Saved by the Doctor

by Ivy Wonders

  “No.” Nancy got up and came to hug me. “Honey, I’m so sorry. This isn’t good at all.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s awful, and that’s why I was out for four days this week. It’s killing me. I love him and his son so much, and every part of me is hurting. I haven’t got to see them in seven days now. And it’s not getting any easier.” I felt the tears beginning to burn the backs of my eyes. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted to get better. I wanted to get over Harman and Eli, but I couldn’t.

  Nancy took charge. “Okay, does this man love you? Like, really love you, Rebel?”

  “He does. I know he does.” If only it were that simple. “And I told him to fix his family. I didn’t fight for him; I thought it would be best for his son. I love that kid and want to see him happy.”

  “Was he happy when you and his dad were together?” she asked me as she gauged my reaction.

  “He was. I know he was. Even before I got together with his father, Eli was happy hanging around here. He helped me look after the animals—he loved it. It was his mother. She felt too threatened by me, but I never wanted to try to take her place—I even spoke to her a couple times before I got together with Harman, asking her to spend time with Eli.” My emotions were all over the place, and it was becoming harder and harder not to place a lot of the blame for the entire situation squarely on Tara’s shoulders. “And I don’t even know now if she’s really got Eli’s best interests at heart. I think she thinks that if she’s a good mom, she’ll be able to win her ex over. And she might be right about that, too. But she came to me and told me she would be there for Eli—that she’d be able to bring her family together if I just got out of the way.”

  “Well. Quite frankly, the woman sounds insufferable,” Nancy let me know. “It sounds like she’s got it all mixed up; she should be able to be a good mother whether she’s with her ex or not, and whether her son has found another adult to look up to or not. If you and this man love each other, then she needs to respect that. And if her son has fun coming around her and helping you with the animals, then she needs to respect that too. Sounds like that’s what would be in the son’s best interest, in my opinion. She can’t keep her ex hostage in a loveless relationship just because she’s jealous of your connection to their son.”

  “Yeah,” I nodded my head, things finally clicking into place in a way that made sense. “I think you’re right, Nancy.” I sat up with renewed energy, grateful to be able to brush off my forlorn way of thinking. “She needs to respect our love. It shouldn’t make a difference to her relationship with her son; she can see her son as much as she wants, but the relationship I have with his father needs to be respected. Or at least tolerated. Yeah.”

  “You’re damn right it does.” Nancy filled my glass again. “So, I expect you to talk some sense into your man before things get any worse for you guys. But for now, let’s plan this Christmas party.”

  Chapter 27

  Harman

  Not long after I’d gotten into bed, my cell rang, and the ringtone told me who it was before I even saw the screen. My body reacted instantly. My heart sped up, and my cock sprang to life. “Rebel? Is everything okay?” concern etched my voice, as I knew she wouldn’t have called unless it was something important.

  “Not really,” she said quietly. “Things could be better. I miss you and Eli more than I knew possible.”

  “We miss you, too.” He’d just asked me if I’d spoken to Rebel when I put him to bed earlier. When I told him that I hadn’t, he’d looked away sadly before wishing me goodnight.

  “Harman, can you talk right now?” she asked. “You know, is Tara with you?”

  “No, she’s not. We don’t share a bedroom, Rebel.” I thought she might have thought Tara and I had gone back to married life, which we hadn’t.

  “This is selfish of me, but I’m glad about that.” She made a heavy sigh before going on, “I talked to a lady I work with. She’s got stepkids and has to deal with an ex-wife. It was great getting to talk to someone who’s been through a similar situation. She gave me some good advice, Harman.”

  “And that is?” I asked, curious about what someone who’d been in that position would have to offer.

  “Staying together for your kids isn’t the right thing to do,” Rebel let me know.

  Unfortunately our situation was a bit more complicated than that. “I know. But having Tara close right now—it’s the only thing I can think to do. This is what Eli wants.”

  “I know.” She hesitated. “But she brought up some things I’d never thought of before.”

  “Like?” I wasn’t opposed to hearing more. If there were a better way to do this—one where we could all be happy—then I’d jump at the opportunity.

  “Like the fact that one day Eli will be mature enough to see that you and his mother are miserable,” Rebel said. “And then he’ll feel guilty for being the one thing that made you two stay together.”

  I sat up in bed, thinking about that. “He’s happy right now, Rebel. You should see his face when we go down to eat breakfast. And that’s because he’s so happy his mother will be waiting at the table for him.”

  “If Tara would do what’s right by him, then Eli would get to see her nearly as much. She’s got to understand that you’ve found someone else. You’re in love with someone, Harman. Someone who misses you and wants this to end.” And there it was, Rebel wasn’t going to go along with things anymore.

  I’d never wanted to fight with her. I’d never wanted to hurt her. And it was hard arguing with her when we both wanted the same thing. But Eli had to come first. “Do you think I don’t miss you, Rebel? I do. You’re nearly all I think about. But I happen to think that Eli will respect his mother and me more, knowing that we put our own happiness to the side to make sure he was happy.”

  She cleared her throat before giving her reply, “Eli was happy when you and I were together, too.”

  He was; she was right about that. “But he wasn’t entirely happy, Rebel.”

  “Only because Tara wasn’t doing right by him. It wasn’t anything you did—it was her. She had every opportunity to make him happy, Harman. And she never showed an ounce of respect for you, your feelings, or our relationship. She doesn’t respect it at all.”

  Listening, Harmon knew Rebel was right about that. “I know.” I didn’t know what to do about it though. This was the only way I could get Tara to try, to get her into therapy and to start learning how to be a mother. “This is a complex situation.”

  “Tell me how your home life is going for you, Harman,” she said. “Tell me if your home feels comfortable to you now that she’s there.”

  It didn’t. Certainly not to me, and not even to Eli at times. “I’ve had to put my foot down about a few things, but that’s how things go with families. You don’t understand because you’ve never been married and had a child with someone.”

  “I’ve wondered something this last week, Harman,” she said. “If I were pregnant, then what would we do about this situation?”

  For a second I thought she was trying to tell me she was pregnant. And for that split second, I felt joy rush through me. But then I remembered she was on the shot. “You’re not, so that’s a moot point.”

  “But let’s just go with it for a moment. I’m pregnant. What are we going to do?” she asked.

  My mind raced with what I would’ve done had that been the case. “I suppose we’d have no choice but to make things work. Tara would have to understand and let us do what we had to. Get married and raise our family together. But Tara would still have to be included—for Eli’s sake.”

  “And if I said I could handle that?” she asked.

  “You could. I know you could. That’s never been the problem, baby.” It wasn’t Rebel who couldn’t deal with that situation. “It’s Tara. She’s the one who has difficulty adjusting.”

  “And that’s the excuse for this whole thing. Tara has a problem adjusting to the fact that you’ve fallen in l
ove with someone else and your son has affection for someone else.” She got quiet, then added, “It seems to me there are a number of people here being very selfless and who are willing to compromise, and one person who is not. Is that fair?”

  “Life’s not fair.” I’d learned that long ago. “At this time, I only want to think about Eli. I want to see my son’s smiling face each morning. And if that means that I have to live with my ex and be alone for the foreseeable future—then I’m sorry, Rebel. I’m going to do that. Even if it breaks my heart.”

  “And what do you think Tara will do when she realizes you’ll never love her, Harman? How long will it be until that happens?” Her question stirred something inside of me.

  I’d had my doubts about Tara’s commitment to this thing as well. “I have no idea. But at least it will be her leaving, and not me telling her to go.”

  “And what effect do you think that will have on Eli?” she asked. “Letting him see her as the bad guy?”

  “I don’t think of it like that.” I was trying very hard not to make Tara out to be the bad person in this thing. I didn’t want my son thinking of his mother that way.

  “I realize that my not agreeing with you might change your mind about me,” she sounded a bit nervous. “But I can’t sit by and not say anything. I don’t think this is being handled the right way. And I’ve agonized over whether to talk to you about that or not. But I decided it wasn’t like we were ever going to get back together, so why not tell you what I think?”

  “How do you know we’re not ever getting back together, Rebel?” As much as I’d been telling myself that I had to let Rebel move on, I just couldn’t.

  “If you stay with Tara in that loveless sham of a relationship, then you and I will never get back together, Harman,” she let me know. I’d never heard her sound so certain, and it scared me. I couldn’t let her go on believing that, even if it was best for her if she did.

  “I’m not in a relationship with her, Rebel. We’re merely living under the same roof, so we can raise our son together. We spend little to no time alone together.” I thought about how the few small conversations we’d had almost always included a bit about Rebel. “Tara goes to her suite after dinner each night. We only see each other at breakfast and dinner.”

  “Sounds like something that could happen if you and I were together,” she said. “If someone could make Tara see that keeping us apart isn’t helping anyone. If only someone could talk to Tara and get her to understand that she has to take accountability for her own actions instead of trying to dictate how others can live their lives. If only someone could tell her that any relationship you have has absolutely no bearing on her relationship with her son, and that it’s unacceptable for her to use Eli to try to keep you from the woman you love.” Rebel had gotten so worked up at that point that she was practically panting. I couldn’t tell if it was from frustration or from her trying to hold back tears. “But who’d do that?”

  I felt like I’d been sucker punched.

  Rebel was fighting for me—helping me to see things more clearly—and fighting for our relationship. And she was telling me it was time for me to fight for us, too.

  Rebel’s right.

  Chapter 28

  Rebel

  I didn’t feel any better after my conversation with Harman. His opinion hadn’t seemed to waver one bit with anything I’d said. The next day, I worked only a few hours in the morning, then took off after lunch. I didn’t feel quite right. I didn’t know if it was because the conversation had gone nowhere or what the problem was, but I felt off.

  Nancy had caught me before I took off, asking if I’d talked to Harman about things. I told her about our conversation and how nothing had changed. She told me to be patient with him, that one conversation probably wouldn’t be enough to make him see things more clearly.

  I thought she must be right, and I tried not to feel so hopeless. But I was dragging my ass anyway. All I wanted was for things to go back to how they’d been before Tara came around demanding her old life back.

  Heading to the grocery store near my neighborhood, I thought I’d treat myself to something expensive for dinner. Filet mignon sounded good to me. As I perused the aisles, I saw a woman in the wine department, and the number of bottles already in her basket caught my attention.

  I scanned the basket, then looked up at the woman herself—it was Tara. I couldn’t stop myself, “So, you having a party, Tara?”

  When she looked at me, the dark circles underneath her eyes told me things weren’t going as well at the Hunter household as I’d imagined. “Oh! Hi, Rebel.” Her hand hovered above a bottle of red wine, then she dropped it. “No, I’m just picking out some bottles to keep in the wine chiller I had delivered yesterday.”

  “Oh,” I said as I looked back at her basket. “For a second there I thought you might have developed a drinking problem.” I tried to make it sound like a lighthearted joke, but it came out much cattier.

  Running her hand through her auburn hair, she tried to smile, but it looked off. Then her lips curved downward into a frown. “Is it terrible that I feel as if I’m missing out on something by moving back in with Harman and our son?”

  “You had a pretty busy life before—if you’ve given that all up then I’d imagine you’re feeling a little out of sorts.” I didn’t know why the woman felt I was an appropriate person to confide in. “But that sounds like something you should be speaking to your therapist about. You are still going to counseling, right?”

  She smiled a little, looking down at the floor almost shyly. “Yes, I am. My therapist keeps telling me I need to work on setting and respecting proper boundaries—and yet here I am, spilling my guts to the very last person I should be.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I definitely agreed with her therapist, but I found it a bit surprising that Tara did. If Tara had respected Harman’s boundaries in the beginning, respected that he had started to carve out his own life for himself, well then, we might not have ended up in this mess.

  “Your life has gone through a lot of changes lately. That would be difficult for anyone,” I said, not unsympathetically.

  “Yeah.” She put back one of the bottles of wine. “And I’ve been using the wine to help me adjust to things. It’s not helping. I thought getting rid of my home would make it easier to accept that I’d be going back to the life I left behind. But I find that I miss that independence—and it’s not getting any easier.” She shifted her weight, looking a bit like she wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

  I sighed, not knowing what to say. On the one hand, I felt sorry for the woman and empathized with her confusion. But on the other, I couldn’t ignore the fact that Tara’s immaturity and insecurity was wreaking havoc on my own life.

  “This is what you said you wanted, Tara,” I kept my voice neutral, feeling too exhausted to muster any kind of emotion anyway. “If you’re unsure about this, then you need to figure that out quick and say something. This kind of instability isn’t good for a kid, and if you really want to do right by Eli, you need to make a choice and stick to it.

  “The amount of time and effort you put in with your son does not have to be dependent on the man you’re with—you can find a way to be there for him on your own, without Harman.” I knew it was time to shut my mouth. I’d already butted in more than I should have, and I was probably the last person Tara would listen to. “You probably don’t want to hear that right now, least of all from me. But I had to say something.”

  Her green eyes held steady on mine. “I don’t hate you, you know.”

  Laughing a little, I said, “And I don’t hate you, either. I just wish things could be different.”

  She looked at me, and I saw the fear in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose my son to you.”

  “I would never let that happen, Tara.” The fact that she still thought that told me there was still a lot she didn’t understand. “I love Eli, Tara. But I’m not his mother, nor do I wan
t to take your place. Even if Harman and I had never developed feelings for each other, I would still have cared about your son. But I do love Harman, and that means that he and Eli are a package deal. We can handle this, Tara. I can give you all the room you need to be that boy’s mother. And when you’re off happily living your life the way you want, with the people you want, you can rest assured that your son is in good hands.”

  “I have always been sure of that when he’s with his father,” she frowned down at the floor, as if she was struggling with this part of our conversation.

  “You’ve dated, Tara. And when you did, Harman gave you the freedom to see whoever you wanted,” I reminded her.

  “But I never took anyone around my son.” We still weren’t quite on the same page.

  “And that’s your choice to make. If there weren’t any men you were ready to introduce your son to, then you made the right choice in keeping them separate.” But I hoped that wouldn’t always be the case. “One day, you will find someone, Tara. Someone you’ll want to share your entire life with—and that means introducing them to Eli. And that guy will need to become part of your son’s life, too.”

  “Do you really think I’ll find the right man for me, Rebel?” She looked at me as if she’d thought that an impossibility. “I haven’t found him yet.”

  My heart skipped a beat at that. Did she finally realize that Harman wasn’t the man for her? “One thing’s for sure, you won’t find him if you’re living with an ex-husband you don’t even love. And it’s okay that you don’t love him. In fact, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’m so relieved to hear that. But don’t hold onto Harman just because he’s all you’ve ever known when it comes to your son.”

  “I think it would kill Harman if his son ever looked at another man as his father,” she said quietly.

  “That’s just the thing, Tara. Eli won’t ever see anyone else as his father—not while Harman is still in his life. Just as Eli won’t ever see me as his mother, not so long as he has you. And I will never get in your way with him.”