Sinful

by Joan Johnston

  Eve felt guilty and sad sitting next to Connor and wishing for what might have been. She was a terrible person for wanting his love during the years he’d been married to her best friend. She was a terrible person for wanting him now, knowing that he was grieving the loss of his wife, knowing that he could never love her the way he’d loved her best friend.

  Eve saw that Connor was still blowing on his hands to warm them. “Do you want to go back and get your jacket?”

  “I’ll have the bartender put it in a cab and drop it at the hotel. You’re welcome to join me for a drink while I wait.”

  Eve knew she should turn down the invitation. Having anything to do with Connor Flynn was bound to turn out badly. She opened her mouth to say, “I have to head home.” What came out was, “Sure. Why not?”

  There were a thousand good reasons why not, but she refused to listen to any of them. What was the harm? She would share a drink and perhaps some memories of Molly. They’d discuss Connor’s chances of getting his kids back from their grandparents. She’d do her best to cheer him up—and calm him down—and then she’d go home to Kingdom Come. Alone.

  “I didn’t think you’d say yes,” he said, eyeing her askance.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re a Grayhawk. And I’m a Flynn.”

  “You’re Brooke and Sawyer’s father, and I’m their godmother. And we both loved Molly.”

  He said nothing the rest of the way to the hotel. She spent the short drive reminding herself of the calamity that had resulted when the very first Eve had given in to temptation. Reminding herself that she should keep her distance. Reminding herself that she was going to get burned if she got too close to the fire.

  None of it did any good. When they reached the hotel and he invited her up to his room, she went.

  Chapter 2

  EVE COULDN’T HELP wondering why Connor had invited her to his suite instead of waiting for his coat downstairs in the bar. Was it really the noise from the live band that he’d wanted to avoid? Or did he have some other reason for getting the two of them alone?

  Eve eyed Connor sideways, wondering if she was the only one who’d felt the electricity arcing between them in the elevator. The possibility of being kissed by a man she’d loved since she was fourteen had her whole body tingling in expectation. That excitement was matched with equal feelings of dread over betraying her best friend.

  Molly’s dead. She’s never coming back. You can’t hurt her anymore by loving Connor.

  It was no longer a sin to love Connor, but that didn’t keep Eve from feeling guilty for all the years she’d coveted her best friend’s husband. That didn’t keep her from feeling that she didn’t deserve a future with Connor because it had come at the cost of Molly’s life.

  “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” she said when she felt Connor’s hand at her back, ushering her off the elevator and into the suite.

  “It’s just a drink, Eve. I’d like to talk to you about the kids, if that’s all right.”

  “Oh.” So he didn’t have designs on her body. That was all wishful thinking on her part. “Of course.”

  “I’ll take your fleece.”

  She slipped it off and felt exposed, which was silly, because Connor didn’t seem aware of her as a female of the species.

  He tossed her coat over the back of the studded brown leather couch and said, “Make yourself comfortable,” then flipped the switch to turn on the gas fireplace as he crossed to a bar set up near the kitchen. “What can I get you to drink?”

  “How about hot tea?”

  He raised a surprised brow. “All right. I’m sure there’s tea here somewhere.”

  “You don’t have to wait on me.” She joined him in the kitchen. “Let me help you look.”

  Together, they rummaged through cupboards until she found some Stash lemon-and-ginger tea. A hot water dispenser at the sink provided boiling water at the tip of a finger. Within a very few minutes they were settled on opposite ends of the couch holding pottery mugs of aromatic tea, the fire flickering before them.

  “Are you still going to testify on my behalf tomorrow after what happened tonight?” he asked.

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  He made a face. “Despite my good intentions I ended up choking that idiot.”

  Her lips tilted in a wry smile. “Buck can do that to you. I’ve often wished I could throttle him to shut him up.”

  “Was he right?”

  Eve didn’t have to ask about what. “No. I don’t believe you belong in a cage. I think you’re a man who’s been pushed to his limit. I’m sure that once you have your kids back and you settle down to life together as a family you’ll be fine.”

  His eyes looked stark. “Am I going to get them back?”

  “You will if my testimony means anything. Molly never intended for her parents to raise Brooke and Sawyer. She was always worried that something would happen to you, and that the kids would never get to know what a wonderful husband and father you were.”

  “Some husband. Some father. I was gone most of our marriage. My kids barely know me!”

  It was hard to argue with the facts, but she gave Connor what encouragement she could. “Your kids have the rest of their lives to get to know you.”

  “Presuming I get custody tomorrow.”

  She took a sip of her tea. There was no sense guessing what would happen, because there was no way to know how the judge would rule.

  She was expecting another question about the kids when Connor said, “I hear your long-lost brother is back in town. Where’s he been all this time?”

  Eve’s face immediately felt flushed with heat. Every time she thought of Matt’s arrival at Kingdom Come three weeks ago, and the ultimatum her father had given her and her sisters the day before he showed up, she got angry all over again. “He was living in Australia.” She didn’t trust herself to say more.

  “How long is he staying?”

  “Who knows?” But if he stayed for three hundred and sixty-five days every bit of Kingdom Come was his, and she and her sisters were out.

  “Doesn’t sound like you’re happy he’s home.”

  “I’m not.” She still couldn’t believe her father had given the prodigal son everything, instead of rewarding the dutiful daughters who’d stayed home and helped run the ranch all the years Matt had been gone.

  “What’s your brother ever done to you?” Connor asked.

  “For one thing, he’s made it clear that he wants me and my sisters gone from Kingdom Come.”

  Connor sat forward and set his mug on the glass-topped, antler-based coffee table in front of them. “What?”

  “You heard me. We’re being thrown out, bag and baggage.”

  “That’s crazy!”

  “In order to get Matt to come home, my father made this stupid agreement with him that if he stays for a year, the ranch is his. I don’t care about living at the Big House. I can find somewhere else to hang my hat. But if I’m forced off the ranch I won’t have a place to run the wild mustangs I’ve rescued. There’s no place in Teton County—ninety-seven percent of which, as you very well know, is devoted to national parks—where I can afford to keep them.”

  “Surely Matt will—”

  She laughed bitterly. “Matt won’t.”

  Eve’s chest physically ached every time she thought about her father’s betrayal. She felt anew all the pain of being cast off by the father she’d loved and obeyed her whole life, for the sake of a son who’d run off and stayed gone for twenty years.

  “Any chance Matt won’t hang in for the whole year?” Connor asked.

  “He brought his twenty-year-old daughter and six-year-old son with him from Australia. That sounds pretty permanent to me.”

  “It’s hard to believe King would screw you over like that.”

  “Not if you know my father,” she said, unable to keep the resentment from her voice. “He isn’t much of a family man. Turns out that kowtowing to him all
my life didn’t do me a lick of good. Come March 1 of next year, my mustangs and I will be out in the cold.”

  “Are things really that bad for you financially?”

  “My dad’s rich. I’m not.”

  “I’ve seen your photographs of wild mustangs in every gallery in town. They’re amazing. I figured you must be raking in the dough.”

  “I make a living from my work, but I’m still not nationally recognized, so it’s not as much as you might think. And I recently spent every spare penny I had to rescue a bunch of wild mustangs from the slaughterhouse.”

  “The slaughterhouse? Who eats horse meat?”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “How does that end up happening?”

  “When the Bureau of Land Management thinks the mustang population has gotten too big in an area, they round them up, take them off the land, and put them in pens, where they’re fed and watered. They get three chances to get adopted. If they aren’t claimed by someone who wants a saddle horse, they usually end up getting bought by ‘kill buyers’ who take them across the border to Canada or Mexico to be slaughtered. Those beautiful, wild creatures end up as dog food—or as a delicacy on a European dinner plate.”

  “And your herd was on its way to slaughter?” Connor asked.

  Eve nodded. “Which is why I’m so mad at Daddy for this deal he made with Matt. I have no idea what I’m going to do with twenty-two wild horses when I have to move.”

  “Any chance you can change King’s mind?”

  “My dad’s every bit as stubborn as yours. Otherwise, the two of them wouldn’t still be feuding over something that happened a lifetime ago. Apparently, Daddy had to bribe Matt with the ranch to get him to come here.”

  “Pretty big bribe.”

  “I’ll say. And a pretty nasty joke on me and my sisters.” Eve sighed. “Sorry to lay all this on you. I miss having Molly around to share my troubles with. She was a good sounding board, smart and sensible.”

  “She was good at a lot of things.” Connor lowered his head and rubbed at the newly healed scar on his forehead.

  “Are you all right?”

  “My head aches. It’ll go away. It always does.”

  She set down her tea and scooted across the couch to his side. “Maybe I can help.”

  Eve kept her eyes on the two-inch scar that slanted upward from his right eyebrow as she set her thumbs on his temples. She held her breath as her fingers slid into his hair, which was surprisingly soft. She didn’t know where she’d gotten the courage to reach out and touch. But since the opportunity wasn’t likely to come again anytime soon, she took full advantage of it, softly massaging her way across Connor’s forehead until her thumbs met at the jagged scar, then working her way back to his temples.

  When she finally dropped her gaze to his, she discovered Connor’s eyes were closed. When he opened them, she dropped her hands self-consciously to her lap. Could he tell from the mere touch of her hands how much she wanted to be held by him? To be loved by him? Their faces were only inches apart, and she saw his eyes focus on her mouth, which was open to draw breath to lungs that suddenly seemed stripped of air.

  “Eve.”

  Her name had never sounded so sensual. She shivered as a frisson of awareness skittered up her spine.

  His hands were warm and gentle, not at all what she’d expected a warrior’s touch to be, as he unknotted her hands and took them in his own.

  “Eve. Look at me.”

  With a giant effort of will, she raised her gaze to meet his. Connor’s heavy-lidded blue eyes were focused intently on her face. His nostrils were flared for the scent of her, as though he were a predator seeking prey. She felt his hands tighten on hers as though to prevent her escape.

  “I’ve always liked you, Eve. Molly loved you like a sister. She—” He cut himself off and lowered his gaze to their joined hands.

  “Connor, I’m so sorry she’s gone. I wish more than anything that Molly could be the one here with you tonight.”

  She tugged on her hands, and he let her go.

  Eve wasn’t sure why she’d wanted her hands free until she reached up and cupped his stubbled cheek with one of them. It was a gesture of comfort, but her pulse leapt when he leaned into her hand, then angled his face to kiss her wrist. Her other hand brushed the errant lock of hair off his forehead, so she could kiss the scar that proved how close she’d come to losing him forever.

  She felt Connor’s hands at her waist, lifting her into his lap, and slid her arms around his shoulders. They sat quietly together, offering solace to one another for the loss of his wife and her best friend.

  She imagined he was missing Molly. She was regretting past choices, wishing things could have been different. Wishing that they were a couple and had their whole lives ahead of them.

  She shivered at the touch of Connor’s lips beneath her ear. His warm breath made her quiver in anticipation. She felt his fingertips on her chin, angling her head toward him.

  Eve felt her heart skittering as their lips touched. She felt Connor’s tongue tease the seam of her lips and after a brief hesitation she opened to him. She made a sound of satisfaction as his tongue intruded and she tasted him. She broke the kiss to look into his eyes, seeking confirmation of the wonder she felt at this first moment of coming together. What she saw caused a furrow between her brows.

  Not desire. Despair.

  Eve shoved herself out of Connor’s embrace and stumbled to her feet. A second later he was on his feet as well, his hands bunched into fists, his eyes glittering in the light from the fire.

  “I have the feeling that you’re not ready for this,” she said tentatively. “That you’re still grieving.”

  Eve wanted him to tell her it was fine, that he was ready to move on. He said nothing, just stared at her, looking sad.

  “Why did you start this,” she demanded, “if you’re still—” She cut herself off, unwilling to bring Molly’s name into the conversation.

  “I’m sorry.”

  It didn’t help to have him confirm the fact that he was still in love with Molly. Of course he was. That was the way it should be. She was the one who wanted more than he was ready to give.

  She grabbed her fleece, but he caught her by the shoulders before she could take two steps.

  “Don’t leave. I don’t have many friends, Eve. I can’t afford to lose one.”

  A friend? Was that how he saw her? Eve felt mortified. She should have kept her distance. She should have kept her feelings hidden. She shouldn’t have let him see even a little of what she felt for him. That must have been what he’d responded to. That must have been why he’d kissed her.

  “I don’t want things to become awkward between us,” he said. “You’re my children’s godmother. I promise nothing like that will happen again.”

  Eve felt like wailing. It would be torture spending time with Connor knowing that she felt something for him when he felt nothing for her.

  He dropped his hands from her shoulders, and she was free. The choice was hers. She could go or stay. She looked into Connor’s eyes and responded to the sorrow she found there. She owed it to Molly to watch out for him.

  And to herself to keep her distance.

  “All right.” She crossed back, dropping her fleece on the back of the couch as she settled onto the leather cushions, tucking one leg beneath her. “Let’s talk.”

  He shoved both hands through his hair, leaving it awry, huffed out a breath, and settled on the other end of the couch. He shot her a chagrined smile. “I have no idea where to go from here.”

  Eve forced herself to return his smile in an effort to get things back on an even keel. “How about sharing your plans for when you get Brooke and Sawyer back?”

  “I’ve bought a ranch. I’m planning to take them there and work on being a better father.”

  “You’re moving away?” Eve wondered if her face looked as stricken as her voice sounded to her. “I thought you’d be staying with your
father and brothers, so they’d be around to help.”

  “I take it you think I’m going to need help. I’ve managed a Delta team. I think I can manage two little kids.”

  “Soldiers don’t cry because they’re scared of the dark,” she said quietly.

  “You might be surprised. The dark can be a very scary place.”

  “Are you telling me you were scared of the dark in Afghanistan?”

  “Lots of times.”

  “But you’ve got a bunch of medals!”

  “Medals don’t mean you weren’t scared. They just mean you didn’t run away, that you stayed around to fight.”

  “Oh.” Looking at Connor, it was hard to imagine him sitting frightened in the dark waiting to do battle. “Do you ever have nightmares?”

  “Sometimes. Not as bad as some guys, though. I feel bad for the ones who can’t leave it all behind.”

  “And you have?”

  He shrugged. “Mostly. That’s why I bought my ranch, so vets can come for R&R—that’s rest and recuperation—if they find they need a break.”

  “When did you buy this place? Why didn’t I hear about it?” Eve asked.

  “The deal didn’t go through until after Molly died.”

  That explained why she hadn’t heard more about his plans from her friend. But pretty much everything the Flynns did got discussed over the Grayhawk supper table, so why hadn’t she heard about Connor’s purchase of a large tract of land in Teton County? He answered her question before she asked.

  “I made the purchase through a corporation I created. I didn’t want either of our fathers interfering,” he said with a wry smile. “So the Flynn name isn’t anywhere on the documents.”

  “Oh.” That explained a lot. “How big is this ranch of yours?”

  “A thousand acres, which includes the main house where I plan to live with the kids, a lodge for dining and recreation, a bunkhouse, and several cabins. It used to be a dude ranch, so it’s already set up for a lot of people to live there comfortably. I’m calling it Safe Haven.”

  “Where is this place, exactly?”

  “A little east of my dad’s ranch. My land actually borders the Lucky 7 in a couple of places.”