Sinful

by Joan Johnston

  Eve did the math and realized Connor would have been a ten-year-old when Matt left home at seventeen, which was the same year Matt’s mother died. Connor had been old enough to grieve the loss of his aunt, with whom it seemed all of the Flynn boys had been close.

  “We’ve missed you, Matt,” Connor said. “What have you been doing with yourself all these years?”

  “This and that.”

  Eve wasn’t sure whether Matt had been vague because it would have taken too much time to explain, or because she and Leah were standing there.

  “Eve and I just got engaged,” Connor announced.

  “Congratulations.” Matt reached out to shake Connor’s hand. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  She saw Connor’s lips twist ruefully, conceding the difficulties that were bound to result from a Grayhawk hitching up with a Flynn, not to mention the sheer number of compromises and changes that occurred when two people married.

  “Eve just told King the good news,” Connor said.

  Matt eyed her speculatively. “How did that go?”

  “About how you’d expect.” She wasn’t any more willing to share information with Matt than he was with her.

  “Don’t forget I need those mustangs off my land this week,” Matt said.

  Eve bristled to hear him call Kingdom Come “my land.” But she simply said, “Don’t worry. My herd will be gone by the end of the day.”

  “Maybe not,” Connor said.

  “What’s the problem?” Eve asked.

  “I made arrangements to use a friend’s tractor-trailer, since we’re moving twenty-two animals. I just got a call that it’s not available until tomorrow.”

  “There’ll be a foot of snow on the ground by tomorrow,” Matt said, glancing out the kitchen window, where snow was falling in large, beautiful flakes.

  A spring snowstorm was nothing out of the ordinary in Wyoming, but it was going to make rounding up her mustangs a lot harder if they had to do it with a lot of fresh snow on the ground.

  “Daddy has a tractor-trailer,” Leah said.

  Eve turned to Matt. “Any problem if we use that?”

  She felt her blood pressure rise every second Matt hesitated. To her surprise, the answer didn’t come from Matt.

  “Use it,” Leah said. She looked at Matt and arched a brow. “Do you want those mustangs gone, or not?”

  “Take it!” Matt snapped.

  “I’ll make sure it’s parked by the loading pens when you get there,” Leah said, ignoring Matt.

  Eve was halfway out the door when Connor turned back to Matt. “You shouldn’t have come back, Matt. You can’t undo what happened.”

  He’d already pulled the door closed behind him before Eve had a chance to react to what he’d said.

  She stopped on the covered back porch. “Why shouldn’t Matt have come back?”

  “If Matt wants you to know why he left, or why he came back for that matter, he’ll tell you.”

  “You shouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t going to spill the beans,” she said irritably. “I don’t like secrets.”

  “I’ll remember that,” he said with a wry smile. “No secrets.”

  Eve felt a spurt of guilt. She’d been keeping a pretty big one for a very long time. Maybe Connor had, too, if her father was right and he’d killed his best friend. An accident? Friendly fire? Or did her father mean killed figuratively, as in, something Connor had done had resulted in his friend’s death.

  “We’d better get moving if we’re going to beat the snow,” Connor said, making her shiver when he set his hand on her nape. He ushered her to her pickup and opened the door, then lifted her with both hands at her waist, as though she weighed nothing, and gently settled her in the driver’s seat.

  Eve had never felt so precious. She wanted to reach out and smooth the lock of hair from Connor’s forehead, but it felt like something only a lover would do. She held herself back because she didn’t want to give him any reason to suspect that her feelings ran much deeper than his. She felt far too vulnerable to show him she cared. Besides, he might begin to wonder just when her feelings for him had grown so strong.

  It took an hour for them to get back to Safe Haven in their separate vehicles, and another thirty minutes to collect three volunteer cowhands and trailer the horses they would be riding on the roundup.

  “The snow’s really falling hard,” Eve said, biting her lip as she surveyed the landscape on the drive back to Kingdom Come. The wind had whipped up, and visibility was poor.

  “You want to ask Matt for extra time to move your mustangs?” Connor asked. “After all, what can he do if they’re not gone in a week?”

  “Have them picked up and sent to slaughter,” Eve replied. “I’m not taking any chances. We do it today.”

  “I don’t remember Matt being as ruthless as you’re painting him,” Connor said.

  “Maybe he wasn’t then. He is now. What happened to him? Why did he leave? Can you at least tell me that?”

  Connor shook his head. “It isn’t my story to tell. Ask Matt. Or your father.”

  Eve shot Connor a sideways look. Her father must have done something horrible to Matt, as Leah had suggested. What could be so bad that Matt would run so far and be gone so long? She had no more time to contemplate the matter, because they’d arrived at the pasture where the horses were kept.

  Eve glanced at the pickup following them that contained Frank and the two wannabe cowboys. “I’m a little worried about using those greenhorns to get this done.”

  “The guys who volunteered said they can ride. Besides, we don’t have much choice. We need the help.”

  “What if someone gets lost in this snowstorm? What if someone gets hurt?”

  Connor chuckled. “You’re forgetting who you’re talking about, Eve. These are men who’ve been shot at—and who’ve shot back. They’ve lived in terrible conditions for months at a time, been bored silly one moment and fighting for their lives the next. I think they can handle a horseback ride in the snow.”

  Eve pursed her lips and shrugged. “I don’t want to be responsible if one of them gets injured.”

  A shadow crossed Connor’s eyes. “I know what you mean.”

  Eve considered asking Connor about his friend who’d died, but she didn’t want to cause him more pain. Instead she said, “I’m surprised you felt comfortable leaving Brooke and Sawyer with your brothers.” Because she’d spent so much time with Molly, Eve knew the kids had spent very little time with their uncles while Connor was gone.

  “Brian’s great with kids,” Connor said. “I suspect it’s because he makes so many visits to local schools dressed up as a fireman.”

  “I thought Brian lived in town. Did he come to the ranch just to spend time with your kids?”

  Connor shook his head. “His wife got the house in the divorce. He’s been living at the ranch when he isn’t on duty at the fire station. Brian always wanted kids, but his wife didn’t. It’s another reason they weren’t a good fit.”

  “Do you want more kids?” Eve asked.

  Connor looked surprised by the question. “I haven’t thought about it. Do you?”

  “I’d love to have a sister for Brooke and a brother for Sawyer, but I’d be happy with two more healthy children whatever their sex.”

  “So four kids in all?”

  Eve nodded. It was something she’d imagined her whole life. A family where the father and mother sat down to dinner together with their children. Idyllic maybe, but it never hurt to dream.

  “We’ll have to work on that when you’re ready,” Connor said with a smile.

  Eve felt her face heat and knew she was blushing. She tried to meet Connor’s gaze but was too aware of the desire in his eyes to hold it for long. The idea of making a child with him, something that had been a fantasy her whole life, was suddenly very real. But she wasn’t willing to take that giant leap until she saw how their “convenient” marriage played out. Which meant continui
ng the contraceptives she’d been taking the past three months since Connor had come home. She’d told herself there was very little chance that she and Connor would end up making love. But she was practical enough—and hopeful enough?—to have taken precautions anyway. Now she was glad she had.

  They parked at the pasture gate, unloaded the horses, tightened cinches on saddles, and mounted up.

  “How hard are these mustangs going to be to find?” Connor asked as the five of them headed across the rolling terrain on horseback.

  “They’ll likely be along the back fence where there’s a stand of pines and evergreens to cut the wind.”

  That was where they found them. There was no stallion with her herd. Her twenty-two mustangs consisted of sixteen mares, two of which were pregnant, five gelded yearlings, and a colt that had been born shortly before she’d bought the herd.

  The mustangs were still wild, and their instincts were honed to survive attacks by wolves, bears, and mountain lions, so they were alert and running the instant they caught sight of the riders.

  Eve reined her mount to a halt, her heart in her throat as she watched the wild horses take flight, manes and tails flying. They looked majestic, harking back to a bygone day when there had been millions of wild horses on the plains, just as there had once been millions of wild buffalo. The sight of her small band of mustangs galloping across the snow, their pounding hooves sending powder flying, was breathtaking.

  Eve wished she had her camera with her. Taking photographs of wild herds was how she’d fallen in love with mustangs in the first place. Her small herd included three golden palominos, two stunning brown-and-white pintos, one gray, and one chestnut. The rest were browns, some with stars on their foreheads, a few with white stockings, but most just as ordinary as ordinary could be. Eve dreamed of the day that the single colt, which was black with a white star on its forehead, would take its place as leader of the band.

  Except, by the time the colt was full grown, there would be no herd. These horses were all destined to be tamed and sold as saddle horses. If the colt had been born into a wild herd, it would eventually have fought another stallion for the right to become patriarch. But as far as most folks were concerned, there was no reason to keep him as a stud when all he could pass along were mustang genes.

  Before her father had given away his ranch, Eve had imagined her small herd of mustangs roaming free forever. But their lives were going to change, just as hers was changing.

  Living with Connor, loving Connor, was a dream come true—except for the part where he didn’t love her back. Eve didn’t know if there was a way to make someone fall in love with you. All she could do was be the best wife and mother she could be and hope love would grow. There was a great deal of risk in laying her heart on the line. But if she wanted the gold ring, she had to reach out and grab for it.

  Eve waited for Connor to mount up. Once he was on his horse, she met his gaze and said, “If we’re going to get married, I think we should do it tomorrow.”

  Chapter 12

  EVE RODE THE whole way back to Safe Haven with her heart in her throat, wondering what Connor thought of her suggestion, wondering if she’d made a mistake. There had been no opportunity for him to respond during the trip home, because Frank had joined them in Connor’s pickup. Eve had trouble concentrating on Frank’s ideas for the best way to involve the vets with taming her mustangs, because every molecule in her body was on tenterhooks awaiting Connor’s answer.

  As they unloaded the last of the mustangs at Safe Haven, Eve kept glancing at Connor, trying to get a sense of what he was feeling, but he never once looked at her. She felt her stomach clench as the moment approached when they would be alone again. She wondered why it mattered so much to her whether they started their marriage now or six weeks from now. It didn’t take much soul-searching to find the answer.

  That brief moment of closeness at Kingdom Come, when Connor had offered support and solace, had shown her what she’d been missing all these years. It seemed like forever that she’d wanted to be Connor’s wife. Now that the way was open for them to marry, what was the point of waiting even one day longer?

  The sooner they were husband and wife, the sooner Connor could start falling in love with her. Even more than the joining of their bodies, she craved Connor’s love. Eve wanted to see the glow in his eyes when he looked at her that she’d seen when he looked at Molly. Most of all, she wanted the freedom, at long last, to express her love for him.

  “Thanks for your help, Frank,” she said. “Connor and I couldn’t have done it without you and your friends.”

  “There they go,” Connor called out as he put a booted foot on the lowest wooden rail of the pasture gate at Safe Haven and leaned his arms on the top rail. Eve stepped onto the lowest rail beside him, steadying herself with her hands on the top rail, close enough to touch but not actually touching, and watched the last of her mustangs trot off, their tails to the wintry wind.

  “I’ll start working with that pinto mare in the morning,” Frank said. “I’ll check with the men and let you know how many of them want to participate.”

  “Thanks, Frank,” Eve said. “I appreciate this more than you know.”

  “We’re the ones who appreciate your willingness to let us work with your mustangs.” Frank gave her a snappy salute against the brim of his Stetson. “See you later.”

  “We’d better go pick up the kids,” Connor said as he slid an arm around Eve’s waist to help her down. “Aiden and Brian must be worn to the bone by now.”

  Eve felt her heart beat a little harder, not just because Connor’s arm remained around her waist as they headed back toward his pickup, but because making sure she was safely down from her perch was one more indication of how considerate and caring he was toward the woman in his life.

  She glanced at Connor, looking for even a little of the anxiety she felt, but saw none. Eve wasn’t sorry she’d jumped the gun. She’d listened to her intuition all her life, and her instincts told her that getting married now was the right thing to do.

  Her heart skipped a beat when Connor asked, “Do you really want to get married tomorrow?”

  Eve’s reply had nothing to do with wanting to be married to the man she loved. Instead she said, “The sooner we’re married, the less chance for either of our fathers to try to stop us.”

  “Is that your only reason for the rush?”

  She should have known Connor wouldn’t settle for the easy answer. Did he want her feelings to be a part of the decision? She couldn’t admit to loving him. Not now. Not yet. Then she realized the perfect answer was right under her nose.

  “I want to be a mother to Brooke and Sawyer. I want to be a part of what you’re doing at Safe Haven. And I want my mustangs to have a home. Those three desires aren’t going to change.”

  “Do you want our families to be there?”

  Eve made a face. “For a make-believe marriage?”

  “It’s not make-believe, Eve. It’s convenient. It’s practical. But it’s entirely real.”

  Eve could feel her pulse beating frantically in her throat. Entirely real. She wanted everything those words suggested. Love. Laughter. Happily ever after.

  “It would be difficult under the best of circumstances to get our families into the same room together without some kind of clash,” she said. “I would rather have just you, me, and the kids there.”

  “You won’t miss having a big wedding?” he said as he opened the passenger door of his pickup and set his hand under her elbow to help her inside.

  She’d never dreamed of a white wedding dress or a bouquet of white roses and baby’s breath or her sisters dressed up as bridesmaids, because by the time she was eighteen the man she loved was already married to another woman. It had never made much sense to imagine her wedding in any kind of detail when there was no groom she wanted to marry.

  “I’d be happy with a simple civil ceremony,” she replied, meeting his gaze as he put the truck in gear. />
  “All right. We can do whatever paperwork is necessary in town this afternoon.”

  Eve’s throat was swollen with emotion. It was hard to believe that by this time tomorrow she would no longer be Eve Grayhawk. She would be Eve Flynn. Mrs. Connor Flynn. As a teenager she’d written those names, embellished by flowers and hearts, in her spiral notebook over and over again. She turned to stare out the window so Connor wouldn’t see the tears brimming in her eyes and stinging her nose. How often did your dreams really come true? Eve felt a smile forming on her face and let herself feel the happiness bubbling up inside her.

  The ride to the Flynn ranch seemed short, probably because her mind and heart were both racing with excitement. “Will your father be home?”

  “He’s always home.”

  As opposed to her father, who was almost never at home.

  “What’s he going to think of this marriage?”

  “It doesn’t matter what he thinks. We don’t need his permission or approval.”

  “He doesn’t control your trust fund?”

  “He does, but he’s never interfered with it before. I don’t see why he should start now.”

  Eve wondered if Connor was being naïve. Her father was more than willing to apply financial pressure to get what he wanted. It was hard to believe Angus wouldn’t do the same.

  Would he be able to talk Connor out of the marriage based on the enmity between their families? Or threaten him with financial consequences if he married a Grayhawk?

  “I can’t believe he won’t have something to say about us getting married,” Eve said.

  “Dad might have objections, but only because he’s worried about my happiness,” Connor said.

  It was hard to imagine Angus the Ogre, as she and her sisters had often referred to him, as a loving, caring father.

  “What do you mean?”

  “My father is convinced that you three Brats are spoiled rotten. He wouldn’t want me to end up with a wife who isn’t responsible enough to be an equal partner.”