Eternal Nights

by Patti O'Shea

  She shook her head, but he saw the tears pooling in her eyes. Fear—all right, terror—surged through him. God, he couldn’t lose her, not now. Not when he finally understood.

  “You want me to beg? I will.” Alex dropped to his knees. “I love you, Stace. Don’t leave me. Please.”

  “Get up,” she told him.

  He didn’t. Instead, he reached for her hand. Voice thick, Alex told her, “I’m not a prize, but I’m not without pluses. I’ve never lied to you or cheated on you, and I never will. I’ll always treat you with respect. I don’t forget birthdays or anniversaries, and you’ll never have to worry about hunting me down at some bar. I don’t gamble, and I don’t spend more money than I have.”

  “I know this,” Stacey said, and she was crying in earnest.

  Alex panicked. If she knew his good points, and those weren’t enough, what did he have left? Not a thing. He could see a wasteland laid out in front of him—spending his life alone, seeing his kid on holidays and occasional weekends, burying himself in work to fill his emptiness. No Stacey.

  “Tell me what you need me to say, what you need me to do, and I swear to God, I’ll say and do it.” He wanted to tell her that without her, he’d die inside, but that wasn’t fair. “You want me to crawl across the plaza? Shout from the rooftops that I love you? Serenade you from the street? Tattoo your name on my ass? I’ll do all of those things if that’s what it takes to prove how much you mean to me. Give me a chance to show you that I want to change—that I can change. There’ll always be another transport back to Earth if I fail miserably.”

  “Damn you, Alex. You’re such a bastard.”

  “I know.” And he did know that, had prided himself on it.

  Slowly, she sank down until she was knee to knee with him. “Why did you have to do this now—when I finally had the strength to walk away from you?”

  He shook his head. There was no answer he could give her, and Alex settled for gently wiping away the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Just a chance,” he pleaded. “I love you, Stace.”

  More tears fell, and he brushed those away too. When the sob escaped, Alex gathered her close, snuggling her against his chest. She didn’t pull away, and for the first time since he’d walked into the room, he felt a speck of optimism.

  Stacey’s arms went around him, and she held on tightly while she cried. He’d caused this pain, had wounded her this deeply, and Alex apologized in whispers against her hair as he rubbed circles on her back. It took her a long time to calm down, and by then, he was sitting against the wall, with Stacey on his lap.

  As the silence lengthened, he felt more hopeful. She wasn’t moving off him, wasn’t telling him to get lost. He kissed the crown of her head and waited.

  “You’re a bad bet, Sullivan,” Stacey said a long time later.

  “I know. You can do much better than me.” And she could.

  Lifting her head, she looked down into his eyes. “You swear you’re not saying these things because of the baby?”

  “Word of honor. I’ve never lied to you,” he repeated, “and I never will. You have my word on that too.”

  She was measuring him, and his heart thundered in his chest. What if he didn’t look sincere? What if he got a tic in his eye and she thought it was because he was lying? What if—

  “One last chance. If I don’t see you making an effort, that will be it.”

  Moisture welled in his eyes, and he had to blink rapidly to keep from looking like a sissy. “Thanks,” he said, his voice nearly unintelligible. “You won’t regret it.”

  “I better not,” she warned, but ruined the effect by leaning forward to kiss him. “I love you, Alex—don’t break my heart again.” And mimicking him perfectly, she added, “Are we clear?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” This kiss was longer, and when she settled against his chest, Alex went for broke. “Marry me, Stace.”

  She shook her head. “No, not yet. Not until I can trust that you’re for real.”

  “Fair enough,” he conceded. He had Stacey in his arms, and back in his life. Alex had what mattered.

  *** *** ***

  Wyatt sat on his front steps, his forearms resting on his knees, and watched faint fingers of light begin to touch the horizon. It was difficult for him to see much through the reddish glow of the city’s force field, and he realized he missed viewing the sunrise.

  He should be in bed, but he couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts whirled through his head, distracting him every time he closed his eyes, and not even a warm shower had calmed him.

  Bug hadn’t needed stitches in her hand, but it had been a near thing. McNamara had really chomped down. He hadn’t realized just how bad the bite was until he’d seen it in good light at the infirmary. Shit, he should have taken on the colonel, not Kendall, but she’d jumped right in.

  It was easy to guess why. She knew he’d feel bad afterward if he fought a woman, but he could live with it—he wasn’t such a gentleman that he couldn’t clock a female if the need arose. Kendall hadn’t given him the option.

  Kendall. She’d been furious, lashing out while they’d been in the temple, yet before they’d gone to the gate, she’d seemed to be over it. He wasn’t sure if the last personal exchange they’d had was a good sign or not. She’d changed the subject after he’d told her she could rely on him. On the other hand, she hadn’t told him she didn’t want his help.

  They needed to talk. He’d wanted to do it tonight, but Bug had nearly been asleep on her feet as he’d walked her home, and she wasn’t up to the kind of discussion they had to have.

  Shifting his gaze, he stared at the capstone of the pyramid. It seemed to be glowing faintly. He might never know a fraction of all the secrets the temple held. If it weren’t for Bug, he wouldn’t want to know, but if the fricking thing were trying to claim her, he had to learn as much as he could in order to fight it.

  Wyatt heard a sound, and looked to his right. For a minute, he thought he was imagining things—conjuring images of Kendall out of thin air and wishful thinking—but when she sat beside him, her hip warm against his, he knew it was no dream.

  “How’s the hand?” he asked quietly.

  “Throbbing,” she told him just as softly, “but that isn’t what kept me awake.”

  “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

  She shrugged. “I had a lot to think about.”

  The possibilities were endless, but there was one topic that was the most likely. “You fretting about the smuggling ring? ”

  “Not right now.”

  Silence. Wyatt wasn’t sure how to broach what he wanted to talk about, and Kendall didn’t seem to be in a rush. Taking a deep breath, he decided the ball was in her court. She’d sought him out, and she’d get around to why in her own time. Hell, maybe she simply wanted to be with him. He was good with that.

  But as she grew more tense, he knew she hadn’t come to just sit quietly, and her stress made his own nerves pull taut. Bug meant everything to him—everything—and he was scared of what would happen if he pushed. But he’d never avoided the tough stuff, and so he said thickly, “Straight out, Bug, that’s the best way.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  Wyatt rested his palm on her thigh, just above her knee. Like him, she’d changed into fresh clothes, and her camo fatigue pants were crisp to the touch.

  About the time he feared he’d lose his mind, she said, “Wy?”

  “Yeah, darlin’?”

  “I love you.” She blurted the words fast, and before he could reply, Bug added, “More than that, I’m in love with you.”

  Almost afraid to believe his ears, he turned his head to meet her gaze. As terrified as she looked, Wyatt knew he’d heard her exactly right. “I love you too, Kendall.”

  “I know. I worked out a few things, that’s why I couldn’t sleep.” Her smile was sickly. “The thought of losing you leaves me petrified, but I can’t play it safe and go back to being just friends after we’ve been more. So I gue
ss I’m on this ride for as long as it lasts.” Her voice petered out, and she shrugged.

  Wyatt about whooped, but then what she’d said sunk in. “What the hell do you mean, as long as it lasts? I’m in this forever, and I expect the same commitment from you.”

  “Don’t worry, I intend to give our relationship everything I have, but things will change when we have to leave J Nine.”

  Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to listen to what she was trying to say, to read between the lines. He knew Kendall; she would give it her all. So what had her nervous? “Yeah,” he told her, “things will change when we get back to Earth, but we’ll deal with them as they arise. I’m not looking for an off-world fling; I’m planning to marry you.”

  So many expressions flew across her face so fast that Wyatt had no hope of reading them. “I think,” Kendall said at last, “that we should wait on that. You’ll change your mind.”

  Anger burned, but he forced it down. This wasn’t about him. “Why do you think that?” he asked with hard-won neutrality. She looked uncomfortable and Wyatt wanted to cuddle her, but he couldn’t. Not until after they’d hashed this out.

  “Relationships don’t last.” He tried to interrupt, but she talked over him. “Your parents are the exception to the rule.”

  “You’re not your mother,” he told her.

  “I know that, but it’s not only her.” She rested her hand over his. “No one stays together forever anymore. Ten years, fifteen, and they’re on to the next person.”

  Wyatt snorted. “That’s not us. You and I are willing to do the hard work, to ride through the storms without bailing out. Dang, darlin’, we’re both so stubborn, the more difficult things get, the deeper we’ll dig in—together.”

  “Yeah,” she conceded. “And you grew up with an example of how to do it, while I was raised learning what not to do.”

  “The most important thing we know is that forever isn’t easy. It’s compromise and discussion and going toe-to-toe when it’s necessary. We already do that,” he reminded her.

  “We do,” Kendall agreed. “But there are other challenges. When we’re back home, you’ll be in the field a lot, especially since we’re on the verge of another war, and in two more years, I’ll be out of the army. I don’t want to give up grad school.”

  “I don’t want you to give up school either. Is there some reason why you couldn’t pick a college near where I’m stationed?”

  “The army moves people around all the time. If I move with you, then I’ll continually have to start over in a new program, but if I don’t move with you, what happens to us?”

  Wyatt gave her thigh a squeeze. “That’s easy.” He grinned. “Most of Spec Ops is stationed at Fort Honore in California. The odds are slim that I’ll be sent to any other post.” He sobered. “I will be out in the field a lot, though, you’re right about that, but you’re strong. You can take care of anything that comes up while I’m on a mission. I’ll miss you like heck while I’m gone, but I won’t have to worry that you can’t cope alone.”

  “Do you have an answer for everything?”

  “Pretty much. I checked into it, and once we’re married, the army will make sure we’re stationed at the same post.” Wyatt turned his hand to hold hers. “The other benefit to making it official is that you’ll be protected if anything happens to me.”

  “Nothing better happen to you,” Bug growled.

  “As much as I’d like to promise you that, I can’t.” He swallowed hard, almost afraid to ask. “Can you handle the fact that when I leave on a mission, I might not come back?”

  Kendall stared off into the night—right at the top of the pyramid—but he didn’t say anything. If she needed to think about this, he had to give her time. They’d both need to make concessions for each other, and hers would be the more difficult. Wyatt liked his job—most of the time—and he was good at it. He didn’t consider himself an adrenaline junkie, but he was already regretting the day he’d be pulled out of the field. His next promotion, though, was at least six years away. In his mind, it wasn’t long enough, but for a woman wondering whether her man was going to make it home, that was an eternity of uncertainty.

  Her sigh sounded loud in the predawn silence. “Yeah,” Bug said at last, “I can live with it, but I won’t like it.”

  “If our situations were reversed, I’d feel the same way.” His good mood evaporated as he realized she hadn’t stopped staring at the capstone. “Damn it, Kendall, is that fricking pyramid going to come between us in this life too?”

  “The temple didn’t come between Zolianna and Berkant,” she disagreed.

  “The hell it didn’t. She loved that thing more than she loved him.”

  Kendall finally looked at him, her gaze heated. “You’re wrong,” she said quietly. “You need to consider how her behavior fit into their culture.”

  “He asked her time after time to leave with him. She wouldn’t. I think that speaks for itself.”

  He heard Kendall blow out a long, harsh breath. “Zolianna—and Berkant, for that matter—were raised to follow the rules. The aliens didn’t prize rebellion. Yet you expected her to toss aside a lifetime of conditioning and run off with him.”

  “Why not? He was willing to go against expectations.”

  “Not at first he wasn’t, not when she could have left the temple easily. If he’d suggested it before she entered as a novitiate, she would have said yes. If he’d asked her before she took her final vows, she would have said yes. Hell, if he’d bothered to bring it up the first few years she was a priestess, Zolianna would have left with him immediately, but he didn’t. Berkant waited until she’d been part of the temple for almost fifteen years. He waited till after she’d been proclaimed successor to the High Priestess, and her sense of responsibility wouldn’t allow her to leave. Think about that, Wy.”

  He frowned. “You have a point,” he admitted grudgingly. “Berkant did wait a long time, but that doesn’t change things for us. I’m not playing second fiddle to that pyramid.”

  “Did I ask you to?”

  “No, but you’ve spent more time since you arrived staring at it than looking at me.” And damn it, that hurt.

  Kendall glanced down at her hands, then back at him. “Because I’m a coward, okay? Because I’m afraid to look at you, and talk about how I feel. Not because you mean less to me.”

  “Aw, darlin’.” He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. “I’m not scary.”

  “No, but what you make me feel is. I’ve never been in love with anyone. I never wanted to be, but you snuck up on me.”

  “It’s all the training I’ve had in covert operations,” he teased, and was rewarded when Kendall gave him a weak smile.

  Since she was already frightened, he decided not to bring up marriage again. That could wait till she got used to the idea of being a couple. Hell, now that they were headed the same direction, he’d wait dang near forever for her to catch up with him.

  “I heard you at the infirmary when you asked Sullivan if your team was staying on J Nine. I’m glad you are.”

  “Me too.” Damn glad. Kendall loved him, but if he returned to Earth right now, she might convince herself they’d never last. It wasn’t true, but he needed the time to help her trust that.

  “There’s one more thing I want to say.”

  “What’s that?” Wyatt asked. Bug sounded serious.

  “Remember that pink stone in the temple? The kunzite? I wondered why it was all over the place, but now I know. It was there to remind the priestesses that when in doubt, they should follow their hearts, not their heads. That the heart always knows the truth.” She edged closer. “When I listened to my heart,” Kendall put her uninjured hand over the center of her chest, “I knew we belonged together. It’s still scary, but I’m not going to run from what we have, I promise.”

  “I know. Once you commit, it’s full steam ahead.” He grinned, then closed the gap between them to kiss her. It
was long, and slow as he tried to show her how much he loved her. Kendall was his heart, part of his soul, and his whole world.

  “Wy?”

  “Yeah?” he murmured, then nipped her earlobe.

  “Why don’t we go to bed, and see if a little physical exertion won’t help us sleep?”

  He grinned. “Darlin’, you read my mind.”

  Epilogue

  It was nearly nine when Stacey heard Alex come in. Emma had been changed, fed, and burped, but she’d stubbornly refused to fall asleep. “Daddy’s home,” she said quietly, and she would swear she saw her baby’s eyes light up.

  Before she could do more than wonder whether it was imagination, Alex entered the room looking tired. “Hey, Stace.” She lifted her face for his kiss. He lingered long enough for Emma to squawk. Easing away, Alex bent down, and pressed a loud smooch on Em’s forehead. “I didn’t forget you, munchkin.”

  Emma reached for Alex, and Stacey handed her over. She was used to this. Em was definitely a daddy’s girl. It never ceased to bring a lump to her throat when she saw Alex cuddling his daughter. With care, he settled in the second rocker, and began to slowly move. “The private came by and told you I’d be late, right?” he asked keeping his voice low.

  “Yes, he did.” Alex had developed a habit of making sure she knew when he wouldn’t be home on time. “Is there something going on? Or can’t you talk about it?”

  With a huge yawn, Emma snuggled closer to Alex. “It wasn’t anything important. Noguchi wanted to meet with me and my three Spec Ops captains, so we could brief her on what we do.”

  Stacey nodded. Alex had been running things, but last month Colonel Sakura Noguchi, the new post commander, had arrived and he’d resumed his usual duties. “What do you think of her?”

  Alex didn’t speak for a moment, simply rocked and rubbed Emma’s back. The baby, Stacey noticed, was mostly asleep, and she couldn’t help wondering whether Em had deliberately remained awake until her dad came home.

  “Noguchi is a hard ass,” he said at last.

  Something in his voice tipped her off. “You like her.”