Death & Stilettos

by Jason Krumbine

  “Please, I’m not going to shop myself into debt.”

  “I’m sorry, how much do you owe your ex-boyfriend who also happens to be a loan shark?” Avery asks.

  “What’s that, sis?” Brooke makes static noises. “You’re breaking up! Can you hear me? I’m losing you.”

  Brooke hangs up.

  Avery rolls her eyes and pockets her phone. She walks back over to Annie’s desk.

  Annie’s a tall redhead who wears tight sweaters that’ll distract any male over the age of thirteen. She’s fond of dressing in short skirts to show off her long legs. Annie works at the telephone company. Her desk is in a corner and covered in little porcelain clowns.

  “Sorry about that,” Avery says, pulling up a chair. “Brooke’s decided to push the boundaries of my patience today.”

  “And how is Brooke doing?” Annie asks.

  “Well,” Avery starts. “I suppose I could say she’s dating someone new, but that would be a pretty broad use of the word dating.”

  “Steven the bartender?”

  “You’ve already heard about this man with a magical tongue,” Avery replies.

  “Well, I’ve heard that he has a magical tongue,” Annie says. “Which, of course, makes me jealous. But, beyond that, I know nothing else.”

  “That’s because there isn’t anything else,” Avery says. “Although, this is about as close as she’s gotten to a long term relationship since dumping Stanley.”

  Annie makes a sour face. “I hated him.”

  “So did I,” Avery agrees. “And so did Brooke, for that matter. But it didn’t stop her from, you know, sleeping with him.”

  Annie thinks about it for a moment. “That never did make any sense to me.”

  “It didn’t make sense to any of us.”

  “Stanley was pretty much a grade-A sleazebag,” Annie says. “But the way Brooke fawned over him...”

  “I wouldn’t say that she fawned,” Avery responds. “She cheated on him more than he cheated on her.”

  “And she still went back to him,” Annie says. “There must be something about him that we’re not seeing.”

  Avery shakes her head. “I can’t imagine what it could be.”

  “The accent?”

  “Brooke does have a thing for accents,” Avery agrees. “But you’d think everything else about him would outweigh the accent.”

  “How is he in the downstairs department?” Annie asks.

  “I don’t know and I don’t want to know.”

  “Maybe he’s gifted with more manhood than the average man?” Annie suggests.

  Avery closes her eyes, shaking her hand at Annie. “That’s not really something I even want to imagine, much less discuss.”

  “I mean, there has to be a reason she was with him,” Annie says, mostly to herself.

  “Or that she’s still with him,” Avery says.

  “What?”

  “No, you heard me,” Avery tells her.

  Annie waves a finger at Avery. “There’s no way your sister is back in bed with Stanley.”

  “Oh, there is a way,” Avery insists. “She’s already slipped back into old habits a few weeks ago and I’m pretty sure she slipped up again last night.”

  “What happened?”

  Avery shrugs. “I don’t know.”

  “Then how do you know?”

  “Just a sense. A sister sense.”

  “Ah,” Annie gives a knowing nod. “The infamous Sister Sense.”

  “It hasn’t steered me wrong yet,” Avery says.

  “Your sister is so scandalous,” Annie says smiling. “I’m almost jealous.”

  “Really?” Avery sounds doubtful.

  “Well, I said almost,” Annie replies. “Still. Very scandalous.”

  “You know what she told me to get when I came here?” Avery asks her.

  “What?”

  “Your brother’s number.”

  “My brother?”

  “That’s what she said.”

  Annie shakes her head. “No offense, but I would never set Brooke up with my brother.”

  “You know why that’s funny?” Avery asks her.

  “Why?”

  “Because I wouldn’t want to set up your brother with my sister, either.”

  “It would be a punishment.”

  “It would be horrible.”

  “My brother would be scarred for life.”

  “Well,” Avery says. “That’s a little extreme.”

  “He’s very sensitive,” Annie says, turning back to her computer.

  “But scarring him for life?”

  “Very sensitive,” Annie insists.

  “I mean, how do we know he won’t have some kind of negative reaction on Brooke?” Avery asks.

  “Please.” Annie waves off her concerns. “My brother’s a lawyer with three degrees. The only impact he’d have on your sister would be a positive one.”

  “But she could scar him?”

  “I’m very protective of him,” Annie says. She points to her computer. “I looked up the phone number you gave me. It is out of service, but it’s not disconnected,” she taps a few keys on her keyboard.

  “It’s not?” Avery looks over Annie’s shoulder.

  “We’ve been having some line troubles in the area,” she explains. “About half the numbers are unavailable right now.”

  “And where is this area?”

  “Are you familiar with Terraman Park?” she asks.

  Avery nods. “Yeah, it’s that place with the caves where little kids like to get lost in all time. It’s like some kid wanders off from a family picnic once a year and goes missing in those stupid caves. The last one was lost down there for, what, a week?”

  She nods. “Yeah, there’s six payphones in the park. Your phone number belongs to one of those payphones.”

  Avery looks at her and then at the map she’s got on the computer. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  “And you guys have been having outages out there today?”

  “In the whole neighborhood to the left here,” she points to the map on her screen. “A couple of lines went down and it’s disrupting all the calls in the area.”

  “And there’s six payphones in the park?”

  “Yep.”

  “And my dead guy called from one of them?”

  “I can even tell you which one.”

  Avery taps the notepad on her desk. “Write it down.”

  twenty-one

  Avery parks across the street from their office. She gets out of the car and starts to cross the street when her cellphone rings.

  “Yeah?” she answers.

  It’s Brooke. “Turn around and walk down to the diner as quickly as you can.”

  “Where have you been?” Avery asks, leaning against the car. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the last twenty minutes.”

  “Just listen to me and come down to the diner.” She sounds urgent.

  Avery frowns and looks over her shoulder at the diner that’s two storefronts down from where she’s parked. Brooke’s waving frantically at her through the front window.

  Entering the diner Avery finds Brooke sitting in a booth at the end window, looking a combination of paranoid and terrified.

  “What’s the matter?” Avery asks, sliding into the booth across from her sister.

  Brooke looks at her sister with wide eyes and says with the utmost seriousness, “I think Steven the bartender is going to ask me to marry him.”

  Avery stares at her for a full minute, saying nothing and her face betraying no expression.

  Then Avery bursts into laughter.

  The tension drains and Brooke frowns. “This isn’t funny.”

  Avery smacks the table with her hands, she’s laughing so hard. “Oh, oh, I can’t-” she cuts herself off with more laughter.

  Brooke folds her arms and scowls. “This is nice. Real nice. Is this what I can expect when I come to you for advice now?�
�

  Avery squeezes her eyes shut. Tears are streaming down her cheeks as she laughs. She takes a few stuttering deep breaths and starts to calm down after a moment.

  “Are you finished?” Brooke asks.

  Avery exhales slowly. “Yeah, I think so.” She wipes away the tears. “Hey, I just thought of this, but if you got married would you have to change your name to Brooke the Bartender?” That sets her off again.

  Brooke glares at her older sister as she rolls around on her side of the booth with laughter.

  “This hurts,” Brooke says. “This really hurts.”

  Avery replies with more laughter.

  “I’m having a crisis,” Brooke says. “This is serious. And you’re laughing like a stupid hyena.”

  Avery’s stretched out on her side, staring up at the ceiling as she slowly starts to calm back down. She sits up and looks at her sister. “It is pretty ridiculous.”

  “It is not ridiculous,” Brooke insists.

  “Not two hours ago you wanted me to get you Annie’s brother’s phone number,” Avery says, grabbing a napkin to dry her eyes.

  “I’m not saying that I want to marry Steven the bartender,” Brook argues.

  “Why do we call him Steven the bartender?” Avery wonders. “I would think we’d call him Stephen the Tongue. We never talk about his bar tending skills.”

  Brooke just stares at her.

  “What?”

  “I’m just waiting to see if you’re done telling jokes,” Brooke says.

  “Fine,” Avery tosses the napkin to the side and checks her make-up in the reflection of her spoon. “I’m done making jokes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “No,” Avery admits. “This is Steven the bartender and you we’re talking about.”

  “You know, this is entirely your fault.” Brooke points at her sister.

  “And how exactly does that work out?” Avery asks her.

  Brooke holds up her cellphone. “I got this text from him and you wouldn’t let me read it to you.”

  Avery raises an eyebrow. “Huh? You need to connect the dots on this one for me.”

  “You wouldn’t hear what he texted me,” Brooke says. “So I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it and therefore ended up obsessing uncontrollably about it.”

  “What are you, a seventy year old shut in?” Avery asks her. “You don’t have a phone?”

  “I called you.”

  “You know other people,” Avery says. “Please. You’re acting like Jack’s grandmother.”

  “Thank you,” Brooke says. “Being compared to an eighty-three year old lady makes me feel so much better.”

  Avery shrugs. “Hey, don’t act like one, and you won’t get called one.”

  “I am in crisis mode here and I would really appreciate it if you would join me,” Brooke says.

  “I’m not sure I want to,” Avery replies. “Your ‘crisis mode’ seems more like a hormonal thing. Are you on your period?”

  “Don’t ask me that.”

  “That’s something you would say if you were on your period.”

  “Stop talking about my period!” Brooke hisses at Avery. She glances around as though somebody might be listening in on their conversation.

  “Talking about your period makes you uncomfortable?” Avery asks with a smug smile. “That’s how I feel every time you bring up the details of your sex life.”

  “We’re women,” Brooke replies. “We’re supposed to talk about all the salacious details of our sex lives.”

  “I think you have real life confused with Sex and the City.”

  “I don’t like to talk about blood coming out of my body,” Brooke says, shifting uncomfortably. “That is unnatural.”

  “I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” Avery says.

  Brooke drops her head to the table. “My life as I know it is ending and you want to make jokes about my period,” she moans.

  “Your life is hardly ending.”

  “I’ve made a man fall deeply in love with me,” she says.

  “I don’t think you made him do anything,” Avery replies. “Although, I guess it’s possible you strongly encouraged the oral sex thing.”

  Brooke lifts her head to stare at her sister. “That was all his idea. The man knows his strengths. And now I’ve used my womanly wiles and tricked him into falling in love with me.” She sighs. “You don’t understand. Men have never fawned over you like they have me.”

  “Okay, I’ll try not to be too wildly offended by that statement,” Avery says dryly.

  “There is something about me,” Brooke continues, oblivious to her sister’s sarcasm. “Something I exude. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s irresistible to men.” She looks Avery in the eyes. “I have no control over this superpower.”

  “And now we’re definitely exaggerating it a bit here,” Avery mutters.

  “Men will fall for me,” Brooke says. “It’s not even a question of if anymore, but when.”

  “Alright,” Avery says, playing along. “Then why are you freaking out? This should be business as usual for you, even though, like five minutes ago, you were a complete wreck over this.”

  “Because while men will inevitably fall for me, no one’s ever asked me to marry them,” Brooke replies.

  Avery sighs, rubbing her forehead. “Let me see this text message.”

  Brooke flips open her phone and pulls up the message before handing it to her sister.

  Avery reads it out loud. “Keep your weekend open. I’ve got big plans.” Avery flicks her gaze up to her sister and looks at her in disbelief.

  Brooke nods. “Big plans.”

  “Are you serious?” Avery asks her.

  “What?”

  “Big plans?” Avery tosses the phone back to her. “That’s it? That’s what you’re freaking out over?”

  Brooke holds up her phone, pointing to the screen. “He put ‘big’ in capitals.”

  “He also misspelled ‘weekend’ as in ‘weakend,’ Avery says. “You’re crazy.”

  “I’m not crazy.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Thank you,” Brooke replies, slipping her phone back into her pocket.

  “You’re miles beyond crazy,” Avery says.

  “Come on.”

  “Big plans could mean anything,” Avery says. “The man probably isn’t even aware that marriage is a possibility for couples in this day and age.”

  “He’s not that dumb.”

  “That text has nothing to do with marriage,” Avery says. “And you’re crazy.”

  “This is your fault.” Brooke points at her sister.

  “My fault?”

  “You wouldn’t talk to me about the text earlier,” Brooke says. “What did you expect was going to happen?”

  “I expected that my sister wouldn’t turn into a crazy person,” Avery replies.

  “Well, maybe you should learn to lower your expectations.”

  “Yeah, maybe I should.” Avery shakes her head. “Can we get back to work now?”

  “Not exactly,” Brooke says. “There was another reason I was hiding out in here.”

  “Why?”

  Brooke points out the window.

  Avery watches for a few minutes. At first she doesn’t notice her. Then, after the pedestrian crowd thins out, she sees a woman, a brunette, dressed in a red skirt suit, with a leather briefcase tightly clutched in her tiny hands. She’s sitting outside the 24 Hour Chinese Food, but she doesn’t look like a customer. She’s paying close attention to every woman that passes by.

  Avery looks at her sister.

  “She showed up a few minutes after I sat down,” Brooke explains.

  Avery shakes her head. “I don’t get it. Do we know her?”

  “No.”

  “Then why is this a problem?” Avery asks, looking back out the window. “How do you know she’s even waiting for us?”

  “I know the answer to both of those que
stions,” Brooke says.

  Avery turns back to her. Brooke holds up her cellphone again and shows Avery the picture on it.

  “I called Ricky and had him text me the photo.”

  Avery looks at the image. It’s Daniel Jones, his daughter and a woman that looks just like the lady sitting in front of their office. She looks back at the red suit lady.

  “Shelly Jones.”

  “Shelly Jones,” Brooke agrees, flipping her phone closed.

  “What is she doing back here?” Avery wonders aloud.

  “Probably the same thing she was doing here before.”

  Avery sighs, rubbing her eyes. “This is not good.”

  “If we had just dumped the dead guy at the Waiting Room when we were supposed to, this wouldn’t even be a problem,” Brooke says.

  “But then our lives would be so much less interesting,” Avery says.

  Brooke rolls her eyes. “I have enough interesting crap in my life right now. You know what I don’t have enough of? Money. I would love some more money.”

  “I think I’ve got a lead on the dead couple,” Avery says.

  “Really?”

  “Terraman Park.”

  “With the caves that all the kids keep getting lost in?”

  “Yep.”

  “Sweet,” Brooke replies. “What about my phone number?”

  “You mean Annie’s brother’s phone number,” Avery corrects her.

  “Which I would like in my possession.”

  “So you can get another man to fall hopelessly in love with you?”

  “It’s not like I do it on purpose,” Brooke says. “Were you not listening? I have no control over this ability.”

  Avery rolls her eyes. “Annie wouldn’t give me her brother’s number.”

  “What?”

  “Apparently she doesn’t want her brother dragged into your sordid world of sexual debauchery,” Avery says.

  Brooke just stares at Avery with a faint look of confusion.

  “You’re a slut and Annie doesn’t want you dirtying up her brother,” Avery clarifies.

  “Please,” Brooke says, with a flick of her hand. “Annie’s a much bigger whore. You remember that time at Shelly’s party?”

  “I’ve successfully purged that from my memory,” Avery says. “Please don’t bring it up.”

  “Annie should feel honored that I have a passing interest in her brother,” Brook continues. “I am a catch.”