My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel

by Stina Lindenblatt

  I kept telling myself this as we waited in line for the Winnie-the-Pooh ride and then for the Pirates of the Caribbean. It was easier believing that than to face the truth: the kiss had been purely one-sided.

  But what did I expect? The man had tons of groupies. It wasn’t like he’d spent the entire tour depriving the female population of those lips. If he had, riots would’ve occurred. That much I was positive of. Many girls had no doubt sampled those lips. I was just one of them.

  We were standing near the lagoon, watching Peter Pan’s ship sail by and eating soft pretzels, when a girl my age stepped up to Jared. She could’ve been a model for a sports magazine, with her long blond hair, tight athletic body, and tan. Think beach volleyball, but instead of a skimpy bikini, she wore jeans and a fitted cotton-candy-pink T-shirt.

  She smiled sweetly at him and kissed him on the cheek.

  With a sigh, I grabbed Logan’s hand and walked off. I had no idea where we were going and I didn’t care. I just needed to get away. As it was, Jared had already been asked, while we were wandering around the grounds, to sign the breasts of another groupie. I knew his fans were important both to him and to the success of the band, but it would’ve been nice to spend one day without them always being in our face. Alexis had feared that this would happen, and more than ever now, I got why she had felt that way. How many pictures had already been taken of Jared and Logan together without us knowing about them? How many would show up on the Internet soon, with everyone speculating who Logan was?

  “Do you want to go on a roller coaster?” I asked him.

  “Big big roller coaster?”

  “No, that one’s in the other park.” And Logan would be too small for it. “There’s one in Toon Town.”

  Logan dragged me forward, even though he had no idea where Toon Town was located. “Is Jared coming?” he asked.

  “I’m sure he’ll catch up with us.” Once he’d finished socializing with the fan.

  A moment later, my phone pinged and I read Jared’s text, asking me where we were. I didn’t respond. I had no idea why I was so pissed at what had happened. Jared didn’t owe me anything. He and I had kissed, end of story.

  A guy with messy blond hair and nerdy glasses, which made him look even hotter, checked me out. A shy smile slid onto his face. Logan was at the entrance of the nearby gift store, inspecting a toy, oblivious to the stranger.

  The guy spoke briefly to his friends then walked toward me. It had felt like so long since a guy even noticed me, and vice versa, that my pulse fluttered in my veins. Maybe this was just the kind of distraction I needed right now.

  Chapter 24

  Jared

  One minute I was watching the Peter Pan ship in the lagoon, the next some woman’s lips were pressed against my cheek. That wasn’t to say this had never happened before. It was a hazard of the job. People assumed that because you were a “celebrity,” fans had the right to push the boundaries when it came to acceptable behavior. If you saw a stranger on the street, you wouldn’t go up and kiss them. Right?

  I backed away from the mystery kisser.

  “I’m a huge fan of yours,” she said. “I’ve been learning to play on the guitar some of your songs from the first album. I’m not great at it. Nothing like you. I also sing and I’m hoping one day to land a record deal. Did I mention I also write my own songs?” She spoke so fast, I barely caught most of what she said.

  “Nice to meet you.” Where the fuck did Callie and Logan go? They’d been right next to me a moment ago.

  “Do you have any advice about getting into the industry?” she asked. Before I could reply, she squealed. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m actually talking to the Jared Leigh.”

  I scanned the crowded area for Callie and Logan while the girl continued talking nonstop. I don’t think she realized I was no longer listening.

  “Sorry, I have to go,” I said, inching away. “It was nice meeting you.”

  She grabbed my arm. “Could…could I have your autograph? It would mean so much to me.” Without waiting for a response, she whipped out a notebook from her purse and shoved it at me. “When’s the band’s next album coming out? I can’t wait to hear it.”

  I took the book and pen from her. “The first single releases April fifth. The album is due out April twelfth,” I said, signing her book. I handed it back to her, and before she could launch into a new line of questioning, I said “bye” and walked off.

  I wove in and out of the steady stream of people milling around the grounds. Once I was far enough from the girl, I sent Callie a text. She and Logan could’ve been anywhere. I wasn’t worried about them, but the point of today was for us to spend the day together. After our kiss last night, I found myself wanting to spend a lot more time with Callie. I just didn’t know in what context I wished to spend it. Everything was complicated between us. That kiss had made it more so.

  I never should have kissed her. While the kiss had felt good at the time—more than good, incredible even—Logan’s unexpected interruption had been the splash of icy water I needed. Callie had lied to me with her omission about who his father really was. Was I ready to trust her fully after that?

  I had no idea in which direction Callie and Logan were headed, but there weren’t a huge number of rides he could go on due to his size. I stalked past Cinderella’s castle. Callie still hadn’t responded to my text.

  And then I saw her. She was flirting with a nerdy guy wearing glasses. He laughed. She smiled…and I saw red, the volcano’s-about-to-erupt shade of red. What the fuck was she doing with him when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on Logan?

  I scanned the area but couldn’t find him. I stormed over to the happy couple. He was asking for her phone number when I approached them.

  “She’s not interested,” I practically snarled at him, then turned on Callie, my tone not softening any. “Where’s Logan?”

  “There!” She pointed to the gift store, which looked like it could’ve been a mini pastel-colored version of the Taj Mahal. An open-concept Taj Mahal, with no doors or windows…just a huge opening in the walls so visitors could easily walk in and out. Logan was happily checking out the toys. “And what right do you have to tell Mark that I’m not interested in going out with him?” she asked.

  You remember the old cartoons where the character had steam hissing from his ears, and you knew without a doubt he was pissed? That guy had nothing on Callie.

  Luckily for Mark, he was wise enough to step back, hands raised. “Look, I’m not interested in getting into a fight.”

  “Don’t worry, he’s not about to hit you,” Callie said. “Given that some girl was just kissing him, the last thing he has the right to do is judge me.”

  “She kissed my cheek,” I countered. “It’s not a big deal.” But as I said it, I knew I’d feel the same way if I caught a guy kissing her—cheek or no cheek.

  “Right, it wasn’t. Did she give you her phone number so you guys can hook up later?”

  “So what if she did?”

  Callie grunted. “Such a guy response. You kissed me last night, then you couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough.”

  Shit. Was that what this was all about? The air in my lungs left in a hard rush. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “So what was it like?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Yeah I get it. I’m your ex-girlfriend’s little sister…and you’ll always view me that way.” She stalked into the gift shop, not even noticing Mark had disappeared, our drama too much for him.

  I stood frozen. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Callie in that way. I did. But I also didn’t want to destroy what we did have between us. Like I’d told her, everything was complicated. Wouldn’t it be better that we were just friends, for Logan’s sake? If things didn’t work out between us, then what? What would it mean when it came to my son?

  Logan was showing Callie some Toy Story figurines when I approached. He returned the box to the sh
elf. “Roller coaster now?” he asked.

  We walked toward Toon Town. Logan was so excited about the small roller coaster, he didn’t notice the tension between me and Callie. He just held on to our hands and dragged us forward.

  We waited in the line and did our best to entertain the impatient four-year-old. Eventually I gave him my iPhone to play with after he grew bored of the game Callie had dreamed up to keep him busy.

  My head was bent near hers, so that the people in front and behind us weren’t inadvertently part of our conversation. A subtle shift of her head and my lips would’ve been on hers. “I’m so attracted to you, Callie. And no, I don’t see you as Alexis’s little sister anymore. But damn it, you lied to me, and I don’t know what’s going to happen going forward. I’m confused, and now I have a son to consider.”

  “You’re confused or you’re mad? You’re about to make a decision that will rock my entire world. So it’s okay if you don’t want me in that way.”

  “Oh, I want you in that way. Don’t misunderstand me.” Fuck, did I ever want to kiss her now and prove just how much I wanted her in that way. I was falling for her hard, which was only making things more difficult. It would’ve been so much easier if Callie had been the one I was involved with when Logan was conceived, I thought. And if she had been honest with me. Without her lie hanging over my head, I could have easily seen a future with us together. I could have easily seen us as a family.

  But she had lied, and that changed everything.

  “Whatever,” she said. “You’re leaving soon anyway. You won’t have time for us once you’re gone…and besides, I’m not interested in dating. Been there. Done that. Didn’t bother to buy the T-shirt.”

  “You seriously aren’t planning to date again? You going all nun?” Not to sound like a caveman, but I was all for that idea. If I wasn’t going to have sex with her, I liked the idea that neither was any other man.

  She rolled her eyes. “No. That implies I won’t ever have sex again. I don’t have a problem with having sex. It’s having my heart kicked over a cliff that I have issues with.”

  “Why do you think that’s gonna happen if you date some other guy?”

  “Do you know what my ex-boyfriend said to me? The ex-boyfriend I was in love with and who I thought loved me?” She turned her face, attempting to hide the hurt there. But it was too late. I had the urge to drive up to San Francisco and introduce my fist to his face.

  “What did he say?”

  “His exact words were, ‘Why the hell would I want someone else’s reject?’ ” She glanced meaningfully at Logan. “I never heard from him after that. But I did hear a week later that he was seeing someone else.”

  She shrugged but still didn’t look at me. The roller coaster had suddenly become the most fascinating sight around for her. I could have stripped naked and she wouldn’t have noticed. “Turns out he wasn’t the only guy to feel that way about dating a single mother. But when it’s the guy who already has a kid, it’s a very different standard. When you were walking around with Logan earlier today, it was like the Ovary Alert System kicked into full effect. Girls came running, and none were turned off by the fact you have a kid with you.

  “But that’s okay,” she continued. “I’m getting used to it. People tend to leave me. My sister. My parents. My ex-boyfriend.” She glanced at Logan, and while she hadn’t said his name out loud, the meaning was clear. After all was said and done, she was expecting Logan to leave her…because of me.

  I rested my hand on her upper arm. Logan was still busy with the game on my iPhone and wasn’t listening to us. “I really wish we could work together for the next few weeks. See how we do together with Logan.”

  Those gorgeous, hopeful eyes of hers widened. “Does that mean you’re willing to let me stay in his life?”

  “I’m trying to work that out in my head….Damn it. I even wish I could see how it would go between you and me too. That kiss was so damn hot. Would you be willing to see where this leads us?” Would you be willing to work at regaining my trust?

  “Okay, but what about when you go on the road?”

  “Yeah, the road is tough and there are no guarantees. Touring puts a massive strain on relationships. You could be the one who grows bored of me never being around.” The truth was that with Callie as my girlfriend, I’d never be tempted to stray. No other woman came close to her. But I couldn’t handle the thought of her eventually realizing she could do better than me. “I’m willing to give it a try, though….I can’t stop thinking about you, Callie. And I know for certain that I was supposed to run into you that day in the grocery store and to get to know you again. So let’s just see where things go with us.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, and stepped back, ending the intimacy between us—for now. “But we should keep it just between you and me.” Her gaze slid meaningfully to Logan. She didn’t want to get his hopes up when we were still figuring things out ourselves. She didn’t want to risk hurting him in case things didn’t work out between her and me in the end.

  Chapter 25

  Jared

  “Are you sure about this?” Callie asked as I drove the three of us to my parents’. Her knee bounced even though there was no music playing in the car.

  I put my hand on it. I recognized the bouncing from when we were kids. Every time she thought she was going to be busted for something she’d done, her knee had this fascinating habit of bouncing. The more nervous she was, the faster it bounced. Right now it was moving faster than a freaked-out turkey on Thanksgiving morning.

  “It’s going to be fine,” I told her.

  “Do they know?”

  “No, not yet. I told them about your parents and Alexis. But I wanted to introduce him to my parents first before I said anything else. And I wanted to introduce him to Emma.”

  “Emma?”

  “My fourteen-month-old niece.”

  As we pulled down the side street where Callie and I used to live, she let out a small gasp. “What happened to Mr. Lewis’s porch? Someone fixed the swing. It’s no longer tilted.”

  I chuckled at the memory of us swinging on it when we were kids. The old house was squeezed between where she used to live and where my parents still lived. We had been sitting on it while I helped Callie with her ninth-grade math assignment. Math had never been her favorite subject. In a fit of frustration, she threw her body back on the swing. It hadn’t been quite the same after that. But even though we’d offered to repair it, Mr. Lewis told us he was fine with it the way it was. “Dad and I replaced it while he was in the hospital two years ago.”

  “Hospital? What happened to him?”

  “He broke his hip.”

  “Oh my God. Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine now. He’s still making those stone carvings of his.” A few of his newest forest animals had taken up residence in his garden—including a rabbit that Emma thought was real.

  Craig’s SUV was already parked in the driveway when we arrived at my parents’ house. Callie helped Logan out of his car seat. He jumped down, clutching the palm-sized stuffed Pooh he’d gotten at Disneyland yesterday.

  Biting her lip, Callie looked up at the house. She had always gotten on well with my parents, so I couldn’t figure out why she was nervous. I should’ve been the one who was nervous. They were about to meet their grandson—the grandson they didn’t know existed.

  I lifted Logan so he could ring the doorbell. A moment later, the door opened. Kristen was holding Emma in her arms. “Oh, good. You’re just in time.” She held her daughter out to me.

  “Just in time for what?”

  “Your niece pooped her diaper and I thought you could use practice changing one before you have your own kids.” She grinned at Callie, mischief in her eyes. “Diapers are in the bathroom.”

  With a sigh, I took my niece and was rewarded with an unpleasant smell. “Phew, what on earth do you feed this kid?”

  All Kristen did was cackle.

  “So, Logan,
” I said, “you wanna help me change a diaper?”

  Frantically shaking his head, he grabbed hold of Callie’s leg. You’d have thought, based on his reaction, that I had asked him to deal with toxic waste.

  Or maybe I had.

  Seriously, what did my sister feed her daughter?

  Mom rushed out of the kitchen. Before anyone could say anything, she had Callie in a tight embrace…like Callie was her own child. A child who needed comforting after losing someone she loved. “I’m so sorry about your parents and Alexis. I wish we had known.” She released my girl from the hug, worry still on Mom’s face.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was just so overwhelmed at the time and in shock, I didn’t think to tell you. I didn’t think to tell most people.”

  Once again regret powered through me at how different things could’ve been if I had remained in contact with her after she and her family had moved away. At how different things could’ve been if not for the lie between us about Logan. I could have been there for her. My family could have been there for her. She wouldn’t have been forced to go through everything alone.

  Mom smiled at her, her love for Callie undeniable. “Well, I’m glad to have you back with us again.” She then squatted in front of Logan. “And who is this big boy?”

  Still clutching Callie’s leg, Logan moved to hide behind it. “He gets shy around strangers,” Callie explained, “but he gets over it quickly. Logan, this is Jared’s mom and his sister, Kristen. They’re really nice. His mom used to bake the yummiest chocolate-chip cookies when I was a kid.”

  At the words “chocolate-chip cookies,” a huge dimpled grin broke out on Logan’s face. Mom gasped and looked at me, but at least she had the foresight not to say anything.

  “I’ll tell you later” was all I said.

  “Would you like a cookie?” Mom asked her grandson, not missing a beat.