My Blood Approves mba-1

by Amanda Hocking

  “Doesn’t that give me even more of a reason not to turn?” I gave him a hard look. The kiss wanted to replay itself in my mind, but I couldn’t let it, or Jack might react to my heartbeat.

  “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  He tried to pretend like he didn’t understand, but the quick movement of his eyes led me to believe he got it completely. That kiss had been incredible, and the risk of us doing it again was too great. He would’ve bit me if Mae hadn’t walked in, and we couldn’t count on her to walk in at just the right moment every time we were alone.

  “Jack, it’s not good for either of us for me to stay around,” I told him softly with tears in my eyes.

  “No!” Jack insisted fiercely. “That’s just stupid! I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know why your blood is for him, but it’s a mistake! Okay? You’re not supposed to be for him! And there’s gotta be a way around it! It may take time, but we have all of eternity to figure it out! You really wanna throw that away just because I don’t have the answer right now?”

  “Why did you even introduce me to him?” I blurted out. “If I had never met him, this wouldn’t have happened! This wouldn’t have mattered! Why did you push me on him?”

  “I never pushed you on him, never!” He took a step towards me, then changed his mind, and took a step back. Shaking his head, he breathed deeply.

  “I didn’t know any of this. I wasn’t reacting right to you, and they thought that you were for Peter. And I didn’t realize what I…” He trailed off, looking despondently at the floor.

  “You two had bonded in a way that none of had realized,” Ezra offered helpfully. “It wasn’t until he started feeling threatened by Peter that we appreciated what was happening, and by then it was too late.” Slowly, he got up and walked over to us, attempting to relieve some of the tension. “None of us are trying to pressure you into a decision, but Jack has made valid points. You turning isn’t about Peter, and it shouldn’t be. You have a future with us, if you choose it.” He nodded once at me, then made an imperceptible motion towards Mae. She rose quickly and they left the room, leaving Jack and I alone.

  It was obvious that we were supposed to hash things out and come up with some kind of resolution, but I didn’t know how too. It wasn’t until I was yelling at Jack that I even knew it hurt me that he’d ever wanted me to be with Peter. That had been something I had been trying to overcome ever since Ezra had claimed that Jack had fallen in love with me. Because if he truly loved me, then why would he ever want me to be with his brother? No matter what Mae thought or what my blood said.

  “I’ve made a lot of mistakes with you,” Jack admitted quietly. “But I need a chance to rectify them. If you give me time, I swear I can make it up to you.”

  He looked at me, his wounded blue eyes pleading with me to stay with him.

  The horrible truth of it was that I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but would it really be worth it? I’d have to give up my brother, and I’d still be trapped in something painful and inexorable with his brother. We couldn’t actually be together, no matter what decision I made.

  “If you give me time, I know that between Ezra, Peter, and I, we can find a solution to this.” He took a step towards me, trying to decide whether or not to touch me, before finally deciding against it. “I promise you. There is a way for it to work.”

  “That doesn’t answer everything,” I reminded him. In fact, that didn’t really answer anything. It was just a vague promise to solve something someday, but it was still a hard offer to resist.

  “Milo’s your brother, and he’s a bright kid. He’s not gonna need you forever,” he pointed out gently. “In a few more years, when he starts dating and going to college, he’s not even gonna wanna be around you. It’s just for right now that he needs you.”

  “That’s probably true.” I was about to argue that it didn’t change anything, but then I understood what he was getting at. “I’m still really young. I could stay with Milo for another three or four years, and it wouldn’t change anything. Not with me turning. It would change everything for him, but I could still turn, and I’d still be younger than you are.”

  “And we don’t have to move for another three years or so,” Jack nodded in agreement. “Until then, you could continue living with him, being around him, and Ezra and I could try to figure out what we’re gonna do about all of this.”

  “Would that be okay?” I asked, feeling oddly paranoid.

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” He shrugged, and he had calmed enough where he could grin at the idea. “It’s just a couple years. It means nothing to us.”

  “You don’t care what I say as long as I agree to be with you,” I smiled at him.

  “That’s probably true,” he admitted.

  “What if I decided not change? And I got all and old wrinkly? Would you still want to be around me then?”

  “How wrinkly are we talking about?” Jack teased. I tried to swat him playfully, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. His arms were strong and reassuring around me, and he rested his hand on my cheek, gently forcing me to look into his eyes. His skin was warming up, but he tried not to notice.

  “This will work out. Somehow.”

  “I know.” It was hard not believe when he looked at me like that, but just the same, I managed to find a way not to.

  After talking it all over with Mae and Ezra, they both agreed with my decision. Time was, for the most part, inconsequential to them, and Mae was definitely for me having more time to consider everything. They also agreed that for both mine and Jack’s sake, it would probably be better if I stayed at home until we got things straightened out in the whole Peter arena. Mae had apparently filled Ezra in on the kiss, and he admonished us for such risky behavior. He went to explain to us that Peter was a much stronger vampire than Jack, and therefore, a rather large threat to both of us.

  Regretfully, I packed my things to head back home. Saying goodbye to all the little treasures of their house was terrible, but I knew that I’d be back again.

  Probably tomorrow afternoon. After all, Jack couldn’t stay away from me for very long, and I was glad for it.

  When I walked in the door with the massive duffle bag slung over my shoulder, Milo was sitting at the computer. As soon as he saw me, his entire face lit up and he rushed over to me, throwing his arms tightly around me and almost knocking me over.

  “You’re back!” he squealed.

  “Sure am.” I pried him off, smiling at his exuberance. “Do you think Mom’ll mind?”

  “I don’t know why she would!” Milo looked like he was going to explode.

  He had truly believed that I wasn’t coming back, and for awhile, so had I. “She’s at work right now, but I’m sure she won’t care.”

  “I hope not.” I knew I had some penance to do with her, and I wasn’t looking forward to that. Or getting up for school the next morning, especially since I had spent the last few nights on a vampire sleeping schedule, which was quite contrary to a school one.

  “Why did you come back?” Milo asked curiously.

  “I figured that somebody had to be here to help take care of you.” I reached out and ruffled his hair, and he pulled away, just like I thought he would.

  “I’m not a little kid.” He smoothed out his hair, but I hadn’t even really messed it up. “And besides that, I spend more time taking care of you than you do me.”

  “That is true.” Milo had never really needed anyone to do anything for him. He just kind of wanted somebody to be there, and I could at least manage that.

  “On the subject of which, I should probably whip us up some supper.”

  Hurriedly, he went over to the fridge, talking amicably about the ridiculously extravagant meal he had planned for us tonight. Leaning against the kitchen counter, watching him as he worked, I knew that I made the right choice in staying with him.

  Chapter 17

  When I went to school the next day, Jane looked rather please
d to see me. I’d been standing at my locker, struggling to place my books inside, when she walked past me, smiling in her overly seductive way, and murmured, “Good to have you back, Alice.” Admittedly, it’d only been three days since I’d last been to school, but it had much longer than that since I hung out with her, and I’d barely been active in my own life. At school and at home, I’d been a zombie.

  Anytime I wasn’t around my new mysterious vampire friends, I felt like I’d been living a lie, so I mustered just enough energy to get through it.

  There was no separation in the two lives, though. They were all part of me and what I was doing. I went to high school, hung out my brother, gossiped with Jane, and in my free time, I hung out with vampires. Nothing about me had really changed, and even as mind boggling as the events of the last month had been, I was still just plain old Alice Bonham, and that’s the way it was going to stay. For a few more years at least.

  So when Jane walked past me, I scurried to get my books together, and then bolted after her. She must’ve really missed me, because she actually stopped to wait for me when I called her name. After a few friendly jabs about being missing in action lately, I filled her in as best I could about what had been happening my life lately, conveniently leaving out the stuff about vampires.

  At home, I let Milo help me with the Calculus homework, which really seemed completely unnecessary. I would make it my life’s mission to never, ever find a use for that particular information. Milo made something delicious with salmon for supper and enlightened me on his progress (or the lack thereof) with his new crush, Troy. All in all, my life felt like it had hit some kind of stride, and maybe I really could get comfortable with all of this.

  Jack text messaged me, saying he’d be over in twenty minutes to pick me up. I got ready, and Milo warned me that I had to be up early for school, and I promised I’d be back before one. That still seemed too late for him, and in reality, six hours of sleep did not sound like enough to me, but I had to find a balance in all of this.

  While outside waiting for Jack to pick me up, something startled me. I was waiting outside for Jack. No matter how fast I rushed through getting ready, he was invariably waiting for me outside, or at best, we arrived in front of my building at the same time. But I had been waiting for so long, that I’d actually gotten a little chill and had to pull my sweater around me. I dug out my phone to text him just as a silver Audi slid up in front of me, and my heart twirled nervously.

  Even through the dark glass of the car window, I could see Peter’s green eyes burning at me. That incessant pull that had been slowly fading the last few days returned with a vengeance. My body started to shake, but not because I was cold. My heart had started beating in that way that drove Jack mad, and I wondered if Peter felt the same way. Slowly, I opened the car door and got inside, and prepared myself to find out.

  “When did you get back?” I asked quietly.

  Instead of answering me, Peter just squealed away from the curb, keeping his eyes locked on the road in front of us. His jaw tensed tightly. The car was completely full of the intoxicating smell of him, and for some reason, my mouth actually started to salivate. We had never been in such close quarters before, and it felt like a bad idea. Or a really good one, depending on how I looked at it.

  Even as close as I was to him, my heart was tugging on me to move closer, to reach out and brush my hand against his flawless skin, so I clasped my hands together securely.

  “I just got back.” He took so long to answer me that I almost forgot what the question was.

  The silence felt thick and overwhelming, but I couldn’t think of anything to fill it with. My head was swimming, and I felt the hunger for him rolling over me like a fog. It was burning and frantic, like a rush of adrenaline, only much more intoxicating. By the time we’d get to his house, I’d be delirious with him.

  “We need to talk,” Peter murmured huskily, allowing his haunting gaze to settle on me for a moment.

  “I know.”

  In my mind, I’d been imagining the conversation with him over and over again. Although since I’d kissed Jack, I’d been envisioning it with me rejecting him, instead of persuading him into being with me. Once I was with him, filled with his lust, I couldn’t imagine not being with Peter. Every part of me screamed that I really had been made for him, no matter what my heart insisted when he wasn’t around.

  Despite his proclamation that a discussion needed to occur, he said nothing for the remainder of the car ride. I couldn’t even take my eyes off of him, and I barely noticed his lack of attention towards me. The days away from him had made me forget how absolutely breathtaking he was. It would be all too easy to spend the rest of my life just looking at him When we got to his house, the tiniest part of me that wasn’t completely enamored with him felt trepidation at seeing Jack. I had no idea how he would react, but fortunately, he wasn’t around. I imagined that he was off somewhere, but since Peter eclipsed everything for me, I couldn’t feel him anxiously hiding nearby. Mae and Ezra were in the living room, but I barely noticed the tentative way they eyed us up as we walked up the stairs to his room. Peter still hadn’t said anything to me, but I followed one step behind him, like he was leading me on a string.

  “I don’t know what they’ve been telling you while I was gone,” Peter told me finally. I had sat down on the edge of his bed, and he stood on the other side of his room, his arms crossed firmly over his chest and refusing to look at me.

  “But this cannot work.”

  “What?”

  I tried to play innocent, but there was already a welling despair inside me.

  It seemed ridiculous since I had survived all this time just fine without him.

  There had been a constant dull ache inside me, but it was nothing that I couldn’t live with. But when I was with him, the thought of not being with him felt like a fate worse than death.

  “It’s not the same as it was before,” he explained quietly. “The way I feel about you, its not right. It’s purely … physical. My body insists that its you, but the rest of me…” He shook his head. “I don’t think I should be around you anymore.”

  “Are you banning me from the house?” Being without him, being without everyone, that would be horrendous. I had just come to terms with what was happening, and he was going to take everything away from me.

  “I just think that this is an impossible situation.” He looked over at me, his eyes betraying the hurt and want he had for me. “I can’t be with you, and Jack can’t be with you. He’s tried to hide his feelings about you from me, but there is some kind of cross contamination that I can’t get a grasp on. Neither of us can be with you, so having you around would be torture.”

  “That isn’t fair!” I jumped to my feet, and already hot tears were slicing down my cheeks. There was a finality to his voice that devastated me. He had already made up mind, and there would be nothing that I could say or do to change his mind. “Do they all agree with you? They can’t! Ezra-”

  “They support my decision,” Peter cut me off decisively. “All of them are very fond of you, but it can’t work. And since you are ‘mine,’ it’s up to me what we do with you.”

  “‘What you do with me?’” I sobbed. “This is my life! Why do you get to decide what is done with me?”

  “Your life is my life. That’s how this works.” Swallowing hard, he looked sad but resolute.

  “Than isn’t your life mine?” I clenched my fists, trying desperately to find some ground to stand on.

  “That’s not how this works,” Peter shook his head. “You are human. You have no standing over us.”

  “So you’re all just …”

  The room felt like it was spinning, and I rested my hand on the bed to keep from collapsing. He was going to take everything from me. The insistent way my body begged for him, the way my heart longed for Jack, the comfort I gained from Mae and Ezra, and the glorious future I had just mapped out for myself. With his simple, cold words, he was r
ipping everything away from me.

  The ground felt like it was giving way from underneath me, and I had to swallow hard to keep from vomiting.

  “Alice, we never meant to hurt you.” He sounded sad, but I could barely see him through my own tears.

  Part of me wanted to run through house searching for Jack. I knew he would fight for me, make them change their minds, but I felt too weak. More than that, if Peter didn’t want me, it didn’t even seem worth fighting for.

  “You’re killing me,” I murmured.

  Then it dawned on me. It did feel like he was literally killing me. Every part of me, physical and otherwise, was writhing in pain. But I knew that inside him there was a hunger that really wanted to kill me. I saw how fierce it had been in Jack’s eyes, and I knew it had to be stronger for Peter.

  “Peter, why don’t you just bite me?” I asked breathlessly.

  “No,” Peter responded hoarsely. “That’s a horrible idea.”

  “No, Peter! Listen!” I walked over to him, willing my heart to beat harder and faster, so the sound would overwhelm him. “I know you want to! You made me leave you once because of how badly you wanted to! You can just bite me, and this will all be over with. I’ll be out of your lives forever, and I won’t even care. I want you to. And what do I even matter to you? I’m just another stupid weak human, and you’ve killed them before.”

  “I’m not going to kill you.” He tried to sound disgusted, but the hunger was at the back of his throat. When he looked away from me, I grabbed his arm, and forced him to look down at me.

  “Please,” I pleaded.

  He was still resisting the idea, so I remembered what had sent Jack over the edge. I bit my lip, hard, and before I could even tell it was bleeding, his eyes had widened. For him, my scent and taste were irresistible.

  “You really want this?” Peter murmured huskily. His eyes looked conflicted, both sad and incredibly ravenous. “Do you even understand what you’re asking?”