by Susan Lewis
Hanna shook her head confidently. ‘It’s just not,’ she told her.
Though Lucy wanted to say something like you can never be too sure about people, or you only know the side of your father he wants you to know, she reined it in and said instead, ‘I need to get going. Do you have some money to spend in Bath?’
‘Yeah, but if you want to give me more …’ She waggled her eyebrows mischievously.
Treating her to a menacing look, Lucy dug into her purse and handed over a twenty-pound note before heading towards the door.
‘Mum?’ Hanna said, drawing out the word.
Lucy turned back.
Hanna shrugged. ‘Is something wrong? I mean, I know you’re upset about Dad, and everything, but you’re like … I don’t know … Different from the way you usually are.’
‘Am I?’ Lucy said, wondering if it was possible for a difference to be any greater.
‘Yeah, you’re like kind of sad, or not sad exactly … I don’t know, but I just wanted to say that if you’re worried about stuff, especially, you know, with what’s going on with Dad, you can always talk to me. My friends all say what a good listener I am, and they’re always coming to me for advice.’
Loving her so much she wanted to squeeze her, Lucy said, ‘Thank you, I appreciate that.’
‘So?’ Hanna prompted.
‘I’m fine,’ Lucy told her, ‘but we will have a chat soon, because there are a few things going on that I need to tell you about.’
Hanna scoffed the last of her toast. ‘Cool,’ she said. ‘I’m kind of busy today, but any time after that. Hey, Sarah.’
Feeling a jolt in her heart as she turned around, Lucy was aware of the heat in her cheeks as she said to Sarah, ‘Hi, I was just on my way over. Is everything OK?’
‘It seems to be,’ Sarah replied, her own awkwardness showing in the way she didn’t come right into the room. ‘Michael’s helping Maeve to man the phones at the moment. I have to go over to Cirencester to look at one of the antique shops. Apparently the owner wants rid of everything so he can turn it into a wine bar.’
‘Sounds like a plan,’ Hanna commented chirpily. ‘Is Cirencester anywhere near Bath? If so, could Juju and I catch a lift?’
‘Opposite direction, I’m afraid,’ Sarah answered, ‘but Michael might be going that way.’
‘Which way would that be?’ Michael asked as he came to join them.
‘Bath,’ Hanna told him.
‘I can take you as far as Chipping Sodbury, if you’re not in too much of a rush. I need to have a chat with your mum before I leave.’
‘Cool,’ Hanna assured him. ‘I’ll call Juju to let her know.’
As she went outside to use her mobile Lucy looked at Sarah.
‘Are you OK?’ they said in unison, then laughing and crying they walked into each other’s arms.
‘Does it sound corny if I say I’ve always felt there was something special about you?’ Sarah asked.
‘And I’ve often thought the same about you.’
‘But it’s not just me, is it?’ Sarah said, pulling back to look at her. ‘It’s so huge for you. I can’t begin to imagine how you must feel.’
‘I’m not sure I can either at the moment,’ Lucy confessed. Then to Michael, ‘I’m sorry I left like that.’
‘Perfectly understandable,’ he assured her.
‘She’s on her way,’ Hanna shouted.
‘I’ll come and find you,’ Michael shouted back.
‘I should leave you two to talk,’ Sarah told them. ‘Simon’s flying in later, so I’m not sure what’ll happen tonight.’
Feeling a strange unsteadiness at the thought of seeing Simon, Lucy managed a faint smile, before taking Michael’s arm and walking with him over to the barn. ‘I don’t think anyone’s in there at the moment,’ she said, ‘so we shouldn’t be interrupted.’
‘I just wanted to make sure you were all right before I left,’ he told her.
‘I guess as all right as I can be under the circumstances.’ She gave a shaky sigh. ‘It’s a bit like finding out you’ve been locked away all your life, and now I’m being let out I don’t know what to do next.’
‘I don’t think you need to worry about that – with Simon and Becky arriving events will take care of themselves, at least for the next few days.’
Shrinking from the thought of it, she said, ‘I take it there’s no news from the labs?’
‘Not yet. And none from your parents today?’
She shook her head. ‘I keep thinking of how afraid they must have felt when they realised who John was. It explains the way they’ve been these last few weeks, and all the time I was thinking it was about Maureen and this blasted ring.’ The disgust she felt towards Maureen now was such that it had to be left for another time.
Michael’s voice was gentle as he said, ‘I think we need to make another trip to Exmoor, don’t you?’
Though Lucy could feel herself shrinking from it, she knew very well that it couldn’t be avoided.
‘Unless you’d rather go alone,’ he added.
‘Oh, no, no,’ she assured him. ‘Please come with me, I mean, if you can spare the time.’
‘Of course I can.’ Then, ‘I know it won’t be easy, but at least it’ll give you an opportunity to talk to them before the authorities become involved.’
Unable even to begin facing that yet, Lucy said, ‘John must be feeling quite anxious about seeing Simon, considering how hostile Simon’s been towards him.’
‘Mm, I’m sure he is, but I’ve known Simon for many years, and his bark is far worse than his bite. What did you think of Rose?’
With a gentle sigh Lucy said, ‘She’s very beautiful and … I don’t know … She feels a bit like a dream.’
‘That’s funny, because she said much the same about you. I guess it’s all going to seem unreal for a while, but I don’t have any problem seeing you start to bond, given time. My concern, for the moment, is John and what’s happening in the village.’
Frowning, Lucy asked, ‘What do you mean?’
‘Sarah just told me about a phone call she took yesterday. She’s pretty certain whoever it was thought they were speaking to you, and they wanted you to know that you’re going to lose your temporary workforce unless you let John go.’
Stunned, Lucy said, ‘But why? He’s so wonderful with everyone.’
‘I’m afraid it’s got out that he was in prison for killing a child. I’m pretty sure Hanna’s heard about it from something she said to me yesterday, and she was most indignant, wanting to know if it was possible to sue.’
Thinking of Hanna’s relationship to John, and then to Brian, Lucy felt so many mixed emotions that it was a moment before she could say, ‘She’s very fond of John.’
‘And so are you, which is why I have to ask you to start thinking about how and when you’re going to go public with things, because I know you won’t want to see him hurt and humiliated for something he didn’t do.’
Which brought them right back to the dreaded prospect of dealing with Brian and Daphne.
Staring absently at the objects around them, each with their own hidden story and unpredictable future, she said, ‘Suddenly, seeing Simon and meeting Becky isn’t feeling in the least bit daunting when compared to the thought of watching my parents fall apart.’
Lucy was in the office alone when Daphne rang, just after six.
‘I’m such a daft thing, not taking my phone.’ Daphne tried to laugh while managing to sound as anxious as she obviously was. ‘I expect you’ve been thinking all sorts of things …’
‘I got your letter,’ Lucy told her.
‘Yes, yes, I thought you must have by now. Dad and I are heading back to Exmoor the day after tomorrow. I wanted to let you know that, in case you were worried.’
‘Of course I am, after everything you said …’
‘There’s a lot to explain, I know, and I will. I promise. I’ll ring again when we’re home.’
‘Pl
ease don’t hang up yet.’
‘I have to, there’s someone waiting outside.’
‘No!’ Lucy shouted, but the line had already gone dead. Slamming the receiver down, she snatched it up angrily as it rang again.
‘You sound stressed,’ Michael told her.
‘My mother just called, and before you ask, I mean Daphne.’
‘I see,’ he responded carefully. ‘What did she say?’
‘Absolutely nothing, apart from the fact that she was on her way back to Exmoor. She didn’t even give me a chance to ask how she was.’
‘How did she sound?’
‘Worried, nervous, everything you’d expect.’ She closed her eyes as she tried to quell her temper. ‘I guess the important thing is that she’s been in touch,’ she said. She wouldn’t admit that she’d started to fear the worst, because she didn’t want him to say that he had too.
‘I was hoping to get over to see you this evening,’ he told her, ‘but I’m afraid there’s a meeting of the Law Society in Bristol that I have to be at.’
‘It’s OK, I’ve taken up so much of your time lately. I hope you’re remembering to bill me.’
‘I’ve been there as a friend,’ he assured her, ‘and I wish I could be now, because I’ve just heard back from the labs.’
Feeling strangely as though she was being moved to another dimension, Lucy braced herself, too tense now even to breathe.
‘You are Alexandra Mckenzie,’ he told her softly.
Though she knew she shouldn’t have felt shocked, or upset, or angry, she did, and afraid again and panicked. It was as though something awful were thundering towards her, roaring, gushing, coming so fast it was unstoppable … She took a gasp of air, and then oddly it was gone, leaving her to drift in a silence that seemed endless and shapeless, as though she’d somehow become suspended in time, or perhaps somewhere inside her own mind.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
Putting a hand to her head as though to stop it from throbbing, she said, ‘I think so. Have you told John and Rose yet?’
‘No, I wanted to call you first.’
She was listening to the birds now, and the sound of footsteps that seemed a long way away. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.
‘It’s going to be all right,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll ring again in the morning, but if you need to talk before that, leave a message for me to pick up when the meeting’s over.’
‘Thank you,’ she said again, ‘but I’m sure I’ll be fine.’
Was she sure, she asked herself after he’d rung off. It was hard to say, when she still had no idea how to feel about anything. She was part of a family with whom she shared no history, and with so little, apart from blood, to tie them together. What was it going to be like starting from the beginning, when they were already so far into the future? And what about the parents she knew and loved, what on earth was going to happen to them?
Sarah was watching Simon as he sat in the window seat of the front parlour staring down over the village as he listened to what their mother and John were telling him. His apparent determination not to engage was upsetting her and making her feel sorry for John, who was clearly not finding this easy, even though her mother had done most of the talking so far.
Turning her thoughts to Lucy and the dreadful turmoil she must be going through now, Sarah tried to imagine how she might feel in her position, but it was hardly possible. Since Brian and Daphne were the only parents Lucy had ever really known, it was quite possible that she didn’t want to belong to another family. Yet once the truth was out, what choice would Lucy have? For her part Sarah was more than ready to accept her, and she felt sure Simon would be too. She suspected, however, that their new relationship was a long way from the front of Lucy’s mind right now. What must be causing her unimaginable distress was the thought of what might happen to her parents when the authorities became involved, since stealing a child was a wicked and unforgivable crime, no matter the motive, and no matter how well cared for the child had been.
Sarah was in no doubt that losing Jack in an accident, knowing that he was dead, could almost be considered a blessing when compared to what her mother had been through. At least she knew where he was and what had happened to him. Not knowing who had taken her baby girl, what they might be doing to her, or if she would ever see her again, was clearly the reason why her mother had been so tormented all these years. It was a miracle she’d come through it, particularly when it was added to the sacrifice John had made so that his wife and children could stay together. To think of his terrible existence behind bars for a crime he hadn’t committed, a crime for which other prisoners would have made him suffer … It was so heartrending and unjust that, speaking for herself, Sarah could only hope that Brian and Daphne Fisher were ready to pay for what they’d done.
On the other hand, if it weren’t for them she, Sarah, wouldn’t exist, because her mother would never have married Douglas.
‘Simon?’ she heard her mother say.
Sarah watched him continue to stare out of the window, as though no one else was in the room and he’d taken in nothing of what had been said. Then, getting to his feet, he turned around and her heart ached to see how stricken he looked. He’d loved her father so much, and though she’d have never admitted it to her mother, it pleased her to see his loyalty to the man who’d loved him as his own. Yet it hurt her for John, who had done nothing to deserve Simon’s antagonism, and whose only desire now was to be reunited with his son.
‘I guess you’re looking for an apology,’ Simon said gruffly to John.
‘No,’ John replied. ‘You didn’t know who I was when we first met, and you understandably felt protective of Douglas.’
‘He’s still my father,’ Simon stated curtly. ‘I can’t think of him any other way.’
Sarah looked at her mother as John said, ‘I wouldn’t expect you to, and I wouldn’t want it either. He’s done everything a loving father could to help make you who you are today. I know he was very proud of you, because he often wrote about you. If you’d like to read the letters I’ll be happy to show you.’
It was only when Simon turned away that Sarah saw how close he was to tears. ‘Mum,’ she said softly.
Rose held up a hand for her to wait.
Sarah looked at Simon again, realising that for him this was like losing Douglas for a second time and he could hardly bear it.
In the end, unable to bear it either, Sarah went to put her arms around him. ‘He really loved you and that’s never going to change,’ she whispered brokenly.
Simon tried to speak, but his voice was too strangled, then he buried his head in Sarah’s shoulder as he started to break down.
Coming to them, Rose wrapped them in her arms and held them close as they tried to absorb this shattering change to their world. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,’ she whispered raggedly. ‘Maybe I should have told you a long time ago, but we did what we thought was best.’
‘You lied,’ Simon told her angrily. ‘All our lives you’ve been lying to us, making us afraid that we were to blame for the way you were. Why couldn’t you see how much easier it would have been if you’d just told us the truth?’
The instant Joe emerged from the station with an arm wrapped around the shoulder of a man Lucy had never seen before, she felt her heart sink like a stone. Since it was clear he’d been drinking, she was tempted to turn the car around and drive off without him. However, knowing it would only cause more wrangling and bitterness later, she remained where she was, watching him saying goodbye to his new best friend.
‘Hey, it’s great that you made it,’ he said happily as he got into the car.
Trying not to wince at the stench of whisky, she started the engine and reversed out of the space.
‘I was afraid, after the way we left things last week,’ he went on, ‘that I might not be welcome.’
‘Hanna’s looking forward to seeing you,’ she informed him.
Apparently cho
osing to ignore the fact that she’d left herself out, he said cheerily, ‘That’s my girl.’ Then, with no preamble at all, and even less sensitivity, ‘So how have things been this week? Found out who you are yet?’
Flinching as though he’d struck her, she said, ‘Actually, quite a lot’s happened since we last spoke.’
Flipping open his mobile as it rang he said, ‘Hey Mac. How’s tricks? Did you get my message?’
Waiting as he spoke to his fitness instructor, Lucy felt herself becoming ludicrously emotional. She’d always known she couldn’t lean on him, so to start letting it upset her now was pathetic and untimely. She must get herself back in control.
‘Good. Can’t wait to hear,’ Joe said into the phone. ‘Call me as soon as you know,’ and ringing off he said, ‘So where were we? That’s right, a lot’s been happening.’ He turned to look at her and smiled. ‘God, it’s good to see you. You’re looking pretty damned gorgeous, you know.’
Tensing, and not in the least inclined to tell him anything at all now, she was about to try and make a start when he said, ‘Why don’t I give you my good news first? It’s going to blow you away. I’ve only got a part in EastEnders. OK, it’s not huge, at least not yet, but the producers are saying that the character’s going to be coming and going quite a bit over the next few months, and there’s a chance he might turn into a regular. I am so chuffed, I can’t tell you. It’s right up my street, and if it does work out, well, best not to get too carried away, I guess, but it’s pretty damned amazing, right?’
‘Right,’ Lucy agreed, wishing she could feel pleased for him, but finding herself unable to feel anything at all. In fact, it was as though he’d stumbled into the wrong play, bringing a mood and dialogue with him that had no relevance to her world, and she just wanted him to go.
‘Can’t wait to tell Hanna-Banana,’ he went on chirpily. ‘It’s going to be such a trip for her, having her daddy on the telly every week.’
Knowing that it would be, Lucy managed a smile.
‘So what news on your parents?’ he demanded. ‘Have you got any answers out of them yet?’
‘Actually, not out of them,’ she replied, ‘but I do know a lot more now than I did last week.’