Breathless Trilogy

by Banks, Maya

  Forgive me. I can’t live without you.

  –Gabe

  Today another delivery person had brought in a box with a pair of fur-lined leather gloves and a note card that read:

  To keep your hands warm on the walk home.

  –Gabe

  Louisa and Greg were amused—thank God they weren’t pissed—and it had become a running joke with the regulars at La Patisserie as to what would be delivered next.

  The weather had cleared up, but the cold had remained. The skies were bright blue without a cloud in sight and the wind blew gusty, a knife through her coat. She was grateful for the gloves as she navigated the sidewalks back to her apartment. Dusk was descending, each day growing shorter and shorter.

  As she rounded the corner to walk the last block to her apartment, an electronic billboard atop a hotel caught her eye. How could it not?

  In big, neon letters, flashing across the screen was:

  I LOVE YOU, MIA. COME HOME.

  GABE.

  Tears pricked her eyelids. What was she supposed to do? He’d never said he loved her. Was it emotional manipulation for him to air his feelings to the world? And to put it on this billboard, by her apartment, where she couldn’t possibly miss the meaning? Come home. Not to her apartment. But to him.

  It was driving her crazy. He was driving her crazy. And yet he hadn’t attempted to confront her directly again. Not since the last time when she’d told him to leave her alone. But he was still there. In her face. Always reminding her of his presence.

  She was utterly baffled by this side of Gabe. It was a side he’d never allowed her to see—anyone to see.

  She went into her apartment, exhausted and miserable. She was convinced she was coming down with something, but she wasn’t sure if it was true illness or whether it was merely a product of too many sleepless nights and her emotional devastation.

  By the next morning, she couldn’t deny that she was truly ill. She walked to work and went through the motions mechanically. By the afternoon, Louisa and Greg both were eyeing her with concern, and when she dumped an entire pot of coffee onto the floor, Louisa called her into the back.

  She took Mia’s arm and then put her hand to her forehead.

  “Good God, Mia, you’re burning up with fever. Why didn’t you say anything? You can’t work like this. Go home and go to bed.”

  Mia didn’t even offer an argument. Thank God it was Friday and she wasn’t scheduled to work this weekend. An entire weekend in bed sounded next to heaven. And then she wouldn’t be subjected to whatever Gabe had delivered for the day. She could hide from him and the world and try to sort out this whole mess.

  She couldn’t take it anymore. It was a gigantic weight pressing down on her.

  She had every intention of taking a cab home, unable to bear the walk in her current state. But as she checked her watch, she groaned. Getting a cab at this hour would be next to impossible. They were all going off duty.

  Sighing in resignation, she began the long walk home, cold settling into her bones. She was shaking, her teeth chattering, and the sidewalk blurred in her vision.

  It took her twice as long as it normally did, and when she rounded the block and saw that damn billboard, she sighed in relief because it wasn’t far now.

  Someone bumped into her and she lost her balance. She nearly caught herself, but then she was bumped from the other side, and she slid to her knees, tears welling. She didn’t even have the strength to get up and she was so close to her apartment.

  She buried her face in her hands and let the tears escape.

  “Mia? What the hell? Are you all right?”

  Gabe. God, it was Gabe. His arm came around her, urging her to her feet.

  “Good God, baby, what’s wrong?” he demanded. “Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?”

  “Sick,” she croaked out amid another storm of tears.

  Her head hurt, her throat was on fire, and she was so cold and tired that she couldn’t bear the thought of walking another step.

  Gabe cursed and then he swung her into his arms and strode rapidly toward her apartment building.

  “I don’t want to hear one goddamn word, you understand? You’re sick and you need someone to take care of you. Jesus. What if I hadn’t been here? What if you’d collapsed on the damn sidewalk and no one was around to help you?”

  She didn’t say anything and instead buried her head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent. His warmth seeped into her skin, soothing all her aches. God, it had been so long. She hadn’t been warm since he’d left her. Or she’d left him. It didn’t matter, because the end result was that she was alone.

  He carried her into her apartment and into her bedroom. Then he rummaged through her drawer and pulled out a warm pair of pajamas.

  “Here,” he said. “Get changed and comfortable. I’m going to go make you some soup and get some medicine down you. You’re burning up with fever.”

  It took all her strength just to manage the task of getting out of her clothes and into the pajamas. Then she sank onto the edge of the bed, spent and wanting only to snuggle underneath the covers.

  A moment later, Gabe returned and he promptly did just that. Tucked her in and bunched the covers around her. He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes, savoring that brief contact. But he didn’t remain. He positioned pillows so she could sit up to eat, and then he disappeared again.

  When he came back this time, he was carrying a cup of soup and two medicine bottles. He shook out the pills into his palm after setting the soup on the nightstand, and then he opened the bottle of liquid cold medicine and poured the right dosage into the small measuring cup.

  After making her swallow down the liquid and the pills, he handed her the cup of soup and guided it into her hands.

  “How long have you been sick?” Gabe asked grimly.

  For the first time she looked at him. Really focused on him. And she was shocked by what she saw. He looked as bad as she felt. Deep shadows under his eyes. There were new lines across his forehead and at his temples. He looked…tired. Exhausted. Emotionally spent.

  Had she done this to him?

  “Since yesterday,” she croaked. “I’m not sure what’s wrong. I’m just so tired. This whole week. It’s just been too much.”

  A shadow crossed his face and guilt flared in his eyes.

  “Drink your broth. By then the medicine will have taken effect and then you need to rest.”

  “Don’t go,” she whispered as he got up from the bed. “Please. Not tonight. Don’t go.”

  He turned, regret deep in his eyes. “I’m not leaving you, Mia. Not this time.”

  After she finished the soup, Gabe took it from her and went back to the kitchen. She dug deeper into the covers, a shiver overtaking her. Even the soup hadn’t been able to warm her.

  Her eyelids were heavy, and she struggled to keep them open. A moment later, the bed dipped and to her surprise, Gabe slid into bed next to her, his arms wrapping tightly around her.

  “Rest now, Mia,” he murmured. “I’ll be here if you need anything. I just want you to feel better.”

  Forgetting everything else but the fact that she was back in his arms, she pushed herself as tightly against him as she could get, and then she relaxed, allowing his heat to seep into her veins.

  He was better than any drug, any remedy for her illness.

  With a sigh, she closed her eyes and gave in to the sweet temptation he offered.

  • • •

  The next morning when Mia awoke, the bed was empty and she wondered if the night before had been just a crazy dream brought on by her fever. Maybe she’d imagined it all. But when she turned on her side, nestling her cheek against the pillow Gabe had slept on, she saw a note propped on the mattress in front of his pillow.

  Take your medicine. Jace will be by to check on you later today. Rest this weekend and feel better.

  Love, Gabe

  Beside the note were several ibuprofen pil
ls, and on the nightstand, already poured into the dosage cup was the liquid cold-reliever medication.

  She sat up, frowning. She hadn’t imagined he’d leave. He’d been so…persistent.

  A shiver overtook her and she reached for the medicine, gulping it down with the water he’d left for her. She leaned back, resting her head on the pillow where Gabe had lain.

  She closed her eyes. She could still smell him. Could still feel his warmth surrounding her. God, she missed him.

  Was her pride worth them both being miserable? Did he truly love her, and did he want another chance for them?

  All the indicators were there, but she was afraid to trust him. Afraid to give him that chance again when he’d hurt her so badly by not fighting for her in the first place.

  • • •

  Gabe called Jace in the lobby of Jace’s building and waited for his friend to respond. A moment later, Jace responded and Gabe didn’t give him any time to question anything.

  “Jace, it’s me, Gabe. I need to talk to you. It’s about Mia.”

  A few moments later, Gabe rode the elevator up to Jace’s penthouse apartment. Jace was there to greet him when he got off the elevator, a slight frown marring his face.

  “What’s up?” Jace asked.

  Gabe walked inside, not bothering to take off his coat. He wasn’t staying long. There was too much he had to accomplish before the weekend was over.

  “Mia is sick,” he said bluntly. “I found her on the sidewalk yesterday when she was walking home from work. She was burning up with fever and some asshole had knocked her over. She didn’t even have the strength to make it back to her apartment.”

  “What the fuck? Is she okay?”

  Gabe held up his hand. “I stayed with her last night. Got some medicine down her and I left some for her to take when I left this morning. I left her a note telling her you’d be by to check in on her later.”

  Jace’s frown deepened. “You didn’t stay with her? Hell, Gabe, you’ve been relentless in your pursuit and you finally get a chance where she isn’t kicking your ass and you left her sick in her apartment?”

  Gabe sighed. “I’ve pushed her too hard. I’m part of the reason she’s so rundown and sick. I don’t want to beat her down. That’s not the way I want her to come to me or for us to be together. I need to back off and give her time to get well. I want you to get your ass over there and take care of her this weekend. I need her well by Monday night, because that’s when I’m going to fucking crawl for her.”

  Jace lifted his eyebrows in surprise. “What?”

  Gabe ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve got a ring to buy this weekend and other arrangements to make. All you have to do is have her at Rockefeller Center Monday night by the Christmas tree. Don’t fuck this up, Jace. I don’t care if you have to carry her. You make damn sure she’s there.”

  chapter forty-four

  Mia spent the weekend with Jace—or rather he spent it with her. Ash was in and out, bringing takeout and generally fussing over her. The two men brought movies, and they crashed on the couch watching TV until Mia would drift off into a fever-induced sleep.

  By Monday morning she was feeling better, but not well enough to tackle work, so she called in to let Louisa and Greg know she wouldn’t be there.

  Jace and Ash headed into the office but told her they’d be back, because they had something special planned for the evening.

  Through it all, she hadn’t heard a single peep from Gabe. No flowers, no gifts. Just silence. It unnerved her and had her questioning every decision she’d made with regard to him.

  She didn’t have the heart to tell Jace she didn’t feel up to whatever he and Ash had planned. They’d both been so great over the weekend, pampering her endlessly and working so hard to cheer her up.

  Whatever they had planned, she’d be prepared and she’d take it with a smile. Jace had told her to dress warmly, so she could only imagine whatever it was they were doing was outside.

  Thank goodness she wasn’t still running a fever, or the thought of being out in the cold would drive her right over the edge.

  She showered in the afternoon and tried her best to do something with her hair and makeup so she didn’t look hungover and dragged through the wringer. But even makeup had its limitations…

  At six, Jace and Ash arrived, their eyes sparkling with mischief. She groaned inwardly because they were obviously up to no good, and since it involved her, she was going to be a victim of whatever they’d hatched between them.

  Jace had a driver tonight, which was odd since he tended to tool around town in his car when it was just them. But they bundled her inside after making sure she was dosed in case her fever returned.

  “Where are we going?” she asked in exasperation.

  “That’s for us to know and you to find out,” Jace said smugly.

  He and Ash both looked like kids at Christmas, and their eyes gleamed with unholy glee.

  She relaxed in the seat and told herself she would enjoy whatever it was. Even if her heart still ached with emptiness. Gabe had disappeared after staying at her apartment Friday night. Not one word had she heard from him. Had he given up?

  When they pulled up in front of Saks Fifth Avenue just across from Rockefeller Center, she gasped in pleasure at the enormous lighted tree towering above the skating rink. It was so beautiful, and it made her ache with all the memories of Jace taking her here when she was a child. They’d never missed a lighting. Not until this year, in fact.

  “Oh Jace,” she whispered as he pulled her from the car. “It’s as beautiful as ever.”

  Jace smiled indulgently at her, and then he and Ash fell in beside her as they guided her toward the crowd gathered around the tree.

  The tree loomed over them, aglow with thousands and thousands of colored lights. Christmas music filled the air. And then a melodious sound as a man began to sing “The Christmas Song.”

  “There’s a concert?” Mia asked in excitement as she turned to Jace.

  He smiled and nodded and then urged her toward the front. Surprisingly, no one protested their cutting in front of others, and in fact, a group made room for them at the very front where the aisle cut up to the stage.

  “Oh this is perfect!” Mia exclaimed.

  Ash and Jace chuckled and then Mia’s attention turned to the singer performing Christmas carols.

  Oh but it brought back so many warm memories of her and Jace. She reached over to catch Jace’s hand and she squeezed it tightly, her heart overflowing with love for her brother. He’d been her rock for so long, and he still was. She’d have never made it through her breakup with Gabe if it weren’t for Jace and Ash both.

  “Thank you,” she whispered close to his ear. “I love you.”

  Jace smiled. “Love you too, baby girl. I want this night to be special for you.”

  There was fleeting sadness in his gaze and before she could ask about his cryptic words, the song ended and the singer began talking to the crowd. It took her a moment before she realized he’d said her name.

  She blinked in surprise, and then a spotlight bounced over her and remained solidly in place, illuminating her spot in the crowd. She glanced up to Jace in bewilderment, but he’d stepped back along with Ash, leaving her alone in the spotlight.

  “A very merry Christmas and warm holiday wishes going out to Miss Mia Crestwell,” the man said. “Gabe Hamilton wants you to know how much he loves you and how much he wants for you to spend this holiday season with him. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s the man himself to tell you in person.”

  Her mouth gaped open when Gabe appeared at the end of the carpeted aisle that led up the steps to where the man had been performing. His gaze was fixed solidly on her, and in his hands he carried a brightly wrapped box with a huge bow on top.

  The crowd around her cheered as Gabe drew near, and then he went down on one knee, the box still held out in his hand.

  “Merry Christmas, Mia,” he said in a husky
voice. “I’m sorry I was such an idiot. I should have never let you walk away from me. You’re right. You deserve someone who will fight for you always and I want to be that man if you’ll just give me another chance.”

  She had no idea what to say, how to respond. Tears welled hot in her eyes and threatened to fall.

  “I love you,” he said fiercely. “I love you so damn much that I ache when I’m not with you. I don’t ever want to be apart from you. I want you in my life always. Do you understand that, baby? I want you to marry me. I want forever with you.”

  He held out the box to her and she took it with trembling fingers. They bounced erratically over the bow as she tried to pry the top off. Inside was a velvet jeweler’s box. She nearly dropped it as she pulled it out.

  Around her flashes went off. People with cell phones were recording the moment. There were loud cheers and yells of encouragement. But she shut everything out but the man in front of her. Nothing else mattered.

  She opened the box to see a gorgeous diamond ring nestled inside. It glittered in the light and blurred in her teary vision. Then she glanced down at the man on his knees in front of her. He was begging her with his eyes.

  Jesus, but he was crawling.

  “Oh Gabe.”

  She went to her knees in front of him so they were on the same level. She threw her arms around his shoulders still holding on to the box with the ring.

  “I love you,” she breathed. “I love you so much. I don’t want to be without you.”

  He grasped her shoulders and pulled her back, his eyes fierce with love and possessiveness. Then he reached into his coat and pulled out a thick document. Oh God, it was their contract.

  And then he slowly and methodically tore it in two, his gaze never leaving hers.

  “From now on our relationship has no rules,” he said hoarsely. “It will only be what you and I make it. What we want it to be. No constraints. Nothing but our love. The only signature I want from you is on a marriage certificate.”