by Ivy Wonders
Arching one eyebrow, he smiled. “Great idea. We can break in each room one at a time.”
Laughing, I took his hand. “Let’s go find the perfect Christmas tree first. I can’t wait to see Eli’s face tomorrow when he sees what we’ve done.”
Harman didn’t move when I tugged him. Instead, he pulled me back, wrapping his arms around me. “I wonder why I’ve never met anyone like you before, Rebel Saxe. You wear your heart on your sleeve—a heart that’s bigger than I can imagine. You adore my son.”
“I do.” I couldn’t hide that.
“You treat him almost like he’s your own child.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t understand that. “You don’t have to do anything for him, yet you do all sorts of things. And you do it because you want to, not because you have to. Not because I ask you to.”
“He’s a great kid.” I’d never known such a good kid.
“It’s not a word I’ve said much in my life,” he whispered as if it was a big secret, “the word love. Other than Eli, I’ve never said it to anyone. No one, Rebel.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you love me, Harman?” My heart swelled.
“When I say it, I want you to know I really mean it. But it’s getting more and more obvious that there’s something building between us that feels a hell of a lot like that word.”
I smiled, knowing exactly what he meant—because I felt it, too.
Chapter 17
Harman
Sunday evening came, and I hated to see the weekend coming to an end. But everything had to end eventually. Rebel and I were in the kitchen cooking chili together when Eli called. “Hey, Little Buddy.”
Rebel pulled out a knife, then set to work cutting up an onion. “Tell him to ask his mother if she’d like to join us for dinner when she drops him off,” she whispered.
“Um.” I didn’t know if that was a good idea. “When are you going to be home?” I asked my son.
“Soon,” Eli said. “And tell Rebel that’s okay. We’re on our way now.”
“Okay, see you soon then.” I swiped to end the call then put the phone down on the countertop. “He sounds a little sad or upset.”
Rebel wiped tears out of her eyes as she sniffled. “That’s not good. I wonder what happened.”
Pulling her into my arms, I used a dish towel to wipe her eyes. “Let me finish cutting that up.”
“Why?” she asked. “I’m already crying. Why should you get all teary over this onion, too?”
I didn’t bother explaining, just took the knife away from her and moved her to the sink before turning on the cold water. “Stand here until the stinging goes away.”
“Doctor’s orders?” she asked with a laugh.
“Yes.” I went to chop up the rest of the onion, doing it so quickly that the fumes couldn’t bother me. Tossing the chopped onions into the chili simmering on the stove, I went to wash the knife and cutting board, Eli still heavy on my mind. “I wonder what happened.”
It took another fifteen minutes before Eli came home. He came in the side door with his head low, looking tired and sad. “Hey, guys.”
Rebel looked at him, and then watched me as I walked over to my son. Putting my arm around his shoulders, I asked, “Wanna tell me what happened?”
He looked up at me, then over at Rebel. “I don’t want to hurt her feelings, Dad.”
Rebel took the cue. “I’ve gotta go to the little girl’s room.” Exiting quickly, she left us alone.
“How about now, Eli? Wanna talk to me?” I asked.
He went to sit at the kitchen bar, then finally said, “I told Mom about you and Rebel. I thought she’d be happy. She said she liked Rebel after we left her house.”
“When did you tell your mom about this?” I asked. I’d talked to him on Saturday, and he hadn’t been upset.
“A little while ago.” He sniffed the air. “Is that chili?
“Yeah,” I told him, moving back to the stove to give it a stir.
“I like chili. Is there cornbread, too?” he asked, looking a little happier, which made me feel better.
Maybe it’s not as bad as he thinks.
I opened the oven to show him the pan of cornbread cooking inside. “There sure is.”
“Good.” He smiled. “That makes me feel a little better, Dad. Anyway, I told Mom about you and Rebel because I was pretty sure Rebel would be here when Mom brought me home. ’Cause I know you like spending time with her. And I didn’t want Mom to be surprised.”
“Sounds awfully mature of you, son.” I was continually surprised at the thoughtful boy my son was turning out to be.
“Yeah, well, it didn’t do what I thought it would.” Then the sadness came over him again. “Mom cried. She ran out of the room and didn’t come back for a long time. And when she did, she told me she was sad because she thought one day we’d be a family again.”
“She shouldn’t have done that.” I felt fury building inside of me, but I tried to keep a calm face for Eli. “I’m sorry she did that to you. I’ll talk to her about it.”
“Please don’t say anything else to make her cry, Dad. It broke my heart.” He got up and went to the fridge to get a bottle of water.
I sat down, feeling like I might fall down. Hearing him say that seeing his mother cry had broken his heart, well… That nearly broke mine. “Okay, I won’t then, Eli.”
He took a long drink of the water bottle. “It’s good to have some water finally. Mom has these new rules. No water after five o’clock. She said I might wet the bed. I told her I haven’t wet the bed since I was six, but she still wouldn’t let me have anything after five. And she made me go to bed at eight. I felt like a baby.”
That didn’t sit well with me, either, but I kept that to myself. I made a mental note to talk to Tara about that. “Dinner’s almost ready,” I said, wanting to get things going. “Why don’t you go put your things in your room and wash up? When you come back down I’ll have everything ready.”
“Okay.” He picked up the bag he’d left on the floor by the door. “I just wish Mom would’ve taken the news better. I wanted her and Rebel to get along. They talked nice to each other when I introduced them.”
“Give her time, Little Buddy. Your mom just needs to get used to things.” I put my arm around his shoulders and ushered him out of the kitchen.
With Eli gone, Rebel came back in. “So, what’s up?”
Ladling the chili into three bowls, I filled her in. “He told his mother about you and me. Tara cried.”
Rebel deflated and took a seat on the barstool Eli had just vacated. “Damn.”
“Yeah.” Pulling the cornbread out of the oven, I put the pan on the stovetop then went to get the butter from the fridge. “He nearly broke my heart, telling me how sad he was about her crying.”
“I bet.” Rebel’s eyes were fixed on the spot in front of her. I knew she was probably trying to think of a way to make everything better.
“Rebel, it’s going to take time is all.” I knew that was the only thing that would help. “I just don’t understand. She left. She was dating before we ever even filed for divorce. Did she think I would just sit around and do nothing while she moved on with her life?”
“I guess so,” Rebel mumbled.
“Eli told me that Tara said something about her thinking we’d be a family again one day.” That comment threw me for a loop. She’d never mentioned a thing like that to me. “It kind of pisses me off that she thinks she can do whatever she wants, then come back home when she’s done.”
Rebel nodded. “I can understand why that makes you mad.” She looked up, and my eyes caught the glistening of what looked like tears in hers. “So, what are we going to do about this?”
“Nothing.” I knew Tara didn’t want to come back home. I knew she wasn’t anywhere near done with sowing her wilds oats. She’d only taken Eli because another woman had made her feel guilty about not seeing him. “If I let her back in, then she’ll only stay for a short time. I
know that. I don’t want her back, anyway.”
Gulping, I saw the lump go down Rebel’s throat. “What makes you so sure of that?”
“We never loved each other, Rebel.” I picked up our bowls and placed them on the table.
“But you lived together for about six years without love. I’m sure she thinks you could just go back to that.” Rebel picked up the buttered cornbread and brought it to the table.
Turning, I looked at her. “I can’t go back to that life. I might’ve been able to before, but I can’t now.”
“Because of me?” she asked, her gaze penetrating.
“Yes.” Taking her by the shoulders, I kissed her on the forehead. “My feelings for you are already so much stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for her. How can I throw that all away?”
Rebel took in a sharp breath. “What if she wants to stay with you because of Eli? What if sharing her kid as well as her ex is just too much for her?”
“Too bad.” I sat down at the table, not the least bit hungry anymore. Then I looked at Rebel, watching as she chewed her lower lip nervously. “Why are you looking like that?”
Shaking her head, she put her finger to her lips as Eli came back in. “You hungry, Eli?”
“Chili’s one of my favorites.” He sat down and dug right in.
Rebel sat down, too. She and I picked at our food, neither of us having much of an appetite any longer. I could see it in her eyes that she thought I might let Tara back if she wanted to come home.
But I’d found something better with Rebel. “After dinner, Rebel and I have a surprise for you, Eli. We’ve been as busy as elves this weekend.” Maybe if Rebel heard me making plans for our future then she’d realize I had no intention of letting her go—not for anyone.
“Really?” Eli’s eyes shined brightly as he looked at Rebel. “What did you guys do?”
Finally, the light came back to her eyes. “Something for you.”
After dinner, we took Eli to where we’d set up the tree. When he saw three presents under it with his name on them, he jumped up and down with excitement. “Yeah! Three presents already.”
“You’ll never guess what they are.” Rebel had hunted for the most unique presents she could find for Eli. She was right—he’d never guess that a pet rock was one of his gifts. Especially since she’d put it in a huge box.
Everyone wore smiles again, and the sadness over Tara’s reaction seemed to be pushed back. For a while, anyway.
Chapter 18
Rebel
Looking at my cell while the vet tech pulled out the rotten tooth of an old Golden Retriever, I saw Harman’s name flash on the screen. We should have been closed an hour earlier, but when Mrs. Nelson had called about her desperate dog, I said I’d stay open until she got there. “Do you have this, Jimmy?”
He nodded. “Yeah. He’s not even bleeding because that tooth was so decayed. I’ll clean him all up, then put him in a cage to sleep off the anesthesia.”
“I’ll stay until you’re all done here. I’ve gotta lock up after.” I swiped the screen to answer the call then walked out of the exam room. “Hi, handsome.”
“Hey, gorgeous.” I heard him sigh. “I just passed your house and you’re not home. Where might you be?”
“Still at the clinic.” I sat down in one of the chairs in the lobby. “We had a late emergency. I’ll be leaving in just a bit.”
“Come to my place for dinner. Rene is making roast goose,” he told me.
“I’ll be there. See you soon.” I ended the call and looked up to see a car pulling up in front of the glass doors. I’d locked them, so I took out my keys and opened them back up to tell the person that we were closed.
When Tara got out of the car, I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. “Can we talk?” She came toward me.
Stepping back, I let her inside, then locked the doors again. “This must be pretty important for you to come to my place of work, Tara.”
“I saw your car as I was driving by and decided it had to be a sign.” She looked around the lobby. “Is anyone else here?”
“Jimmy’s in the back. Once he’s done, I’ll need to lock up.” I crossed my arms in front of me. “So what would you like to talk about?” I was not at all comfortable with her being in my clinic, but I didn’t want to be rude to Eli’s mother.
Shifting her weight back and forth, she seemed agitated. “I feel like you’re getting in the way of things, Rebel.”
“How’s that?” I did not like where this conversation was headed and found it pretty presumptuous of her to think she could dictate what anyone else did with their personal lives. She’d left Harman. What more was there to say?
“Eli talks about you all the time. Even more than he talks about his father.” She began tapping her long, manicured nails on top of the front desk. “I don’t like it. He’s our son, Rebel. Ours.” She looked me in the eye to make her point.
“I know whose kid he is, Tara. I’m not trying to take anyone’s place. And I’m not trying to get in the way your relationship with your son.” She had no idea how much I would love to see her spending more time with Eli. “Tara, you can have that boy as much as you want. You’re the one who keeps preventing that from happening, not me.”
“He’s so busy with you all the time,” she said, throwing her hands in the air and starting to pace. “He’s always messing with your animals. He’s always with you.”
“And his father is there, too.” I wasn’t sure if that was helping or hurting my side of things. “Eli can be with you as much as you want him—Harman’s told me that on many occasions. It’s up to you, not the stupid court documents, and Harman would never stop you either. You can have Eli as much as you want.”
Stopping in her tracks, she looked at me. “I shouldn’t have to compete with you for my son’s attention.”
“There’s no competition, Tara. You’re his mother. End of story.” I couldn’t believe she felt threatened by me. “I want that boy to have a great relationship with you. Everyone wants that, Tara. No one is standing in your way.”
“But you are. I don’t see how you can’t realize that.” Her eyes pleaded with me. “Step back. Give me room. Please.”
“I can try to give you room, but you’re seeing something that’s not there.” I threw my hands in the air in exasperation. “You’ve stepped back from spending time with your kid, and now you want me to do the same thing to the poor boy? Why? Why do you seem to think that having only Harman in his life is best for Eli? That’s what you left it at before, and you were fine with that.”
“His father’s always been is his hero,” she said. “Now it sounds like you’ve taken over that role. And now Eli loves you, so of course Harman loves you, too.”
That gave me pause. Did Harman only care for me because I’d won over Eli? It was too much to think about just then.
“Of course Eli looks up to his father. They have a wonderful relationship. And you could have that, too. No one is standing in your way but you, Tara. You’re making excuses.” I took a seat, feeling exasperated, but not wanting the woman to feel threatened by me. “Let’s sit and talk.”
She sat a few chairs over. “You have no idea what it’s like to have your life end at only nineteen.”
“That’s how you see it?” I asked with astonishment. “You feel like your life ended when you got pregnant?”
“It did.” A tear fell down her cheek. “I didn’t even know Harman when I got pregnant.”
“Yeah, he told me the whole sordid tale.” It had shocked me that Harman had ever been the kind of man who’d have sex in a dirty bar restroom with a woman he’d never met before.
“Okay, so you know how much older he was than me. He was like a grown man already. And I was still a kid.” Another tear fell down her cheek. “Can you put yourself in my shoes for a minute?”
“Tell me, Tara.” I wanted to understand her, I really did.
She wiped the tears away with the back of her h
and, smudging her makeup. “My father made me marry Harman. Harman didn’t blink an eye when my father told him that he would get a DNA test done, and if the baby was his, he expected Harman to do the right thing and marry me. I stood there like a side of beef being sold. It was humiliating.”
“I agree. That must’ve been a horrible time for you.” My heart ached for her. But it ached for Harman, too. “But it happened. And it wasn’t all bad, now was it? Harman’s a nice man. He isn’t mean or hateful.”
“No, he’s nice. At least I got lucky there.” She looked up at the ceiling. “But I wasn’t attracted to him—not in the way you should be when you marry someone. I was so young and ignorant, and he just seemed so old to me then. And when we went to his apartment after getting married, he didn’t make me have sex with him, but he didn’t make me want to have sex with him, either. And that just set the tone for everything. It was so…disconnected.”
“It was mechanical,” I said. Harman had described it that way to me when he told me the story.
“Yes. And it felt like that act cemented the fact that I now belonged to him. And that killed me inside.” She sobbed, and I got up to hug her.
“I’m so sorry you went through that. And at such a young age, too. If you had been older, you would’ve realized you two didn’t have to get married to raise your baby together.” The answer to all this was an easy one, even though it wouldn’t be a quick fix. “Tara, you need therapy. What you’ve gone through would get to anyone.”
She put her hands against me, pushing me away. “You doctors are always throwing more doctors at people. There’s no one who can fix what’s happened to me. No amount of talking will change things. Why do any of you think that it will?”
The woman was as confused as she was wrong. “Tara, talking to someone who’s educated about your situation does help. I promise you, it does. Besides, plenty of people who aren’t doctors—of the human or animal variety—would recommend the same thing.”
She looked into my eyes as her lower lip quivered. “Harman took me, and he married me without asking me if that’s what I wanted. Nobody ever asked what I wanted.”