by Tara Brown
Slightly betraying my mom I felt a tear drip down my cheek.
“Mom I can’t fight it much longer. I can’t stay sad forever. I’m really trying to honor you and I know this isn’t what you would have wanted but I don’t know how else to see you.” I heaved slightly, “I see Alise so happy and normal and I hate her. If I’m not sad do I miss you the same amount?”
I let the tears fall staring down at the cement trying to see the design my splashed made on the concrete. I felt a cool wind suddenly twirl around me and it felt like the winds of change would. Refreshing and energizing. I knew my mom would want me to be happy.
I stood up feeling blood rushing back into my legs with painful pins and needles, “Love you mom. See you soon k.”
I enjoyed feeling the blood find its way back into my legs, it felt like a small sacrifice to the pain my mom had felt. I walked letting the cramping leave my legs one step at a time like the aching pain did in my heart.
When I got home my sister was pouting in the corner with a face that could devastate a coastline. Our father had put her on restricted party attendance in the last month. Alise hadn’t been to a party in four weeks, which no doubt was starting to affect her most popular girl in school status. Our father was a marine biologist so his sympathies didn’t lie with social standing.
Her big silver eyes glistened as if she had been crying which wouldn’t surprise me, she would pull out all the stops to get her way. Thus far I had seen fainting, holding breath, screaming, not talking to people for months on end, refusal to eat or drink, and many many more dramatics all in the pursuit of her eternal happiness that always seemed to last about an hour.
I rolled my eyes as my sisters’ gaze fixed on me seeing the desperation click into action and an evil plan formed in the mind of the feeble but wickedly scheming brat.
Pretending to be grasping at straws she went for the back up plan she no doubt had been holding onto for the entire afternoon but acted now as if it were impromptu, “There is a party tonight, at Shane’s house. It’s a party Aims, a fun party. Come on. Pretty pleeeasse. How can the girlfriend not be at the party? This could end our relationship. He could cheat on me or think I’m lying about not being allowed and think I’m cheating. My entire happiness is riding on this party.”
My heart dropped, of course that was why Shane had asked me to go to his party. It hurt but I knew it made sense. He wanted his girlfriend at the party.
I squeezed my lips together and thought about Blake. Blake was the one who was right for me.
She begged on her hands and knees on the floor pouting her perfectly glossed lips at me like I was a boy under her spell and batting her lashes like butterfly wings.
“You know I’m a girl right?” I asked shaking my head in disgust although I had to confess the idea of being at Shane’s house did make my stomach do a little flip. Looking down at my stomach I grimaced, traitor. What was wrong with me? First a heart flip for Blake and now a stomach flip for Shane, my sisters’ boyfriend, it was like emotional whoring.
“Hardly Aims.” Alise sneered at me but seeing the look of revulsion on my face she opted to go back to batting her eyelashes at me once more.
I rolled my eyes at her again, “Your pouty lips and eyelashes do nothing for me.”
I grabbed a cookie and some chocolate soymilk, “Besides I have plans tonight.” I finished my snack and walked to the counter in the kitchen to put my empty glass of soymilk down on the bar.
I could see her eyes twitching as her poor simple brain worked over time trying desperately to come up with a new back up plan.
“Aimee I can’t go without you. If you go I will give you a hundred dollars.”
I could see her regret it as she said it but the poor little hamster that moved the thoughts around in my sisters tiny little brain was clearly on a smoke break.
Alise knew she not only had no money to follow through on the promise she made but that I didn’t care about money in anyway, shape or form.
When Alise saw my expression she desperately blurted, “I’ll do your laundry and be nice to you for a month. Even at school.”
I squeezed my lips together contemplating the possibility, “Ok deal but you have to be nice to me and Blake for a month and do my laundry properly according to washing instructions and drive me anywhere I want. And I want drink service tonight, nothing nasty or filled with booze but good drinks all night, handed to me from your hand to mine. And I’m bringing Blake tonight and you have to drive us to the party as you would any other friend.”
Alise stuck her hand out excitedly, “Deal.”
I walked past her not taking her hand, “Like I would touch that hand, please I know where your hands go. Besides you have no honor. I will draw up a contract and I’ll tell Blake to be ready for eight.”
She laughed, “You’re a bitch Aimee, a funny bitch no less. Eight sounds like it’s on.”
She jumped up and down excitedly.
I went to my room to decide on an outfit for the night.
I wanted to go to the party.
That was new, not since my moms’ accident new but since forever.
I had never been the party type.
Maybe tonight would be the night Blake would at least try to kiss me and we could start our courting before university as I had planned.
I had never been kissed and it seemed like the most amazing experience when it happened in the movies. The idea of kissing Blake didn’t make me feel like the world would stop to give notice to our kiss but I knew he was right for me. One side of me was reasonable and the other was romantic, just like my parents.
I just didn’t know which side should win in the case of romance.
I looked at myself in the mirror and pictured myself in a ball gown. My dress would be soft pink colored and my hair would be up. I reached behind and made a bun with my hair. I could see myself ready for the ball. I closed my eyes and imagined Blake in a tux but suddenly he wasn’t Blake.
He was Shane.
Shane standing tall and handsome and putting a hand out for me.
My stomach flipped again and I opened my eyes to see a flushed face looking back at me in the huge stand up mirror. There was a very guilty look on the face of the girl in the mirror.
I put my hands down and turned to face reality. My sister was dating Shane and he barely knew I existed except as a tutor or the sister of the girl he was dating.
No biggie Blake was a very agreeable alternative.
I groaned feeling like Mr. Collins surveying the possibilities.
Who was I kidding, Blake was my soul mate or at least the mate of my mind, which I felt, was probably more important in the long run.
I turned and went to my closet to start getting ready. My closet was bleak, or rather black. It seemed some time ago I had gone through everything and removed all of the color and joy from my closet.
I groaned and grabbed a black pair of skinny jeans and a dark blue sweater. I changed quickly and looked at my reflection with a smirk, my sister was right which had never actually had happened before, our mom would freak if she were here.
My long slightly wavy blond hair hung around my gaunt face. My eyes had dulled to a lifeless grey with no zest or expression. My skin seemed not just white but powdered and flat. I looked skinnier than ever and my skinny jeans looked ridiculous hanging off of my body.
I couldn’t help but worry about the girl in mirror. Her once perky nose almost looked a little big on her face, which had grown horridly thin. Her full lips looked chapped and peeling, I grimaced at the girl, not very kissable. Her eyebrows looked like they needed a little weed whacking and her hair was stringy.
I truly looked like a Goth; there was no denying it.
“Omg you are not wearing that. Take your clothes off I will be right back.” Alise was in and out before I could register what had happened and suddenly she was stripping the clothes off of me. Roughly she tore off the sweater and pulled on a pink t-shirt. It had red lips on it
low on the left side and was really long. She undid my jeans to tear them off as she knocked me to the bed and pulled at them.
She rambled on about being old enough to dress myself, which made me blush as my sister dragged a new pair of jeans on my rail thin body. They were very light blue with frayed pockets in the back and subtle whiskers in the front.
I hated them instantly and wanted to undress the minute I saw myself in the mirror regardless of the fact the girl in the mirror looked a lot better, there was no doubt about it.
That being said I felt like I was wearing a flashing sign that said, ‘look at me!’
“You’ve gotten too skinny for skinny jeans and you look horrid in black. You’re a spring/summer Aimee, you need color.”
She grabbed my arm and dragged me to her room. It was cluttered and disgusting with an odor I couldn’t quite place, maybe I could it was L’eau de homeless man peed his pants and ate nachos.
“You want Blake to like you Aims you need to put a little make up on and try a little harder. Guys don’t ask out women who’ve already crossed over into spinsterhood. Here try this.” She said as she made me sit in her make up chair and started applying things to my face.
I never spoke, I shut my sister out like usual and I told myself I could wash my face when this was over.
Alise tweezed and groomed like Edward Sissorhands using both hands to do the work.
“You like Blake right?” she asked without waiting for me to answer, “Well you need to grab a guy like him and tell him you like him. He’s smart but not in relationships.”
I nodded trying to pacify her as she ranted while holding something that looked like a torture device, “You know when I liked Benny, he never knew for the first few weeks but then I just told him one night at a pit party and we dated for like six months. Till I caught him with that slut Meagan, that was disgusting.”
This was the story of Alise’s life; she had already dated at least fifteen boys in the last four years.
I had still not dated a boy once.
It wasn’t from lack of desire but more lack of options. The only boy I had ever really liked was the one my sister was dating currently, Shane. I had liked him since grade two but I never told anyone and now he was ruined forever having no doubt had sex with my sister. I threw up a tiny bit in my mouth and grimaced thinking about it.
Now I was stuck with Blake, not that it was a bad option but I knew there wasn’t any romance in the choice and even worse he was shyer than I was.
I had come to terms with my being made for him and vise versa the day I found out about Shane and Alise.
She messed with my hair ignoring the faces I was making while processing my love life. “You can’t graduate a virgin Aimee, university is not the place to lose it. And my god if you continue the way you’re going you’ll be in your twenties and no guys want to date a twenty five year old virgin. There, what do you think?”
She stepped back and swung the chair to face her mirror.
I prepared myself for the worst, painted whore like her friends or maybe like a clown since Alise was being oddly kind to me and I had roped her into a month of extra laundry but instead I barely recognized myself. I looked remarkable.
The girl staring back at me looked attractive and I could barely see the makeup, she had actually respected the fact I was a minimalist.
“You have a talent Alise, this is miraculous.” I whispered as I touched my cheeks not feelings greasy makeup. My lips looked full and plump and my blue eyes were noticeable and sparkly.
She stood behind me in the mirror smiling at her work, “You look like we could even be friends, like a cheer leader or something.”
And there it was, the old mean and nasty snot of a sister I was accustomed to, “Yeah well don’t get your hopes up.”
She crossed her arms giving me the look of doom, “Don’t do anything to get dirty or make a mess of yourself, and don’t eat. Just sit somewhere till eight.”
I laughed as I left her room feeling like an idiot for being talked into this. I walked back to my room to play WOW while I waited for it to be time.
Lost in the game a while later I was interrupted deep in thought about the Alliance member I was creaming.
“You really are doing this?” Dad asked as I slaughtered a noob twelve year old Allie with my fellow guildies.
“Play World of Warcraft, yeah. I play everyday. Dad please you need to start paying attention to our comings and goings its getting frightening in here without any parental control.”
“I know you play, it costs me fifteen dollars every month kiddo I notice. Whoever thought that game up is a genius.” He sighed almost chuckling.
I never took my eyes off the screen as I spoke, “Duly noted.”
“No I meant the party, it’s not your thing. You don’t have to go.” His voice was flat as if he were playing it up and saying it but secretly excited I was going.
“Yeah well she promised me the moon and stars.” my eyes still never left the screen.
“Be safe and don’t drink okay.” His voice was yielding as he spoke.
I turned to face him while the flags reset in my game of capture the flag, “Dad its ok. When do I drink? I think you’re in the wrong room, Sleazy Drunks is next door. This is Dorks with Anonymity. Did you eat yet?”
He shook his head chuckling, “No I ordered some pizza. Uncle Vince is coming over, he wants to watch the game.”
I smiled, “Who’s playing?”
My once handsome father who had been replaced by this shorter and more exhausted one smiled almost brightening his face up, “Oh uhm, well you know me and sports kiddo. But adult company and some pizza will be a pleasant diversion.”
I laughed at my father, “Yeah I guess we are both being held hostage for the evening.”
His eyes sparkled for a moment, “Maybe it’s what we need Aimee, we don’t seem to be getting past this on our own. You look pretty by the way. Want me to get a veggie burger when I pick up the pizza?”
I smiled looking him right in the eye, which I rarely did anymore and nodded as he left my room.
My sister drove like a crazed woman making all the pickup stops along the way as Blake and I sat squished in the back with a guy name Tommy who had dated my sister but was now dating one of her friends and flirted mercilessly with everything that moved.
“Hey Aimee, looking good. You clean up nice.” He spoke soothingly as if trying to charm me or tame a wild animal I wasn’t sure which.
“Yeah I don’t really see how a t-shirt is cleaned up, but thanks Tommy.” I rolled my eyes at Blake who muffled a laugh.
“McGinnis, dude you’re way too big for the back seat. You should have tried out for basketball. What are you six one?” He asked Blake trying to make conversation.
Blake smiled, “Uhm six three actually but I am not a sporting sort. That is best left for the coordinated.”
He frowned at me which I knew meant he really didn’t want to be in this car full of the popular kids asking him to join sports based on his height and the fact his parents were ridiculously rich.
I laughed at his grumpy face that softened him as he whispered to me, “You look really nice. Pink is very you.”
I stuck my tongue out almost feeling guilty to be having fun and laughing but I knew my mom would want me to have a life again, even if it was Alise’s life.
We pulled into a long driveway far from the road to Shane Bagley’s house. His father and mom had recently split causing a rift in our small town as Shane’s father had been caught having relations so to speak with a check out girl at the local grocery store, which incidentally the Bagley Family owned. Shane’s mom had kicked him out only to find out he moved in with his twenty-five year old employee.
Shane was taking this hard. He was only a few months older than us, which made him eighteen and a half. His new step mom was seven years older than he was.
Alise had been sucked into the drama as was her specialty and had gone from nearly d
umping Shane to a newly devoted woman. Shane was smoking hot and he was by far the nicest guy in our small town. I actually couldn’t figure out what on earth would possess him to date my sister.
Shane’s mom had been vacationing more than normal in the last few months, which had most of the small town of just under three thousand people speculating she was actually in a center somewhere.
Shane had an older sister in university in the city who came back on weekends even though it was a five-hour drive to help him out while his parents were both AWOL.
Shane’s sister had actually gone to high school two grades below the new step mom; it was a predicament no one wanted to be caught in.