Kane

by L. A. Casey

Kane blinked his eyes. “Everybody leaves me, Aideen. Everybody.”

  What?

  “Who has left you?” I asked, my hands trembling.

  “You want the list?” Kane snorted. “My parents—they left me long before they died because they were shitty fucking people. My brothers mean everything to me, but they don’t have the time of day for me anymore since their girls came into the picture. Damien up and left and went back to the States four years ago and hasn’t been back since. When you aren’t with me, I’m on my own. Everybody leaves, even if they don’t mean to.”

  I was surprised when hot tears filled my eyes. “You should let your brothers know how you feel. You know they would re-evaluate everything they do if they thought for a second you felt alone and pushed aside by them.”

  Kane shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

  “Don’t lie to me,” I stated. “You’re not fine, and you need to talk to your family about this.”

  “I am,” he murmured. “I’m talking to you.”

  He considered me his family?

  “Kane,” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “Enough with the heavy emotional bullshit, let’s talk about something else.”

  I glared at him. “No, the heavy emotional bullshit needs to be discussed.”

  Kane blinked. “Please, babydoll. I don’t want to lose you too and a conversation about my heavy shit will make that happen.”

  I stood my ground. “Talk about your heavy shit or I will leave you.”

  I didn’t like saying that, but I had too.

  Kane stared at me for a long moment. “You won’t be mine anymore once you know the things I have done. I know you won’t.”

  I placed my hand in his. “Me and you?”

  Kane swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. “Me and you.”

  I waited patiently then for him to speak. He silently led me into the sitting room and sat us down on the settee. I turned to face him, but Kane kept his body straight and stared at the television in front to us.

  “Do you know why my brothers and I were involved with Marco?”

  I swallowed. “I know that he ran a business with your father and after your father had died he took over. That’s about it. The girls don’t like talkin’ about it so I’m short on information.”

  “Okay, that’s true, but there is a lot more to it than that.” He sighed and prepared himself to say words he didn’t want to say. “Marco and my father ran a business that earned them the title of gangsters. Nothing they did was straight up—even the legal shit was corrupt. Everything from drugs, to weapons and prostitution, was fair game.”

  Wow.

  “I, along with my brothers, was raised in a compound back in New York. We were homeschooled so we never got out much. The compound was huge and there was always something to do so we weren’t bored... until we were old enough to be put to work.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that.

  “The twins were still kids when Ryder, Alec, and myself started out. We did small-time shit like moving product, delivering it, breaking in new recruits. Bullshit like that. Marco always said my dad had big plans for us, but I don’t think he ever did. I think it was Marco who had plans for us, and when my dad double-crossed him, killing him and my mom gave him access to us. Granted the three of us were old enough to leave if we wanted to—and we did—but we couldn’t get out with the twins fast enough.”

  “What do you mean?” I murmured.

  Kane leaned his head back against the sofa cushion. “Damien had this girlfriend called Nala. She was a cute Asian kid and he adored her. That was little brother’s problem—he cared too much about people. He was messed up when our parents died. He understood we couldn’t cross Marco though. We were brought up around an empire that preached loyalty. It was instilled in us from a very young age. We were loyal to the core to one another, to our parents, and even to Marco, even though the three of them didn’t deserve it. What our father did was wrong; he betrayed someone he swore to be loyal to, and to us and that’s not right. You don’t turn your back on your own, but my parents did.”

  I listened to Kane as he spoke, and the more I listened, the more scared I became.

  “Even though Damien understood our father was a traitor, he wouldn’t let anyone talk smack about him. One of Marco’s nephews, Trent, did just that. He said our father deserved to be shot and buried, and it was no more than he deserved. That set Damien off; they fought, but Trent pulled a gun-”

  I cut Kane off on a gasp, but he pressed on.

  “Long story short, Damien somehow got the gun and shot Trent. We were told he died, and in order to protect Damien for betraying one of our own, we began to work for Marco. Different work for each of us. He thrust us into different environments—Dominic into fighting, Alec into being an escort, Ryder into dealing, and me... I became a monster.”

  I shook my head.

  “Slow down. You said you were told this Trent kid died?”

  Kane growled, “Yeah, up until few years ago when the little prick resurfaced. We found out Marco betrayed us, so we bounced. We were paying a debt that wasn’t valid in the first place. Damien never killed Trent... not the first time anyway.”

  I blinked. “I don’t want to know what that means.”

  “Good,” Kane grunted.

  I flicked my eyes over his body.

  “Okay, so you got a job to hurt people... how did you get your scars?”

  Kane swallowed and looked away from me. “Punishment.”

  “Punishment?” I repeated.

  Kane nodded his head, still looking away.

  “When I didn’t do a job... correctly, I was punished. Severely.”

  I didn’t like how that sounded, not one bit.

  “I’m confused, Kane,” I murmured. “What job? What punishment?”

  “Aideen, you have to have an inkling of the people I am involved with. Even before I explained shit, you had to know deep down that I don’t deal with straight people.”

  Why wasn’t that phrased in the past tense?

  “I... I guess so,” I admitted. “I know Marco was like Keela’s uncle Brandon, a crooked prick... but that is it. Keela doesn’t talk about Marco or anything that went down with him. He had me knocked out before he shot Storm and took Keela, Alec, and Bronagh to Darkness, remember?”

  Kane balled his hands into fists. “I found you unconscious on the floor of Keela’s apartment. Of course I fucking remember. It haunts me.”

  It did?

  I was taken back by his sudden anger. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

  “Don’t apologise,” Kane sighed. “I’m not angry with you, none of that was your fault. I just get pissed with I remember what happened to you.”

  I knew he found me before anyone else last year when Marco trashed Keela’s place and took her, Alec, and Bronagh captive. It was like something out of a film. They knocked me out, hurt Storm, and just took the others. It was surreal to even think it happened let alone realise I was part of it. Kane found me that night, then he left me with Branna while he and the rest of his brothers went to get Brandon so they could rid themselves of Marco for once and for all.

  Ridding themselves of Marco hurt my friend though. Marco was no longer on this Earth, not amongst the living anyway, and yet he still had a hold of Keela through her nightmares. I was beyond delighted to hear her mind was fighting back and was slowly, but surely, ridding her of Marco too.

  Fucking Marco.

  “Can I ask you something that has been on my mind since the day you woke up in the hospital?”

  Kane shrugged. “Shoot.”

  “What is your problems with needles?”

  Kane stilled. “It’s not the needle, it’s the stabbing.”

  I swallowed. “What stabbin’?”

  He scrubbed his face with his hands. “When I was punished, to keep me from fighting back, my wrists were bound with rope and strung up above my head.” He paused to touch the scars that look
ed like circular burns around his wrists.

  Rope burns.

  “When I was bound, the boss would take a needle so thin you could barely see it. It wasn’t long enough to pierce any organs, so he would stab me in the back over and over until I screamed. He said if I was stabbing him in the back by not working, then he would stab me in mine. Literally.”

  My stomach twisted.

  My eyes flicked to his neck then. “And the name on your neck?”

  Kane looked down. “I refused to hurt a woman. She was a horrible person who drugged women who were trafficked into the compound. Her name was Jenna. She crossed Marco and he wanted me to hurt her, but I refused. Marco had me tied up with ropes and he carved his name into my neck, he branded me as his. It was to be a constant reminder that I was owned by him.”

  That was why he hated the name Jenna.

  I wanted to cry my eyes out.

  I hated Marco Miles, and I was glad the son of a bitch was dead.

  “Why would Marco do that?” I whispered. “Why would he stab you and hurt you so badly?”

  Kane tensed for a moment. “You think Marco was the one who stabbed me?”

  What?

  “Wasn’t he the only man involved with you and your family?” I asked, confused.

  Kane laughed, “I wish. I wish Marco was all I had to worry about, but no, Marco was the big boss of me, but he wasn’t the one who gave me jobs.”

  Plural?

  “So... who else gave you... jobs?”

  Kane growled, “You already know who.”

  I did?

  “What? Who?”

  Kane's voice was not his own when he snarled, “Big Phil. He was my old boss. He caused the scars. He caused the hurt.” He locked his eyes on mine and said, “He created me.”

  “Big Phil?” I questioned. “The man Damien mentioned was comin’ to Ireland?”

  Kane nodded his head. “Yeah. Him.”

  “Wh-what did he make you do?”

  Kane looked away from me then. “Horrible things.”

  “I don’t want to make you relive anything, but can you tell me a little?”

  Kane rubbed his eyes. “Big Phil was a clean-up guy. Marco ran everything and made the deals, but if deals were never fulfilled, Big Phil was the one to go and find out why. That means if someone never paid Marco the money he was owed, the clean-up crew went in to rectify that. It wasn’t just money; if someone did anything wrong to Marco, the crew went in. I was just under Big Phil in a chain of command with the crew. He said jump, I asked ‘how high’.”

  Kane laughed, but it wasn’t humorous.

  “I had to hurt people... pain was an easy way to get people to pay up.”

  I stared at him, horrified at the life he lived. Kane looked at me and saw the mixture of sadness and disgust on my face, and he panicked.

  “Please understand we all had a role to play, and this was mine. I was protecting my little brother, Aideen. I was afraid if I pulled back too much and didn’t do what I was supposed to do then Marco would kill Damien.”

  “I understand,” I whispered.

  I surprised Kane with my reply, but I surprised myself even more. I understood why Kane did what he did, and it was because I truly understood that he was doing horrible things to protect his brother. If I were put in a position to save one of my brother’s lives, I’d do it no matter what the cost.

  To protect those we love, we’d do anything, regardless of the consequences.

  “There were stubborn people though, people who didn’t want to pay back what they owed,” Kane said, then swallowed. “I had to hurt them in a different way.”

  He stopped talking and I decided I didn’t need to know what way he meant. I could imagine the horrible things and I didn’t even fully know the extent of what he was forced to do, so I didn’t need a detailed description.

  I then jumped to a question that was boggling my mind. “Why were you punished if you did your job? That doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “Because I didn’t always do it.”

  He didn’t?

  “Why not?”

  Kane looked at me, his eyes empty. “Because I hated every single second of it. I hated hurting people. I hated it.”

  “Okay, baby,” I breathed and moved closer, hoping I offered some comfort to him. “I know you wouldn’t do any of what you told me out of your own free will.”

  Kane’s eyes went dark, and the muscles in his jaw tensed.

  “I do it out of free will now, but only if they’re scum.”

  I blinked when he said that. He didn’t have to hurt people, yet he did it anyway, but this time they were bad people? To me, that sounded like he was trying to make up for all the bad he had done by trying to right a wrong in the only way he knew how.

  I placed my hands on Kane’s tense face and forced him to look at me. “You do not need to do anythin’. You don’t need to hurt bad people to make up for hurting any innocent people. You’ve paid your debt. You don’t need to burden yourself with it anymore.”

  “I just wanted to prove to myself that I’m not the monster everyone thinks I am,” he whispered. “If I stop even one scumbag, it’ll be enough.”

  Oh, Kane.

  “You did, honey,” I murmured as tears welled in my eyes. “You helped stop Marco. He was a horrible human being, and you stopped him. Who knows how much hurt, and how many lives, you saved by doin’ that?”

  Kane blinked up at me. “I-I never considered that.”

  I pressed my forehead against his. “You’re free from those evil people. Your past doesn’t make you who you are. All the horrible things you were forced to do doesn’t reflect your character. You know you’re a good man, and so does everyone else.”

  “You really believe that?” he murmured as he looked at me with his ocean blue eyes.

  I nodded my head and said, “I do.”

  He swallowed and licked his lips. “Hearing that... it means everything.”

  “Bad things happen to good people every day, Kane,” I assured him. “You just got caught up in somethin’ you had no control over.”

  He wrapped his arms around me. “I love you so much, Aideen. I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever said or done that has hurt you.”

  That admission caused the tears in my eyes to fall.

  “Do you really love me?”

  “More than anything in this world,” Kane instantly replied. “You’re everything to me.”

  My lower lip trembled. “I’m nothin’ to fuss over, Kane.”

  “You haven’t seen yourself through my eyes. You’re definitely something to fuss over, babydoll. Trust me.”

  I did.

  I trusted Kane.

  “I do,” I whispered, “with me life.”

  He closed his eyes. “I need to tell you everything inside my head so you get a clear picture of how much I need you in my life. By my side.”

  He didn’t have to, I had already known.

  “Kane-”

  “When we don’t speak, I don’t sleep. I’m a mess without you, and I’m not afraid of admitting it. I am afraid that if you don’t come back to me that I’ll exist just always feeling this empty inside.”

  “Kane.”

  His grip on me tightened. “I’ll do whatever you want, I swear it.”

  I knew he would.

  “I still believe in us, babydoll, and I hope you do too.”

  His words hit me harder than I’ll ever admit.

  “I know damn well that you can do a million times better than me, and you deserve that, Aideen. You deserve everything the world has to offer you, but I’m a selfish bastard who wants you for nothing more than his own happiness.”

  “Babe,” I whispered as my heart pounded against my chest.

  He lifted his hand to my face and brushed his thumb over my lips. “I’ll spend every day showing you how much I love and adore you, babydoll. You can trust me with your heart. I can’t give you a lot of things, but I’ll be damned if I can’t
give you your happily ever after.”

  Oh, my God.

  “What we have, babydoll... it’s better than words.”

  He was my undoing.

  “I love you, too,” I breathed.

  Kane froze. “I didn’t say all that to make you feel like you had to say it back-”

  “I’m sayin’ it because love is exactly what I feel for you. It’s been growing for like weeks and weeks now. I was just afraid to admit it to myself. I want to be with you. I swear I do.”

  Kane blinked a couple of times then showcased his perfect smile. “A relationship without a title, like before?”

  “No,” I replied, happily.

  Kane raised an eyebrow so I said, “Skull... he was me Mr. Almost, but you? You’re what I like to call me Mr. Pain In The Arse and that translates to me Mr. Right.”

  He blinked his eyes. “So... we’re really dating?”

  Men.

  “Yes,” I giggled, “we’re really datin’. We’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  Kane smiled. “Yay.”

  I felt my mouth drop open. “You should never say ‘yay’. You’re big, scary, and manly to the core. Big scary men do not say ‘yay’.”

  Kane’s eyes gleamed and he leaned into me and whispered, “This one does.”

  Okay, so big, scary, and manly men to the core could say ‘yay’ and make it work, or at least my man could.

  “Miss Collins?”

  I closed my eyes as I wrote up homework for my class on the blackboard. School was out in five minutes, and hearing ‘Miss Collins’ was something I could have desperately done without. I was tired, cranky, and hungry. I just wanted to go home and be with Kane.

  Who knew admitting you love someone could make you want to be around them twenty-four-fucking-seven?

  Not me, that’s for sure. My sudden clinginess to Kane was embarrassing, but I couldn’t help it. We said those three important words just one week ago and I felt like I needed to be with him all the time because my heart hurt when I wasn’t. I didn’t know if this was love in general or if my hormones multiplied it by infinity. Whatever it was, it turned me into a complete lovesick puppy.

  “Yes?” I replied sweetly to the darling who called out my name.

  “Your belly is rubbin’ off the writin’ on the bottom of the blackboard.”