Forgotten Memories (SWAT: Top Cops Book 4)

by Laura Scott

  Shane dropped his gaze to stare into his coffee mug. “Linda was a cop, just like me. She didn’t need protection, not the same way Gabby does.”

  “But she was in an abusive relationship, wasn’t she?” his friend pressed. “And you can’t deny you were helping to keep her safe from her ex-boyfriend.”

  No, he couldn’t deny it. But no matter what Nate thought, he wasn’t making the same mistake with Gabby.

  Deep down Shane knew that there couldn’t be anything more than friendship between them. Had been telling himself that from the beginning, the night she was kidnapped right before his eyes.

  So why had he kissed her?

  Shane shoved a hand through his hair. Truthfully? He had no idea. But as wonderful as it had been to feel his lips brush against hers, he absolutely couldn’t do that again. He needed to remember that as soon as they found Creighton, he and Gabby would go their separate ways.

  Because Nate was right. Gratitude was a poor substitute for love.

  * * *

  Gabby walked back out to the table just as their server was bringing breakfast. The concerned expression in Shane’s intense blue eyes warmed her heart. At least he believed in her.

  Shane scooted over to give her room. Then he bowed his head for a moment and silently prayed. She noticed Nate waited for him to finish, the same way she did, before digging into his food.

  Her appetite had waned beneath the weight of her headache, but she forced herself to try to eat.

  “I wish we could find Ambrose,” Shane muttered darkly. “The timing of Gabby’s kidnapping in conjunction with the lawsuit is suspicious. I can’t help thinking he might be the one behind all this.”

  Nate nodded. “You could be right. And we are trying to find him. I’ve asked both the Illinois state troopers and the Chicago PD to be on alert, but so far we haven’t heard anything.”

  “Gabby, would you mind sharing those notes you kept related to Ambrose and Chasco?” Shane asked.

  “No, I don’t mind,” she agreed warily, even though she didn’t particularly want to read through them again. “But I don’t know that they’ll be any help since the events happened four years ago. Besides, the notes are in a safe-deposit box that we won’t be able to access until tomorrow.”

  “All right, maybe we can do that in the morning, as soon as the banks open.” Shane reached over to pour ketchup on his hash browns. “Maybe they won’t help, but reviewing them might give us a better picture of Ambrose.”

  She didn’t necessarily agree but wouldn’t stand in Shane’s way, either. Silence fell as the guys concentrated on their breakfast while she picked at her food.

  Their server came back to refill their coffee mugs and to set the bill on the table. Nate picked it up and reached for his wallet.

  “I can get it,” Shane protested.

  “Nope. No paper trail with your name on it,” the other man said firmly. “I’ll give you whatever cash I have on hand, too.”

  Gabby glanced up at Nate, who was regarding her steadily. “Thank you,” she said in a quiet tone. “I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

  There was a pause before Nate inclined his head. “You’re welcome.”

  “Are you finished?” Shane frowned at her half-eaten food.

  “Almost.” She did her best to eat as much as possible before pushing her plate away.

  Nate gave them the make and model of his aunt’s car before he walked over to the cashier to pay the bill. Shane rested his hand on the small of her back as they walked outside.

  “That must be it,” he said, steering her toward an older-model sedan. Nate’s aunt must take good care of her cars, because there wasn’t a speck of rust on the body, despite the vehicle’s age.

  Shane glanced at his watch. “We have about an hour and a half until church starts. How about we see if we can secure the motel rooms? I know it’s early, but it’s worth a shot.”

  “All right,” she agreed. Gabby folded her hands in her lap, not sure what to expect from going to church services with Shane. Normally she avoided listening to people preaching at her. But then again, she found it difficult to believe Shane would like something like that, too.

  She rested against the seat cushions as he drove. Closing her eyes and doing her deep-breathing exercises helped to ease her headache. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to discover that thirty minutes had passed.

  “This is it,” Shane said, gesturing to the motel on the left-hand side of the road.

  Beyond the motel, she could see a white church steeple rising above the trees rippling with red, orange, yellow and green leaves. Autumn was her favorite time of year.

  Shane pulled into the small carport in front of the hotel lobby. They walked inside, Shane an impressive sight in his black SWAT uniform.

  “I need connecting rooms, please,” he told the woman behind the counter. “Preferably on the ground floor.”

  The woman checked her computer. “I do have connecting rooms available but check-in time is normally at three o’clock in the afternoon.”

  “I understand, but couldn’t you make an exception if the rooms are already vacant?” Shane pressed.

  The woman glanced at his badge and then nodded. “Sure, I guess so.”

  Shane smiled. “Thanks,” he said and she noticed he slipped her an extra twenty. “I’d also like to pay with cash, please.”

  The woman insisted on checking his ID, but Gabby was surprised she’d agreed to his paying with cash. Amazing what a good-looking man in a cop uniform could get you.

  Ten minutes later, she dropped her duffel bag on the bed and glanced curiously around the room. Nothing special, but it was clean, so she had no right to complain.

  Gabby unpacked her bag, wondering if she should change for church or not. Her black stretch pants and green sweater were more casual, but surely better than jeans.

  She drew the cedar box out of her bag. A light rap on the connecting door startled her enough that she almost dropped it. She carefully set the box on the bedside table before crossing over and opening the door.

  Shane stood there, still wearing his uniform. “Hi. I’m going to take a quick shower, and then we can walk over to church, okay?”

  “Sure,” she agreed. “Am I dressed all right?”

  He smiled reassuringly. “You’re perfect. Nate provided me jeans and a sweater, so I’ll be more casual than you are. Just give me ten to fifteen minutes, all right?”

  “Of course.” She left the door ajar and then went back to unpacking. She needed to call her boss, Jonathan Murray, chief of trauma surgery, to let him know she needed some time off work. She picked up the motel phone but then replaced it.

  Maybe it would be better to use Shane’s phone to make the call since she also needed to find out how Brandon was doing.

  Remaining patient wasn’t easy, and soon she found herself pacing the width of the motel room. How was she going to manage being off work for any length of time? Would Shane allow her to go out for a run after church? Watching television was of no interest, and she hadn’t brought her latest murder mystery to read.

  Shane knocked again on the connecting door and then pushed it open. He looked absolutely amazing in his cable-knit sweater and black jeans, his face freshly shaved and his dark hair still damp from his shower.

  For a moment she stared at him, her tongue seemingly glued to the top of her mouth. What was wrong with her? She’d seen plenty of handsome men before. Several of the physicians she worked with were good-looking.

  But there was only one Shane Hawkins.

  “Ready to go?” he asked.

  She managed to nod in agreement and hoped he didn’t notice her warm face. When they walked outside, Shane reached for her hand and she didn’t pull away, even though she knew she should.

  The walk to church didn’t take long, and for some reason most of her anxiety about attending services seemed to vanish as they approached the pretty white church with the beautiful stained-g
lass windows. Everyone was so friendly, calling out greetings as they walked up to the door.

  “Shane!” His sister, Leah, waved at them from a pew near the front of the church and Gabby could see that Isaac and Ben were there, too. Shane tugged her forward, obviously intending to join them.

  “Gabby, it’s so good to see you!” Leah gave her a quick hug. “You remember my husband, Isaac? And my son, Ben?”

  “Yes, of course.” She shook Isaac’s hand and smiled when Shane lifted Ben up to give him a hug. When he set Ben back down on his feet, he greeted Isaac like a brother. Of course, they were brothers by marriage, but there was obviously a deep friendship between the two men as well.

  Somehow, she found herself sandwiched between Leah and Shane as the choir began to sing. Gabby let the music wash over her, filling her with a wonderful sense of peace. Listening to the words of the opening hymn, she couldn’t deny feeling a sense of belonging, and not just because she was standing here with friends. But because she was surrounded by people who believed in God.

  She couldn’t help wondering what her childhood would have been like if she’d been exposed to church and faith. Granted, it wouldn’t have changed the way her stepfather had treated her, or the environment she’d lived in at boarding school, but she doubted she would have felt so alone.

  With Mary Jane Pollard as her only ally.

  The theme of the pastor’s sermon was faithfulness, and one particular passage from Psalms struck a chord, resonating deep within.

  Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may Your love and faithfulness always protect me (Psalm 40:11).

  The thought of having God’s love with her at all times was humbling. When it came time to recite the Lord’s Prayer, she was finally able to let go of the resentment she’d been holding against Richard. She found herself hoping that her stepfather would rest in peace.

  She tried, really tried, to release the anger she harbored toward Damon, but couldn’t quite let it go. She felt bad about that, and hoped that over time she’d grow better at praying and following God’s word.

  When the final hymn was over, she reluctantly followed Shane out of the church, knowing deep in her heart that she’d like nothing better than to return for services next Sunday.

  “So how are things going, Gabby?” Leah asked when they made it outside. “I know it’s been crazy busy at work.”

  For the first time in a long time, her job wasn’t in the forefront of her mind. “Yes, it’s been busy,” she agreed. “But I’m off for the next few days, so hopefully I’ll be refreshed by the time I go back.”

  “Any big plans?” Shane’s sister asked, her curious gaze bouncing between Gabby and Shane.

  “No special plans,” she assured her. And, thankfully, Leah didn’t ask anything more.

  “Uncle Shane, don’t you want to come to Toyland with us?” Ben asked.

  “Maybe next time, buddy,” Shane said, ruffling Ben’s hair. “Have fun with your mom and dad, okay?”

  “Okay.” The little boy waved and then ran after Leah and Isaac as they walked back to their car.

  “Let’s walk in the opposite direction for a bit,” Shane suggested. “I’d rather not let anyone know that we’re staying at the motel down the street.”

  “All right,” she agreed, understanding where he was coming from. “Thank you for bringing me along,” she added softly as they strolled down the street. “I enjoyed the service.”

  “Really?” The frank hope in Shane’s deep masculine tone surprised her. “You’re not just saying that?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “I have to say that I wasn’t sure what to expect. And I was able to let go of my resentment toward Richard. Now, if only I could do that with—” She abruptly cut herself off, embarrassed to realize she’d been about to tell Shane about Damon.

  “Do that with what?” Shane asked gently.

  She swallowed hard, wishing she’d guarded her tongue. “It’s nothing.”

  “Okay, but I’m here if you want to talk,” Shane said. “And sometimes secrets can fester if they’re kept buried too long.”

  Gabby sighed, hating it when he was right. But this was more than just a secret. It was a betrayal that had shattered her innocence.

  And even though she knew she wasn’t to blame, she couldn’t seem to forget Damon’s parting accusation about how she’d been asking for it.

  “Gabby?” The husky tone of Shane’s voice broke through the memory.

  “Remember that boyfriend I had in my first year as a resident?” she whispered. “His name was Damon Keller and, as you know, things didn’t end well between us.”

  Shane’s pace slowed to the point they were hardly moving. “I remember you said you broke things off with him,” he agreed, his eyes darkening with concern. “Did something happen? Did he cheat on you the same way my fiancée cheated on me?”

  She wished it were that simple. Not that she was making light of what Shane had been through. Linda had made a commitment to marry him; she had no business cheating on Shane behind his back.

  Truth was, both of them were better off without the Lindas and Damons of the world.

  “Damon and I used to study together, shared lunch in the cafeteria together. When he invited me to his place for pizza and a movie, I didn’t think twice about going.”

  Shane stopped beneath the shade of a large maple tree and took both of her hands in his. “Gabby? What happened?”

  She couldn’t meet his gaze. “Well, he never intended to watch a movie, that’s for sure.”

  Shane’s arms filled with tension, but his grasp on her hands remained gentle. “Did he hurt you?”

  She nodded. “He pinned me on the couch, kept kissing me, grabbing me. I was so shocked...so afraid.”

  “Gabby...” Ironically, the tortured sound of Shane’s voice gave her the strength to tell him the rest.

  “I hit him in the face, stunned him long enough to get away before he could finish. I ran out of his apartment, sobbing and holding together my torn blouse while he screamed at me that it was all my fault, that I was asking for it.”

  “Oh, Gabby...” Shane pulled her into his arms, holding her gently against his chest. “I hope you went to the police and pressed assault charges against him.”

  “No,” she said, her voice muffled against his sweater. “I didn’t. Because, deep down, I believed he might be right.”

  “Not true,” Shane bit out. “No means no, and that’s the end of it. Date rape is all too common, and almost always goes unreported.”

  Gabby lifted her head to meet Shane’s fierce blue gaze. “That’s not really what I meant. Of course I wasn’t asking to be assaulted. But I was young, barely twenty, with absolutely no experience with men. Maybe other women understood some unspoken rule that if you went to a guy’s apartment you were pretty much agreeing to be intimate. But I didn’t know.”

  “Wrong again,” Shane said harshly. “None of that matters, Gabby. He’s the one who didn’t listen when you said no and he’s the one who tried to blame you for his actions.”

  The way Shane defended her was so sweet, she just had to smile. “You’re amazing,” she said huskily. “Thank you for making me feel better. And maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive him.”

  Shane stared at her for a long moment. “Gabby, last night when I kissed you, I didn’t mean—”

  “Don’t, Shane,” she interrupted him. “Your kiss was wonderful. My reaction was because of Damon not you.” She hesitated and then asked, “Actually, I was hoping we could try that again.”

  “What?” Shane looked dumbfounded.

  When he didn’t move, she slowly raised up on her tiptoes and tentatively pressed her mouth against his. Shane held her carefully, allowing her to have control of the kiss.

  And when he tenderly kissed her back, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into his embrace.

  TWELVE

  Shane kept his kiss light and gentle, refusing to do anything that mig
ht make Gabby feel afraid. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, he had to remind himself to maintain control, no easy feat, considering the way her citrusy scent was wreaking havoc with his senses.

  Her lips teased his and he cautiously allowed her to deepen the kiss, hoping, praying she wouldn’t regret this. His pulse leaped in response and he desperately wanted to pull her close but didn’t move, allowing Gabby to explore within her own comfort zone.

  When she finally broke off the kiss and smiled shyly up at him, he was overwhelmed with relief. She’d taken the first step and, hopefully, from here on out, she’d be okay.

  “Thanks,” she murmured softly.

  He took a moment to pull his scattered brain cells into some semblance of order. “Gabby, I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

  She loosened her grip around his neck but didn’t let go. Shane liked the fact that she felt comfortable being so close to him. She tipped her head to the side, regarding him steadily. Her green sweater heightened the color of her eyes, and the way her red curls framed her face made her so beautiful, she literally took his breath away.

  “I didn’t know kisses could be so special,” she whispered. “Or maybe it’s just you.”

  Yes! he wanted to shout at the top of his lungs. Because no way did he like the idea of Gabby practicing kisses with another man. But he held his tongue because past experience had taught him that what Gabby was feeling toward him right now wasn’t real. She was in a dangerous and vulnerable situation, completely out of her element. She was leaning on him because he was there, protecting her.

  As soon as the danger was over and they’d captured Creighton, or whoever hired him, this close association would end. She had her life and he had his. She’d soon realize that there were other men out there, men she might be attracted to. After all, hadn’t he seen with his own eyes that she was surrounded by doctors? Physicians she may not have noticed before because of what that jerk had done to her? Highly likely that Gabby might now be able to come out of her protective shell to see the men she worked with differently. Every fiber of his being rebelled at the idea, but he forced himself not to show his turbulent feelings.