Mr. Big

by Colleen Lewis

  Once they had left the apartment, Nelson sat up on the couch.

  “You know now that we’re being investigated. They’ll be watching me all the time,” he said. Then he stood up and kicked the coffee table over on its side.

  “If you don’t stop, I’ll be calling the police again,” said Jennifer. “What’s wrong with having them here? At least they’re looking out for Krista and Karen.”

  But before she could finish her thought, Nelson was out the door.

  29

  Jennifer watched the familiar sights go by as she and Nelson made their way to Horwood. It was Nelson’s hometown, and his brother Mervin still lived there. But Mervin was on the mainland for the time being, and Nelson had just gotten his moose licence. It was the perfect reason for a quick vacation out of the city. And Jennifer was anxious to slow down the pace a little.

  Mervin’s house was quite a change from their apartment in St. John’s, and the girls were loving the extra space and freedom.

  As usual, Krista was leading Karen around the house and showing her all the new things they would explore. Karen followed her faithfully and listened carefully to her slightly older sister. In fact, most days she listened to Krista more than her mom. It was good to be in the company of family again.

  Nelson’s father, who also lived in Horwood, was helping Nelson find his moose. Until one morning, their trip was cut short and the men came home early.

  Jennifer didn’t know what started the argument between Nelson and his dad, but it quickly grew heated. They were in the basement, and the twins were taking in every word. Back and forth the men argued. When Jennifer tried to stop Nelson’s verbal assault on his father, she saw a side of him she didn’t know existed.

  With Karen and Krista watching, he pushed her chest so hard she fell back onto the floor. The girls started screaming.

  His father was quick to react.

  “Let that be the last time I ever see you do that to her,” his father hissed from between his teeth.

  “Come on. We’re going back to St. John’s right now,” said Nelson.

  30

  By Christmas, things had settled down. Nelson was regularly buying enough food to get by, and there were usually enough diapers in the house. The groceries might not have the best-quality food Jennifer could have asked for, but it was a good Christmas. The girls had plenty of gifts Christmas morning.

  When the stores reopened, just after Boxing Day, Nelson suggested they go out for the evening and pick up some extra things they needed for the house. They arranged for the girls to stay downstairs with neighbours, and Jennifer was looking forward to getting out of the apartment.

  “Everything you need should be right in this bag,” Jennifer told the sitter. “We won’t be long.”

  “The girls will be fine, take your time,” she assured Jennifer.

  So Jennifer and Nelson headed out to the mall. They took a taxi, and by the time they got there, Nelson was a lot less eager to spend any money, so Jennifer settled for a night of mostly browsing around the mall.

  On the taxi ride home, Nelson’s mood grew darker. Jennifer wasn’t sure what was bothering him, but she certainly didn’t feel like asking. For a moment she thought he might be having a seizure and was trying to hide it, like he sometimes did.

  But Jennifer was shocked at what happened when the taxi pulled up in front of the apartment building.

  Nelson jumped out of the cab and ran into the apartment. Before she realized what was going on, the driver had locked the doors, and she was trapped inside the car. It happened so quickly she thought she was dreaming. What kind of stunt was he pulling this time?

  “That’s over $15 your husband owes me. You’re not getting out of here until he pays up,” said the driver.

  Jennifer was stunned. She sat in the car, close to tears. She couldn’t believe Nelson wasn’t coming back for her. Not even to see if she was okay.

  After about ten minutes, the driver spoke up.

  “You can go in, but if he’s not out here in ten minutes, I’m calling the police.”

  First Jennifer walked into her neighbour’s apartment and gathered up Karen and Krista. Feeling numb and confused, she walked up the stairs, and Nelson let her into the apartment.

  “Why are the lights off?” she asked.

  “I don’t want the taxi driver to see us,” he said. “I’m not paying him.”

  “Well, he told me that if you don’t go down there and pay him, he’s calling the cops,” said Jennifer.

  “Well, he’s about to learn that there’s no way I’ll be paying that $15. I need that money more than he does.”

  While Jennifer nervously got the girls ready for bed, Nelson was continuously checking the window. Finally, the police arrived with a loud knock on the door.

  Nelson went into the room, and for a minute Jennifer was worried he wouldn’t answer. Another rap on the door, and finally Nelson came out of the room with the money in his hand. He opened the door and reluctantly passed them the cash. After a stern warning about the crime he had committed, they left.

  31

  After Christmas had passed and winter set in, Nelson was spending more and more time around the apartment. Jennifer was glad to see he wasn’t gambling, but it wasn’t easy having him around all the time.

  He didn’t have much of a relationship with Karen and Krista, but more often these days they were crying whenever he was around them. In fact, Jennifer was starting to get suspicious he was intentionally making them cry.

  She was doing dishes one evening when she heard one of the girls start to cry very suddenly.

  “Nelson, what’s going on with the girls?” she asked as she walked into the living room.

  “I don’t know, they’re just cranky, I suppose.”

  “Daddy pinch,” said Krista.

  The girls were in the playpen, and Nelson was just a couple of feet away on the couch.

  Jennifer sized up the situation and went back to the dishes. These days there were a lot of outbursts from the girls while they were in the living room with Nelson. She thought “Daddy pinch” could very well be a possibility.

  She grabbed two plates and began hitting them together, as if she were drying them off. Then, slowly, she watched from around the corner at Nelson and the girls, hoping he wouldn’t notice her.

  For a while the girls were busy jumping up and down. They laughed and bounced, until Nelson reached out with his left hand to pinch Krista first. As soon as she shrieked, he pinched Karen.

  Jennifer watched in disbelief.

  “You can’t do that to those girls,” yelled Jennifer as she came out from behind the corner.

  Caught in the act. Yet he didn’t say a word, while Jennifer screamed at him. Instead, he grabbed his jacket and left.

  32

  Life in St. John’s wasn’t getting any easier for Jennifer. Her family remained in Gander, and the city life definitely wasn’t for her.

  It was difficult getting around with two energetic two-year-olds, and she no longer felt safe at the apartment.

  “I’m moving back to Gander,” she announced one day in March. She knew Nelson didn’t want to leave St. John’s, but she no longer cared. “If you don’t want to go, you can stay here. Me and the girls will go back on our own.”

  Child services required she contact them, so the next morning she was on the phone to let them know. By lunchtime, there was a knock on the door.

  “Hi, Jennifer, we’d like to talk for a moment.”

  She invited the social workers in, but she knew there was no use in them trying to convince her to stay.

  The lady who did all the talking was someone Jennifer had never met before, but she seemed friendly enough.

  “Jennifer, we are here because we want to make sure you are making the
best decision for the girls. Where are you going?” she asked.

  “I have to go back to Gander. I don’t like the fast pace here in St. John’s, and I think Gander would be a safer environment.”

  “What about food? Has Nelson been giving you money?”

  Jennifer responded, “Yes he has. We’re fine.”

  “Well, that’s difficult to believe, considering everything we’ve witnessed over the past few months. We have to look out for those girls. We will be in touch as soon as you are settled into the new apartment back in Gander.”

  Before the social worker left, she was required to write an explanation of why the girls were being moved.

  “To provide a better environment for the kids,” was written on the form. A week later, Jennifer had secured another apartment in Gander, and the family was packing up to move once again.

  33

  Edgewood Apartments weren’t as nice as the home Jennifer had gotten used to in St. John’s, but she didn’t care. Number 204 was home. Gander was home, and she was thankful to have some family around for support. Of course, child services were there right away, and she took comfort in knowing that they’d be making sure they wouldn’t have to do without. But life with Nelson wasn’t about to get any easier.

  He was never at home anymore. Jennifer felt like he was becoming more interested in living a single life without her and the kids. While they had enough food to get by, he controlled the money. And she believed that most of it was going into the slot machines.

  Mervin showed up for a visit. After a few games with the girls, he gave Jennifer $50 and told her to go buy some groceries. But upon leaving, he called Jennifer to say that he had spotted Nelson after he left the apartment. Nelson was sitting in his car at the local Kentucky Fried Chicken eating his meal, while her girls had nothing. She knew Mervin had just about had enough.

  Then there were the pills. She made sure he was taking his seizure medication, but she noticed how fast the painkillers were disappearing lately. There were no grand mal seizures these days, but Nelson continued having partial seizures. Most of the time, he tried to hide them. Sometimes she’d catch him patting his stomach in the bathroom, and he would deny that he was having a seizure. Jennifer knew differently.

  But it was the pain medication that was starting to make Jennifer nervous.

  “My stomach is hurting,” he announced one afternoon out of the blue. “I’m going over to the hospital. Come with me.”

  Nelson appeared to be fine, but, as usual, Jennifer agreed. They packed the kids into the car and headed to the emergency. Not once did she hear him complain about his bad stomach along the way, but things changed once they got to the hospital.

  “Nelson Hart,” came the announcement from the overhead speaker. The family went into Dr. Jenson’s office.

  Suddenly, Jennifer watched as Nelson’s pain became more intense and he pleaded with the doctor for something to help.

  “This is a very low dose of morphine,” said Dr. Jenson. “I hope this helps, Mr. Hart. Call my office tomorrow if you have any problems.”

  Jennifer watched as Nelson calmed down.

  “I’m sure I got something wrong with me,” Nelson said as they drove home. “I got cancer and you fellows are all hiding it.”

  “Nelson, you don’t have cancer, my son,” said Jennifer. “The doctors have all looked you over, and you’ve had plenty of tests done. Stop worrying about it.”

  Nelson was okay for the next few days, but it wasn’t long before he started complaining about a headache.

  Jennifer had a good idea that the headache was just another reason to look for more pain medications. Sure enough, in less than a week he was headed back to the hospital. This time, she wasn’t interested in going with him.

  Instead, she chose to spend some quality time at home with the girls without having to worry about Nelson or his mood swings.

  She fixed a nice lunch, and she and the girls watched some television. When Karen and Krista got bored with watching Barney, she pulled out their favourite chair. It was an old office chair, but the girls loved having Mom spin them around until they were dizzy.

  They were laughing when the phone rang. It was Dr. Jenson.

  “We’ve got a problem over here,” he explained. “Nelson came in here complaining about pain, and we were giving him a small dose of morphine with intravenous. A couple of minutes in, he started asking for you. We told him he would have to wait,” he explained. “Jennifer, he ripped out the IV and said he was going home. He yelled at our receptionist and told her he believed he has cancer, and that we’re hiding it.”

  Jennifer sat down. She could feel that there was going to be a lot more to this story.

  “That’s when he told the receptionist that he was going to go home and blow his brains out. Are you there?”

  “I’m listening,” she replied.

  “We had no choice but to call the police,” he explained. “Now we don’t know where Nelson is, but the police are on their way to your apartment.”

  It wasn’t long after the police showed up.

  “Do you have any firearms in the house?” they asked. “Or do you know of any place he could find a gun tonight? We’re taking his threat very seriously.”

  “The only person I know with a gun would be his mother’s boyfriend,” Jennifer told them.

  The police left shortly after, and the phone rang.

  “I don’t know why you guys are hiding the fact that I have cancer,” said Nelson.

  “Where are you, Nelson? The police were just here looking for you.” Jennifer couldn’t recall ever hearing Nelson sounding so scared.

  “I’m not telling you,” he said. “I saw the police there, and I’m not coming home. I’m going to St. John’s, and I’m going to get the doctors there to tell me the truth about the cancer.”

  And Nelson stayed true to his word and drove to St. John’s.

  The next time Jennifer would talk to Nelson, he was in St. John’s. He went to the hospital, just as he had said he would. But it didn’t take the police long to catch up with him. In the parking lot of the Health Sciences Centre, he was arrested and brought to the Waterford Hospital, where he would receive an evaluation of his mental condition.

  Jennifer was concerned, but she was also relieved. Without Nelson around, there was less work and less to worry about. There were no outbursts and no fights that dragged on for hours. After a few days, she started getting used to the peace and quiet.

  Until one afternoon, when she heard footsteps in the hallway: pacing back and forth. The footsteps didn’t stop, and she became curious. That’s when she heard the key in the door and realized Nelson had been released from the hospital and was home.

  He walked in without a word to either Jennifer or the girls. There was no excitement in this homecoming. The twins didn’t even acknowledge him entering the room. He walked on into the bedroom, where he slept for most of the afternoon.

  The fun and laughter of the past few days drifted away. Jennifer waited to see what would happen next.

  34

  When Nelson woke, Jennifer knew that he was getting ready to go out. She didn’t know where he was going, and she didn’t care. These days she just assumed he was going to the bar to spend the day in front of the slot machines. She highly doubted he was capable of becoming involved with another woman.

  Over the next few days, he was quieter than usual. He was also becoming agitated.

  “People knows I was in the Waterford,” he said. “I knows they’re all talking about me.”

  Jennifer ignored him, but she could see that he always had something on his mind these days.

  But today there was work to be done, and as usual Nelson would be no help. She got the girls ready and headed to the mail. She was looking forward to getting her family allo
wance. The monthly social assistance cheque was gone, and she needed the money. She found her bank card and called the number on the back to make sure the money was in her account.

  Her balance was fifty cents.

  “Nelson,” she yelled. “I don’t know what we’re going to do, but for some reason the family allowance cheque isn’t in the bank. That should have been there yesterday, and I know everyone else got theirs.”

  “That’s not your money. That’s my money to spend however I want,” he told her.

  “The cheque is in my name,” she replied. “That’s my money for me and the girls.”

  “Not anymore,” he said.

  While Nelson had been in St. John’s, he had gone to the bank. Forging Jennifer’s signature, he had switched the direct deposit so that the money went to his personal account.

  Jennifer had no choice but to go to the welfare office. For the next two days she had to explain her situation time and again to several different people. Finally, they gave her an emergency payment of $75.

  35

  “They all thinks I’m crazy,” Nelson said. “Everyone knows I was in the Waterford, and now they’re all looking at me strange.”

  Jennifer was getting sick of hearing it. Even though he was rarely home, all he ever talked about was the way people were looking at him. That, or he was complaining that he needed more painkillers.

  “We need groceries, Nelson. Can you stop talking about this stuff and go to the store for me?”

  “You go,” he said.

  Jennifer was surprised. Nelson always did the shopping. In fact, he hated for her to go anywhere, especially alone.

  “Well, I’m not taking the girls out in this rain,” she said.

  “Leave them here with me,” Nelson suggested.

  Jennifer could hardly believe what she was hearing. In fact, she figured this was probably the first time in the girls’ short lives that he had offered to spend time with them alone. She could only speculate that his suspicions were getting the better of him.