Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

  Your life was a blessing, a gift, for those left behind

  So each whisper comes with a prayer

  That we can go on without you and the love you gave us.

  The blessing of the life you shared…

  Also recorded was a song that Andy wrote soon after Geni went home from London, “The Way to Me.”

  There’s a road

  A path

  A way

  That leads you where you need to be,

  I hope it leads you back to me

  Don’t do it again

  Don’t walk away from me

  We’ll figure it out

  Learn what to say

  But please don’t ever walk away.

  He had enough material that he and Marco decided a full-length album was in the making. The Road Less Traveled, a collection of soulful songs - not rock and roll - would become Andy’s biggest solo project ever.

  ~ ~ ~

  After the editing and cutting, the scenes for the movie – “Rock and Roll Never Forgets” - were pieced together. It was a process Carlee thought was much like the quilt that her mama wrote about - this pieced together the parts of the film that would tell the story of Elizabeth Ellen Morgan Oliver Stevens. And at Devin’s request, her mama’s favorite quilt was used in all of those scenes in the movie.

  Thomas arranged a private viewing, and they were ready for Carlee and her family to preview. They were all anxious, but Carlee more so than anyone. She cried throughout the movie but made sure that they all knew it was just right, and that she cried because it was so true to the story.

  ~ ~ ~

  The Premier was held on July 13, 2020, in Jacksonville, at a theatre that one of the charities Geni volunteered with had saved from destruction and renovated. It was a grand celebration, and the locals came out in force – along with some of the Road Heads from Traveler’s past. Red carpet waited for the stars and family at the event, and those who gathered for a glimpse packed the streets. Everyone who walked the carpet was dressed in their finery as they made their way into the theatre. Inside, Andy sat on one side of Carlee and Matthew on the other.

  ~ ~ ~

  The film began with a man and a small girl standing hand in hand, graveside, singing “You Are My Sunshine”…

  It ended with Beth walking alone, along the shore, leaving a trail of footprints in the sand as the screen faded…

  Epilogue

  April 2023

  Andy was sitting on the porch looking out at the river. Geni was away at one of her charity groups. He’d just completed his daily laps in the pool. Sipping his coffee, he looked out, enjoying the beautiful quiet of the spring morning. He was enjoying this time in his life. He was settled. He was happy, and life was the best he could imagine.

  He watched a heron making its way along the shoreline when he saw the red car come into view, and he smiled. For Carlee’s 25th birthday, he’d had the red Mercedes XL that had been Beth’s restored to like-new condition. He rose from the rocking chair and was waiting at the bottom of the porch steps as Carlee helped her out of the car. He waited with arms wide-open as the little dark-haired girl flew into his arms.

  He watched Carlee; she looked good. She wore her hair about shoulder length now; it was curly and suited her. Motherhood and married life suited her. She was happy, and just the thought of that kept him feeling the same.

  “Papa!” She looked like a miniature Carlee except her eyes - they were smoky blue, just like Matthew’s, and her hair was auburn.

  “Well, hello there, sweet love!” he said lifting her into his arms, holding an arm out for Carlee to step into.

  “Don’t get her all wound up, Papa. She’s been a wild child all morning!”

  “Kylie Elizabeth? A wild child? I can’t even wrap my head around the thought of that,” he laughed as she wriggled away and took off running across the yard after Kooky, the cat.

  “She wears me out. Everyone tells me it’s normal for a three-year old, but sheesh… Matthew comes in from work and gets her going, and I want to whip him! She just goes, and goes, and goes; she the energizer bunny on steroids. I pray for a nap every afternoon, and Hatchet is no help with this one - spoils her stinkin’ass rotten! No wonder I fall right to sleep when I finally crawl into bed in the evening!”

  She joined him on the porch, and they watched Kylie in the yard. Carlee was telling Andy about camp plans for the summer. The chapel would be done, and another two cabins were ready. Andy, Geni, and Johanna were going again, and Andy vowed that he’d be there every summer until he was no longer able. He’d recruited younger musicians to join them, to continue the music program, and had so many volunteers that they planned mini-concerts as well as the music workshops.

  Andy’s greatest joy this year was a gift that he was looking forward to. It was a surprise for everyone – he’d had wooden frames built under the trees throughout the open areas at camp and tire swings were hung, waiting for happy kids to swing.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy listened to Carlee as she chattered on and on, and he couldn’t be happier. She was healthy. She’d been almost four and a half years with no repercussions of the tumor. She’d been given a clean bill of health. They would remain cautious, and she would only have to see the doctor once a year. But for now, all was well.

  Matthew was successful in his photography career, and well known in his field around the world. They were happily married and settled, living just around the corner in the house Matthew and his brothers had grown up in. Kylie Elizabeth was the next love in his life and he thought back…

  ~ ~ ~

  The lessons Phyllis had shared when he was growing up were part of everything he did. The things he loved about his time with Beth, and the things that brought him forward after her, made him stronger in his love. The things Carlee had taught him, some that she didn’t even know were lessons at all, were gifts of love that made him the man he was now. He thought about the gift that Beth, and John’s passing had given him.

  He remembered how Carlee had told him that she was tired of being shuffled around, and he found it ironic that with him was where she thought she’d feel the stability that she needed. He thought of all the life-journeys the two of them had shared together. He thanked God for every day that she was in his life. He remembered sitting on the floor Indian-style, with her in the hollow of his lap, those short little legs draped lazily over his own as he read to her. But more than anything, he remember each step of their European jaunt – seeing the world through her eyes - and the gift that those six weeks had given them both.

  He thought of Geni, learning to love again, sharing his life with her. She was a great companion, but so much more. He loved her, and he’d wondered what his future would have held without her.

  And he looked out at Kylie, rolling in the grass with the cat. Just that Kylie was here was a miracle, and all of their lives were blessed. She was a happy little girl, and she was, as Carlee had said, a wild-child.

  He remembered a thought that Beth had shared in the book all those years ago, ‘lessons learned are indeed, easily shared…’

  Acknowledgements

  “Although we’ve come to the end of the road

  Still I can’t let you go…” Boyz II Men

  Dear Readers,

  As I was tying my thoughts together to write the acknowledgements for this last book in the trilogy, I wasn’t sure where to even begin. My heart is full of so many things that I will share as I go. Driving home, channel surfing on the radio one evening, I heard this song, “The End of the Road,” by Boyz II Men, and that’s where I’m starting…

  We have come to the end of this road, but these stories will remain with me forever… I hope they will for you as well. I pray that Andy still wakes me up every once in a while, but now I have Mitchell and Brandley (and hopefully many others as time passes) to do the same.

  Thank you for taking a chance on me and opening the pages of “Rock and Roll Never Forgets.” Thank you for following my jou
rney all the way through to this page. I fell in love with Andy Stevens when I first began typing the story so many years ago, and I knew where the story would end all along. I had to fill in the middle of the story as I went, but I knew that Andy could never die through my words. He will remain a Rock God in my heart forever. Where I left him, he is alive, well, and enjoying his life and his family.

  Andy and I have shared an amazing journey. I was told recently that I shouldn’t have labeled my ‘series’ a ‘trilogy.’ “It locks you into only those three books,” I was told. I won’t be taking Andy or his family and friends on a journey beyond this – the story starts to get too ‘iffy’ for me – how could I possibly write more of this story without him?

  ***

  I’ve been asked many times who inspired Andy, and I promised that I would share, but I fear you’ll be disappointed. I think Andy is ‘every man,’ and a different vision to each of us who have fallen in love with him. I tried to get an image that I could share, but I don’t think I can put a face on him. He’s a combination of men… When I close my eyes I see a little of my favorite singer (since the first time I heard “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” in 1979) Steve Perry, but I see him taller and darker, kind of like Constantine Maroulis, and later in life a little Pat Monahan from Train (he inspired Andy’s hair cut!). I can only tell you that to me, Andy is the epitome of ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ – with an edge of wild in the beginning, but more reserved and mellow in the end. Thank you for wanting to know how I see him. Now… send me a note and tell me how YOU see him.

  None of this is to say that Andy is any of these men. The stories that made up the trilogy began from lyrics of Journey songs from the Trial by Fire CD, songs so well-written that I could see pictures in my head. Even today, as I listen to the CD or hear a song on the radio, I can visualize a part of Andy and Bethy’s and Andy and Carlee’s journey – a gift that will keep them alive as long as I can hear the music… You should listen and see of you find anything that reminds you of Andy’s journey. Other songs have given me a vision too, and those close to me know which songs gave me an idea for a scene in the stories.

  Some of you have told me that you thought it was Bethy’s journey in the beginning, “and how can it go on without her?” but it was Andy’s story all along. Thank you to each one of you who told me you felt a connection to these characters.

  ***

  I have to thank my family and friends for so many life-moments that are nuanced into the stories I write. Thank you for pointing them out to me when you find them. Thanks to Cindy Caldwell, who was getting new flooring and asked for scriptures to go beneath it. As soon as I read your request and idea, I ran to the computer, knowing that Carlee and Matthew would have lyrics instead! And to my friend Marnie, who knows that HOPE is my favorite word, thank you for the beautiful Premier Designs pendant that became Matthew’s gift to Carlee when Kylie Elizabeth was born.

  I’m not a mother, but I’ve been blessed with some “little girls” in my life that taught me about Disney princess movies as I “hung out” with them. Thinking of those times reminded me of The Little Mermaid and Ariel’s red hair to use in this story.

  Thanks to the Red Pen Mafia for pushing me to write better. (You know who you are! I don’t want to call you out because I need you to remain anonymous!) When I go back and read things I’ve written previously, I know I am a much better writer than when I began this journey. Thank you for that! Thank you to the ARC readers who have already shared the love – this was a new experience for me and I am grateful to you!

  There aren’t enough thank yous in the world to tell my sweet Gene what his belief in me, his patience when I get frustrated over something, his guidance when I don’t understand why something doesn’t work, and for being the “Don of the Red Pen Mafia” means to me. He’s my best friend, and I love him more than words… to the moon and back.

  And I thank my mom – Alis – for sharing her love of reading with me. I remember a time in my ‘tween year’ sitting inside a cedar closet in my bedroom devouring the entire Nancy Drew Mysteries. Thank you for the beginning of my love of books. I wish you were still here so you could see where they lead me.

  ***

  I have to thank Ken Moran (Moran Photography), his late wife, Marie (A Cancer Warrior) and Lee Goodnight (Hair by Lee and Friends) for the idea of the head-shaving story line. When I walked into the office of my local American Cancer Society office the first time I saw the most beautiful picture of a bald head – a beautiful bald head with the Chinese symbol for HOPE drawn on it. Hope has always been my favorite word, and Marie Moran and her courage helped me write Carlee and Kyliejo’s courage in the face of losing their hair.

  I have a story to share about a beautiful little girl who shared this story along with me as I wrote. I received a message a while back telling me how Andy and Carlee’s relationship touch the reader. She told me about a little girl named Taylor Adkins. She told me that she was Taylor’s second mom and that she hoped she was “Taylor’s Andy.” We exchanged several messages, and Taylor was introduced to me through pictures and tales of her illness. There was one picture that I kept on my desktop so Taylor could travel this journey with me. The stories of Taylor’s journey helped me write about Kyliejo Smithson. Taylor’s beautiful smile helped me tell Kyliejo’s story, and I will be forever grateful to Paula Adkins for sharing Taylor with me. A newspaper article that she shared titled, If You Have To Whisper, Make it A Prayer, inspired the poetry that became the lyrics to the song Andy wrote about Kyliejo in this story.

  That message was so special to me, and I thank each and every one of you who have reached out to me to tell me how something I wrote affected you. Those notes mean more to me than anything I can think of. You writing them are such a gift to me – you trusted me with a piece of your heart. So many of the things you share with me became part of my moving forward. If your review told me something you didn’t like, I tried to work “fixing it” into the end of Andy’s journey. Many told me that they “couldn’t read” about Andy falling in love again, but I stepped back and realized that wasn’t even reasonable. You CAN love again! It won’t be the same as your first love, or the love you shared with someone for a lifetime, but you CAN love again, so I wrote about second love.

  Thank you to all the bloggers (I won’t list you because I’m afraid I will miss someone!) who stumbled upon me and shared me with your followers. Endless thank yous to all of you who shared me with your friends and family. I can’t thank you enough for believing in me and this journey with Andy enough to see it to this place. I am beyond grateful that you took a chance on me and followed me to these last words. There will be other stories… but I leave this trilogy with Andy forever in my heart.

  The lovelies at Totally Booked Blog wrote these words in their review of “Rock and Roll Never Forgets,” and they stuck with me. This statement meant that someone else got it – they got me. I love you ladies!

  “The message in this book is one to take with you. It’s about grabbing life with both hands, taking that leap, never questioning anything and ultimately, doing what makes you happy.”

  ~~~

  Because you’ve asked, I’m sharing Cook’s scone recipe and Nanny’s Apple Butter Cake – the “cheater version.”

  Cook’s Famous Warm Brown Sugar Scones

  With cinnamon and rich brown sugar, these tender, flaky scones are Carlee’s favorite!

  Recipe type: Breads

  Yield: 8 scones (I cut them smaller so you can eat twice as many!)

  Ingredients

  • 2 cups flour

  • 1 tablespoon baking powder

  • ¾ teaspoon kosher salt

  • ½ cup brown sugar

  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon

  • 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into ½-inch squares (salted butter is fine, I just suggest you reduce the salt to ½ teaspoon)

  • ¾ cup heavy cream

  • 1 egg

  • 2 teaspoons van
illa extract

  Instructions

  1. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, brown sugar, and cinnamon. You may have a few brown sugar lumps - that’s fine. Work in the butter with a pastry blender until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.

  2. In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, heavy cream, and vanilla.

  3. Make a well in the dry ingredients and pour the wet ingredients in. With a wooden spoon, stir just until a dough forms.

  4. Turn dough onto a floured surface and form into a disc about 1-inch tall. Cut into 8 wedges.

  5. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet (a cookie sheet lined with a silpat is great, too) at 450 degrees for about 12 - 14 minutes until the scones begin to brown on the bottom.

  6. Remove from oven and let cool for about 5 minutes before serving.

  Notes

  Adapted from Food Network/Alton Brown.

  Nanny’s Apple Butter Cake ~ (Cheater Recipe)

  1 28-ounce jar Apple Butter

  1 20-ounce can/jar of sliced apples (not fresh)

  Add to a saucepan and cook on low heat for 20-30 minutes until it gets saucy, but thickens.

  1 18.25-ounce box of spaced cake mix (I like Betty Crocker for the Box Tops for Education)

  Prepare cake per the package instructions, but you want to bake in small batches so that you have at least 5 layers.