by Lea Hart
“You sound like Paige. Every time I bring up the future, she dismisses it. As though the idea of us being together is ludicrous.”
“Is this a woman you see spending the rest of your life with? Or are you trying to force a relationship because she’s carrying your son?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Blake looked across the front lawn. “When I first saw her, all I wanted to do was kiss her, and when I did, I never wanted to stop. Every moment with her has left me wanting more. There had to be something at work to put us together like this. What are the chances that I pull a hostage out of Jordan and then see her again? Zero.” Rubbing his chin, he shook his head. “Scratch that, I hunted her down and made sure I saw her again. But, the chances of having one night together that results in our lives being intertwined forever? Less than zero. She has captivated me from the moment I saw her, and I want to keep her. Truth be told, I never had a choice. Maybe us being together is because I wouldn’t let anything else happen. Seems like I’m the thing, putting us together.”
“Do you want to keep her because you can’t imagine a day without her, or do you want to keep her because she’s carrying your son? Think carefully before you answer because it’s easy to get the two confused. As far as I know, duty belongs in your job, not in your choosing a wife.”
“Dad, that’s an impossible question. For both of us. I’m never going to know if she has feelings for me or if she has feelings for the father of her child.”
“That’s a load of crap, son. Sorry to be so blunt, but that’s the truth. The woman can do this on her own as far as I can tell. She’s smart, educated, and has a big family to support her. The only reason to keep you around is that she loves you. Paige Bennett will never have to settle for a loveless marriage just because she wants a daddy for her baby. I imagine if she gave it half a chance, she could find six good candidates for the job. Don’t fool yourself, son. She’s spending time with you because she has feelings.”
“That is the worst speech you’ve ever given me,” Blake said as he crossed his arms. “Six candidates. That’s bullshit!”
“Seems showing you that she doesn’t have to settle is a damn good idea. If you want to win the woman’s heart, then do it. Don’t think you’re going to get away with some half-assed offer, either. If you’re not sure, then take your hands off another man’s future.” Standing, he finished his tea. “I better go wash up. Your mama doesn’t like it when we’re not at the table on time.”
Blake watched his father walk into the house and huffed out a long breath. There was nothing half-assed about his offer. He’d asked her to come and stay with him in San Diego. What the hell was wrong with that?
Leaning against the porch, he shook his head. He knew what was wrong with it, and he couldn’t really do anything until he knew what the next step in his career would be. Truth be told, if he ended up being cleared, then he was going to be OCONUS within weeks, which meant that Paige was right in refusing his offer. For the first time in his life, he was going to have to make a hard choice about his career. It was either be a SEAL or be a dad. In his particular situation, he didn’t see how he could be both.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Monday, May 1
Walking past the bookcase, Paige noticed another picture of her and Blake. She lifted it and saw that it was one taken at his family ranch. They were standing in front of the garden, and Blake was kneeling in front of her, kissing her stomach. The sun was setting behind them, and his big hands were silhouetted against her bump. Rubbing her finger over his face in the picture, she felt a tear slip down her cheek.
Today was the day he was returning to San Diego, and she was doing everything she could to hold it together. A bright, happy smile had been painted on her face since she woke up, and it was going to stay there until he walked out the door.
Quickly, she replaced the picture and then straightened her shoulders. This was no time for her resolve to weaken. Wiping her face, she called out his name, “Blake, where are you?” It was time to make some lunch, and she might as well get started.
He poked his head out of the nursery and waved. “I’m finishing up the changing table. Want to come see what it looks like?”
“You didn’t have to do that. My dad said he would put it together.” She walked down the hall and stepped into the room. Blake had insisted on painting it and had gotten it done yesterday. Standing against the wall, she watched him tighten a screw on the drawer. It was a combination changing table and chest of drawers and it was going to be perfect. The crib hadn’t arrived yet and probably wouldn’t for another eight weeks. “You should get packed because you’re leaving in a couple of hours.”
“I am packed. My bag is on the bench in the bedroom.” He turned back and began checking the screws.
“That’s just your laptop and book. What about your clothes and stuff?”
“I’m leaving them here. I’ll be wearing my uniforms when I get back to San Diego.”
Fisting her hands, she tried to control the rising tide of anger. “You should take your stuff home. You may never come back, so it doesn’t make any sense to leave your clothes here.” She knew she was pushing it, but it felt like the only thing she could do. If she allowed herself to think for one minute that he was coming back, then she was setting herself up for a mountain of heartache. He was probably going to be cleared for active duty, and that meant he wouldn’t even be here when the baby was born.
When he turned around, she saw anger clouding his features and didn’t really care. He could pretend all he wanted. It didn’t mean that she had to. Remaining in denial about the chances of them being together wasn’t going to do her or the baby any good. “It makes more sense for you to pack.”
“We have no idea what the future holds, Paige. I may be medically retired by the end of the week.”
“I doubt it, Blake. You’ve been working out every day since you got here. You told your brother that you felt great and were one hundred percent operational. That doesn’t sound like a man who’s going to be medically retired anytime soon.”
He set the screwdriver down and opened his arms. “Come here.”
Shaking her head, she crossed her arms. “I have to go make lunch.”
Taking a step toward her, he engulfed her in a hug and held her as tightly as her baby bump would allow. “You’re not going to get rid of me. My clothes are staying in the drawers, and my boots and toothbrush are not going anywhere. Every morning when you brush your teeth, you’re going to see mine sitting there, and you’re going to be reminded that we’re in this together. I don’t know how or when, but we are.”
Resting her head against his heart, she let out a sigh. “Why are you so stubborn about this? The chances of you coming back are atrocious. I’ll bet in four and half months, you’ll be on some op in the middle of God knows where, not here in the delivery room.”
“Paige, there’s one hand that you’re going to be holding when you give birth, and it’s going to be mine. You think I’m going to miss seeing my son born?” Looking down, he shook his head. “You know better than that.”
Burying her face in his shirt, she didn’t respond. What could she say that wouldn’t start an argument? Nothing. If this was what he needed to believe to get through the day, then she wasn’t going to change his mind. As far as she could tell, this might be the last time she saw him. He would not only be in the middle of a mission when she was due to deliver but also be putting his life on the line. It was better for everyone if she never forgot that fact.
***
They sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed her mother’s delicious lasagna. At least, Blake was enjoying it. She was just pushing it around her plate. Her appetite had disappeared over the last week as her nausea increased. It was a good thing that she ate so much during the first twenty weeks because it looked like the next twenty were going to be a little bumpy. She hadn’t said anything to Blake, and she didn’t plan on it.
As far as he was concerned,
she was the happiest, healthiest pregnant woman there ever was. The last thing she needed was him worrying. He’d make her crazy even if he was fourteen hundred miles away in San Diego. And, yes, she knew the exact distance, because she had looked it up earlier. Twenty hours by car and three hours by plane. Not that they would be going back and forth or anything. “Are you looking forward to getting back to work?”
Turning, he gave her an incredulous look. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Good Lord, Blake. I was trying to make conversation, not start a fight. If you’re going to be touchy, then we can just remain silent for the rest of the meal.” Sitting back, she tried to find a comfortable spot. The baby had a foot jammed into her rib, and she hoped he moved it soon. She had another appointment in a couple of days, and it would be interesting to see how big he’d gotten in the last month. If he took after his daddy, then she was going to be carrying around a large bowling ball before too long.
Blake pushed his plate away and wiped his mouth. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave without you.” He lifted her foot, placed it in his lap, and started rubbing it. “Maybe you can come out next week.”
Sighing, she wondered how she was going to survive without his heavenly hands. Somehow she had become addicted to his touch. He was a surprisingly affectionate man. He was constantly touching and kissing her, and not just in the bedroom. All the time. Even when they were in line at the grocery store. It seemed that he’d kept her within arm’s reach since he arrived, and she was going to miss the hell out of it. “What did you say?”
Laughing, he pushed his knuckle into the ball of her foot. “You lose your concentration whenever I rub your feet. I asked if you wanted to come out next week.”
“Oh…well…let’s just see how things go for you. You may not even be in San Diego.”
He took her other foot and started massaging it. “Have you ever been to Coronado before?”
“No, I’ve only been to Los Angeles, and that was years ago. I’ve seen pictures and it looks lovely. Do you live close to the beautiful hotel?”
“You mean Hotel del Coronado?”
“Yes. I think that’s the one.”
“I live about five miles away in Officer Housing. It’s across from the NAB where the BUD/S program is located. That’s where I’ve spent the last couple of months, helping my buddy. He’s in charge of Phase One and was short a couple of instructors, so I helped him out with the tadpoles.”
“I’ve seen pictures of guys running up and down the beach. Are those the tadpoles?”
“Probably. The guys in blue T-shirts are instructors, and the guys in the white shirts are the tadpoles. When you secure Hell Week, you’re given a brown shirt with your name stenciled on the back. It’s a damn good day when that happens. Less than twenty percent of any given class earns one.”
“Do you still have yours?”
“I’m sure it’s in a box somewhere. I’ll look for it and show it to you when you come out. I think you’re going to love Coronado. My buddy Mark lives there with his wife and daughter, and I have a bunch of friends who live close by. They all have families. If we end up in San Diego, then you’re going to have a lot of friends.”
Slipping her feet out of his lap, she patted his leg. “Would you like some more lasagna?”
“I just gave you a ten-minute speech on Coronado and that’s all I get?”
“Blake, what do you expect me to do? It sounds lovely and I would love to see it someday, but I’m not going to get excited until I know it’s a real possibility. Maybe the baby and I can come see you in a couple of years if you end up retiring.”
Slamming his hand on the table, he shouted, “No!”
Scooting back, she crossed her arms and felt a tear slide down her face. When a second and a third followed, she got up and walked out of the room. Making her way down the hall, she slipped into the bedroom and lay down on the bed. The unraveling had begun, and she had no idea how to stop it. Pulling the quilt off the bottom of the bed, she covered herself and buried her face in her pillow.
“Paige, honey…” The bed dipped down and he lay down next to her. “I’m sorry that I yelled. The last thing I want to do is scare you or make you upset.” He curled himself around her and held her and apologized again and again.
Turning, she faced him and shook her head. “Why don’t you go before we say more things we’ll regret? This is a difficult situation with no good answers. Let’s not spoil the month we’ve had together with a blowout fight.”
“I’m not leaving until the last possible moment. I don’t want to give up one second with you.”
“Blake, I don’t want you to shout anymore. It scares me.”
Pulling back, he looked stricken. “I’m sorry, honey. I would never hurt you. You have to know that.”
“I know, but you’re a very big man with a very big voice, and when you yell it scares me.”
Kissing her head, he wrapped her up tighter and rubbed his hands up and down her back. “I promise never to yell again. I could kick myself right now for giving you a moment’s worry.”
“I guess I pushed a button with my last statement. Now that I know where it is, I don’t plan ever to do it again.”
Running his hand down her face, he laid his hand against her cheek. “Honey, this whole thing has me half-crazy. I’m out of control for the first time in my life, and I have to tell you that I’m not enjoying it. It’s going to take me a while to figure out how to operate in this new environment.”
“I’m an environment? When did that happen?”
“It happened the moment I saw your picture on my tablet in the helo when we started the op. You are my moon, my stars, my breath. You have become my center, and I’m not sure how I’m going to manage if I’m not around you.”
Tears slipped down her face and she didn’t even try to stop them. He had said the night of her birthday that he wouldn’t be satisfied until he owned her heart, and she’d thought at the time it was just a line. But the way he was looking at her made her realize it was a promise. Blake Carmichael wasn’t going to be satisfied until he owned her body, heart, and soul. Seemed he managed the first thing since he knocked her up. If she had to guess, she’d say he was well on his way to owning the other two as well.
“Paige, will you please come to San Diego next week? I want you to see where I live and meet my friends.”
“What if you get deployed right away?”
“I’m not going to be deployed right away. I have to be assigned to a new platoon, and that takes a while. I’ll probably be helping at NAB, which means that I’ll have a regular schedule and be home every night. You can lie on the beach and relax. Maybe we can meet for lunch too. We’ll be just like any other working couple. Except your work is going to be growing that boy of ours, which, from what I’ve seen, is no easy feat.”
“Well…I guess so.”
Blake let out a loud hooyah and pumped his fist. “God damn, that makes me happy. I can live without you for a week, but that’s about it.”
Pushing at his chest, she laughed. “You’ll go home and get back into your routine and not even remember my name.”
“We both know that’s not true.” Holding her face, he pressed his mouth to hers. When he finally released her, he grinned. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For throwing me a lifeline. Every time I think we’re not going to be together, I go a little nuts. I have no idea what my future holds, so once I get some information, I’d like to discuss it with you and figure out a solution.”
“You want my input?”
Smoothing down her hair, he laughed. “Yeah, that’s what couples do.”
“Oh…”
“We should both be scared that I know that and you don’t. You’re definitely the brains of the operation, so I have to admit that I’m a little nervous.”
“If I’m the brains, what does that make you?”
Smirking, he shook his head. “I thought it woul
d be obvious. The brawn, honey.”
It was true. He was the brawn. He had demonstrated his strength of character over and over, and it wasn’t something she would ever underestimate again. Blake Carmichael meant every word he said. No doubt about it.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Thursday, May 4
San Diego
Blake sat in the Naval Medical Center and waited for his doctor. This was the day that would determine the trajectory of his career. He’d completed the battery of tests yesterday and had been scanned from head to toe. As far as he could tell, there wasn’t anything else to do but receive the final evaluation.
Surprisingly, he wasn’t nervous. He suspected that had a lot to do with that tornado of a woman in Texas. Mark had been right all along. Facing the end of your career was a lot easier when you had something to look forward to. He could still stay in the Navy if he chose to. It would just be in a different role, which didn’t seem as shitty as it had three months ago. Now he had a completely different future. The idea of coming home every night to his wife and kid was appealing and one he hoped to make a reality. The only hiccup was that he hadn’t asked Paige yet. Hell, he hadn’t even told her how he felt, which, in retrospect, had been a mistake.
Hesitation never worked out. He knew that better than anyone, and yet he had hesitated. He could kick his own ass.
His name was called, and he looked up to see a nurse signaling it was his turn. Standing, he straightened his shirt and moved toward the door. This was it.
Dr. Jacobsen greeted him as he walked into the office, and he gave the man a nod. “This day has been a long one in the making.”
“Lieutenant Commander, it’s good to see you,” Dr. Jacobsen called out. “Come in and let’s get started.”
Blake settled into a chair and pressed his hands into his legs. He was ready for whatever news he received because either way, he had a life in front of him. And for the first time in his life, it wasn’t just about his job. “I look forward to hearing the news. One way or another, I’m going to have an answer.”