “Not you, and not anybody else, either. Why should I have burdened you with it?”

  “What about the baby?” Sandra asked. “Where is it?”

  Sonja closed her eyes. “I lost it.” She opened her eyes again and looked at Sandra. “A couple of weeks after the wedding, I had an accident. I had a green light and drove into the intersection, and some idiot ran the red light. My car was totaled, but because of the airbags, I wasn’t seriously injured. But the seatbelt . . . the baby . . .” She swallowed.

  Sandra came over to her and Kim. “I’m sorry.” She hugged Sonja, while Kim stood back.

  “Why did you come today?” Kim asked. “On a Sunday?”

  Sonja looked up. Sandra still held her in an embrace. “I . . . I suddenly felt like I had to talk to you. I wanted to explain everything to you. Jo and Jennifer’s wedding reminded me of so many things . . .”

  “You just left?” Sandra asked.

  “Yes, I –” Sonja made a face. “I’m going to pay for that, I know, but I couldn’t help it. I felt so . . . alone. My sister was there, and my brother, but –”

  “I understand,” Sandra said. “Are they still there now?”

  “Oh, yes.” Sonja nodded forcefully. “Mother doesn’t let anyone leave until late in the evening.”

  “Then I could meet all of them.” Sandra’s eyes flashed with mischief.

  Sonja stared at her twin sister. “That . . . no . . . you really want . . .?”

  “Well, sure. After all, it’s my family, too. Don’t I have the right?”

  “Yes . . . um . . .” Sonja seemed fairly overwhelmed.

  “I know now what’s waiting for me,” Sandra said. “It won’t surprise me. I have no more illusions with respect to my mother. Aside from which, I don’t know her. She’s a stranger to me. She doesn’t have me in her grip like she does you. She can’t blackmail me.”

  Sonja’s face contorted in agony again. “You . . . you really don’t know what’s waiting for you. You’d better let me go alone. I know what I’m doing. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to eat crow. I’ll survive it this time, too. I always have.”

  “Sonja.” Sandra looked at her earnestly. “You’re not alone anymore. Don’t you realize that yet? I’m your sister, your twin sister. I’ll always stand by you, no matter what. We’re practically one person. And Kim –” She turned around. “Kim won’t leave you hanging, either.” She smiled gently.

  Kim stepped toward them again and embraced them both. “No, I won’t.” She gave Sandra an apologetic look.

  “All right.” Sandra looked at Sonja. “Let’s go, before I change my mind.”

  “I . . .” Sonja looked at Kim.

  “Go already.” Kim smiled encouragingly. “You’re never here on a Sunday anyway.”

  Sonja let go of Sandra and hugged Kim. She pulled her close and kissed her, long and deep.

  “Aw, is that necessary?” Sandra said. “Can’t you two do that when you’re alone?”

  Sonja broke away from Kim. “I’m sorry.” She smiled rather shrewdly at Sandra. “You got yours, too, I believe.”

  “One single kiss.” Sandra sighed. “And she was thinking about you the whole time.”

  “I’ll ask my mother whether I might have a twin sister, after all,” Kim replied, sighing. “Maybe there’s one hiding somewhere. Anything seems possible after seeing you two.”

  “I’m afraid I’m not that lucky.” Sandra looked invitingly at Sonja. “Get in bed with her, or get in the car with me, but make up your mind.”

  Sonja chuckled. “I would’ve said the same thing in your place.” She brushed a quick kiss across Kim’s lips. “I’ll be back,” she said. “If I have the right measure of Sandra, the Sunday-free times are over for you.”

  “If I’d known that . . .” Sandra grinned. “I would’ve come here on Sundays and pretended to be you.”

  “I would’ve noticed the difference,” Kim said.

  “Like when we were dancing?” Sonja teased.

  Embarrassed, Kim looked at the floor. “Identical twins ought to be prohibited.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “This is where you grew up?” Sandra asked.

  “Yes.” Sonja looked at the house they were standing in front of. Her hands trembled slightly.

  “Don’t be afraid.” Sandra smiled. “I’m here with you.”

  Sonja smiled, too, but still looked a little uncertain. “But you aren’t me. Not even if you look like me.”

  Sandra tilted her head to one side. “Give me your jacket.”

  “Oh, Sandra, not again!” Sonja groaned.

  “What’ll happen if she sees you first?” Sandra asked. “She’ll tear into you, right?”

  Sonja nodded unhappily.

  “So . . .?” Sandra gave her an inviting look.

  “Sonja! How dare you just walk out like that?” Sonja’s mother snarled wrathfully at her daughter.

  “Mother . . .” Sandra was more shaken than she wanted to admit. After all, this was the first time she’d seen her mother.

  She noticed the family resemblance her father had mentioned. So that’s what I’ll look like in twenty years, she thought. Her mother must’ve really looked like her daughters in the past. She still did.

  “Unbelievable!” her mother hissed. “What unbelievable insolence. Just wait and see what that gets you.”

  “Where were you . . . darling?”

  Sandra turned her head in the direction from which she had been addressed. That must be her brother-in-law, Sonja’s husband. After everything she’d heard, she had pictured him differently. He looked pleasant and harmless.

  Except for his eyes. She examined them more closely. His eyes were hard and merciless. Every word Sonja said is true, Sandra thought. He doesn’t love her. No man who loved a woman would look at her like that.

  “Getting a little fresh air,” she answered the man in the wheelchair, whose predatory eyes were still watching her very closely.

  “Think twice about how much fresh air you need – next time,” he said, smiling. It was a wolfish smile without a trace of warmth.

  “Is this necessary, Sonja?” A younger man’s voice addressed her from the side. “Do you always have to act like this?”

  My brother, Sandra thought. I have a brother. She was gradually starting to wonder whether this had been such a good idea, switching places with Sonja. She felt outnumbered by her new family and tried to collect herself. “Is going for a walk forbidden now?”

  “Stop fighting.” A young woman, who didn’t resemble Sonja much except for the color of her hair, but who must be her other sister, entered the room through a door on the other side. “You always have to squabble about something. That’s no fun.”

  “It is to me.” Her brother grinned. “I love you, sister, you know that.” He kissed Sandra on the cheek.

  So this is the rest of my family, Sandra thought. And Sonja has to put up with this every single Sunday. She felt renewed sympathy for her sister.

  “What do you have to offer as an excuse?” her mother asked sharply.

  Sandra looked at her once again. Her eyes, too, were hard. Poor Sonja, Sandra thought. If only you’d stayed with Pops and me. Seldom in her life had she ever seen such hard eyes – other than those of Uwe Kantner. Mother-in-law and son-in-law clearly had a lot in common.

  “Does a person need an excuse to breathe?” Sandra asked.

  Her mother gasped. �
��I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” she huffed indignantly after she’d recovered from the initial shock. “I thought you would’ve learned how to behave by now.” She looked at Uwe.

  “I don’t know what you think is wrong with my behavior,” Sandra said. “I’m not a twelve-year-old who has to account for her every move.”

  “Oh-ho, sister – I haven’t heard that tone out of you for a long time.” Her brother burst out laughing. “I didn’t think you had the guts anymore. Are you sure you can pull that off?” He looked at his mother.

  “Apologize, Sonja, please . . .” Her sister gave her a pleading look. “Please, apologize, for heaven’s sake.”

  What’s going on here? Sandra wondered. This just isn’t normal. “What for?” she asked. “I haven’t done anything.”

  “You can discuss that with your husband this evening,” her mother said coldly, looking first at Uwe and then back at Sandra.

  Uwe showed his wolfish grin once more. “Yes, we’ll have plenty to discuss tonight . . . darling,” he said in a sweet-threatening tone that sent cold shivers down Sandra’s back. Oh my God, she thought. Sonja.

  “Fine, then,” she said. “I apologize. For whatever.”

  Her sister appeared to exhale.

  “Even your apology is an insult,” her mother said. “If you think you’re going to get away with that . . .”

  “The way you got away with having only one daughter, even though you gave birth to twins?” Sonja stepped into the room behind Sandra and stood next to her.

  Their mother fainted.

  “What . . . What . . .?” Sonja’s and Sandra’s half-sister knelt next to their mother on the floor, fanning her. She looked up at the twins, bewildered.

  Sonja wanted to go to her mother. Sandra held her back. “Leave her,” she said. “She asked for this. It’s her fault, after all. Stop feeling sorry for her. She doesn’t deserve it.” Even still, the cold look with which her mother had placed her in Uwe’s hands sent shivers down her spine.

  “Sandra . . . I . . .” Sonja looked at her helplessly.

  “I know how you feel,” Sandra said gently. “But this has to stop. I don’t know how you’ve endured it for so long.”

  “Sandra?” Her brother stared at the twins in just as much confusion as his sister. “Who is Sandra?”

  “I am.” Sandra looked at him. “And if you were my brother –” She broke off and laughed. “Ha, well, you are. You’re my half-brother, just like you are Sonja’s. The fact that Sonja and I are twins really ought to be clear to everyone by now.”

  Uwe Kantner had not yet said a word. He had gaped at the doubling of his wife just as the others had, but he seemed to have recovered quickly, since his voice sounded very self-assured when he said, “Come to me, Sonja.”

  Sonja flinched, and Sandra noticed that she had started to tremble. “No,” Sandra said.

  “Sonja . . . come to me,” Uwe repeated threateningly.

  Sonja took a step. Once again, Sandra held her back. “Stay here. He has no right to order you.”

  Sonja shut her eyes briefly, seeming to collect herself. “You’re right,” she said. “It’s over.”

  Uwe hesitated for a moment, then laughed. “Twins. How cute.” He looked past Sandra at Sonja. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? You didn’t have to keep your sister hidden like that.”

  “I didn’t know –” Sonja began, but Sandra interrupted her.

  “You don’t owe him an explanation,” she said. “This is up to . . .” she looked at the floor, “her to explain.”

  Her mother slowly began to stir. She looked at her youngest daughter, who still sat next to her. “What happened?”

  “Sonja . . .” Sonja’s half-sister looked up helplessly.

  “Sonja . . .” Her mother repeated the name grimly. “What an evil trick –” She turned her own gaze upwards and froze.

  “This is most definitely not a trick,” Sandra said. “Mother . . .” she added dismissively. “Although you certainly haven’t earned that designation. If anyone here has played an evil trick, it was you. On me and Sonja. Especially on Sonja. I had Pops, after all.”

  “Sandra . . .” her mother whispered.

  “You still remember my name? Astounding. After so many years.”

  “Sandra, please . . . don’t.” Sonja rested a hand on her arm.

  “Now I know how you felt when you saw Pops for the first time,” Sandra looked at her twin. “But Pops didn’t deserve it, I can assure you. You’re going to get along great.”

  Their mother allowed herself to be helped up by her third daughter, who was still casting concerned glances at her like a hovering nurse. “You met your father?” their mother asked. Her eyes wandered back and forth between Sonja and Sandra.

  “Yes,” Sonja said. “Just recently.”

  “It’s about time, isn’t it?” Sandra added angrily.

  Their mother examined Sandra’s face curiously. “You look like Sonja,” she said. “Truly.”

  “Hardly a surprise – with twins,” Sandra replied, examining her mother’s face just as intensely. “Even though we knew nothing about each other.”

  “This is really – unbelievable.” Their brother peeled himself out of his armchair. He stepped forward and studied the faces of his sisters as well.

  “Leave her, Martin.” The third sister stood next to him.

  “Oh, Inge . . .” Martin laughed. “We’re all siblings, don’t you get it? Now we have one more sister, a second Sonja.”

  “Oh, no!” Sandra let out a dry sound. “Not a second Sonja. Not another victim for your cruelties. From now on, that’s over. Sonja and I will no longer allow it.” Sandra glanced at Sonja by her side.

  “What cruelties?” Martin asked. “Sonja’s the oldest, that’s why she’s always to blame. That’s normal.” He laughed further. “And you’re exactly as old as she is, so –”

  “You can get that right out of your head.” Sandra smiled sweetly in his cheeky face. “I’m not the kind of older sister who’ll take responsibility for all of her younger siblings’ misdeeds. I grew up alone.” She turned to face her mother. “Your mother made sure of that.”

  “That was Harald’s fault,” her mother replied immediately. “Your . . . your father.”

  “I don’t believe that for one second,” Sandra said. “Pops wanted both of us, but you wouldn’t allow it.”

  “Children belong to their mother,” said Elli, Harald Kruschewski’s ex-wife.

  “If she is a mother . . .” Sandra retorted angrily. “What you did to Sonja –”

  “Please, Sandra, stop.” Sonja put a hand to her forehead. “There’s no point to any of this.”

  “What did I do to her, then?” their mother asked sanctimoniously. “Brought her up to be a decent and respectable human being?” She gave Sonja a disparaging look. “That was hard enough.”

  “You’re right, there is no point.” Sandra looked at Sonja. “Let’s go. There’s nothing else to say.”

  Inge placed her hand on Sandra’s arm. “Please, Sonja . . .”

  Sandra pursed her lips. “I’m not Sonja.”

  Inge examined Sandra’s face again, especially her eyes. “No, you’re not Sonja,” she said then, with an expression of astonishment.

  Sandra smiled. “I’ve always wished for siblings. If you’re interested, we could certainly get to know each other better. But I’m not Sonja, so behave yourselves. Because I hit back.”

  Uwe suddenly laughed out loud. “We should definitely invite your sister over, darling.” He looked at Sonja. “We could go home together right now, in fact.”

  “For a threesome with twins?” Sandra asked scornfully. “That’s what you have in mind, isn’t it . . . brother-in-law?”

  “Married life is pretty boring after five years,” he replied nonchalantly. “It could stand a little freshening up. My wife used to be more like you, but these days –”

  Sonja spun on her heel and left. The door fell shut behin
d her.

  “My dear Uwe.” Sandra had a friendly smile on her lips, but not in her eyes. She bent down to him. “She’s not going to let you blackmail her any more, I’ll make sure of that. I’m sorry you’re sitting in a wheelchair, but that doesn’t give you the right to torture Sonja until the end of time. Those days are over.”

  He looked into her face, seeing his wife, but not seeing her. “You know what that means,” he said. “And she knows it, too. She’ll never take that risk.”

  “It’s better to have an end with horror rather than to have horror without end,” Sandra said. “A solution can always be found.” She straightened up and looked at her mother. “And that goes for you, too. Sonja will not have to suffer under you for the rest of her life, or else you’re going to get to know me, but in a way you never dreamed of. Think about this: I’m your daughter, and you haven’t beaten me down like you have Sonja. Anything you’re capable of, I am, too.”

  “You . . . you . . . how dare you . . .?” Her mother gasped for air again.

  “The same way you do.” Sandra looked her mother up and down once more. “I’m glad I had a real mother, even if she wasn’t my biological mother. Too bad Sonja couldn’t experience that. But from now on, she’s spending her Sundays with me – or with Pops. And her nights –” she looked at Uwe, “wherever she wants.”

  “She wouldn’t dare,” her brother-in-law replied.

  “She will. She’s strong. And there are two of us.” Sandra and Uwe fought a duel of glares, their eyes snaring each other’s, no one giving in, until at last they finally sought other targets. “Don’t underestimate her,” Sandra added. “You can only dip the pitcher in the well so many times before it breaks.”

  “She’ll have to suffer the consequences,” he said.

  “One can always mend a pitcher,” Sandra replied, “or buy a new one. I have a thing or two to show Sonja.” She drew her lips back into an appreciative grin.

  “You’d do better to remind her of what she has to lose,” Uwe said.

  “I think she has more to gain,” Sandra countered. She smiled at everyone once more, turned around, and went to the front door. When she’d almost gotten there, something else occurred to her, and she went back.