by Banks, Maya
Jace squeezed her to him and she felt him tremble against her. Anger? She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t bear to see the censure in his eyes. She’d beat herself up enough over the years. She wasn’t going to let someone else do it for her.
“You said Ash and I were a relapse. You said that night that you’d had a threesome before. Where does that fit in?” Jace asked quietly.
More shame crawled over her shoulders until they slumped downward and her lips drooped in dejection.
“Baby,” Jace said in an aching voice. “Everything. You tell me everything, we’ll never talk about it again unless you want to. But you need to get that shit out. It’s like poison. And until you realize that it doesn’t change a goddamn thing for me, it’ll eat at you. You’ll always worry. So we get it out, put it to rest and then we move forward. Okay?”
She nodded, a roar in her ears. She couldn’t possibly believe what he was saying. He didn’t know everything. He was trying to be noble, but he wouldn’t feel that way when she finished.
“When I was trying to get off the meds, I went through a really bad time when I tried a lot of bad things to cope with withdrawal and the psychological dependence on the drugs. I used sex as a balm, only it never worked. It only made me feel worse about myself. I had several partners during that time,” she said painfully. “Threesomes. One on one. It didn’t really matter to me. I was just looking for something to ease the pain. Just needed a way to escape for a little while. I wanted to be . . . wanted. Loved.”
Jace hugged her even tighter to him, holding her against his chest so she couldn’t even move.
“I wasn’t so stupid that I didn’t use condoms. The guys were probably worried they’d catch something from me. I had a reputation, Jace,” she whispered. “It wasn’t a good one.”
She nearly choked on the words. Hated admitting that. Hated putting it out there that way. But she wasn’t going to lie. Jace deserved to know everything. He was a good guy. Too good to be true. He didn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like her.
“What the fuck is going on in your head right now?” Jace demanded, his voice cutting through her morose thoughts.
“You deserve better.”
Jace swore viciously. “You’re honest. Blunt. Normally I’d like that. Hell, I’d love it. I appreciate honesty and someone who speaks the truth without regard to consequences. But goddamn it, Bethany. I deserve better? What the ever-loving fuck is that about? What about what you deserve? Have you ever given thought to that?”
She didn’t have an answer to that question.
Jace shook his head and squeezed her harder. “I don’t care how long it takes, baby. You’re going to see you like I see you. You’re going to get it through your head that you deserve better. And I’m going to make damn sure you get it.”
She swallowed and breathed back the tears. How could he see her as anything? He didn’t know her.
“What else?” Jace asked. “Give it all to me. Get me to where you are right now.”
“There’s not much else to tell,” she mumbled. “After the drug possession charge and the string of meaningless sex partners, things just disintegrated. It was my fault. I could have done better. I could have been more responsible. But I wasn’t and I paid the price. No one would hire me and I didn’t have the money to go to school and make a better life by getting an education. The accident took so many months out of my life. And I was tired and beaten down. I couldn’t even think beyond the next day, much less look ahead a few years to see what life could be like down the road.”
“Jesus,” Jace muttered. “How old are you now?”
Her brows scrunched together. “Your investigation didn’t tell you that?”
“I said I knew a lot. I didn’t say I knew everything,” he said dryly. “I hit the important points. Your age doesn’t mean jack shit to me, unless you tell me you’re still a minor.”
The attempt at a joke heartened her, injecting just a tiny bit of lightness into her chest.
“I’m twenty-three,” she said, wincing even as she said it. Way too old not to have her shit together. Way too old to be homeless, uneducated and jobless.
“Still a babe,” he murmured.
She glanced sharply at him. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-eight.”
Her eyes widened. There was fifteen years’ difference between them. Fifteen!
“And Ash?” she choked out.
“Same.” Suddenly his voice was clipped and he didn’t look happy that she’d mentioned Ash.
“Wow,” she mumbled. “I would have never guessed you were thirty-eight. You’re fifteen years older than I am.”
“So?”
She blinked at the blunt assessment. She glanced up to see challenge in his eyes.
“Does it bother you?” he asked, though his tone suggested he didn’t really care if it bothered her. He looked determined and resolute.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked hesitantly. “Surely there are more sophisticated women you could have. Educated. Older. Better.”
His jaw bulged as he clenched it. “Now you’re just pissing me off.”
She sighed unhappily.
“You didn’t answer my question. Does it bother you?” he persisted.
What could she say? If she were truthful it would only seal her fate even tighter. If she said it did bother her, he might not even care. Or it would make her look like a superficial bitch.
“Bethany?”
“No,” she blurted. “It doesn’t bother me. The age difference, I mean. But it doesn’t mean that we can do this or that you should have anything to do with me. I’m so wrong for you, Jace. You have to see that. We live in completely different worlds. So different that I can’t even fathom the differences. I’ll never come close to your life.”
“There’s only one world,” Jace said, anger tightening his voice. “We live in the same goddamn world, Bethany. More important, you’re there. I see you. I want you. You’re here in front of me. If that doesn’t put you solidly in my fucking world, then I don’t know what does.”
Her pulse accelerated until she was lightheaded and working to squeeze air into her lungs.
“Now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way, you’re finally going to tell me who the fuck put their hands on you and why.”
He sounded super pissed off again, only this time she knew he was in no way angry with her. He was furious, yes. No doubt there. There was a blackness and rage in his eyes that made her shiver.
She bit her lips and looked away, her stomach bottoming out. He’d never understand. So far, she’d left out a lot of her relationship with Jack, revealing only that he was her brother and that they were close. Jace would never ever understand. Not in a million years. He wouldn’t care what Jack had done for her or that she owed him so damn much that she’d do anything—anything at all—to repay that debt. Even go to hell and back.
“Bethany.”
Her name came out in a warning growl. He was losing his patience, and so far he’d displayed a remarkable amount of said patience. She was lucky he hadn’t throttled her by now. She got from him that he wasn’t used to being denied anything. He was a man who got what he wanted. People didn’t tell him no. Not if they valued their skin.
She let out a forlorn-sounding sigh.
“What are you into?” he asked softly.
Her eyes flew open and she whirled to meet his gaze, her own earnest and imploring. “I’m not into anything.”
Her response was so vehement that it was obvious he accepted it as truth. He relaxed only the slightest bit, but there was still fire in his eyes.
“Tell me, Bethany. Don’t make me ask again.”
The authority in his voice made her pulse react. Power emanated from him. Her heart thudded painfully a
gainst her chest wall and she licked her lips repeatedly as she worked up the courage to tell him the last of it.
“Jack owes money,” she whispered.
Jace’s gaze narrowed instantly. “Say that again?”
She cleared her throat. “Jack owes money. They want it. He can’t repay it. They threatened me. Said I had a week to come up with it.”
She rushed on, not allowing Jace to respond. She was afraid of his response and so she recklessly surged forward, talking fast. She was probably incomprehensible, but at the moment she didn’t care.
“I can’t come up with that kind of money in a month, much less a week! Jobs are hard to find right now. Everyone picks up odd jobs during the holidays. And I don’t look the part to do the better stuff. They took all the cash I had. It was all I had to eat with. To survive on until the next job comes through. I don’t know what to do, Jace. I’m terrified for Jack.”
Jace’s mouth gaped open and he stared incredulously at her. “You’re scared for Jack.”
She nodded.
“You’re scared for Jack,” he said again, with more emphasis.
Again she nodded.
“God-fucking-damn. Those bastards came at you. They hurt you. They fucking threatened you! And you’re scared for Jack.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He exploded in a litany of eyebrow-scorching curses that had her wincing. He turned, letting her loose as he sat forward on the couch, his hands clenched together between his thighs.
“Son of a bitch,” he snapped. “Did it ever occur to you to be scared for yourself?”
She swallowed and nodded. “After today, yeah.”
He turned swiftly back to her. His eyes sparked with anger.
“What I want to know is how they even knew about you,” he said in a soft, furious voice.
It was a question Bethany had asked herself. Repeatedly. Ever since they’d shoved her to the ground, stolen her money and kicked her in the ribs. Why had they come after her? How did they even know of her existence?
Jack wouldn’t . . . She shook her head, because she was being stupid. How else would they have known? How would they have known how to find her? Jack had to have told someone. And that broke her heart.
Tears pricked her eyelids and they stung. It was like having acid in her eyes.
“Tell me what happened, Bethany,” Jace said in a more gentle tone. He was holding her again. She was against his chest, cradled in his arms. His lips pressed to her hair and his tone was soothing and infinitely tender.
She closed her eyes as her warm tears collided with Jace’s shirt.
“They knew how to find me,” she choked out. “I don’t know how.” Liar. She knew. It was the first lie she’d offered Jace, but somehow admitting the truth made it irrevocably so. And she couldn’t deal with that right now. Denial was kinder.
“They shoved me to the ground. It’s how I got the scrapes and cuts. They told me I had a week to get the money Jack owed them. Then they stole the cash I had out of my pocket. They left and said they’d look me up in a week and that there was nowhere I could hide from them. They told me they’d find me. No matter what.”
“Fucking bastards,” Jace spat. “Goddamn chickenshit sons of bitches. Preying on a defenseless woman instead of the prick who borrowed the money in the first place. And Jack let them.”
She stirred, ready to defend Jack, but Jace tightened his hold on her. A warning to remain silent.
“Don’t even go there, baby.” His tone was ice. So forceful that she instantly obeyed. “Don’t dare defend him when what he did was indefensible.”
She sagged against him, closing her eyes once more. She turned her face into his chest, clutching at him with both hands.
“How much does he owe?” Jace demanded.
Bethany pulled away only enough that her words wouldn’t be distorted. “F-f-five thousand dollars.” It may as well be a million. Five thousand dollars was as impossible as ten million dollars.
“I thought I could try peddling,” she said, nearly choking on the words. “I’ve seen others do it and they make decent money. I only have a week though, so I’d need to work hard. So maybe you understand now why I can’t move into your sister’s apartment.”
“Oh fuck no.”
Jace exploded, his body suddenly pulsing with tension. He sat straight up, carrying her with him. He pulled her away so she stared him in the eye and he was angry. Very, very angry. His face reddened and his lips were white from pressing together so fiercely.
“You’re done. Finished. You aren’t setting foot back on the streets again. You’ve lost your ever-loving mind if you think I’m going to let you walk back out there with those fuckheads gunning for you.”
The blood drained from her face. “They’ll hurt Jack. I can’t let that happen, Jace.”
“You leave Jack to me,” he bit out.
She shook her head, hysteria rising. This situation was fast getting out of control and she had to stop it now. She bolted upward before Jace could haul her back down and she took hasty steps backward so he didn’t reach for her.
“I have to go,” she blurted. “Thank you. For everything.”
And then she turned and ran, praying the elevator would open immediately.
chapter twelve
Jace lunged for Bethany, but she just slipped from his grasp and made a mad, erratic dash toward the elevator. Damn female didn’t even have shoes on. Where the fuck did she think she was going?
The elevator door opened immediately and he surged ahead, arm outstretched to prevent the doors from closing. He missed by two inches.
He wanted to beat his head against the fucking wall. Instead he picked up the phone and called down.
“This is Jace Crestwell,” he said calmly. “There is a woman coming down the elevator. She has no shoes on. Under no circumstances are you to allow her to leave this building. I’ll be down as soon as the elevator reaches my floor again.”
“Yes, sir,” came the crisp answer.
Satisfied that Bethany wouldn’t escape, he punched the call button for the elevator and stewed while he waited for it to come back up. And as he waited, he processed everything Bethany had had to say.
He was facing an uphill battle. Bethany didn’t think she was worthy of him. Which was laughable. He was no goddamn saint. He and Ash had fucked their way through half of Manhattan and for no other reason than they wanted to.
How the hell could he judge Bethany for using sex as a coping mechanism when he’d essentially done the same thing? And Bethany had certainly had a harder life than Jace. She at least had an excuse. Jace couldn’t say the same.
The elevator doors opened and Jace hurried on, jabbing the button for the lobby with his thumb.
The situation with Jack was trickier but not insurmountable. All he had to do was keep Bethany out of it and make damn sure she was safe. Over his dead body would she rush in to save fucking Jack. She hadn’t said it, hadn’t admitted it, but he’d seen the knowledge in her eyes. The crushing sadness that accompanied the realization that she’d been betrayed by someone she loved and trusted.
Jack had thrown her to the wolves. The asshole had used her as a guarantee for money he never intended to pay back. Jace was besieged by the urge to go hunt the fucker down and exact some old-school justice.
When the elevator finally arrived on the first floor, Jace hurried out, looking left and right for sign of Bethany. To his relief, she was sitting in the corner of the lobby, the doorman and the security guard flanking her.
A smile quirked his lips when he saw that she was holding a Styrofoam cup of coffee and that the doorman had engaged her in light conversation. As if seeing a barefoot woman fleeing a building in winter was an everyday occurrence.
Her gaze flickered over him when she s
aw him approach and fear brewed in the brilliant blue depths. He felt sucker-punched. She was afraid of him.
“Bethany,” he said in a calm voice. “Let’s go back up now and leave these two gentlemen to their work.” Then to the two men he said, “Thank you both for seeing to my Bethany. I wouldn’t want her out in the cold dressed as she is.”
“No, of course not, sir,” the doorman said briskly. Then he smiled warmly at Bethany. “It was nice to meet you, Miss Willis. I hope to see you again soon. If you ever have need of anything, do not hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you, Roger,” she said with a smile.
Jace lifted one eyebrow. He’d lived here for some time and he’d never had the occasion to know the doorman’s name. He was ashamed of that fact now, given that she’d learned Roger’s name in less than five minutes.
The security guard gave Jace a short nod and then smiled in Bethany’s direction before returning to his post. Bethany sighed and rose, thrusting the cup toward Roger.
“Thank you,” she said again. “It was foolish of me. Thank you for stopping me and for being so kind.”
Jace tucked Bethany’s hand in his and pulled her toward the elevator. He didn’t say anything to her on the trip back up. Just held her closely, melded to his side. He liked the feel of her against him. Soft and pliant. A perfect complement to his much harder body.
But then he frowned as he realized she was pliant because she was . . . defeated.
Oh hell no. She wasn’t going back into his apartment as some whipped puppy.
As the elevator doors slid open, he tugged her against his chest and tipped her chin up so she was forced to look at him.
“You come into this apartment, you do it with your chin up and your shoulders back,” he said. “You don’t come in here beaten down or scared. This is your place. Your sanctuary. This is the one place, above all others, where you are absolutely safe from the outside world. From judgment and harm. Got it?”
She stared at him a long moment, her eyes somber and thoughtful. But what hurt him the most was that for a brief moment, hope flickered in her gaze and just as quickly shut down. Like hope was such a foreign concept that she wouldn’t allow herself to have it.