Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  Cole could be that witness. If he truly felt remorse for his actions and truly wanted me to forgive him, he could give a statement.

  The only problem was, Cole was in a coma. I had no idea if he would even wake up for it, and if he did...if he would even want to turn himself and his old friends in.

  * * *

  The next day, Jax was waiting for me outside of my Social Criticism class. He took me into his arms, holding me close to him. "How are you doing?"

  "I'm actually okay," I answered honestly. It was a waiting game to see when Cole would come out of the coma, or if he would. I had no idea what his medical state was. I was hoping that Crimson would be in class so we could talk about it.

  "Good," Jax said, exhaling deeply. He gently caught my chin with his hand and lifted my face so I was looking into his eyes. "If you want to talk about things...I'm here, okay?"

  "I know." I smiled with appreciation. "But like I said, I'm honestly okay. I can't really do anything until Cole wakes up anyway. I can't get his statement when he's in a coma." Jax nodded in agreement.

  I loved that about he was willing to just be there for me for whatever I needed. I loved that he wouldn't press, either, and he hadn't. He knew I had secrets, and he knew that in my own time I would come to him with them. I got the sense that he would allow me all the time in the world if I needed it.

  I was going to have to tell him about Iain sooner rather than later, but I didn't want to heap too much onto his shoulders at once. He was already trying to help me deal with the whole Cole thing.

  "Well, I've got to get to class...but I'll see you later, okay?" Jax raised his eyebrows at me in question.

  "I work until nine, but you'll probably show up anyway," I said.

  "Yup, need my night-time coffee fix," Jax agreed with humor. He kissed me quickly on the lips. "I'll see you tonight," he added, backing away and heading towards the Political Science building.

  My next class was Gender Studies, a class that I shared with Crimson. For the first time since Brianna's party, I was hoping she would be in class and willing to talk to me. Before our falling out, I could never get her to stop talking. I wasn’t sure how she would receive me, not after everything that happened with Cole.

  I glanced around the classroom, looking for her red hair and spotted her towards the back of the classroom. She had showered recently, and had attempted to tame her hair a little by pulling it back in a messy pony tail.

  She slumped over in her seat, her expression one of quiet sadness. The regular exuberance she vibrated with was absent. I made my way through the desks, weaving around other students' legs and bags, and sat down in the desk beside her.

  "Hey," I said softly. Crimson made no move that she had heard me. I shook my head, feeling foolish. Of course she hadn't heard me. I hadn't spoken loudly enough and she wasn't looking at me. It was easy to forget Crimson was partially deaf, especially with her dainty hearing aids. I knew a lot of the time, she read lips to understand what people were saying. I would have to speak up if I wanted her to hear me. "Hi," I said again, louder this time.

  "Hi," Crimson said, seeming surprised that I was sitting beside her. She sat up a little, still picking at the small hole in the center of her desk.

  "How are you doing?" I asked, instantly regretting my question as Crimson winced. "Right, stupid question." I added. She gave me a small smile, but otherwise said nothing.

  I sat back in my chair, thinking. I didn't know how I was going to get through to Crimson and let her know that I was there for her. I frowned thoughtfully, trying to remember how I had bridged the gap with Jenna.

  "How is he doing?" I asked, trying to bite back my personal agenda. This wasn't just about my end goal, about seeing justice for what had happened to me. This was also about a girl whose boyfriend tried to kill himself, and how alone she must have felt right now.

  "Stable," Crimson responded. She looked at me. "He's still in the coma. His seizures are starting to slow. It's all a waiting game. It could be three days, it could be seven." She shrugged, wiping a tear from her eye. "Then they have to test to see if he suffered any brain damage from the seizures."

  "I'm sorry," I told her again, my grand plan to seek justice deflating at the mention of brain damage. If Cole suffered brain damage, then he wouldn't be able to testify and I would not be able to get justice. It was a selfish thought and I knew it, but I was only human.

  "Don't apologize," Crimson muttered, her gaze falling back to that spot on her desk. "It's not your fault that he did what he did."

  "You know you can talk to me about it, Crimson," I told her honestly. "I can't imagine how painful it must be for you...and regardless of what happened between...Cole and I...you're a sweet girl, and I don't want you feeling like you're alone."

  "I am alone," Crimson answered, raising her hollow eyes to meet mine again.

  Cole woke up from his medically induced coma on day seven. Crimson had missed the Psychology lecture, so I texted her to see if everything was okay. I'd been talking to her every day, taking time to ask how both she and Cole were doing...and not just because I needed Cole to wake up so I could talk to him, but because I generally cared about Crimson's feelings.

  The way she told me she was all alone with such a lonesome, broken look in her eyes broke my heart. It was still important to me to talk to Cole about confessing, but I could wait.

  At first, she was hesitant of my intentions and it made me feel a little guilty to know they weren't entirely innocent. Slowly, she warmed up to the idea that I cared about what she was feeling, because I did care.

  On the day that Cole woke up, Jax and I were sitting on a bench on Tabaret Lawn, sipping hot apple cider between classes. Between both of our hectic class and work schedules, it was getting harder and harder to find time together, but Jax always thought of the most creative ways to see me. Our little in between class dates were a regular, familiar thing that enveloped me in light, happy feelings.

  The cold crisp late October air was a refreshing welcome from the stuffy lecture halls and classrooms. With Jax's warm body beside me, I felt at peace even when I read the text from Crimson.

  "Cole's awake," I told him, nestling closer to his embrace. We would have to part ways soon, and even though I knew I would see him again not long from now, I still wasn't in any rush for our time together to end.

  "Any sign of brain damage?" Jax asked, his voice hard and the arm around my shoulders tensing slightly. Jax understood, but he still didn't like Cole, or rather...what Cole had done. I knew it made Jax angry, but he never put that anger on me, or even showed it aside from the tensing of taut muscles.

  "Crimson says that he seems alert and alright, but they'll do more tests later," I answered, slipping my phone back into my pocket.

  "She'll probably want a few days with him," Jax remarked.

  "I know." My phone notification dinged again. I grabbed it out of my pocket, frowning as I read the message. "Um. Crimson says that Cole wants to talk to me...soon."

  Jax knew how important this little quest was to me, so he stood up. "We'll go now then."

  "Don't you have an assignment due?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

  "Ah, right," Jax countered, his expression turning dark.

  "Don't worry," I assured him. "I'll walk over. Nothing’s really happening in my Sociology class anyway today. Just a lecture that I can snag from the bulletin board."

  "Are you sure?" Jax didn't seem thrilled with my suggestion. I'm sure the idea of having his girlfriend go off to talk to her attacker without him wasn't an enduring one. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping to provide reassurance.

  "It'll be okay," I whispered, my face close to his. The wind tossed our hair around each other; I ignored the tickling sensation as I leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips.

  "I don't know..." Jax took a deep breath, his eyes searching my face. I brought my hand up to touch his strong jaw line, my fingers brushing against the short beard he was now sporting
.

  "I'm not afraid of him," I said, holding his gaze so that he would know I was completely honest. I wasn't afraid of Cole Carmichael. He was weak and cowardly and I knew from our last few encounters that he couldn't hurt me anymore.

  Jax smiled. The unmasked adoration and affection for me that showed on his face was making my heart stutter in my chest. "I believe that." His lips found mine again and he kissed me tenderly. "Text me though, okay? I still don't like the idea of you walking around alone. I'll meet you there to drive you home."

  "It’s day time," I pointed out, my brow arching with slight aggravation. I didn't like being perceived as helpless or weak, and while I wasn't a fan of walking places alone, I definitely wasn't going to surrender to the notion that women couldn't walk from point A to point B without a chaperone.

  "They still haven't caught the guy that's been attacking women, and two more have come forth," Jax pointed out, the voice of reason. I knew he didn't mean to make me feel helpless. "Which is why I keep telling you to get your sexy rear to the gym. I'll teach you some self-defense. For my peace of mind," Jax added, his gold bordered eyes pleading. When he looked at me like that, I wanted to give in to whatever demands he had. It was a good thing Jax wasn't in the habit of making demands.

  I knew he was right; the predator was still out there. It wouldn't hurt to have a couple self-defense lessons under my belt. I had been putting it off for weeks now, and it was something that I knew Jenna would benefit from.

  "He doesn't attack during the day," I countered, standing up and adjusting my bag strap so it rested more comfortably on my shoulder.

  I had finally heard back from Officer Mike Turner, by way of a voice message telling me that Andrew Cooper's last known whereabouts were in Sudbury. It alarmed me that he had moved back to Ontario, but I couldn't find any just cause in freaking out about it. Officer Turner assured me that Andrew was nowhere near Ottawa. Still, someone else was out there, and it definitely wasn't Cole.

  "I know, but again...it's mostly for my peace of mind." Jax stood up too, his hands gripping my waist as he pulled me towards him. He kissed me deeply, channeling all his desire into it. When Jax kissed me, I never felt more cherished. He just had a way of making me feel as if I was the most intriguing, beautiful girl on earth.

  "I'll see you later," I promised, reluctantly pulling away from his embrace. I felt the cold more without his hands on me. Jax grinned as I turned around. He remained standing in front of the bench for a moment longer, watching me walk away, before he headed to his class.

  I couldn't shake Jax's concern, and even though it was early afternoon, my skin prickled with the sensation that I was being watched. I didn't see anything amiss around me. Students were walking all over campus. Still, that prickly sensation grew. I ended up fishing my phone out of my pocket to call a cab. My nerves were on fire; I obsessively checked around me as I waited for the cab to pull up.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the black car pull to a stop in front of me. I hopped in quickly, already feeling safer and less exposed. I told myself I was just letting Jax's concerns get to me. Shaking my head, I fired out directions to the Ottawa Hospital.

  The drive took fifteen minutes during rush hour. The cab driver pulled up in front of the hospital, and I grumbled as I handed him the last of my cash. Cabs were so bloody expensive.

  Crimson texted me the floor and room number. Cole was on the eighth floor, in room 805. I headed toward the bank of elevators, not bothering to stop at the information desk. The ride up to the eighth floor seemed to take forever. My stomach churned with nerves. It seemed too surreal to be going to visit this particular monster of my past in a hospital, to hear him out and ask him a favor.

  If I was told that two years ago that I would be doing this, I would have laughed hysterically. I had absolutely no intention of ever seeing Cole Carmichael again.

  The elevator doors opened to the eighth floor and I stepped out into the hall, my hands shaking. Crimson was waiting near the elevators; I'd told her I was on my way.

  "Hey," I said, inspecting her warily.

  Crimson looked relieved, but also hesitant.

  "Hi." She tried to smile. "I won't lie, I'm not sure if this is a good idea...Cole is, well. Cole isn't himself."

  I nodded grimly. Of course Cole wasn't himself. He had just woken up from a medically induced coma after trying to take his life.

  I followed Crimson down the hallway as she led the way to Cole's room.

  Cole was in a small room, the privacy curtains opened to reveal his hospital bed. His eyes were closed; he was resting. His skin looked pale and moist, and he had large bags under his eyes. His arms were on top of the hospital blanket, and I noticed that they were marred from the wrist up with faint pale scars.

  My mind had painted Cole in such a twisted, evil, monstrous light that I failed to realize until that very moment that he was a boy. I didn't know what prompted him to do what he had done, and that didn't matter. What mattered is I had given him a major platform in my mind and fears.

  In that moment, I let it go. I released the hold that Cole had had on me. I still didn't forgive him for it, but I let go of the hatred that twisted me up inside. Cole was a cowardly person, and he suffered from his decision to hurt me. That much was obvious.

  I stood towards the back of the room, scarcely breathing. Crimson approached his bed and gently took his hand. "Cole," she said softly. "Harlow is here."

  Cole's eyes fluttered open. He looked at me with shame and regret. "I'm sorry Harlow, for what I did to you. I really am. I don't deserve to live." Cole's voice was scratchy and raw, likely from the tubes he'd had in his throat for nearly a week.

  I crossed my arms, my eyes narrowing. "You think you can just check out? You did a horrific thing, and you think that your punishment should be the easy way out? That's a cowardly move."

  Crimson's eyes widened. "Harlow!" she scolded, outraged.

  "It's fine," Cole told her, squeezing her hand. A tear escaped the corner of his eye. "She's right. I am a coward."

  "No, no you're not," Crimson argued, stroking his straw-like hair in a soothing matter, as if he was a child that needed comforting.

  "Crimson, I...I let it happen," Cole reminded her.

  Crimson's gaze desperately darted to me."She doesn't know the whole thing," she replied, her voice breaking. "She couldn't know."

  "Know what?" I demanded, my foot tapping angrily on the floor. "What are you talking about?"

  Cole looked as if he was choking on something. He looked from Crimson with pleading eyes to me, panic and heartbreak clear on his face.

  "He never raped you, Harlow," Crimson exclaimed. "It was Casey who drugged you."

  The cloudy memories from that night swirled around in my head. I still remembered Cole on top of me, Cole with his hands down my pants. I glared at him, my heart pounding.

  "Casey told me that all girls say no, that you have to help them relax. He said that he would fix you a drink, with vodka, and you'd let go of being scared and..."

  "And you believed that?" I yelled, shaking with anger.

  Cole looked at me with regret and shame. "I didn't know what to believe. I..." he trailed off, unable to continue.

  "She will never understand if you don't tell her," Crimson said, gently touching his cheek. Cole closed his eyes, turning his face into her hand. He started to sob, making huge ugly gulping sounds.

  "I can't," he sputtered.

  My blood was boiling, but I controlled my breathing. This wasn't going to go anywhere if I didn't get it together. "Cole, just tell me. I think I deserve to know what happened that night...and why."

  Cole opened his eyes, studying me hopelessly. After a moment, he took a shaky breath. "I didn't know any better, because that's what...that's how I was introduced to...that."

  What he was saying didn't make any sense. I stared at Crimson, waiting for clarification. He nodded at her, giving her permission. Obviously, she knew the tale. My eyes narrowed a
t her. I felt betrayed by her all over again.

  "I'm sorry, Harlow, it wasn't my place to say...I tried to tell you to talk to him...I knew you needed to hear it. I just…" Crimson shrugged helplessly. The emotions in the hospital room were running extremely high. She inhaled sharply. "Cole is a victim, too."

  "A victim?" I raised my eyebrows.

  "I was inexperienced,” Cole said. “And I looked to Casey and the other guys for guidance. They made me believe that all girls were nervous about it, and that they had to drink a little to relax. We were all drunk...I didn't know that Casey drugged your drink. You and me...we started kissing and fooling around. I stuck my hand down your pants and you were...moaning and stuff, and I thought that was right. But you wouldn't look at me, and your eyes kept rolling into the back of your head, and I realized that something wasn't right. So I got up and asked Casey what he did. He said you were just drunk, and to just do it. I couldn't...Casey started laughing at me. I tried to punch him, but he blocked it and punched me in the guts. Logan and Gavin held me while Casey went over to the couch where you were. Casey...did things, and when I struggled...Logan and Gavin took turns punching me."

  I felt dizzy. Cole's words were calling back more of that suppressed night.

  "Was it...was it only Casey?" I whispered, my voice shaking.

  Cole nodded painfully. "Yeah."

  "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell on them?" I demanded, my eyes wet with unshed tears.

  "I was afraid. It was my word against theirs...and they had pictures of me..."

  "Doing what?"

  Cole closed his eyes tightly, as if he couldn't stand to look at me. "Of me with my hands down your pants. And you looked unconscious. Casey told me if I told anyone, he would show the pictures. It looked like it was me. He said there was no evidence of what really happened."

  I nodded stiffly. That made sense, I guess. "What about the rumors?"

  "Casey started them. He told everyone that you hooked up with all of us at once, and that's why we broke up. After they left, I got you home. I couldn't even look at you. I was so ashamed of myself."