If We Were a Movie

by Kelly Oram

  There was another moment of silence. If the man was trying to kill me with suspense, he was succeeding. Finally he sat back in his chair, relaxing just enough that I was able to take a breath. My lungs welcomed the oxygen. “It seems we’re at a stalemate here,” he said. “You have some incredible vocal talent.”

  The compliment was a shock, considering his frown had deepened. “Thank you, sir.” The statement came out sounding like a question.

  “The song wasn’t bad, either.”

  “It was a good song,” one of the two women judges argued.

  “And his performance was professional caliber,” one of the other men said.

  “No one is questioning the performance,” the other woman said. “But that’s not enough for the showcase.”

  Standing there watching them argue over my song was surreal. I was as flattered as I was a nervous wreck. At least none of them had said I sucked. They hadn’t laughed or sent me packing. That was good enough for me, but it was hard not to feel some disappointment at the same time.

  Mr. Hendricks nodded as if he agreed with the woman’s assessment that my song wasn’t good enough for the showcase. “The song wasn’t bad,” he said, “but it was generic.”

  My stomach rolled. I’d known criticism would be a huge part of my college experience. I’d tried to prepare myself for it. But hearing it for the first time, and coming from the head of all music departments, the blow was slightly crushing. I nodded slowly, willing myself to accept the feedback with grace.

  “You could take that song and play any bar or club in New York and you’d be fine.” Okay, that was a little better. “But fine isn’t quite enough for a Steinhardt showcase. There are thousands of bands performing all over this city, and they all have a set list full of songs like the one you just performed. What sets you apart from them? What makes you special?”

  “That’s a harsh critique,” one of the unfamiliar men said. “We’re not talking about signing him to a label. His performance was quality enough it deserves to be in the showcase.”

  The other unfamiliar man shook his head. “He’s only a freshman. He’s got plenty more opportunities ahead of him. He’ll have another chance after he’s learned a little more.”

  “His student status shouldn’t be a factor in this decision,” Mr. Treager argued. “The fact that he’s a freshman is the only reason any of you are hesitating. If he were a senior, you’d put that song in the showcase.”

  Mr. Hendricks considered Mr. Treager’s argument. “There may be some truth to that,” he relented. “However, the song isn’t quite the caliber of some of the other performances we’ve seen this week, either. I don’t just want to allow such a green student into the showcase with an average piece, giving him a reason to feel complacent. He’s got a lot of promise, but I feel like he needs to be pushed harder.”

  Mr. Treager sat back in his seat with a huff. “That’s not being fair to him.”

  The woman who’d been frowning this whole time sat forward. “Come on, Will; you know that’s how it works. Not holding this young man to a higher standard, now that would be unfair to him, and you know it.”

  Mr. Hendricks must have seen my confusion, because he gestured for his colleagues to quiet down and met my eyes with a steady gaze. “The majority of our students don’t have what it takes to succeed in this industry. We teach them anyway, and try to prepare them as best we can. But every year there are a handful of hopeful students that show true potential. Those students are the reason we do what we do.”

  Mr. Treager flashed me a proud smile. “You’re one of those students, Nate. We can all see your potential.”

  “Which means,” the woman said, “you will be held to a higher standard than most of your peers while you’re here. It’s unfair, but it’s for your own good.”

  “Consider it a compliment,” Mr. Hendricks said. “We respect you enough to expect more from you.”

  They all seemed to be waiting for a response. I had to clear my throat before I could find my voice. “I understand.” I tried to smile, but I’m not sure I succeeded. I had to take another breath. My emotions were a little out of control at the moment. “Thank you for the feedback. And for this opportunity. Your faith in my potential means a lot.”

  Though I couldn’t hide how overwhelmed I was, my gratitude was sincere. I understood what they were saying, and they were right—it was a huge compliment. It took away some of the sting of not being accepted into the showcase, but it also terrified me. If I’d thought my professors were intimidating before, they were going to be frightening now. I’d have an ulcer before I graduated.

  I must have handled the situation right. All six of them relaxed, and their frowns turned to impressed smiles. “It’s not just faith, Nathan,” said the woman who’d done nothing but frown since I walked over. She flashed me a smile that showed her teeth. There was obvious pride in her eyes. “It’s the truth. You’re going to do well here. I look forward to having you in some of my classes.”

  When the other judges chimed in similar sentiments, Jordan’s voice rang out loudly from behind me. “If you’re all so sure of him, then give him the chance to prove himself.”

  My heart skipped another beat at the silence that followed Jordan’s outburst. What was she doing? These people were all going to be my teachers at some point. They were the gatekeepers of my future, and she was butting in, challenging their decision as if she knew better than all of them. I admired her audacity and loved that she was trying to defend me, but I wanted to strangle her, too.

  The judges all looked as shocked as me, but surprisingly none of them seemed angry. If anything, they looked curious. Mr. Hendricks even smiled at her. “And what would you suggest?”

  Jordan shrugged. “You said the song was good, but not quite as good as the others. All of your seniors have probably been working on their audition pieces all summer. Nate just got invited to audition. He had two weeks to write an entire song and put this group together—and that was on top of his full-time course load. The showcase is still two months away. If you’re really so sure he’s got what it takes, hold a spot for him in the showcase and give him the next eight weeks to come up with something better. He can do it. I know he can. Mr. Treager knows he can, too, or he wouldn’t have invited him to audition.”

  I didn’t know what to make of the various looks of surprise and intrigue on the judges’ faces, and I held my breath when they didn’t immediately reject the idea.

  “Is that true?” the man who’d been against me performing in the showcase asked. “Did you write that song and put together that performance in just two weeks?”

  Heat crept up my neck. “Yeah.”

  “And do you agree with your friend?” Mr. Hendricks nodded at Jordan. “Do you think you could come up with something better if you had until the end of the semester? Something that sets you apart?”

  Whether I thought I could or not, I wasn’t about to give him the impression I couldn’t. I pulled my shoulders back, lifted my chin just a little, and looked him right in the eyes. “I know I could.” The words came out of my mouth so forcefully it was impossible not to believe them. “Sir, I promise you, if you give me the chance, you won’t be disappointed.”

  There was another minute of silence while Mr. Hendricks stared me down. I refused to drop his gaze. “Very well,” he said. “You’ve got your slot in the showcase.”

  My mouth fell open. “I’m in?”

  Mr. Treager laughed, and Mr. Hendricks smiled. “You’re in,” he said. “Make sure you earn it.”

  “I—I will. I promise. Thank you.”

  With an incredulous laugh, I whirled around to face my friends. “I’m in!” I grinned at the guys who’d played for me. “We’re in!”

  There was a single heartbeat of silence, and then everyone cheered. Jordan and Colin simultaneously tackled me, making a Nate sandwich out of me. “You did it!” Jordan squealed.

  Really, she’d done it, because if she hadn’t cha
llenged the judges I wouldn’t have earned the spot. But before I could give her her due credit, she said, “I knew you would,” and kissed my cheek.

  “Hey! If she can do that, so can I!” Colin proceeded to plaster a big, sloppy kiss on my other cheek. His antics earned another round of laughs from everyone present.

  Mr. Treager broke up the moment, saying, “Congratulations, Nate. We’re looking forward to seeing what you come up with.”

  “Thanks again, Mr. Treager. And thank you, Mr. Hendricks, for this opportunity. I won’t let you down.”

  Rising to his feet with a wide smile, he shook my hand again. “I’m sure you won’t.” He grinned at Jordan next. “And who might you be? Are you one of our music students as well?”

  I snorted at the thought, and received an elbow in my side. “Jordan Kramer, sir.” She shook Mr. Henricks’s hand. “I’m a junior over at Tisch. Film major, with an emphasis in directing.”

  Mr. Hendricks’s smile grew even wider, and he nodded as if that made all the sense in the world to him. He looked at me again. “You’ve got a winner here, Nate. Keep her around. You could learn a lot from her.” Jordan beamed at the compliment, and Mr. Hendricks winked at her before explaining himself. “We’re in a tough business. You’ve got the confidence, but you’ve got to be aggressive, too. Speak up when you know you can do something. Fight for what you want.”

  I nodded. “I will. Thanks for the advice.”

  “Anytime.” He grinned at Jordan again. “Now, take your girlfriend out. You owe her a nice dinner.”

  We both laughed. “She’s my roommate, actually. Not my girlfriend. But I will definitely spring for her dinner.”

  “Sweet. Let’s do pizza. Everyone can come back to our place and we can watch Almost Famous, because I am dying to know what a Band-Aid is.”

  As we all headed out of the auditorium, Jordan latched onto my arm and said, “Speaking of girlfriends, where’s Sophie?”

  “She’s at home, drowning in homework.”

  Colin appeared at my other side, wearing a giant frown. “She couldn’t take half an hour to come see your audition?”

  I sighed. I’d asked her to come and she said she’d try, but I’d heard the no in the subtext. “She wanted to, but she’s got this one class that’s killing her. She’s been stressed all semester.”

  “Still.” Jordan wrinkled her nose. “This was your big audition. I skipped class to come see you.”

  “And I swapped shifts at work,” Colin added.

  I forgave him for his sloppy kiss and threw my arms over both his and Jordan’s shoulders. “You guys are awesome. Thanks for coming.”

  Jordan slid her arm around my back and gave me a quick squeeze. “Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

  I had the best roommate ever.

  Once we exited the building and found ourselves standing on the sidewalk, I turned to all the guys who’d played with me. “Who wants to join Jordan and me for pizza and a movie at our place?”

  Jordan grinned. “And ice cream. We’re celebrating, after all.”

  After a quick round of approval, we all headed up the street toward home. Jordan led the charge, and as I fell into conversation with Austin, the guy I’d recruited to play piano for me, Blaze stepped forward and slid his arm low around Jordan’s waist. “You’re looking very fine today,” he told her. “I like this skirt.”

  I wasn’t the only one to notice his hand drop a little too low. Colin’s eyes narrowed dangerously on the douche.

  Blaze dropped his voice and leaned in close to Jordan’s ear. “What do you say we skip the movie and go somewhere to celebrate, just the two of us? I owe you a date.”

  “Yes, you do.” Jordan giggled. “We can’t ditch Nate tonight, but you can take me out tomorrow.”

  “If you promise to look just as sexy as you do now, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

  My vision went red. I’d warned him Jordan was too good for him. I didn’t realize I’d stepped forward, hands balled into tight fists, until Colin grabbed me and tugged me back. “Don’t,” he warned.

  I was shocked that he’d stopped me. He was Jordan’s best friend. “Are you kidding?” I hissed quietly. “The guy’s a sleaze.”

  “I know. Unfortunately, that tends to be Jordan’s favorite kind.”

  “And you never try to stop her?”

  “I try all the time. We’ve been having that conversation since the day we met. She never listens, and now she just gets really mad when I try to stop her. Trust me, if you say something right now, you’ll make it worse.” Colin watched Jordan flirt with Blaze and shook his head. “Some people have to learn the hard way.”

  “So you’re really not going to say anything? You’re just going to let her go out with the guy? You know he only wants one thing from her, and he’s gone the second she gives it to him. She’s not that kind of girl. He’ll hurt her.”

  “I know.” Colin pulled me to a stop until we fell a little behind the rest of the group. Once we were a safe distance back, he started walking again and said, “Have you ever seen Someone Like You?”

  I shook my head.

  Colin sighed. “Hugh Jackman is so yummy, don’t you think?”

  I laughed. “I’m not sure about yummy, but he makes a good Wolverine. Why are we talking about him?”

  “Watch Someone Like You when you get a chance. Jordan owns it.”

  “Okay…?”

  “Jordan is Ashley Judd in that movie. Like, exactly.”

  “Ah.” The movie references again. I wasn’t the only person Jordan had rubbed off on. “Okay, mission accomplished. You’ve got me curious.”

  Colin grinned. “In what way, sexy?”

  “Not that way.” I laughed again. “Sorry.”

  “Pity.”

  “So Jordan is Ashley Judd in Someone Like You. Give me a hint, since I haven’t seen it yet.”

  Colin’s mood sobered again. “She’s a hot mess.”

  That surprised me. I would never have described Jordan that way. “What makes you say that?”

  Colin shrugged. “She’s been hurt. She got cheated on and was completely blindsided by it. It’s messed her up more than she’s willing to admit.”

  I glanced ahead of us to the girl in question, and had a hard time believing it. She’d been nothing but a fun, happy bundle of joy since I met her. Colin understood my thoughts and shook his head. “Trust me. She’s hurting. She just doesn’t want you to see it.” His eyes moved to her, and he fell into deep thought. “Jordan’s a great girl,” he said after a minute. “The best. But being her friend isn’t always easy. She really needs a lot of looking out for, but she’s too independent and prideful to let anyone take care of her. Her family’s kind of messed her up in some ways, and this Greg thing has made it a lot worse.”

  After thinking about it for a minute while watching Jordan soak up Blaze’s attention, I understood what Colin meant. Jordan had a vulnerable side that I’d seen a number of times since moving in with her. She was lonely and didn’t have a lot of self-esteem, no matter how tough she pretended to be. She’d come to New York on a desperate quest to fill the emptiness in her life the same way I had. The difference between us was that I knew what I wanted, and I knew how to get it.

  Jordan didn’t really know what was missing in her life, and she didn’t have a clue how to fix it. She’d been raised with more money than anyone should ever have and had been taught that materialistic things were what brought happiness. She’d gotten to the point where she recognized that her life was completely shallow and knew she wanted to change that. Pursuing her dream career and getting a job she didn’t need just for the experience were a great start, but she had a long way to go.

  Jordan was desperate for anything deep and meaningful, especially where relationships were concerned. Her need for acceptance and love coupled with her generosity, selflessness, big heart, and easygoing personality was a lethal combination. It was heartbreak waiting to happen.

&
nbsp; Colin pulled me out of my thoughts. “Jordan needs a Hugh Jackman, and you, my sexy friend, need to be him.”

  I really needed to watch this movie. “And he would be what to her, exactly?”

  Colin shrugged. “The roommate/friend who puts the pieces back together. The guy who’s always there for her and who knows what she needs even when she doesn’t.”

  My gaze drifted to Jordan again. I watched her laugh at something Blaze said and became filled with determination. Colin was right. She was my roommate. More than that, she’d quickly become one of my closest friends. It was easy to feel responsible for her. She needed someone to watch out for her and take care of her. I could be that person. Until she figured things out or found a man worthy of her, I would protect her.

  When I looked back at Colin, he surprised me with a smirk. “You’ve got what it takes, Nate, which means I’m going to hold you to a higher standard than any of her other friends,” he said, doing his best impression of Mr. Hendricks. “Consider it a compliment. I respect you enough to expect more from you.”

  We laughed, but the playful atmosphere didn’t last long. The joke may have been funny, but the situation wasn’t. We both cared about Jordan, and she needed our help. “So what are we supposed to do?”

  Colin shrugged helplessly. “Jordan requires a certain level of sneakiness. We have to find an indirect approach to get what we want. For now, I think distraction would be best to keep her away from him until we can find her a decent man.”

  I ran a hand through my hair as I nodded. “I was thinking the same thing. So, do you know any decent guys she might like?”

  Colin stopped walking to stare at me, and raised one of his eyebrows into a high arch. It took a second for me to catch his meaning. “Me?”

  Colin put his hands on his hips. “Pearl wasn’t wrong about you, Nate. You’d be perfect for her.”

  In a way, I knew he was right. Jordan and I had clicked almost instantly. But he wasn’t exactly correct, either. “Colin, Jordan’s great, but we’re just friends. It’s not like that between us.”