The Winter Wedding

by Abby Clements

  ‘Eating in would be great. We’ve got plenty of time to explore.’

  ‘Cool,’ I said. I was acting weird, and I couldn’t stop it. It felt like the harder I tried to act just like I always had with Sam, the more I ended up stumbling over my words. We went into the flat and Amber was standing in the kitchen.

  ‘Amber, Sam, Sam, Amber,’ I said quickly. ‘You guys remember each other from Lila’s wedding, right?’

  ‘Yeah, I think we met,’ Sam said, nonchalant to the point of being slightly off-hand. I looked over at Amber, hoping she wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

  ‘Sam!’ Amber said. ‘Yes, of course we did.’ She smiled brightly in welcome, combating his reserved manner with cheer. Good old Amber, I thought. It would take more than a little unfriendliness to dent her positivity.

  ‘I hope you’re hungry,’ she went on. ‘I’ve made the most enormous vat of chilli, and I’m certainly not going to be able to eat it all myself. Or at least I think I probably shouldn’t.’

  He looked into the pot curiously, and smiled his appreciation. ‘Smells good,’ he said.

  ‘Beer?’ I asked. They both nodded, and I got three cold Tiger beers from the fridge and cracked them open.

  ‘Your bed for tonight,’ I said, pointing over at the sofa.

  ‘Cool,’ he said, chucking his bag down on it.

  Half an hour later, the three of us were sitting around the kitchen table, and Sam was filling Amber in on some of the old times we’d shared.

  ‘Did I ever mention that she was a brilliant skateboarder?’ Sam said.

  ‘No,’ Amber said, laughing. ‘I had no idea. Hazel – you really are a woman of many talents.’

  ‘Oh, haven’t skated for years,’ I said, thinking of the battered skateboard that was now gathering dust in the cottage attic. ‘But that was how Sam and I got to be friends. There wasn’t that much to do in our area, growing up – but what there was was a skate park, and we got chatting there one day.’

  ‘She made a welcome change from all the testosterone,’ Sam said, smiling at me.

  ‘Nice that you guys share so much history,’ Amber said.

  I was relieved that the tension between Sam and Amber that had been there right at the start seemed to have eased now. It had always been a bit weird introducing him to new people; he had a tendency to come across as arrogant, but I knew that deep down it was shyness, and that was just one of the things I really liked about him – that I felt I knew him better than anyone else could.

  ‘So,’ I said, finishing my last forkful of chilli and putting the cutlery back on my plate. ‘That was delicious, Amber, thank you.’

  ‘Fantastic,’ Sam said.

  ‘Thank you. It’s always nicer when I have people to cook for.’

  ‘So what’s next?’ Sam said. ‘Shall we all head out?’

  All. Of course. Of course we would all head out, I thought to myself. ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘You’re free this evening, right, Amber?’

  ‘Yes, sure,’ she said, slightly awkwardly, looking to me to confirm that it was OK if she joined us. Of course it was. It was great in fact. Amber and Sam seemed to be getting along well. I had – if I was honest – kind of hoped that Sam and I might get a chance to be alone, to make sure there was no awkward feeling lingering. But we could do that another day, I guess. I pushed the feeling of disappointment aside, and put on a bright expression.

  ‘Great. Shall we go to the canal boat for cocktails?’ I suggested.

  We found a table on the canal boat deck, and Sam brought over our drinks. The sun was low in the sky now, but it was still warm.

  ‘So did Hazel tell you about her new venture?’ Amber asked.

  I felt my face grow hot and hoped it didn’t show. ‘It’s not really that.’

  ‘She’s already had one request in, to plan someone’s wedding.’

  ‘You’re moonlighting as a wedding planner now?’ Sam said, his eyebrow raised. ‘I thought you liked your job, H?’

  ‘I do.’ I felt silly and small all of a sudden, as if I was a frivolous teenager who couldn’t quite make up her mind. ‘I just kind of fell into it, I suppose.’

  ‘Not really,’ Amber said. ‘You wanted to do it. You could have said no.’

  She was right, of course. I just had a feeling he found the whole wedding thing a bit – well, silly. And so I found myself apologising for it.

  ‘She’s amazing at it, of course,’ Amber said. ‘And I’m hoping she’ll let me bake the occasional cake. Because I’m definitely getting tired of my day job.’

  ‘Really?’ I said. ‘I mean of course, I would love to team up with you. But I didn’t realise you were bored at work.’

  She shrugged. ‘It’s not forever. I’ve realised that much now.’

  We fell silent for a moment, and my gaze drifted over to the other young people in the bar. Couples, chatting to one another and kissing, hands grasped tightly together as if one of them might fall overboard at any minute. Groups of girls, dressed up with jugs of lethal-looking cocktails between them, clearly just starting out their night. Their male counterparts in shirts and jeans, talking loudly over pints, knocking each other on the arm for show. Every set-up seemed more, well, normal than ours.

  ‘So, Amber – where are you from, originally?’ Sam asked. ‘It can’t be anywhere as small and boring as our village, that’s for sure.’

  I smiled, thinking of the close parallels between our hometowns, that we’d found while talking.

  ‘Oh, you’d be surprised . . .’ she said, laughing.

  ‘Go on, tell me.’ As she spoke, Sam seemed hooked on her every word. It was so obvious, now that I’d spotted it. Sam was enraptured.

  The hope that I’d had, that Sam and I might get closer this weekend, disappeared in that moment.

  Chapter 18

  from: Josh Sanderson

  So. Spill.

  How was it?

  I glanced over to Josh’s desk and caught his eye briefly. Emma had had her office door closed all morning, staving off a hangover that was even worse than usual, with a steady supply of coffee from me.

  I looked again at Josh’s message and my fingers hovered over the keyboard. Part of me wanted to be light and breezy – gloss over the deep disappointment I felt and pretend that everything had gone fine. But I knew Josh would see straight through me.

  Not quite how I expected.

  Hmm. In a good way?

  It wasn’t good. That much I knew. Sam had been so caught up in talking to Amber that I’d barely got to talk to him at all – and that certainly hadn’t been in my plan. I felt embarrassed even thinking about it, how wrong I’d got everything. Sam must have liked Amber when he met her at the wedding. And I’d been dumb enough to think he’d wanted to come and see me.

  Bad way

  I typed.

  Pretty sure he fancies Amber.

  Josh paused, before typing back:

  Oh, that’s crap.

  His message conjured up the smallest of smiles. Earlier that morning I didn’t think I’d be able to summon a smile ever again. I’d said goodbye to Sam the previous day, Sunday, and felt sure that he was half looking over my shoulder at Amber. Through the whole weekend it had seemed as if Amber was spotlit in gold light, and I was standing off-stage in the shadows.

  I swallowed down my jealousy – it was stupid. It certainly wasn’t Amber’s fault that Sam had taken a shine to her. That didn’t stop it from hurting, though. Another message pinged through from Josh.

  Well, whoever he is, he’s not good enough for you

  When I got back to the flat that evening, I realised there was only one way to deal with the situation – and that was to embrace it. I wanted Sam to be happy, didn’t I? And I wanted the same for Amber. So what if this situation wasn’t quite what I’d envisioned. It seemed selfish to deny them both the chance of being happy together.

  I texted Sam.

  Hi. Great to see you. I thought you might like Amber’s number, so I’m sendin
g it over. You should call her. H

  I didn’t get a reply, and I settled down to work at one of my sets. An hour later I heard laughter from Amber’s room. It went on for what seemed like for ever, but must only have been about twenty minutes.

  A knock came on my door a few moments after things went quiet.

  Amber looked flushed, and had an irrepressible grin on her face. ‘Your friend Sam just called.’

  ‘Did he ask you out?’

  She nodded. ‘He said you were OK with it.’

  ‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Did you say yes?’

  ‘Yeah. We’re going out next weekend.’

  ‘Cool,’ I said, feeling deflated but fighting it back.

  ‘Listen, Hazel. You’d tell me if you weren’t OK with this, right?’

  Amber was so genuine and so sweet about it, that it made the whole situation almost bearable.

  ‘How could I not be?’ I said. ‘You’re great. Sam’s great. This is excellent news.’

  Chapter 19

  The next day, I met with Gemma and Eliot, and was grateful for the distraction.

  ‘Hi, Hazel,’ Gemma said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Hey there,’ I said. ‘I’ve got us a table out on the terrace, come through – and we can talk everything through there.’

  We walked through the café and out onto the decked terrace. The sky overhead was a clear blue, the kind that makes anything and everything seem possible. I ordered coffees for us and brought out a folder I’d set up for Eliot and Gemma’s wedding.

  ‘OK,’ I said, once we were all sitting down. ‘So, I’m really sorry about this, but while I did all I could, I’m afraid I couldn’t get you your first choice of venue.’

  Gemma’s face fell, and she bit her lip. Eliot put his arm around her. ‘Sorry. I mean it’s stupid to be upset, I shouldn’t have set my heart on it – we both know it’s late notice. But it just looked so perfect.’

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘And I know it must be disappointing for you. But the good news – and there is good news – is that I think I might have found somewhere just as good, and they do have availability.’

  Gemma looked sceptical, but there seemed to be an air of cautious optimism with Eliot, at least. ‘Shall we take a look, hon? We agreed, didn’t we, that if we were going to do the wedding this year then we’d need to keep our options open.’

  Gemma nodded, and straightened in her seat. ‘Yes. I know you’re right. Do you have any pictures?’

  I passed her the iPad with the castle’s website loaded.

  The couple were silent for a moment, scrolling through the images.

  Then Gemma looked at Eliot.

  My chest felt tight as I waited for their reaction. I knew how slim the pickings were – they really had to like this.

  A smile formed on Eliot’s mouth, then on Gemma’s.

  ‘I think you’ve found a gem here, Hazel,’ Gemma said. ‘It’s absolutely perfect.’

  That evening, Lila and I met in a tapas bar on Exmouth market. I challenged her to a game of table football and took our beers over to the front of the bar. As we played (and she, rather impressively, kicked my butt), I told her how things had panned out with Amber and Sam.

  Her face creased up into a frown, and she stood up straight from the foosball table.

  ‘Well, what the hell did you do that for?’ Lila said, her voice uncharacteristically harsh.

  ‘What,’ I said. ‘I didn’t do anything . . . not really. It was clear that he liked her, and all I did was pass on her details.’

  ‘Clear how?’

  ‘He asked her to join us, laughed at everything she said . . . you know. It was obvious,’ I said, recalling that night.

  ‘There could have been a hundred other reasons for that. He was probably just being polite. Now you’ve practically matchmade them.’

  ‘He didn’t have to ask her out,’ I said.

  ‘Of course not, but he might well have read your message as a nudge to,’ Lila said. ‘Hazel. You can be really blind to this stuff sometimes.’

  I stiffened defensively. ‘I’m not being blind. I can just see when two people are right for each other.’

  ‘If you say so,’ Lila said, looking away.

  ‘I mean it.’

  ‘You’re scared,’ Lila said. ‘Of really feeling something. That’s what I think.’

  ‘So what if I am?’ I said. ‘Because I really felt something last year, and look how that turned out, Lila – I told Sam, and it resulted in nothing but me losing my best friend, and feeling like an idiot. I’m not prepared to do that again. And anyway – it’s too late now.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Lila said, backing down at last. ‘I shouldn’t have interfered.’

  ‘Exactly,’ I snapped back. ‘Trust me on this. I know I did the right thing.’

  Arguing with Lila always upset me. It helped a little, at work the next day, to see that I wasn’t the only one feeling rough around the edges. Josh had dark circles under his eyes, and the shadow of stubble on his jaw, a marked difference to how clean-shaven he usually was. ‘You all right?’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Just didn’t sleep much last night.’

  ‘How come, what happened?’

  ‘Nothing. I mean, nothing out of the ordinary.’

  I hazarded a guess. ‘Sarah?’

  ‘She came back from Spain with a lot of ideas about the way things should be between us. Wanted to talk late about it.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘She thinks we’re growing apart,’ Josh said quietly. ‘When we should be growing together. She spoke to a shamen about it, apparently.’

  ‘And what does she want you to do?’

  ‘She wants us to go to India together. Or get married. Or build a house in the country together. I don’t know,’ Josh said, rubbing his temples. ‘I feel like it keeps changing.’

  ‘That does sound a bit confusing,’ I said. It sounded mad, and infuriating, actually, but I tried to remain diplomatic.

  ‘It is. I sometimes feel like I can’t get anything right. But I know relationships need work. So I guess I just have to keep working at this.’

  I didn’t like seeing Josh upset. I didn’t like it at all. Josh, who only ever sought ways to make other people happier. My instinct was to put my arms around him and hug him. But, hard as it was, I fought the urge back.

  Chapter 20

  The good thing about Amber and Sam getting together, and the dark, wet autumn nights putting the kibosh on the rest of my social life, was that I had plenty of time on my own in the flat – just when I needed it. Being alone in the flat more often meant fewer distractions, and that was what I needed right now. After their first date, I’d distanced myself a little from them. It was the only way I had to feel like less of an idiot, and to get a bit of control back. It had helped me to move on, I guess. She insisted they were only dating, and it was nothing serious, but the fact remained that Sam was part of Amber’s life now, not mine.

  Once I’d accepted that, things got better. Amber and I had fallen back into our easy way of being, and baking, and eating. And, like I say, they were usually out, so at least I didn’t have to see them together.

  If I was really going to make a go of wedding planning – and I was feeling more and more serious about the idea – then I had a lot to learn. Flicking between Pinterest and recipe sites, I could almost nudge it out of my mind – that nagging feeling that Amber and Sam were out together, and I was here on my own.

  I didn’t need to ask Amber how things were going with Sam – that glow in her cheeks was pretty unmistakable. I was happy for her – she deserved it. And I guess I hoped that it might rub off on me somehow.

  I’d spent the time trawling blogs and specialist wedding sites, drawing together images until I had a complete mood-board for Gemma and Eliot’s wedding that I knew they were going to absolutely love. There was a pleasant addictive quality to the work of wedding planning – ticking boxes of my to-do list without
a boss breathing down my neck and giving me more admin each time I finished something. And – well, there was something nice about dealing with other people’s relationships. They always seemed so much more straightforward than my own.

  So, now was the time to regroup, and focus on making the most of the opportunity I’d been given. It was the end of September, and in wedding terms, Eliot and Gemma’s wedding was getting crazily close. There was still a lot to do.

  I’d enjoyed talking with them about their ideas, which were slowly coming into a kind of harmony. Yes, it was Gemma who was leading the more extravagant plans, the requests for husky rides and sleighs, and a snow-covered pine at the entrance to the castle, and Eliot was still reining her in, but their ideas about guests, music, and food were all falling beautifully into line after a few gentle nudges from me. Things were spilling a little outside of the first budget we’d discussed, but from what Lila had said, I got the sense that it didn’t really matter. These two inhabited a different world from the one that Lila and I knew, one where Champagne flowed like water, and bills weren’t anything to worry about.

  With ‘Last Christmas’ playing in the background to conjure up a festive mood, I worked up some images of table decorations to show to them at our meeting – silvered pine cones and red berries and candle holders that would project the light in the shape of winter branches, to fall across the guests’ plates. There was a larger projector I’d seen that would cast a similar shadow on the aisle while the couple walked up it – I was confident Gemma would love it, so had gone ahead and booked it for the day.

  Aside from the main cake, Amber had come up with another idea for a display on the side – a trio of small gingerbread houses, dusted with icing sugar. I felt a buzz of excitement as I worked – I knew I could make this the perfect day to take Eliot and Gemma into married life.