My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel

by Stina Lindenblatt

  I gaped at the ring. Jared had asked me to marry him. I should be throwing my arms around his neck, screaming, Yes, of course I’ll marry you, and kissing him. That’s what my heart desired. But my brain was smarter. It knew what was happening wasn’t real. Not for the reasons I wished it to be real. I wanted Jared to marry me because he loved me, not because he needed a mother for his son. He was leaving on tour soon and wanted to give Logan a stable home, like the home Jared had grown up in. I wished for that too, but not this way.

  If I ever married, it would be to someone who loved me as much as I loved him. It wouldn’t be because it was convenient.

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. You want to marry me for the wrong reasons. I’ve already told you Logan can still stay with me while you’re touring. You don’t have to marry me for that.”

  My eyes teared up. I needed to escape before they gave away the pain ripping through me. “I’ve gotta go” was all I said before I took off running.

  I didn’t bother to go into the house. I already had my car keys and purse. Yes, I should’ve stopped to say goodbye to Logan, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t enough time. As it was, the tears had started falling the moment I escaped through the side gate.

  “Callie,” Jared called out, which prompted me to run harder.

  I made it to the driveway and scrambled into my car, my breath coming hard and fast.

  Guilt pounded on me for not saying goodbye to Logan. I pushed it back and twisted the key in the ignition. Without giving the house a second glance, tears streaming down my face, I drove away.

  Chapter 36

  Callie

  Like most girls, I had fantasized from time to time about how my future fiancé would propose to me. Some of the ideas, like asking me while we were in a hot-air balloon, were quickly discarded. I wasn’t a fan of heights, and clutching the edge of the basket and hurling didn’t make for a romantic picture. There were other, safer ideas too. Like the one where the girl finds the engagement ring on her dessert or in her wine glass. Okay, those might have been a little clichéd, but the main point was that nowhere in my fantasies had I envisioned being proposed to the way it actually went down.

  Sure, at the end of the day it shouldn’t have mattered how the guy proposed. As long as he loved me, that was all I cared about.

  The lounge Hailey had suggested we meet at was not far from where I lived. I hadn’t even known it existed until she mentioned it. I sank into the comfy brown leather armchair. Yep, I didn’t see myself moving anytime soon. Everything about the place made me think of chocolate. The light brown carpet with beige swirls. The deep brown walls. The cream lamp shades scattered throughout. And the small dark brown tables. Or maybe it was my broken heart that made me think of chocolate. What better way to deal with a broken heart than chocolate ice cream—or chocolate-flavored booze?

  Soft jazz music played in the background. According to Hailey, each night featured a different genre. Fortunately, tonight wasn’t rock night. Knowing my luck, they would’ve featured Pushing Limits while we were here.

  “You look like you could use a drink,” Hailey said.

  “You got that right. Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “How do you deal with being Nolan’s girlfriend? I mean, doesn’t it get hard with the groupies and with the constant media attention?”

  She didn’t have a chance to answer before a waiter approached our table. He was hot. If you liked blonds. And if your heart wasn’t still pining over the dark-haired guy with brown eyes and heart-melting dimples. “What can I get you ladies to drink?”

  “I’ll have a mango margarita. Thanks,” Hailey said.

  “What do you have that’s chocolatey?” I asked him.

  “The Milky Way martini comes highly recommended,” he replied, and I ordered it.

  “I’ll admit it isn’t easy,” Hailey said, answering my previous question. “It was harder at first when the media figured out who Tyler Erickson was. Then they were a major pain. The fans are great. The younger girls are especially cute with the way they get excited over the guys. It’s the groupies who are hoping to score that are annoying. They don’t care if Nolan has a girlfriend. They just want to tell their friends and the entire world that they slept with him. And some are more than happy to share the details in all their erotic glory.” She scrunched her nose in a way that made me giggle.

  “Do you ever worry about them?”

  She shook her head. “I love Nolan and I trust him. Yes, it’s not easy, but if I can’t trust him, then none of what he and I have is worth it in the end. Do I trust the groupies? Hell no. But I have to trust that Nolan won’t do anything to hurt me…even if I’m not there to protect him.” She smirked. “So is this your way of telling me that you and Jared are finally an item?” She looked so excited about this possibility, I almost couldn’t tell her the truth.

  “He proposed this afternoon.” You’d have thought I had announced I was going to buy a bag of stale potato chips from the lack of enthusiasm in my voice.

  “And…you don’t want to marry him?”

  I finished my drink and gestured to the waiter for a refill. If I could, I would’ve finished that drink first too. “If I ever marry, it will be because the man loves me as much as I love him. Jared only proposed because it’s easy.”

  Hailey’s eyebrows jumped up. “Easy? Sorry, you’ve lost me.”

  “Jared doesn’t love me. He realized things will be a lot easier for Logan when the band is touring if his son is staying with me.”

  Her expression transformed into a confused frown. “He actually told you that?”

  “Not in so many words. But what other reason is there for him to propose?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” She gave me a pointed look that said it all and then some. “Because he loves you?”

  “That’s just it. He doesn’t love me.”

  The waiter placed my drink on the table. Hailey was still working on her first margarita.

  “How can you say that?” she asked. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. He likes me as a friend, that’s all.” A friend he’d been having sex with.

  “I think you’re wrong. But anyway, what did you tell him?”

  “That I couldn’t because he wanted to marry me for the wrong reason.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing.”

  She blinked. Twice. “He seriously said nothing?”

  “Well, he might have said something, but I was too busy running to my car to hear what it was.” I took a quick gulp of my drink. “Anyway, I’ve been giving what Jared said last week some thought. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should return to San Francisco and finish my animation degree. Maybe everything that has happened is for the best. One day Jared will fall in love with someone who will become Logan’s mother, and I’ll have nothing. I’ll just be the aunt who’s no longer needed. The question is, do I want to be the aunt who has no future other than working full-time in a diner?” At least if I moved back to San Francisco, I could begin my life over again. It was the only way my heart would have a chance to heal. I couldn’t do that if I was still around Logan. It had been hard before, knowing how much he resembled his father. Things would only get worse when he was older and looked even more like Jared. Then I’d have a far tougher time moving on.

  “So you won’t be here for Logan while the guys are on tour?” Hailey asked.

  “It depends on how long they’ll be gone. I’m going to check if I can transfer back into the program for the fall. That will give me plenty of time to get Logan used to the idea of staying with his grandparents while Jared is touring.” My voice cracked at the idea of losing them both, but it was for the best. For everyone concerned.

  I finished my second drink and ordered a third. Since I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, I switched topics. At one point Hailey went to the bathroom. I guarded the table and the drinks. No
one was getting past me. No way.

  She returned and we laughed, we joked, we shared. Not once did she mention Jared, Nolan, or the band, and for that I was grateful.

  I continued drinking. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d drunk alcohol. Probably not since I’d been living in San Francisco and partied with my friends or boyfriend. Back when the only thing I had to worry about were my assignments and exams. Back before I had to worry about being a good parent.

  A glass of clear liquid was deposited in front of me, along with a plate of cheesy potato wedges. “What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the glass.

  “Water,” the hot waiter said. “Your friend ordered them when she was on her way to the bathroom.”

  Hailey flashed me a smile and grabbed a wedge.

  “Oh. Okay.” The water did look good. I drank some of it and bit into a potato. “Mmm, these are good.” Hailey sampled a bite and nodded in agreement.

  “Callie?” a male voice said not far from where I was sitting.

  I peered up at the blurry image of a familiar-looking guy. His voice was equally familiar. My brain sluggishly catalogued where I knew him from.

  “Chris?” My ex-boyfriend.

  Chapter 37

  Jared

  From my hiding spot in the tree house, I peered through the crack between the wooden floorboards. Mom was searching for Dad, Logan, and me. All of us were well hidden around the backyard, although you couldn’t miss Logan’s giggles coming from behind the bush. If I could hear them, then Mom certainly could. Plus it wasn’t like Mom didn’t already know the prime hiding spots. Kristen, Callie, and I had played hide-and-seek all the time here when we were kids.

  My phone pinged. A grin appeared on Mom’s face as she looked up at the tree house. Busted. Since she already knew where I was, I checked who had texted me. Disappointment kicked me in the groin. It was Nolan, not Callie.

  Call me ASAP. It’s about Callie.

  I speed-dialed his number. “What about Callie?” Fortunately Logan was too far away to hear me. I didn’t want him wondering what was going on. “I thought she was with Hailey.”

  “You wanna explain why you proposed to her?”

  “Why do you think I did it, dumbass? I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.” Too bad she hadn’t felt the same way about me.

  “Does she know you love her? Or does she believe you just want to marry her to make everyone’s life easier when it comes to Logan?”

  I cringed. That was exactly what she believed. “I don’t know why she would think that,” I said.

  “Did you tell her that you love her?”

  I cringed again. “Not in so many words. I figured the proposal and engagement ring would show her how much I love her.” Okay, maybe I was the dumbass.

  “No, it has to be bigger than that.”

  “Says the guy who has no experience when it comes to proposing to his girlfriend. Unless there’s something you haven’t told me yet.”

  “That’s because I don’t feel the urge to rush out and propose to Hailey before she and I are ready. What in Christ’s name possessed you to even do that?”

  Logan’s giggles grew louder as Mom drew closer to his hiding spot. I really needed to teach him the finer points of the game.

  “I dunno. I thought it would be a good way to show her how I feel about her. I didn’t expect us to rush out and get married this afternoon.”

  “Couldn’t you have simply told her you love her and one day you could see being married to her?”

  I chuckled. “It sounds so simple when you put it that way….Look, I realize now I didn’t exactly go about this the right way. I get it, but how am I supposed to fix it?”

  “Why don’t you talk to her?”

  “Because that went so well last time.”

  This time it was Nolan who chuckled. “Yes, I guess having the girl you just proposed to run away isn’t considered normal.”

  “You know about that?” Even my parents didn’t know about it. I had asked Mom to get Callie outside, alone, when she arrived. I hadn’t explained why.

  “Hailey might have mentioned it. If I were you, I’d get your ass down to where the girls are. From the sounds of it, Callie’s headed for a massive hangover tomorrow.”

  “Where are they?”

  He told me where to find them.

  “I can’t. I have Logan. I can’t take him there.” He would never be allowed into the lounge.

  “Can he stay with your parents tonight?”

  “I’m not sure if he’s ready for that. I don’t think he’s ever slept anywhere besides his bedroom since Callie became his mom.” Other than when he was hospitalized for meningitis, but he had been too young to remember that.

  “Your call, but if I were you, I’d start dreaming up something big to let her know how you feel about her. And you should do it before we leave on the promo blitz.” Which began in less than two weeks. After that, life would get crazy and who knew when she and I would have a chance to work it all out.

  Nolan was right—I had to fix this mess sooner rather than later.

  “Gotcha!” Mom called out from below, and hugged her grandson.

  I was stuck. We had to leave now so that I could get Logan home for bedtime, but I couldn’t leave Callie where she was. I needed to make sure she got home safely, preferably before she drank too much more. She didn’t have to work at the diner tomorrow, but that didn’t mean Logan would let her sleep in.

  “We have to go home, Logan. Get your stuff.” I signed the first sentence.

  “Why are you learning to sign to him when he can hear?” Mom asked.

  “He can’t always hear. It helps if you can sign to him when he can’t hear you. Like at bedtime. And Callie wants him to be familiar with ASL because he is deaf. He’s part of the deaf community and she doesn’t want to take that from him, but he’s also part of the hearing community.” It was one of those difficult decisions she’d had to make on her own about my son. Everyone had their own opinion on the topic. I didn’t know how she’d done it, but she had. She’d wanted to do what was right for Logan, and that was part of the reason I loved her. But Logan wasn’t the only reason I loved her. Why couldn’t she see that?

  While Mom helped Logan gather everything he’d brought with him, I texted Sharon, asking her if she could watch him for a short time. Fortunately she didn’t ask why I required her help, although there would be no avoiding the truth once I brought Callie home.

  After putting Logan to bed, I drove to the lounge where Callie and Hailey had gone. Raindrops started spitting on my car.

  I entered the lounge and scanned the area for the two women. Callie had changed outfits since I’d last seen her. Now she was wearing my favorite dress. The green sundress emphasized her copper hair and hugged her curves. The thin straps revealed her soft, creamy shoulders and the spattering of freckles that I thought were adorable on her—another thing I appreciated about her over Tiffany. Tiffany would’ve freaked if she found a freckle on her body.

  Clearly I wasn’t the only man taken with Callie’s skin. The douchebag she was with decided to become intimately familiar with it and rested his hand on her shoulder.

  She leaned away from him. I couldn’t tell from where I stood if that was because she wanted to remove his hand from her body or if she was swaying due to the amount of alcohol she’d consumed.

  Her head turned in my direction and her eyes widened. “Jared, what are you doing here?” The words held a slight slur.

  “I came to get you.” I nodded at Hailey. She smiled softly back, the relief that I was here unmistakable.

  The guy stared at me. I recognized his expression: I looked familiar to him but he couldn’t place me. “Who are you? Her taxi service?” His fingers returned to her shoulder. If he didn’t remove them from her soon, I would rip them off for him.

  Callie shifted in her seat. “Chris, this is Jared.” She gestured at me. “He’s the guy who proposed to me because he n
eeds a nanny for his son and figured this was an easier way to get one. Jared, Chris is the guy who dumped me because my sister died and left me your son to care for, and Chris didn’t want…” She cocked her head to the side. “How did you put it? To be responsible for another man’s castoffs.”

  The asshole’s mouth dropped open. I had no idea which of Callie’s assessments of the situation shocked him more. Either way, neither of us looked too hot in her view.

  Hailey jumped up from her seat. “Okay, Callie, I think it’s time to get you home.”

  Callie pouted. “What if I don’t wanna go home yet?”

  “You don’t have to leave.” Chris eyed her like he was remembering one of their fuck sessions and had every intention of reexperiencing it with her…tonight. “I can drive you home.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I told her, doing everything in my power not to slam my fist in his face. I could guarantee that if I hit him, the media would pick up news of the assault. I couldn’t take that risk.

  He glared at me. “Why don’t you run along? Callie and I have a lot of catching up to do. And from the sound of it, she’s not interested in being your live-in nanny with benefits.”

  I shoved his shoulder hard. He stumbled back a step. “It’s not like that,” I snapped.

  “Okay. I’m ready to go home now.” Callie stood up and gestured to the waiter for their tab. “Is Logan still with your parents?”

  “No, Sharon’s looking after him.”

  “Why are you here, Jared?” she asked, voice low and soft.

  “Because I care about you.” I craved to tell her that I loved her, but she was drunk. The first time she would hear those three words from me would be when she was sober.