Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

  Isn’t it time? Do others think I would never move on and find companionship with another woman? Is that even realistic? Would Beth expect me to stay alone? I will never ‘replace’ her. The biggest part of my heart is full of nothing but her, but I know the deal – she’s gone, and I’ve mourned for seventeen years. I know with no question that she will never leave my heart, but I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life alone. My life these last years was filled with Carlee, but she’s a married woman now, and I’m alone – not lonesome, just alone. I think companionship will fill that void. I don’t want the rest of my life to be filled with the kind of relationship I shared with Addy. It was good, it was special, but it wasn’t meaningful. I want more. I’m ready for more.

  A week of evenings filled with phone calls passed, and finally Andy headed back to Jacksonville. It was the first week in November, and Geni was on the back porch in the swing enjoying the afternoon when he pulled up. She sat waiting as he approached. Finally, when he was closer, she rose and started toward him. Saying nothing, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  “Third time,” he said.

  “It was,” she laughed.

  “Was?”

  “Definitely a charm,” she replied. “Let’s go inside.”

  ~ ~ ~

  They sat at the kitchen table and talked, sharing a glass of tea. “I called Carlee on the way home the other evening and told her about all of this,” he said.

  “All of what?” she asked.

  “Our kisses,” he smiled.

  “What did she say?” she asked anxiously.

  “Want the short version or the direct quote?” he laughed.

  “Oh, knowing Carlee… Give it to me,” she laughed.

  “You’re afraid of screwing up? This may be your once in a lifetime opportunity and you’re going to pass on it because you’re afraid you’ll screw up? Step out of your comfort zone - take a chance…” he repeated her words.

  “Wise,” Geni said.

  “Very, she’s an old soul in a young woman’s body. She’s very perceptive and knowing. Always has been,” he added.

  “She’s lived a lifetime already,” Geni said thinking about all that she’d been through. “So, now Matthew knows.”

  “I think he suspected something when we were there. You OK with that?”

  “Yes, are you OK with easing into this slowly and giving us all a chance to step out of our ‘comfort zone,’ and adjust?” she asked.

  “As long as you’re ready to take a chance, too,” he replied.

  “We have some ghosts to deal with, you know,” she said.

  “I’ve thought about that a lot these last few days. I believe they are friendly ghosts,” Andy said with a light laugh but he knew what she meant.

  ~ ~ ~

  That evening, they enjoyed a nice meal that Geni prepared, shared a glass of wine and got ready to call it a night. She locked up, turning out lights as she went and made her way into the living room where Andy was waiting for her. He waited to see what she would do, and as he’d hoped, she went to him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

  They went to opposite ends of the house to sleep, but neither did - both lie in bed thinking. After a while, Andy’s phone rang. He looked at the display, but he knew who it was. “I told you before, we have to stop meeting like this,” he said and laughed as he did.

  Geni laughed, and they talked for a long time.

  Finally, she said, “Good night, Andy. I’ll meet you in the kitchen for coffee in the morning.”

  ~ ~ ~

  He didn’t go to sleep. There was something stewing in his head – it had been simmering for a few days, but suddenly, this evening, it all came together, and he had to get it down.

  If I look at you across the room

  With longing in my eyes

  If we enjoy each other’s company,

  There’s no need to wonder why

  It’s not because I’m lonely

  If we share a laugh, a smile,

  A moment, a glance, a tear

  If I wrap my arms around you

  Whisper sweet words in your ear,

  It’s not because I’m lonely

  If your name comes out a whisper

  If your touch should make me weak

  If I think of you when I’m alone

  If my voice trembles when we speak

  It’s not because I’m lonely

  The melody would come later; for now, it was just important to get the words down.

  ~ ~ ~

  After dinner the next evening, the melody was there. They joined on the sofa for a glass of wine.

  “Geni, I like this,” Andy said lifting her hair, allowing the strands to slip through his fingers.

  “What this?” she asked nervously.

  “Whatever this is,” he smiled.

  She looked at him, not quite understanding what he meant. “Is ‘this’ us?” she asked.

  He nodded, took her hand and pulled her closer. He felt her suck in a breath and then hold it. It made him smile, and he leaned to whisper in her ear. “Listen…” he said.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “You don’t hear it?”

  “Hear what? You’re freaking me out,” she laughed.

  He rose from the sofa and pulled her into his arms. Softly, he started to hum, and then begin to sing…

  If I look at you across the room

  With longing in my eyes

  If we enjoy each other’s company,

  There’s no need to wonder why

  It’s not because I’m lonely…

  He held her close, her hand in his, and moved slowly to the tune in his head. “It came to me in bits and pieces, but lying in bed last night it all came together. I had to get up and quickly get it written down. This morning the melody came to me.”

  “Wow,” Geni said softly.

  “Wow?” He pushed back to look at her. He noticed green eyes and smiled. They weren’t the vibrant green he’d looked into when he looked at Beth all those years; in fact, initially he’d thought they were brown – hazel maybe.

  “Wow always confuses me,” he said finally, and laughed. “I never know if ‘wow’ is a good thing, a shocked thing, or ‘wow, I wish that had never happened’ thing.”

  “Wow, that was beautiful,” she said.

  ~ ~ ~

  Friday morning, Carlee woke with a nasty headache. Matthew was getting ready to leave for his teaching job at the University. He got something for her to take and kissed her forehead.

  “You don’t seem to be warm, like fever-warm, ‘cuz you are always hot,” he smiled. “Dizzy or nauseous?”

  “No, just the headache – none of the crazy stuff like before. I’m fine, just gonna lay here for a bit. Call me between classes,” she said and then added, “Matthew?”

  “Yes, wife?”

  “I love you,” she said.

  “Now I really don’t want to leave,” he said and stretched out beside her on the bed, pulling her close for one more kiss. “I hate leaving with you not feeling well. I’ll call you in a little while.”

  ~ ~ ~

  She stayed in bed for a while, resting. When she finally got up, she only made it to the sofa, feeling extremely nauseous and light-headed. She dozed, off and on, all morning.

  Around noon, Matthew called to check on her. “Hey baby, you feeling any better?”

  “No, not really, I’ve spent the morning either on the sofa or in bed. Don’t worry. I’m probably due to change the scopolo-patch thingy. I’ll get something for the headache after I get a bite to eat.” She decided not to share the light-headedness or the nausea. “Please don’t worry.”

  But he did. There hadn’t been any of the light-headedness or nausea since she’d been wearing the scopolamine patches. Remembering the fainting spell over the summer at Butterfly Camp, he’d hoped that ordeal was behind them. He tried to come up with another scenario; maybe the thing with his mom and Andy was bothering
her. Maybe it was school, and maybe, it was just a headache, but he was concerned.

  On his way home from work, he stopped and grabbed something to fix for dinner. He was happy to see her up when he arrived.

  “Hey! You look good! Feeling better?” he asked.

  “Yep,” she said. “I’m good. What’ya got in the bag? I’m starving!”

  “That’s what I like to hear,” he laughed.

  He took the things he’d purchased from the bag, one item at a time, teasingly placing them on the counter.

  “Mac and cheese!” she laughed.

  Later, lying in bed, Matthew lovingly stroked her hair, pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead.

  “You sure you’re feeling better?” he asked.

  “When you hold me in your arms,” she said and snuggled closer, “everything in my world is perfect…”

  ~ ~ ~

  Friday morning Geni and Andy had coffee. She had a meeting at The Menner Center Museum later. “Just hang around here,” she said. “I’ll only be about an hour-and-a-half, tops.”

  “Got a couple errands to run, I’ll meet you back here for lunch,” he said.

  “OK, but you don’t need to leave. I swear I’ll be right back.”

  After she was gone, he got in the car, punched an address into his GPS and made a call as he drove. He wanted to talk with Geni’s oldest son, Thomas.

  “Thomas Davis, please. Andy Stevens calling.”

  “Andy! Well, this is a nice surprise,” Thomas said when he answered.

  “I’m in town, got time for a cup of coffee?”

  “Sure, I’d like that. I can meet you someplace.”

  Thomas’s office was closer than he thought. “Actually I’m here, I just pulled up. Can you get away for a few minutes? I know it’s short notice.”

  “Well, if you’re here, just come on in! I’ve got good Joe right here,” he laughed. As he hung up Thomas’s mind wandered.

  “Business or pleasure?” he asked Andy as he got them both a cup of coffee.

  Andy thought a minute. “Definitely pleasure,” he said and smiled.

  Thomas knew now the direction this was going to go. The two of them sat at the table in his office.

  “I wanted to talk to you about your mom,” Andy said.

  “I see. Matthew has already given me an idea that you might, and I suspected something when we attended the Gala,” Thomas said.

  “I just feel like it’s the right thing to talk to you about it,”

  Andy said. “I don’t have the best track record, but I’ve learned from my mistakes,” he continued.

  “I believe we’ve all experienced the way you are with Carlee enough to know that you’re a good man, Andy.”

  “I’d like to spend more time with your mom. I enjoy her company, a lot. She’s an easy companion, and pretty easy on the eyes - if it’s OK that I point that out,” Andy said with a grin.

  “That she is,” Thomas replied with a big grin. “I believe that all of us would agree that you spending more time with our mom would be a good thing.”

  “Good,” Andy said.

  They talked a while longer, and when Andy rose to go Thomas hugged him.

  “Thank you for the conversation, Andy. I appreciate that you wanted to talk to me.”

  “By the way, in regards to the earlier question, if I can be of help in any way with the business, just let me know. I happen to know some people,” Andy said with a wink and a smile.

  “Be careful what kind of bones you throw me,” Thomas laughed.

  After he left, Thomas thought for a while, and then called his wife, Angela.

  ~ ~ ~

  Geni’s middle son, Brian, was next on his agenda, and he dialed the number. “Brian Davis,” he said when he answered.

  “Andy Stevens here,” he replied.

  “Well, I’ve been waiting for this call,” he said.

  “You have?” Andy laughed.

  “Yes, but before you start, you know Malia and I don’t have kids yet. Still waiting and wondering about all that,” he said easily. “Your answer to my next question could be the ammo I need when the issue comes up in the future,” he laughed.

  “Wow, no pressure there,” Andy laughed. “Shoot,” he said.

  “So, if we were to have girls, is this what it’s gonna be like when some young man wants to ask them on a date?” Brian asked, and chuckled.

  Thomas, all business… Brian, the fun one… Andy thought, remembering their toasts at Carlee and Matthew’s wedding dinner.

  “Kinda, yeah, I guess,” he replied. “Did Thomas call you?”

  “No, actually,” Brian replied, “I just saw it coming, but that brings another question to mind.”

  “Oh, geez,” Andy laughed.

  “Why’d you call him first?”

  “Pecking order,” Andy said, and they both laughed.

  “So, you were gonna say something about Mom…”

  “I was, but it appears you already know. I’d like to spend more time with her,” Andy said.

  “I think you have a plan,” Brian said, “and the plan is good.”

  “I thought about coming by to talk to you, but I believe we’ve covered what I wanted to say.”

  “I’ll see you soon, Andy.”

  “Brian…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  As he drove, his mind wandered.

  I never asked Connor if I could see Bethy - life was so different then. I didn’t meet her family until after we were already together. And ‘together’ never left anything to wonder about what kind of relationship we shared. We were young, and I know that the free lifestyle we shared wouldn’t have been Connor’s plan for his daughter. Sometimes I wonder if he ever really forgave me for all that she and I went through. My time as ‘Papa’ to Carlee has made me intensely aware of the role a father should play in a girl’s life. Oh, those shoulda, coulda, wouldas, Bethy…

  He looked in the mirror and saw the gray that kissed his temples and the sprinkling beginning to take over the rest of his hair. He saw the lines that met the corners of his eyes and those that framed his mouth like parentheses. He hoped that with age truly came the wisdom to learn from all those shoulda, coulda, wouldas that Beth always noted.

  I’ll call Matthew later, he thought. He suspected that Carlee had already told him about their conversation. He dialed Geni’s number instead.

  “Hey there,” she said in that rich southern accent.

  “Hey you,” he replied, “hungry?”

  “Gettin’ there; where are you?” she asked.

  “Still figuring my way around this damn place,” he laughed. “Some friggin’ bridge…”

  “Well that narrows it down,” she laughed. “You can’t get anywhere without crossing a bridge in this town!”

  “I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

  “I’ll have something ready,” she said.

  “No, let’s go out. I’m craving seafood.”

  “I have tuna,” she said and laughed, that humor that he found himself enjoying more and more.

  ~ ~ ~

  They enjoyed a weekend with her family popping in and out to visit, and shared a big chaotic family dinner on Sunday. Geni was in her glory. Sunday evening, after everyone was gone Andy suggested they have a glass of wine, and they went to the porch. He sat in the rocking chair across from where she was, so that he could see her. He found that at times, just the sight of her made him smile.

  “I’ve gotta go home in the morning. Got some things to take care of, and Marco has a new client he wants me to meet with, someone Nigel put on our radar. I need to go look into that.” He paused and added, “I’d like to come back later in the week, but I don’t want to wear out my welcome.”

  “I’d like that,” she said looking over the rim of her glass watching him as she sipped. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew they both needed time to think, and thinking about a relationship apart from each other
seemed a little easier.

  Chapter Two

  For the next several days, Carlee seemed fine, but the worry lingered in Matthew’s mind. After the fainting spell at camp, everyone pretty much agreed that she was hot and hungry; ‘dehydrated’ the nurse at the camp had told them. But then the dizziness and nausea had started on their flight back to London after their summer visit. She saw the doctor when they got home, and he’d been treating her for vertigo, but Matthew still worried.

  Thursday morning, Carlee woke with a headache again. “I don’t like this, Carlee. I think we need to get you back to the doctor,” Matthew said.

  “Let’s wait. It’s just the weirdest thing. After we changed the patch thing I felt OK. Maybe it needs a few more days to really sink in. But it kinda sucks waking up like this. My head is kinda swimmy. I’m just gonna lay here a while. Don’t worry - I’ll call you.”

  He left, and when he called between classes she sounded good. But he still didn’t like it. On his way home, he made a call.

  “Hello! I’m happy to hear from you this morning,” Geni said.

  “Hey, Mom, how’s things?” he asked.

  “Good,” she said. Andy had just arrived, and when she heard a worried tone to Matthew’s voice, she mouthed to him that she needed to go to her office a minute.

  “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong, I can tell,” she said when she got there. She didn’t want to alarm Andy if there was nothing to be alarmed about.

  “Not sure. Carlee’s had a couple of mornings where she woke up with a really bad headache. The two times it’s happened she seems fine by mid-day, but she’s really out of sorts in the morning. Today she said she was feeling the swimmy-head thing again. We changed the patch the other evening; it was due, but I thought it was supposed to be continuous - no gap or delay in the absorption or whatever.”

  Geni thought a minute and asked, “Have you made a follow-up appointment with her doctor?”