Jessie's Promise

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘I do hope so,’ Jessie said. Her throat was tight and she felt close to tears, but there was nothing she could do. Lady Kendle had been told the situation and Sir Joshua had telephoned the hospital immediately. ‘They said he was still unconscious when his grandfather rang. If only I’d been there when he fell. If only I had been there…’

  ‘You couldn’t have stopped him,’ Nanny said. ‘Miss Priscilla should never have left him alone. She knows what a monster he is.’

  ‘Jack isn’t a monster,’ Jessie said, tears in her eyes. ‘He’s just a naturally high spirited little boy, and it’s my job to look after him.’

  ‘You were worried about Catherine.’

  ‘Yes, and she’s fine,’ Jessie said. ‘I knew it was dangerous to let him jump those hurdles. The pony wasn’t up to it. Harry didn’t intend him to jump at this stage.’

  Nanny gave her a hard look and Jessie blushed.

  ‘You’re Jack’s nursemaid,’ she said. ‘You can only do so much. Miss Priscilla is his aunt and Captain Kendle had told her to go slowly with the child. If anyone is to blame she is, not you.’

  Jessie nodded. She had tried to warn against the jumping, but she ought to have said more. She ought to have told Jack’s aunt that his father wouldn’t want him to go so fast, but she hadn’t considered it was her place – but she wished that she had. She wished it so much that it hurt. She should have spoken out even if she’d been reprimanded for it! She couldn’t bear the thought of that little boy lying unconscious in hospital – and she didn’t know what she would do if he were seriously hurt.

  ‘If it had been a broken leg it wouldn’t have been so bad,’ she said on a sob of grief. ‘But it was head injuries and they moved him without a doctor being there. Why didn’t they ask me to go with them?’

  ‘I don’t suppose Miss Priscilla gave it a thought,’ Nanny said. ‘She was frantic, you said so yourself. Imagine what she’s going through at this moment. She adores Harry and Jack. She’ll never be able to face her brother again if something… if the boy should be brain damaged.’

  ‘He could die,’ Jessie said. ‘What will happen then? I don’t think Harry can take it, Nanny. It was bad enough losing the workshops, but this – this is too much for anyone.’

  ‘You’re looking on the black side,’ Nanny said. ‘Miss Priscilla and Harry took a lot of tumbles between them. Apart from a broken arm once neither of them suffered much harm. Jack will be as right as rain soon enough.’

  Jessie couldn’t comfort herself so easily. She knew how serious a fall like this could be and she was torn apart by her regret and grief. Why hadn’t she been there? Why hadn’t they taken her with them?

  But Carter wouldn’t have suggested it after the argument over Maggie, and Priscilla had been too upset to think clearly. Jessie prayed that Nanny was right, and that she was making too much fuss, but the premonition that had haunted her since she’d first seen Jack jumping over those hurdles was stronger than ever.

  *

  Jessie went to ask Lady Kendle if there had been any news. She shook her head and looked at her sadly.

  ‘Priscilla telephoned an hour ago. She says there is no change as yet. She was trying to get through to France, but it’s difficult to place a call. She says that if she can’t get through she’ll ring her husband and ask him to send a telegram or fly over if need be. It’s the quickest way to reach Harry, though I think it’s so dangerous – but George is very good at emergencies. I am sure he will find a way to reach Harry, through diplomatic channels if nothing else will do.’

  ‘Would it be all right if I went to the hospital, ma’am? I’ve had a message to say that Mr Goodjohn is home from the market and will take me into the hospital if I want to go.’

  ‘Yes, if you wish to,’ Lady Kendle said, seeing the signs of strain in Jessie’s face. ‘I am certain Nanny can manage Catherine for a while. She is no trouble. Yes, get off now. I am sure Priscilla will be glad to see you. She must be out of her mind with worry over this.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am. I am quite sure she is,’ Jessie replied. ‘I’ll get changed and walk down to the farm.’

  ‘I think there is a bicycle somewhere in the yard. You could probably borrow that if you like.’

  Jessie thanked her and left to change into a clean dress. She decided against taking the bike and walked down to the farm, where the obliging farmer was only too pleased to give her the ride she needed.

  ‘I just wish I’d been here to take you in sooner, Jessie,’ he said. ‘It’s a terrible thing and no mistake. I can’t imagine what got into Mrs Barrington’s head, letting him raise the jumps like that.’

  ‘I’m sure she didn’t realise he had put them up even higher while she was gone,’ Jessie said, but in her heart she agreed. Priscilla should never have started to teach Jack to jump without his father’s permission.

  The farmer’s lorry was uncomfortable, bouncing over all the bumps in the road, but Jessie was grateful for the ride. She knew that there was very little she could do when she got to the hospital but she wanted to be with Jack. It was breaking her heart to think of him lying there unconscious and she didn’t know how she could bear it. She had come to love Jack as if he were her own, and it was like being wrenched apart.

  She asked for news at the reception desk and at first they said she couldn’t see Jack, because only family were allowed to visit. She explained that she was Jack’s nurse and had responsibility for him. She also told the girl that she had been a nurse in the war.

  ‘I’ll make some inquiries, miss.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Jessie waited anxiously while the girl went off. It seemed ages before she returned but at last she came back with welcome news.

  ‘You can go up for a while, Nurse Hale,’ she told Jessie at last. ‘The boy’s aunt is with him, but she has agreed to go out and leave him while you sit with him. The doctors have said there should only be one person with him at a time, because of disruption to the ward.’

  ‘I’ll be very quiet,’ Jessie said. ‘I shan’t disturb anyone I promise.’

  She walked up to the ward where Jack was being treated. It was a small one for patients in a critical condition and had only four beds.

  Priscilla was waiting outside in the corridor for her to arrive. Her face was white and tense and she was clearly in a terrible state.

  ‘Harry will never forgive me,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have left Jack even for a minute, but he seemed so capable. The pony was jumping well and I thought it was safe…’ She gave a little sob. ‘Jack was so confident, so full of himself, and then he said he wanted a drink but he didn’t want to leave Wellington so I went to fetch it. I had mine in the kitchen and I suppose I was chatting for five minutes…’

  ‘You couldn’t know what Jack would do while you were gone.’

  ‘I should have guessed,’ Priscilla said. ‘He had been asking me to put the hurdle right up to the top. It wasn’t just one notch higher, it was three and the sudden change surprised Wellington. He refused and Jack went over his head. I saw it about to happen and I tried to stop him, but it was too late. Perhaps if I hadn’t shouted…’

  ‘You can’t blame yourself,’ Jessie said, though in her heart she knew Priscilla must blame herself, just as she was blaming herself for not being there. If she had taken Catherine to watch him she could have stopped Jack being so impetuous. She ought to have been there with him, even if she had carried Catherine all the way there and back. ‘May I go in now?’

  ‘Of course. I should have taken you with us, but I was in such a panic. I didn’t think to fetch you. The doctor told me Jack could have suffered more damage because he wasn’t moved correctly, but they aren’t sure yet.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Jessie said. ‘I ran all the way to the farm but it was too late. You had just gone.’

  ‘I’ll never forgive myself if…’ Priscilla gave a sob and then blew her nose. ‘Take no notice of me, Jessie. Go and see him.’

  Jessie went into the ward. Jack was
in the bed nearest the door so that the sister could keep an eye on him. She shook her head as Jessie asked if there had been any change.

  Jessie sat on the chair beside the bed. The lights were shaded because all the patients in this ward were seriously ill. As yet there wasn’t much they could do for Jack. Until he came to himself they wouldn’t know whether or not he had suffered serious damage. He would already have had an X-ray, of course, but Jessie had only so much faith in things like that. She knew that they were still at a comparatively early stage in the development of the technique, and the results were not always as decisive as they might be. Broken bones were easy to detect but brain damage wasn’t as clear to diagnose. They would need to monitor the child and see what his reactions were when he woke up. If he woke up – but he had to, he had to! He mustn’t die.

  Jessie took his hand in hers, holding it to her face and then kissing it. ‘Please don’t die, my little darling,’ she said. ‘Please don’t leave us all. We love you so much.’

  There was no reaction, even when she stroked his forehead, not even the flicker of an eyelid. Her heart felt as if it were being torn in two and she didn’t know how she could bear the pain. He looked so young, so vulnerable, and beautiful. He was such a lovely child, a little angel.

  Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she bent over him to kiss his forehead, stroking it again as she whispered to him of her love, his father’s love and need of him.

  ‘You can’t die,’ she whispered. ‘You can’t…’

  Jack’s eyelids flickered. Jessie felt her heart stop and then beat faster. She kissed him again, praying that he would open his eyes and look at her. His eyelids fluttered once more and he made a little moaning sound, but he didn’t open his eyes.

  Jessie left him and went to tell the sister that she had seen signs that he might return to consciousness within a short time.

  ‘He didn’t look at me,’ she said. ‘But he was aware of me stroking his forehead. I am almost sure of it.’

  ‘Well, as a nurse you know that is a good sign,’ Sister said. ‘We mustn’t hope for too much too soon, but he is strong and we can only pray and watch.’

  ‘Yes, I know. I was so afraid that his spine might have been damaged when he was moved.’

  ‘I think you can be reassured on that,’ Sister said. ‘He has a fractured wrist and the head injuries. We don’t know how bad they are at the moment, or what the consequences will be – we must just hope for the best.’

  Jessie returned to the bed, sitting by Jack’s side for another half an hour before she kissed him and left. There had been no further signs of a recovery and she could not pass on any encouraging news to Jack’s worried aunt.

  ‘Do you want to go home?’ Jessie asked. ‘I can stay for a few hours if you want to change and have a meal.’

  ‘I couldn’t eat a thing,’ Priscilla said. ‘They’ve given me several cups of tea. No, I think I’ll stay here for a few hours longer. My husband managed to get through to Harry. He sent a telegram and had a reply. Harry is flying home this evening as soon as he can get a flight. My husband has arranged special emergency transport through the diplomatic service. With any luck he will be here in the morning.’

  ‘I hope there will be better news then,’ Jessie said. It was only when she got to the foyer of the hospital that she wondered how she was going to get back to Kendlebury. The last train had gone and she had not brought any money for a taxi, though someone might take her if she promised to pay at the other end.

  ‘Jessie – how is he?’

  She was surprised as Carter came towards her.

  ‘I think he’s holding his own – that’s all I can say at the moment. I didn’t think you would still be here. Mrs Barrington is staying for a few hours yet and Captain Kendle may be home in the morning.’

  ‘I came back when they told me you were here,’ Carter said and looked at her oddly. ‘I shouldn’t have done what I did this morning – to Maggie or you. It was out of order.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter now. I just wished you’d sent for me earlier, before you brought Jack here.’

  ‘We neither of us thought of it,’ Carter said. ‘Afterwards I remembered how you looked after Wylie’s boy and I knew I should have waited for you. I’m sorry, Jessie.’

  ‘As it happens it seems that no further harm was done,’ Jessie said. ‘Look, I don’t want to be bad friends with you – can we just forget all the bother? There are more important things to worry about now.’

  ‘Thanks for being decent about it,’ Carter said. ‘I’ll take you home and then see if I’m needed. I may have to come back for Mrs Barrington later, but it all depends…’

  Jessie nodded. Jack wasn’t out of the woods yet by any means. It could still go either way.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jessie found it almost impossible to sleep. She tossed and turned for ages, then got up and went down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She was just pouring it when Priscilla came in followed by Carter. Harry’s sister looked tired and drawn as she sat down.

  ‘Do you think you could spare a cup for me?’

  ‘Of course,’ Jessie said. ‘You should eat something. Shall I make you a sandwich? I think there’s some cold salmon left over from your father’s supper party.’

  ‘I couldn’t force it down. I wanted to stay at the hospital but they threw me out. Said I couldn’t do anything and would be ill myself. I think I was getting in their way. They told me to go back tomorrow afternoon.’

  ‘I suppose that’s fair enough,’ Jessie said. ‘You would be in the way if they wanted to treat him.’

  ‘A doctor came to look at him about an hour before we left. He said they might have to operate if there’s no change by tomorrow – something about swelling on the brain.’

  ‘Please God they don’t have to do that,’ Jessie said. She set the teapot down, closing her eyes against the sting of tears. ‘Sometimes a blood clot is formed and puts pressure on the brain. It can be very dangerous. I hope it won’t come to an operation.’

  ‘I feel so guilty.’ Priscilla leaned her elbows on the table, burying her face in her hands. ‘Harry will hate me for this.’

  Jessie felt her distress as a physical thing. She reached across the table and touched Priscilla’s bowed head. ‘It’s as much my fault as yours. I should have been there. If I had been Jack couldn’t have altered those jumps. I wouldn’t have let him.’

  Priscilla looked up, her face grey with grief.

  ‘Thank you for offering the share the blame, Jessie, but we both know it was my fault. You were uneasy from the start. I should have watched him like a hawk. I’d forgotten how impetuous he was.’

  They sat talking for a while longer but there was nothing to say. Jack’s life was in the balance and they could hardly bear the pain. Neither of them dared to think of what Harry would do if the boy died.

  *

  Jessie was up at her usual time despite her lack of sleep. She could feel the tension in the house. Everyone was affected. Cook, Maggie, Mrs Pearson, Alice, even Pam Bates felt the sense of fear that hung over the family.

  As yet there was no news from the hospital. Carter told them that Sir Joshua had phoned at eight that morning but was told Jack was still unconscious.

  ‘They are considering an operation,’ Carter said. ‘Apparently they think a blood clot may be pressing on the brain. I think they’re waiting for his father to get there to give his permission.’

  ‘What does that mean, Jessie?’

  All eyes turned on her as she tried to explain that sometimes the cavity around the brain could be affected by swelling caused by a blood clot.

  ‘Is an operation dangerous?’ Maggie asked. Her eyes and nose were red. She had been crying for hours and looked awful.

  ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is. All surgery carries risks, and anything affecting the brain requires very delicate work – but it could be the only way.’

  ‘But won’t that… affect him?’ Cook asked, looking distr
essed. ‘You know, the way Miss Cathy…’

  ‘It might,’ Jessie said. ‘There is a very high risk of some impairment.’

  Silence fell as they all contemplated such an outcome.

  ‘It would kill his father,’ Cook said. ‘It might be better if he died.’

  Jessie got up abruptly and left the kitchen. She couldn’t bear to hear them talk about Jack that way. She kept praying that a miracle would happen and he would wake up with little more than bruises and a fractured wrist.

  When Jessie went into Lady Kendle to dress her, she told her that Jack’s father was now at the hospital.

  ‘I believe he arrived in England during the night. George arranged a private flight to Torquay and he was driven to the hospital in the early hours of the morning. He managed a quick call to his father a few minutes ago. Harry said…’ Her voice was muffled by emotion as she choked back a sob. ‘He thought they might be about to operate.’

  ‘Oh no,’ Jessie said and the tears began to slide down her cheeks. ‘That’s terrible news. Even if he lives…’

  ‘You think he’ll be damaged?’ Lady Kendle nodded, her expression grim. ‘We were afraid of that. I just don’t know how Harry will cope if that happens. First Catherine and now…’ She broke off, driven to close her eyes for a moment by the force of her anguish. ‘We must be cursed as a family, wouldn’t you say?’

  ‘Surely not?’ Jessie wiped her tears away. Crying wouldn’t help. ‘It was an accident.’

  ‘Priscilla is desperate. She believes Harry will hate her. They were always so close.’ Lady Kendle wiped her eyes with a lace handkerchief. ‘I can’t think how it will all end.’

  ‘Perhaps Jack will come through this and be fine,’ Jessie said though she didn’t sound convincing even to herself.

  ‘You don’t really believe that?’

  Jessie hesitated, then shook her head.

  ‘I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen the results of similar operations and they have often been disappointing. The doctors do their best and one day they will do better, but they’re still learning about the way the brain works. Not every surgeon could or would perform such an operation, because it is so difficult. I hoped Jack wouldn’t need it – that he would wake up himself.’