A Doctor to Remember

by Joanna Neil

  ‘I can bring you some wine, if you prefer,’ he said, sitting down opposite her. ‘I can’t have any myself in case I have to go out on a job.’

  ‘No, this will be fine,’ she told him. ‘It looks wonderful.’

  ‘It is. Wait till you taste it.’

  The food was good, and the juice, which had a hint of sparkling soda water in it, was even better than it looked. ‘This has been a real treat for me,’ she said a little later, when they’d finished a simple dessert of ice cream and fresh raspberries. ‘Everything was delicious.’ She mused on that for a moment. ‘I don’t remember when someone last prepared a meal for me.’

  ‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ He sent her a sideways glance. ‘Actually, Annie made meals for both of us sometimes—whenever you came over here to visit she would cook, or put out buffet-style food, or occasionally she would ask me to organise the barbecue so that we could eat outside and enjoy the summer evenings. Sometimes she would ask the neighbours to join us.’ He watched her carefully. ‘Don’t you have any memory of that?’

  ‘No…’ She tried to think about it, grasping at fleeting images with her mind, but in the end she had to admit defeat. Then a stray vision came out of nowhere, and she said quickly, ‘Except—there was one time…I think I’d been out somewhere—to work, or to see friends—then somehow I was back here and everything was wrong.’

  He straightened up, suddenly taut and a bit on edge. Distracted, she sent him a bewildered glance. ‘I don’t know what happened, but the feelings are all mixed up inside me. I know I was desperately unhappy and I think Aunt Annie put her arms around me to comfort me.’ She frowned. ‘How can I not remember? It’s as though I’m distracted all the while, all over the place in my head. Why am I like this?’

  It was a plea for help and he said softly, ‘You probably feel that way because it’s as though part of you is missing. Your mind is still the one bit of you that needs to heal. And perhaps deep down, for some reason, you’re rejecting what’s already there, hidden inside you. Give it time. Don’t try so hard, and I expect it’ll come back to you in a few weeks or months.’

  ‘Weeks or months…when am I ever going to get back to normal?’ There was a faint thread of despair in her voice. ‘I should be working, earning a living, but how do I do that when I don’t even know what it’s like to be a doctor?’

  He didn’t answer. His phone rang at that moment, cutting through their conversation, and she noticed that the call came on a different mobile from his everyday phone. He immediately became alert.

  ‘It’s a job,’ he said, when he had finished speaking to Ambulance Control, ‘so I have to go. I’m sorry to leave you, Saffi, but I’m the nearest responder.’

  ‘Do you know what it is, what’s happened?’

  He nodded. ‘A six-year-old boy has been knocked down by a car. The paramedics are asking for a doctor to attend.’ He stood up, grim-faced, and made to walk across the terrace, but then he stopped and looked back at her. He made as if to say something and then stopped.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked.

  He shook his head. ‘It’s nothing.’

  He made to turn away again and she said quickly, ‘Tell me what’s on your mind, please.’

  ‘I wondered if you might want to come with me? It might be good for you to be out there again, to get a glimpse of the working world. Then again, this might not be the best call out for you, at this time.’ He frowned. ‘It could be bad.’

  She hesitated, overwhelmed by a moment of panic, a feeling of dread that ripped through her, but he must have read her thoughts because he said in a calm voice, ‘You wouldn’t have to do anything. Just observe.’

  She sucked in a deep breath. ‘All right. I’ll do it.’ It couldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t called on to make any decisions, could it? But this was a young child…that alone was enough to make her balk at the prospect. Should she change her mind?

  Matt was already heading out to the garage, and she hurried after him. This was no time to be dithering.

  They slid into the seats of the rapid-response vehicle, a car that came fully equipped for emergency medical situations, and within seconds Matt had set the sat nav and was driving at speed towards the scene of the accident. He switched on the flashing blue light and the siren and Saffi tried to keep a grip on herself. All she had to do was observe, he’d said. Nothing more. She repeated it to herself over and over, as if by doing that she would manage to stay calm.

  ‘This is the place.’

  Saffi took in everything with a glance. A couple of policemen were here, questioning bystanders and organising traffic diversions. An ambulance stood by, its rear doors open, and a couple of paramedics hid her view of the injured child. A woman was there, looking distraught. Saffi guessed she was the boy’s mother.

  Matt was out of the car within seconds, grabbing his kit, along with a monitor and paediatric bag.

  With a jolt, Saffi realised that she recognised the equipment. That was a start, at least. But he was already striding purposefully towards his patient, and Saffi quickly followed him.

  Her heart turned over when she saw the small boy lying in the road. He was only six…six years old. This should never be happening.

  After a brief conversation with the paramedics, Matt crouched down beside the child. ‘How are you doing?’ he asked the boy.

  The child didn’t answer. He was probably in shock. His eyes were open, though, and Matt started to make a quick examination.

  ‘My leg…don’t touch my leg!’ The boy suddenly found his voice, and Matt acknowledged that with a small intake of breath. It was a good sign that he was conscious and lucid.

  ‘All right, Charlie. I’ll be really careful, okay? I just need to find out where you’ve been hurt, and then I’ll give you something for the pain.’

  Matt shot Saffi a quick look and she came to crouch beside him. ‘He has a fractured thigh bone,’ he said in a low voice so that only she could hear. ‘He’s shivering—that’s probably a sign he’s losing blood, and he could go downhill very fast. I need to cannulate him, get some fluid into him fast, before the veins shut down.’

  He explained to Charlie and his mother what he was going to do. the mother nodded briefly, her face taut, ashen.

  Saffi could see that the boy’s veins were already thin and faint, but Matt managed to access one on the back of the child’s hand. He inserted a thin tube and taped it securely in place, then attached a bag of saline.

  The paramedics helped him to splint Charlie’s leg, but just as they were about to transfer him to the trolley the boy went deathly pale and began to lose consciousness.

  Matt said something under his breath and stopped to examine him once more.

  ‘It could be a pelvic injury,’ Saffi said worriedly, and Matt nodded. He wouldn’t have been able to detect that through straightforward examination.

  ‘I need to bind his pelvis with a sheet or something. He must have internal injuries—we need to get more fluids into him.’

  One of the paramedics hurried away to the ambulance and came back with one of the bed sheets. Matt and the two men carefully tied it around the child’s hips to act as a splint, securing the suspected broken bones and limiting blood loss. Saffi noted all that and moved forward to squeeze the saline bag, trying to force the fluid in faster.

  Matt glanced at her, his eyes widening a fraction, but he nodded encouragement. She’d acted out of instinct and he must have understood that.

  A minute or two later, the paramedics transferred Charlie to the ambulance, and Matt thrust his car keys into Saffi’s hands. ‘I’m going with him to the hospital,’ he said. ‘Do you think you could follow us? I’ll need transport back afterwards. Are you still insured to drive?’

  She stared at the keys. She’d not driven since the accident, not because she didn’t know how but because, for some reason, she was afraid to get behind the wheel. It didn’t make sense—her accident had been nothing to do with being in a car.

>   ‘Saffi?’

  ‘Y-yes. I’ll follow you.’ She had to know if the boy was safe.

  He left her, and she went to the car, opening the door and sliding into the driver’s seat. She gripped the wheel, holding onto it until her knuckles whitened. She couldn’t move, paralysed by fear. Then she saw the ambulance setting off along the road, its siren wailing. Charlie was unconscious in there, bleeding inside. His life was balanced on a knife-edge.

  Saffi wiped the sweat from her brow and turned the key in the ignition. She had to do this. Her hand shook as she moved the gear lever, but she slowly set the car in motion and started on the journey to the nearest hospital.

  Matt was already in the trauma room when she finally made it to her destination. ‘How is he? What’s happening?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s still touch and go. They’re doing a CT scan right now.’

  ‘Do you want to wait around to see how he goes on?’

  ‘I do, yes.’

  ‘Okay.’ She thought of the boy, looking so tiny as he was wheeled into the ambulance. Tears stung her eyelids and she brushed them away. She was ashamed of showing her emotions this way. Doctors were supposed to be in control of themselves, weren’t they?

  It had been a mistake for her to come here. She wasn’t ready for this.

  Matt put his arm around her. ‘It’ll be a while before we know anything,’ he said. ‘We could go and wait outside in the seating area near the ambulance bay. They’ll page me when they have any news.’

  She let him lead the way, and they sat on a bench seat next to a grassed area in the shade of a spreading beech tree.

  He kept his arm around her and she was glad of that. It comforted her and made her feel secure, which was odd because in her world she’d only known him for just a few days.

  She was confused by everything that was happen- ing and by her feelings for Matt. Her emotions were in chaos.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ‘ARE YOU OKAY?’ Matt held Saffi close as they sat on the bench by the ambulance bay. ‘It was a mistake to bring you here. I shouldn’t have put you through all that—it’s always difficult, dealing with children.’

  He pressed his lips together briefly. ‘I suppose I thought coming with me on the callout might spark something in you, perhaps bring back memories of working in A and E.’

  ‘It did, and I’m all right,’ she said quietly. ‘It was a wake-up call. Seeing that little boy looking so whitefaced and vulnerable made me realise I’ve no business to be hanging around the house feeling sorry for myself.’

  ‘I don’t think you’ve been doing that. You’ve had a lot to deal with in these last few months, first with your aunt’s death and then the head injury coming soon afterwards. Your aunt was like a mother to you, and losing her was traumatic. No one would blame you for taking time out to heal yourself.’

  ‘You’d think I’d remember something like that, wouldn’t you?’ She frowned. ‘But I do keep getting these images of how she was with me, of moments we shared. The feelings are intense, but then they disappear. It’s really bewildering.’

  ‘It’s a good sign, though, that you’re getting these flashbacks, don’t you think? Like I said, you should try not to get yourself too wound up about it. Things will come back to you, given time.’

  ‘Yes.’ She thought of the little boy who was so desperately ill, being assessed by the trauma team right now. ‘I can’t imagine what Charlie’s parents must be going through. This must be a desperate time for them. What are his chances, do you think?’

  ‘About fifty-fifty at the moment. He lost a lot of blood and went into shock, but on the plus side we managed to compensate him with fluids and we brought him into hospital in quick time. Another thing in his favour is that Tim Collins is leading the team looking after him. He’s a brilliant surgeon. If anyone can save him, he’s the man.’

  He sent her a thoughtful glance. ‘You came up with the diagnosis right away, and knew we had to push fluids into him fast. That makes me feel a bit less guilty about bringing you out here, if it was worth it in the end.’

  She gave him a faint smile. ‘It was instinctive…but there was no pressure on me at the time. I don’t know how I would cope by myself in an emergency situation. There’s been a huge hole in my life and it’s made me wary about everything. I doubt myself at every step.’

  He nodded sympathetically. ‘At least it was a beginning.’ He stretched his legs, flexing his muscles, and glanced around. ‘Shall we go and walk in the grounds for a while? It could be some time before they page us with the results.’

  ‘Okay. That’s a good idea. Anything would be better than sitting here, waiting.’

  They walked around the side of the hospital over a grassed area where a track led to a small copse of silver-birch trees. There were wild flowers growing here, pinky-white clover and blue cornflowers, and here and there patches of pretty white campion.

  Beyond the copse they came across more grass and then a pathway that they followed for several minutes. It led them back to the hospital building and they discovered an area where wooden tables and bench seats were set out at intervals. Saffi looked around and realised they were outside the hospital’s restaurant.

  It was late afternoon, and there were few people inside the building, and none but themselves outside. They chose a table on a quiet terrace and Saffi sat down once more.

  ‘I’ll get us some drinks,’ Matt said, and came back a few minutes later with a couple of cups of coffee. ‘This’ll perk you up a bit,’ he murmured. ‘All you need is a bit of colour in your cheeks and you’ll soon be back to being the girl I once knew.’

  ‘Will I?’ She looked at him, her eyes questioning him. ‘You don’t think she’s gone for ever, then?’

  He shook his head. ‘No, Saffi. The real you is there, under the surface, just waiting to come out.’

  He sat beside her and she sipped her coffee, conscious that he was watching her, his gaze lingering on her honey-coloured hair and the pale oval of her face.

  After a while, she put down her cup and said thoughtfully, ‘How well did you and I know one another?’

  He seemed uncomfortable with the question, but he said warily, ‘Well enough.’

  His smoke-grey glance wandered over the pale gold of her shoulders and shifted to the pink, ripe fullness of her lips. Sudden heat flickered in his eyes, his gaze stroking her with flame as it brushed along her mouth, and despite her misgivings an answering heat rose inside her, a quiver of excitement running through her in response.

  He was very still, watching her, and perhaps she had made some slight movement towards him—whatever the reason, he paused only for a second or two longer, never lifting his gaze from her lips, and as he leaned towards her she knew instinctively what he meant to do. He was overwhelmingly masculine, achingly desirable, and she was drawn to him, compelled to move closer, much closer to know the thrill of that kiss. Yet at the same time a faint ripple down her spine urged caution as though there was some kind of hidden danger here, a subtle threat to her peace of mind.

  A clattering noise came from inside the restaurant, breaking the spell, and she quickly averted her gaze. She’d wanted him to kiss her, yearned for it, and that knowledge raced through every part of her being. Through all her doubts and hesitation she knew she was deeply, recklessly attracted to him.

  She took a moment to get herself together again, and when she turned to him once more she saw that there was a brooding, intent look about him, as though he, too, had been shaken by the sudden intrusion.

  ‘You didn’t really answer my question,’ she said softly. ‘“Well enough” hardly tells me anything. Why are you keeping me in the dark?’

  He looked uncomfortable. ‘I…uh…I think it’s probably better if you remember for yourself—that way, you won’t have any preconceived ideas. In the meantime, we can get to know each other all over again, can’t we?’

  She stared at him in frustration, wanting to argue the point. Why wouldn’t
he open up to her about this? But his pager went off just then and he immediately braced himself.

  ‘They’re prepping Charlie for surgery,’ he told her after a moment or two. ‘I’ll go and find out what came up on the CT scan.’

  ‘I’ll go with you.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re ready to do this?’ He looked at her doubtfully.

  ‘Yes. I’m fine.’ She’d now recovered from her earlier bout of tearfulness and she should be more able to cope with whatever lay ahead. Perhaps she just hadn’t been ready to face that situation…It was one thing coming back to medicine, but quite another to find herself caught up in the middle of one of the worst possible incidents. No one, not even doctors, wanted to come across an injured child.

  ‘Hi, boss,’ the registrar greeted Matt as they arrived back in the trauma unit.

  Saffi looked at Matt in astonishment. He was in charge here? That was another shock to her system. No wonder he exuded confidence and seemed to take everything in his stride.

  ‘Hi, Jake. What did they come up with in Radiology?’

  Jake showed them the films on the computer screen. ‘It’s pretty bad, I’m afraid.’

  Saffi winced when she saw the images, and Matt threw her a quick glance and said quietly, ‘You know what these show?’

  She nodded. ‘He has a lacerated spleen as well as the leg injury, and there’s definitely a fracture of the pelvis.’

  ‘He’s lost a lot of blood but he’s stable for the moment, at any rate,’ Jake said. ‘We don’t know yet if he’ll have to lose the spleen. Mr Collins will take a look and then decide what needs to be done. The boy’s going to be in Theatre for some time.’ He hesitated. ‘You know, there’s nothing more you can do here. You’d be better off at home.’

  ‘I know, you’re right,’ Matt agreed with a sigh. ‘Thanks, Jake.’

  He walked with Saffi back to the car park a few minutes later. ‘You weren’t too sure about driving here, were you?’ he said. ‘How did it go?’