by B. B. Hamel
I bite my lip, leaning against him. All those feelings are still swirling inside of me, begging for a release.
“What did he want?” I ask.
He keeps my gaze locked with his. “He wanted to make a bargain for Ryan.”
“And?”
His smile is sad. “I told him they’d never take my son.”
I release the breath and throw my arms around him again, relief flooding me, and before I can even think about it, I’m kissing him.
He kisses me back, but this time I don’t stop. I pull at his shirt, bringing it up over his head, my body pressing against his. He grunts and pushes me back against the corner of the couch, pulling my shirt off, kissing me desperately, kissing my neck, my ear, making me dizzy with desire.
It’s like coming up from being under water for too long and taking that first deep breath. He rushes into my lungs as his hands touch my body, and I had no clue that I was so deep under water, drowning so badly. I had no clue he’s the breath I needed.
His hands move down and roughly unbutton my jeans. He tugs them over my hips and I groan as his hands slides down the front of my panties, finding my already wet clit, rubbing me softly.
“I know you’ve been thinking about this since we first met,” he whispers in my ear. “You’ve been desperate for it, but I’ve kept it from you.”
“You’ve kept it from me?” I ask him, panting with pleasure. “I think it’s the opposite.”
“Not at all.” His other hand pulls my hair. “I could have had you whenever I wanted you.”
His fingers slide inside of me. “Fuck, Connor.”
“That’s right. You’ve been dripping for me since we first met, even back when you didn’t know me. And now you’re getting a taste of what you need.”
I groan and I hate him but he’s right. I groan and lean forward, pulling him tighter against me as I bite down on his shoulder. He grunts and laughs softly and I let out another moan as his fingers pusher deeper.
“I like when you pretend to be mad,” he says softly. “Or are you trying not to wake the baby up?”
“Both,” I admit. “You asshole.”
He laughs against, lips rough against mine as his fingers keep fucking me, sliding deeper inside as I move my hips, my hands in his hair, moans in his mouth. I can barely control myself and all I know is I need this so badly it almost hurts.
For a second, sanity almost returns to me. “We shouldn’t,” I groan. “Not here. He might come out.”
“He won’t,” Connor says, and drops down to his knees, and I know I can’t argue anymore.
He finishes undressing me before he starts to tongue my pussy. I grab his hair again and push him tighter as pleasure washes over me. He licks and sucks me, eating my soaking cunt, sending waves and waves of desire rolling through my skin. I need more, need it so badly it almost fucking hurts.
I feel his tongue slide inside as he reaches up and teases my breasts. I groan and arch my back, legs locked and shaking as he presses his fingers inside of me and sucks on my clit. I can feel sweat on my skin but I’ve barely done any work, just let him please me over and over again; make me moan his name.
“Fuck, Connor,” I groan, and he looks up at me with a smirk. He stands, giving me a break to catch my breath, as he slowly takes off his jeans.
His cock is long, thick, and hard. He takes himself in one hand, stroking it, looking at my body, and I feel a wave of intense desire and pleasure. I love being looked at like this. It makes my knees shake just letting him look at me, and I can’t help but slide a hand down between my own legs.
He steps forward toward me and I sit up at the edge of the couch, my hand still down between my legs. I rub my own clit in slow circles with my left hand as I take his cock with my right and slowly slide him into my mouth.
“Shit,” he groans. “Hearing you moan with my cock in your mouth drives me fucking wild.”
I don’t hold back then as I slide along his big, thick shaft. I can barely fit him in my mouth but I’m determined anyway, pushing deeper and deeper with every motion, suppressing my gag each time. His groans urge me on and I don’t stop, pushing and sliding and bobbing my head, letting my spit ride down along his shaft, pooling in my trailing hand as my other hand works my own clit.
“Fuck girl,” he groans, taking my hair and pushing me down. I gag but I don’t stop, tears in my eyes, desire ringing through me. “You suck cock like you love it.”
I pull back, gasping, stroking him with my wet hand. “I do love it,” I say.
His eyes flash and I go back to work, sucking him lovingly, tasting his tip and his shaft, letting him press himself deep down into my throat. He’s an animal and I love it.
He stops suddenly, grunting, and pushes me back onto the couch. His eyes are burning and I spread my legs to let him see my fingers sliding into my soaked, tight pussy.
He reaches down and grabs my hips and my hair, turning me over. I gasp as he gets me on my knees, elbows on the back of the couch, back arched and ass in the air. He palms my hips and presses his cock against me, and for a second I don’t think he’ll be able to fit.
But he presses himself deep between my legs anyway and I throw my head back, a groan of pure desire and pleasure escaping my lips.
He fucks me then, raw and deep. I groan and work my hips back, pleasure and pain mixing intensely in my mind, rolling down my spine and building in my pussy. He’s not gentle as he rips into me, slapping my ass, grabbing my hips, pulling my hair. I urge him on, moving my back and hips against him, needing to come so badly it almost hurts.
He pulls me back against him, one hand on my throat, the other teasing my clit, his cock buried deep inside. He kisses me over my shoulder and I moan into it as he works my clit faster, hand on my throat tighter.
“Fuck me,” I gasp, and I know I’m close.
He pushes me forward again and rips into me. I’m afraid we’re too loud but I can’t stop it now. He fucks me like an animal, my whole body ringing and sweating with pleasure, and finally it happens. The orgasm overtakes me and I come hard. I have to bite down on the couch just to keep myself from screaming as my whole body shakes.
He groans and strokes in me, deeper and faster, fucking me rough. I move my hips, barely conscious from my orgasm. He pulls himself back suddenly and turns me around just in time to come in thick ropes all over my breasts and chin. I duck forward to taste it as he finishes, groans slowly leaking from his lips.
His thick cock drips cum onto my chest and I lick it up, cleaning every inch. He leans forward and kisses me slow, tongue against mine, not caring that I just swallowed some of him.
We go into the bathroom together wordlessly. Ryan’s still asleep as we shower, touching each other gently, his lips against my throat. I’ve never felt so dirty and so clean and so damn satisfied in my entire life.
There are a ton of other reasons why this might be a bad idea, but I’m not letting myself dwell on them. Right now, in the moment, it feels too good to matter. All that other stuff, it’s just outside.
It’s waiting to get in, but it’s outside.
14
Connor
After that afternoon with Leah, and the visit with Mario Gallo, I know something needs to change.
I find a better job and I sell my business back home. That’s the first priority on my list of shit I need to get done. I end up at an office job for a company that sells mufflers, but hey, it’s a fucking job and it pays pretty good. I make a decent amount from the sale, so I’m actually pretty flush when I move on to the second part of my plan.
I buy a house in a nice part of the city not far from where Leah lives. It’s expensive, but it’s worth every penny as I slowly furnish it, including a room for Ryan. I don’t tell Leah about it, not right away at least.
We fall back into our routine again. The fervor and intensity of that afternoon spent fucking on the couch doesn’t repeat itself, although it’s always hanging between us. Leah rushes me out after dinner when I’m ove
r and I can tell she’s obsessing about the Gallos and worrying about what it means that we slept together. I don’t push her, because I don’t want to make shit worse, but I can tell where her head’s at.
Meanwhile, Ryan’s slowly coming out of his shell. He speaks more often now, although he’s still incredibly quiet. I see him as often as I can, and although he doesn’t know who I am yet, we’re starting to develop a pretty good bond.
And I’m happy. The Gallos don’t bother us for a couple months, and I suspect it has something to do with the disgraced police chief caught taking bribes on camera. There’s renewed scrutiny on the mafia and I’d bet anything that Mario and his people are trying to lay low for a while until it all blows over.
Basically, we get lucky, and we get a little respite from that. We get a little taste of what it would be like to have a normal family, and it feels fucking good.
About two weeks after I close on my house and get it pretty well set up, I surprise Leah on a Saturday afternoon and basically force her and Ryan to come take a look at it. Of course, they don’t know where they’re going, but at least I get them out the door and following me.
“Okay, can you tell me one more time why this is so urgent?” Leah asks me.
I grin at her. “Just trust me, okay?”
He sighs, but she’s smiling. “Seriously, I’m a little freaked out, but you seem too happy for this to be a bad thing.’
“It’s not a bad thing,” I say. “I promise.”
“Yeah, well, I hope it doesn’t bother Ryan.”
“It won’t,” I say. “He’s strong.”
Ryan’s hanging on to Leah’s hand on her other side and he pretends like he’s not listening, but I know he is.
“He’s definitely strong,” Leah says, squeezing his hand. “Right, big strong man?”
He grins up at her and she swoops him up, making him laugh. I watch them play with a smile on my face as we head down a few more blocks, turn a corner, and stop in front of my place.
“Where is it?” she asks me.
“Right here.”
“You said you had a surprise.” She grins at me and Ryan fidgets.
“This is the surprise.” I walk up the stoop and stop in front of the big green door.
“This… what?” She cocks her head. “This house?”
“I bought it.” I grin at her. “Closed a couple weeks ago.”
Her eyes go wide. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” I unlock the door. “Want to see?”
“Holy crap,” Leah says, following me in. “Connor, this is a really nice neighborhood.”
“And it’s right near where you live.”
She follows me inside and I give them the tour of the downstairs. Nice, open living room and kitchen area, a little back yard with a small garden in the corner and a grill near the rear wall, and an unfinished basement. The kitchen’s been renovated, with all granite counter tops and stainless-steel appliances. It’s a row home so it’s still a pretty small kitchen, but it’s more than enough space for a little four-person table.
“Gorgeous,” Leah says, shaking her head. “Seriously Connor. I can’t believe it.”
“But wait,” I say, grinning. “There’s more.”
She laughs and follows me upstairs. I show her the master bedroom with attached bathroom, the guest room, and Ryan’s room.
Ryan’s eyes go wide when he sees it. Walls painted blue, baseball-themed comforter and posters, and toys stacked on the ground with little bows.
He looks up at me. “Mine?”
I nod. “All yours.”
He looks at Leah questioningly and I catch an odd look on her face. It quickly goes away though as she nods to him. “Go ahead, go check it out.’
He runs into his room and starts grabbing at his toys. We watch him for a second before drifting away to finish the tour. “Another bathroom back here,” I say, “plus two more bedrooms upstairs, although I’m using one as a study and the other one’s storage.”
“Really nice place,” she says. We peek up at the third floor, although it’s not in the best shape. She walks into the one bedroom that I’m using for storage and sits down on an old trunk I have shoved in the corner.
“His own room?” she asks.
Now I understand the look. “For when he stays here, if he stays here.”
She nods a little bit. “So you’re in Philly for good then.” It’s not really a question although her eyebrow arches slightly.
“I have to be close to my son,” I say softly. “And I told you I wasn’t going to steal him away.”
“I guess you did.” She sighs, looking away. “It’s a great place. It really is.”
“Yeah. But you’re not happy.”
Her gaze meets mine again. “Why do you say that?”
I shrug a little and squeeze in next to her. “Go ahead, just tell me what’s up.”
She’s staring down at her feet, not saying anything. I want to put my arm around her and pull her against me but I resist the urge. She needs to come to this on her own and I think we both know it.
“I’m afraid,” she says finally.
“Of what?”
“Of you taking him away from me.”
“I’m not going to do that.”
She looks up at me. “You’re his father. I’m nothing to him.”
“You’re his… aunt? Or second cousin maybe? I’m not sure how that works.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she says, shaking her head. “You’re his father.”
“He doesn’t know that yet,” I say softly. “But he should.”
She tenses up at that, and I realize that I just made a mistake. I didn’t mean to blurt that out and clearly it’s the absolute wrong moment to say it, but I’ve been thinking that for a while now.
“He deserves the truth,” I say, digging my hole even deeper, although I’m trying to explain myself. She stands up and walks across the room.
“I tell you I’m afraid of you taking him from me… and you respond by saying we should tell him that you’re his father.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “What the fuck’s the matter with you?”
I flinch at that. “Nothing’s wrong with me, Leah. I just think he deserves to know.”
“Why? He’s two years old, Connor. We’ve confused him enough.”
I clench my jaw. “He deserves to know,” I say.
“He’s still a baby.” She storms out of the room. “And we should be watching him.”
I hesitate before catching up to her. She goes into Ryan’s room and sits down with him, watching him play, and I linger in the doorway for a second.
I fucked up. I shouldn’t have brought that up right then. I can tell it pissed her off and that was a mistake. I didn’t want to make her angry, not even a little bit. I just want her to understand that I’m living in limbo as well. I’m the boy’s father, but he has no clue, because we refuse to tell him the truth.
She glances up at me and I can see anger in her eyes still. “Okay Ryan,” she says. “Enough playtime. We have to go home.’
He looks up at her. “No,” he says.
She flinches and I can tell she’s going to take that the wrong way.
“Listen to Leah,” I say to him, but he shakes his head.
“No,” he says.
“Ryan,” Leah warns. “I said it’s time to go.”
“No!” he says loudly and falls into a full-on tantrum.
Leah practically recoils. This is pretty normal behavior for a two-year-old, but it’s not normal for Ryan. He’s such a quiet and nice little boy, he never reacts like this, flipping out with overwhelming anger and tears. Leah steps away from him and looks at me, and I know that expression in her eyes.
This is your fault.
I go to say something but she shakes her head. “When he’s done, we’re going.”
That’s all she says. She crossed her arms and stands there, waiting for Ryan to calm down enough to take him back home. I want to ar
gue but I know better than that. I retreat back downstairs, feeling like an asshole.
I fucked up and I know it, but I don’t know how to fix it. I want to go back in time and say something a little more sensitive. Instead, I crack open a beer and drink it on the back patio. By the time I’m finished, Ryan and Leah are gone, and I’m left alone in my empty house.
I know this isn’t the end or anything like that. I’ll make it up to her and try again soon. But that look she gave me upstairs, just after Ryan’s tantrum, speaks volumes.
She’s afraid I’m going to win him over, make him like me better. I can understand that fear. It’s totally baseless, since that little boy worships her, but I can understand it. I’m the real father, and she’s just a second cousin.
Truth is, she’s his mother now, although she may not fully understand it. I need to find a way to make her realize that, or else risk fucking up like that again.
15
Leah
Things are good until that day at Connor’s house.
I didn’t know Ryan could throw a temper tantrum like that, but I was exhausted by the time we got back to my apartment and so was he. I put him down for a nap and made myself some lunch while he slept, trying to work out what happened back there.
I know I overreacted to what Connor said to me. It was just the wrong thing at the wrong time, and then with Ryan losing it the way he did, I just couldn’t handle any of it. I had to get out of there.
But sitting in my tiny apartment, I can understand why he bought that house. Ryan needs a real place to live, not some little two bedroom on the third floor of an old building behind Chinatown. This whole thing with Ryan has been working, but it’s always been an illusion. This can’t last forever. I can’t go on like this forever.
Seeing Connor’s place really hit home for me. In that moment, I knew that Ryan should live there, and not get stuck cooped up with me. He deserves to have a stable home and a nice house.
And to be with his real father, not his fake mother.
I put my head in my hands and I can feel the tears starting. I don’t want them to, but they push up from somewhere deep inside. I’m confused and angry and I still want Connor badly, but I don’t want to lose what I’ve built with Ryan, this little family we’re putting together.