“Here he is,” Dr. Tyler said.
Did she say he?
“Congratulations, you have a beautiful son.”
A son. We have a son.
Marienne opened her eyes. “It’s a boy?” she asked.
Daniel nodded. Tears clouded his eyes. Marienne’s hand was still gripping his so tightly his fingers were starting to go numb.
“Here he is.” A nurse swept in between them, showing them both the tiny, squirming bundle. His face was bright red and he was still crying. “Quite a set of lungs he’s got.”
“He’s okay?” Daniel asked.
“He’s perfect. Why don’t you come with us while we get him cleaned up a bit. The doctor will finish up with Marienne now.”
Daniel looked down at her. Tears were running down both sides of her face. He swept his thumb beneath each eye, kissing her through his mask. “You did it.”
“We did it.” Her voice sounded hazy. “We made a baby.” Her eyes drifted shut.
He shot a look at the nurse who was adjusting her IV bag. “She’s just drowsy. Nothing to worry about. Come. Let’s get you your baby.” She placed her hand on Daniel’s arm.
“I’ll see you soon.” He bent and gave Marienne another cloth covered kiss.
“Andrew.” She murmured.
“Yes. Our son.”
Daniel watched as they cleaned and weighed Andrew and took his footprints. They wrapped him tightly in a small blue blanket.
“Ready to hold your son?” The nurse held the bundle out toward him.
Daniel couldn’t take his eyes off the tiny pink face. He nodded and held out his arms. So small. So warm. He cradled him, rocking back and forth.
“You’re a natural at this.” The nurses tucked the blanket down away from the baby’s mouth. “Is there anyone in the waiting room you need to show this new boy off to? Or should I take you to Marienne’s room to wait for her.”
“The room is fine, thanks.” He felt a sharp pang as he said the words. There was no one in the waiting room. Tears stung the back of his eyes. Ever since he’d found out that Marienne was pregnant he’d been thinking about his mother. How happy she would have been to know that he was going to be a father. Now that the baby was here the reality hit him hard. The one person he most wanted to tell wasn’t there to share his joy. He hoped that somehow she knew anyway.
“Have a seat, Daddy. Marienne should be in recovery for a little while then they’ll bring her in.”
“Can I see her, in recovery?”
“If you’d like, sure. Just press this button.” She picked up the small plastic tube that was attached to the bed rail. “That’ll call a nurse to take the baby to the nursery.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”She smiled. “You got a name picked out yet?”
“Yes, Andrew. Marienne wants to call him Drew.”
“Drew. I like that. Congratulations.” She patted his shoulder then turned and left the room.
Daniel rocked back and forth in the chair. Drew squirmed, his tiny arms making their way free from the blanket. He whimpered then managed to get his hand to his mouth. He sucked his fingers hard.
“That’s what you were doing when your mum and I saw pictures of you.” Daniel crossed his legs and lay Drew across them, unwrapping the blanket to get a better look at him. Ten tiny red toes, ten long pink fingers. One bizarre looking belly button clamp sticking out of the cutaway part of the tiny diaper. Drew flailed his limbs around, still sucking. His hand slipped out of his mouth, and he started to cry.
“Okay,” Daniel said, trying to wrap the blanket back around him. The kicking legs made it impossible for him to tuck it all in properly. How did Marienne always manage to get Ella wrapped so perfectly? He tried again, doing a makeshift tuck and fold. He held Drew to his shoulder and stood up. His head smelled wonderful, like warm buttered bread. Drew shrieked, and Daniel started pacing back and forth. “You’re okay.” He rubbed his tiny back through the blanket and kissed the side of his velvety head. “I know, you miss your mum. I do too.” Drew quieted as he talked. Daniel swayed from side to side. “Let’s go see if we can see mummy yet.”
It’s a boy. We have a son. Marienne repeated the words over and over. Her eyelids were so heavy she couldn’t lift them but she could hear everything around her. The bed she was lying on was moving, wheeling down a hallway. She heard doors swing past each other. Someone touched her arm, taping down the IV tubes.
“How you feeling Marienne?” a soft voice asked.
Her eyes fluttered open and she saw a small, grey-haired nurse checking the monitor alongside her bed.
“Okay.” Her voice was thick and slow. “Where’s my husband? Where’s the baby?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. I’ll go check for you. If you need something you push this button.” She placed something in Marienne’s hand and closed her fingers around it. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Marienne nodded, her eyes drifting closed again. When she opened them Daniel was walking toward her.
“Is he okay?” she asked, searching his face.
He smiled and she relaxed.
“He’s beautiful.” He bent and kissed her, running his hand over her hair. “You’re beautiful.”
She snorted, then winced. The epidural was beginning to wear off and she was feeling very sore.
“Are you okay?” Daniel’s eyes darkened. “Do you want me to get the nurse?”
“I’m fine. It just hurts.”
“I’m sorry. What can I do?”
“Just sit with me. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Of course I’m here.” He rubbed her arm. “Where else would I be?”
Tears started streaming from her eyes. A huge lump formed in her throat and she couldn’t speak.
“Don’t cry.” His fingers wiped at her tears. “Are you in that much pain?”
She shook her head. Her lip quivered. She turned her face and kissed his hand. “When Ella was born I was so scared, and I was all alone. I’m glad I wasn’t alone this time.”
“I’m glad too.” He picked up her IV free hand and kissed it. “Hey, where are your rings?”
“They make you take them off in case your fingers swell up too much.”
Daniel furrowed his brow. “I thought maybe it was in case some attractive young intern came in…”
Marienne laughed. “Well, that too.”
“I figured as much.” He settled himself into the chair alongside her bed. “Looks like I better stay right here, just in case.”
Chapter 16
Daniel was in the middle of reading Ella a fourth bedtime story when he noticed she’d finally fallen asleep. He stayed extra still for a moment to make sure she was really out. Her breathing was slow and steady. Her nose still rattled slightly from the aftermath of her cold. He inched off the bed, careful not to shake it enough to wake her. She looked peaceful, her arm wrapped around her black teddy bear, mouth open so she didn’t have to rely on breathing through her nose. He pulled the blanket up around her and dimmed her bedside light then quietly closed her bedroom door.
The television was flickering in his bedroom, but Marienne was fast asleep, two-week-old Drew on her lap. His hand was still on her breast, a tiny white trail of milk ran from the corner of his lips. He looked completely content. Marienne looked exhausted. Her skin was milky white with shadowy blue areas beneath her eyes. He knew she needed more sleep than she was getting.
Daniel bent down and lifted Drew off her lap. She woke with a start.
“Sorry,” Daniel said, his voice hushed. “Go back to sleep I’m just putting Drew in his cradle. He’s fine.”
Daniel swayed the bundle back and forth before lowering him into the crib. Please stay asleep. Drew’s legs jerked twice within the blanket, but then he settled. Good. Daniel breathed a sigh of relief.
He got undressed and crawled into bed alongside Marienne. He thought she was asleep again, but as soon as he got into bed she slid over, snu
ggling against his chest. He kissed the back of her head. Her hair was tangled from being against the pillow but she smelled wonderful. She ran her hand back and forth across his belly.
Daniel closed his eyes, loving the feel of her hands on him. It had been weeks since they’d had sex, and they still had to wait a while longer until they would have the green light from the doctor. Besides, she’d been so exhausted he was sure she wasn’t even thinking of sex. If she managed to stay awake what he needed to do was talk to her. He still hadn’t had a chance to discuss Dartmouth with her, and the deadline was looming close.
He rubbed his lips against her hair, breathing in her scent. As his nose grazed her ear he asked. “Are you awake?”
“Mmmhmmm.” Her hand continued its lazy path across him, distracting him with each pass.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
Her hand stilled and her body stiffened.
Marienne twisted to sit up to quickly and her incision pulled and stung. “Owww.” Her hand went to her belly. It smarted for several seconds then lessened to a dull ache.
“Are you all right?” Daniel sat up beside her, his hand atop hers. His eyes were black with concern.
“I just moved too fast. I’m fine.”
“Here.” He propped pillows behind her. “Lie back. Do you need more pillows? Shall I get you Tylenol?”
“I’m fine.” Her heart was still pounding from his saying “I need to talk”. What does he need to tell me? Please nothing bad. She was too tired to deal with anything bad. Please don’t tell me you’ve been with someone else. I know we haven’t been able to have sex, but please…Not like Frank…Her eyes filled with tears.
“What’s wrong? Are you in that much pain? Should I call the doctor?” Daniel’s eyes darted between hers.
“No, I’m okay.” She took a deep breath, feeling it catch in her throat. “What do you need to talk to me about?” The fluttering in her chest grew even faster.
“Well.” He paused and looked down.
Oh my God. She plucked her fingers against the edge of the blanket so fast she wound up with a big poof of fluff in her hand.
“Do you remember me telling you a while back that Arnold had asked if I might be interested in a position at Dartmouth?”
Arnold? Dartmouth? That doesn’t sound like an affair. “Yeah, something about people retiring in his department.”
Daniel nodded. “Well it seems it’s official. They are both leaving. And Arnold has offered me a spot.”
Marienne let her body relax. This was about work—not another woman. Thank God. She felt guilty for being so quick to doubt Daniel.
“Initially I was thinking the idea was ludicrous. But after all the trouble I had getting to you when Drew was born I started considering it. I don’t like being so far from you and the kids all the time. The commute takes up hours of my day that I’d rather have to spend with you, and the way things have been going at NYU I’m not at all certain how secure my position is.”
“Are you saying you’re considering the Dartmouth offer?” Marienne was shocked. She’d never thought about moving.
“I’m saying I want to discuss it with you. What do you think?”
Marienne didn’t know what to respond. “It was beautiful when we were up there. And you know you get along well with Arnold.”
“True. And we could live in Hanover, which was lovely, and I’d only have a few minute drive to work. The kids could grow up on a college campus, like you and I both did.”
“It’s certainly a great school.”
“Yes, and they encourage publishing and other writing, so it shouldn’t be a problem if the whole script thing does work out.”
“Are you ready to leave NYU? You’ve been pretty attached to it.”
“I’m more attached to you.” He leaned in and kissed her. Heat surged through her, stirring up familiar feelings.
“I wish the six weeks were up.”
“Me too.” His traced his hand up and down her arm. “But you’re well worth the wait.”
“So you’re saying you want to do this?” Marienne pulled back to look into his face.
“Wait the six weeks? Well, want seems a rather strong word, but I know it’s best for ….”
She laughed and shook her head. She ran her fingers through his hair, wishing she could just pull him down on top of her. “I meant, silly boy, are you saying you want to take the job? Do you want us to move to New Hampshire?” Saying it out loud made it seem more real. Move to New Hampshire. With a baby.
“I think I am.” Daniel stopped rubbing her arm. “If you’re okay with it. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to cause you more stress. I just thought….”
She traced her fingers across his lips, quieting him. “I’m fine with whatever makes you happy. I’d love it if you were around more often and worked closer to home. And you’re right. It would be a great place for the kids to grow up. If you think you’ll be happy working there, I think we should go for it.”
“Really?” He kissed her fingertips, his eyes steady on hers.
She nodded. “Though I can’t say I’m looking forward to telling Ruth.”
“Yeah, I thought about that. We’ll have to make it clear to her that she can come up and visit whenever she’d like. It’s only a short plane ride.”
“I know. She’ll be fine. But she’s not going to want to hear it at first. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she understands.” Her fingers continued to trace his face. “What kind of time frame are we looking at?”
Daniel’s brow furrowed. “Not sure. I’d guess they’d want me for fall semester. I’d probably finish out this semester here, then we’d have the summer to move.”
“We’ll have to get this house on the market.” Marienne’s mind raced ahead to all that would have to be done. Find a realtor. Fix some cosmetic issues around the house. Start searching for homes in Hanover online. Online house hunting. Oh God.
“One step at a time.” Daniel stretched out beside her, his hair grazing her shoulder. “I haven’t even talked to Arnold yet. Let’s see what he has to say, okay?”
“Okay.” Marienne relaxed against Daniel but her mind didn’t stop. So much to do. But exciting stuff. A new house. A new town. A new baby. It was a fresh start to their beautiful life.
Chapter 17
The number of messages in Daniel’s inbox quadrupled in the days following the announcement that he was leaving the department. Students, ex-students, colleagues, old friends, everyone was coming out of the woodwork to either ask him why, wish him well, or get a recommendation from him before he left. It made the fact that he was leaving seem that much more dramatic.
Each day he’d scroll through his messages when he got to work then again at night before he’d go to bed. They all began to blur together, so many people saying the same things over and over again. He answered all of them, so some he only skimmed first. It became easier and easier to assess which ones could be answered with a standard reply and which ones needed more attention—a particularly memorable student, someone he’d known in college, an ex-wife.
Daniel was shocked when he saw Justine’s name. He hadn’t spoken to her in well over a year. He knew she’d moved to California, and last he’d heard she’d hooked up with some company known for providing personal trainers to the Hollywood elite. Since the divorce they hadn’t really had much to talk about, and neither of them had felt a need to keep in touch. ‘I remember when…’ the subject line read. He clicked to open it right away—it was the first email he’d gotten all day that he was actually curious to read.
Hey stranger. I can’t believe I had to find out that you were taking a new job from Margaret Cooper! I also can’t believe you’re really leaving NYU. I never thought I’d see the day. You always said it was like a home to you. What the hell happened? Dartmouth? Do you have any idea how cold it gets in New Hampshire in the winter? We used to ski Stowe (that’s Vermont, but really when you’re that far north, who ca
res?) every winter when I was growing up---it’s fucking freezing up there. We’ve certainly gone to the opposite extremes (again)—I’m in LA now. It was 75 degrees on Christmas day, and I spent New Year’s Eve at a pool party. Does it ever hit 75 degrees in New Hampshire? You’ll have to let me know. Hope you’re doing well. Write and tell me. You do still write, don’t you? Everything can’t have changed…. Right?
—Justine
Daniel realized she might not even know that he and Marienne had had a baby. How do you tell your ex-wife news like that? Would she even want to know? Or is she just curious about the job change? Although he’d known Justine for over a decade, and had been married to her for nearly six years, he felt like he barely knew her at all. Their lives had gone in such completely different directions, even before they’d divorced. In some ways she was a stranger.
He clicked reply and paused before he began to type.
Yes, I still write—Dartmouth said that was one of the conditions for being made a full professor so I figure I better continue. I’m doing well thanks. So are Marienne and Ella. I don’t know how much your sources have told you, but we recently added a new family member. Our son Andrew (Drew) was born on March 8—six pounds ten ounces, twenty-two inches and growing bigger every day. I imagine moving with a baby will add a whole other element to the adventure of leaving the tri-state area, but I’m very much looking forward to it. I’ll be working for Arnold, just like the old days (so no, not everything changes, some things become more the way they used to be). What are you up to out in LA? Working the locals? Or just working on your tan? Hope you’re well too. And happy
Best, Daniel
He turned off his computer and went upstairs to bed. He peeked into Ella’s room. She was fast asleep, arm around her yellow Easter bunny, all her blankets on the floor. He picked up her puffy pink fleece and carefully placed it on top of her. She rubbed her face on the stuffed bunny and yawned but didn’t wake. He bent down and kissed her head then closed her door quietly.
HOLDING ON (The Destiny Series Book 2) Page 9