Return to Paradise

by Cameron, Barbara;

  “Kate has court on our regular quilt class day, so she asked me if I could come in today. She’s coming by in half an hour to pick me up.”

  “So when is Amos going for this test the family is so worried about?”

  “This morning.”

  “When will they hear the results?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’ll say a prayer for him before you leave.”

  There was a clatter of footsteps on the stairs leading down from the bedrooms. “Ach, here come my ladylike dochders, so delicate and quiet.”

  Mary Elizabeth grinned as she pushed Rose Anna out of the way. “I smell pancakes.”

  She looked at Lavina. “You didn’t eat all of them, did you?”

  “Schur.” She slid the last bite into her mouth and smacked her lips. Mamm, Daed and I ate them all while you two slept in.”

  “Now, now, behave,” Linda said, laughing and shaking her head. “I’ve got plenty of batter waiting here for you both.”

  “So how did supper at David’s go?” Mary Elizabeth wanted to know.

  Linda turned from the stove and her gaze met Lavina’s. “You’d better get a move on if Kate’s picking you up.”

  “Right.” She jumped up, taking her plate and coffee cup and putting them in the sink.

  “Today’s not class day,” Rose Anna said.

  “Kate changed it. She has court later this week.” She went upstairs, using the time to check her appearance and straighten her room, silently thanking her mudder for saving her from a discussion of the previous evening.

  But she couldn’t help remembering her concern at being in the middle of the upsetting scene last night. Often young couples lived with their in-laws after they were married while they saved for their own home or built one. There was no room for her and David here. Her grossmudder was expected to move in soon. If they didn’t have their own place when they married, it could mean that they’d have to live in the dawdi haus at his parents’ home.

  She shuddered at the thought; in the happy haze that had surrounded her in getting back with David, it had totally slipped her mind until last night.

  With a groan she sank down on her bed and found herself biting her fingernails, a habit she’d broken herself of at eight years of age. To distract herself she went into the sewing room and collected her tote, with the quilt she wanted to work on during the class, and set it by the door. Restless, she straightened some fabric on the shelves.

  Rose Anna walked in while she was working. “Aren’t you the busy bee?”

  She shrugged. “You know I like things neat.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  Rose Anna touched her arm. Lavina had to look at her. Rose Anna was always the most sensitive to the moods of others.

  “I’m allrecht, really. Just worried about David’s dat going for a test today.” It was the truth even if it wasn’t the whole truth.

  “It’s in God’s hands. We hope He isn’t calling him home, but if He is what could be more wunderbaar than being with Him?”

  Leave it to her schweschder, the youngest and most innocent, to have just the right words. She hugged her. “You’re right. Danki.”

  “Lavina, Kate’s here!” her mudder called up the stairs.

  “Coming!”

  She grabbed her tote, stopped in her room for her purse, and ran down the stairs. “See you later!” she said as she ran for the front door.

  “I’m glad you were able to change your schedule and come today instead of Thursday,” Kate told her when she got into the car.

  “Well, I have a pretty flexible schedule working at home every day.”

  “Still, it was nice.” She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel while she waited to pull out onto the road. “So, what’s new?”

  Lavina hesitated for a moment and then she turned to her. “Do you really think people can change? I mean, really change?”

  “Yes,” Kate said without hesitation. “If I didn’t, I couldn’t get up and do my job every day.”

  “But isn’t it true that you arrest the same people sometimes for doing the same thing more than once?”

  “Yes, sometimes again and again.”

  “So then people don’t change.”

  “Many people do. But something tells me we’re not talking about criminals, are we?”

  Lavina bit her lip but then she shook her head. Her schweschders had always been her best friends, but she’d grown close to this Englisch woman who seemed to have such good advice.

  “I was hoping that David’s father would . . . I don’t know, mellow because he’s been so sick. I mean, if you get as sick as he has, wouldn’t you think that he’d want to be nicer to his family in case he—” She gulped. “In case he doesn’t make it?”

  “Some people would,” Kate agreed thoughtfully. “But I’ve known people who got cancer, and they’ve had different reactions. Some get angry and stay angry. It’s a form of grieving, I guess.”

  “It’s been so hard on Waneta, his wife. And on David since he came back.” She fell silent for a long moment. “Then last night . . .”

  “What happened last night?”

  Kate had become such a good friend. For the second time that day she found herself telling someone about the argument, about her fears of living with her in-laws and being around that tension between them. And maybe having a relationship like they had . . .

  Kate pulled into the parking lot of the shelter. She shut off the engine and turned to Lavina. “Why don’t we have lunch after the class and talk about this?”

  “That would be nice.”

  They gathered up their purses and totes. “I have to tell you, I like my in-laws but I don’t know if I could have handled living with them when we first got married.” She looked at Lavina. “Or any other year.”

  Chuckling, she unlocked the front door and held it so Lavina could step inside.

  ***

  It felt like the longest day David had ever had.

  Every time he glanced at the clock only minutes had passed. He thought about going to see Lavina during his lunch break, but they only got half an hour and he wouldn’t make it back to work in time.

  Bill noticed his distraction and remarked on it when they went to make deliveries. “Trouble in paradise?” he joked.

  He shrugged. “I think Lavina’s upset with me.”

  “You think?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then she probably is. What did you do?”

  Feeling a little irritated, David glanced at him. “What makes you think it’s something I did.”

  “It’s usually our fault.” Bill leaned back and stretched out his legs as best as he could in the truck. “And if it isn’t, it’s our fault.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “Few things do in relationships between men and women.” He flipped open his cell phone, checked for messages, shut it again. “But maybe it’s different in your community.”

  “Things are simpler.”

  “Yeah?”

  Were they really? he asked himself. “Well, I used to think so. We stay in our community all our lives, go to schul together, know each other’s families. We even have church in each other’s homes. So we know each other, date, for a long time.”

  “So then things should be simpler.”

  “I thought so.”

  “Maybe that’s part of the problem. You’re expecting things to be predictable. Look, you’re a farmer. You know raising a crop isn’t predictable. You don’t just plant seeds, water them, then harvest what comes up, right?”

  “Right.”

  “So you figured you’d come home, get Lavina back, and everything would be okay.”

  “It was until last night.”

  “So let’s make this delivery, and you can tell me what happened.”

  David was grateful for Bill’s quick work unloading and his willingness to listen to his problems.

  �
�Yeah, you messed up. Bad,” Bill told him as they stopped for a cup of coffee on the way back to work.

  “So you’re taking her side? You think Lavina should have gone home without saying anything to me?”

  “It’s not about taking sides. But yeah. Don’t you see how you messed up?”

  “No.”

  “Did you really think your father was going to behave just because you wanted him to?”

  “I—”

  “Did you think your mother would stand up to him when he didn’t?”

  “I—”

  “And did you think Lavina should just wait around while you sulked in the barn?” He waited. “Well?”

  “You’re letting me talk now?” David asked wryly. “Well, the answer to your questions are yes and yes and yes. But I wasn’t sulking. I don’t sulk. I brood. Lavina told me once I do it really well.”

  Bill laughed. “Really?” He drained his cup and nodded when a waitress walked over with a coffee pot.

  David shook his head at the offer of more coffee and stared at the untasted contents of his cup. “She usually talks to me and helps me feel better about things after a scene with my father.”

  “Yeah, she’s been doing that for years, right?”

  “Right.” David frowned. “You make that sound like it’s bad.”

  “Not bad. Maybe a little selfish.” He stirred sugar into his coffee. “But then women cater more to men in your community. Your mother does with your father. Lavina does with you.”

  “I listen to her and support her, too.”

  “Not like what you’ve said she’s done for you all these years.”

  Bill was right. David shook his head. “No.”

  “Ready to go?”

  They drove back to work.

  “So you going to see Lavina tonight?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Have an apology ready?”

  “Don’t rub it in.”

  Bill laughed. “I don’t need to. Lavina may do that.”

  “She’s not like that.”

  “Most women are,” Bill said in a dolorous tone.

  David stopped at Lavina’s house on the way home without going by his own house to clean up and change.

  “Gut-n-owed, David,” her mudder said when she opened the door. “I’m sorry, Lavina’s not home yet. She’s in town with a friend. I’ll tell her you came by.”

  So he went on home, and when he walked in found his mudder dozing in a chair in the living room. He tried to tiptoe past, but she woke and blinked at him. “David, you’re home already?”

  “It’s 5:30.”

  “I should check on your dat.”

  “I’ll do it. You stay put. How did it go today?”

  “It took hours. They’d overbooked appointments, and then there was some problem with the equipment.”

  He shed his jacket and hat. “Did you find out when you’ll get results?”

  “The doctor said a couple of days.”

  David hung his jacket and hat on pegs in the kitchen and headed upstairs. The door to his parents’ bedroom was ajar, so he peeked in. The room was dim, but he could see his dat tucked under a quilt, and he could hear the faint sound of snoring.

  “He’s asleep,” he told his mudder when he went back downstairs. “You look tired. Why don’t I make supper?”

  “Grilled cheese sandwiches and soup?”

  “My speciality,” he said with a grin, mispronouncing the word.

  “We have lots of leftovers from last night. No one ate much, remember?”

  He nodded.

  “Sit for a minute, sohn.”

  He sat in his dat’s recliner knowing he’d have to get up quickly if he came downstairs. No one was supposed to sit in his dat’s recliner.

  “Did you apologize to Lavina for last night?”

  “She wasn’t home. Her mudder said she was in town with a friend. I’ll walk over later.”

  He thought about his conversation with Bill. “I owe you an apology, too. I shouldn’t have said that you should have spoken up to Daed earlier.”

  “Well, I should have,” she said quietly. “But I was taught that a fraa is supposed to obey her mann. He’s the head of the home.”

  “He shouldn’t be the dictator.”

  “Nee.”

  “You surprised me last night when you yelled back at him.”

  A smile ghosted around her mouth. “I surprised all of us. You should have seen your dat’s face.”

  Then she pressed her lips together and frowned. “I shouldn’t speak of what happened when we argued. That’s between a fraa and her mann. And I shouldn’t have said anything like that where someone outside of the family could hear.” She shook her head. “Imagine what Lavina thinks of our family arguing like that.”

  “I’m schur she wasn’t surprised by Daed’s behavior. She’s heard enough about the problems he and I have had through the years.”

  “Well, let’s get some supper so you can get over there and talk to her before it gets too late.”

  She insisted she didn’t need any help warming up the leftovers, so he went upstairs to shower and change into clean clothes. When he went downstairs supper was still warming in the oven and his dat hadn’t come down yet.

  “I think I’ll go see if Lavina’s home yet.”

  “Tell her I’m sorry about last night, too.”

  “I will.”

  When he pulled into her drive another vehicle pulled in after him. Lavina got out of a car and walked up to his side of the truck.

  “Hi. I came by earlier but you weren’t home yet.” His heart sank when she didn’t return his smile. “Can we go for a ride? I want to talk to you about last night.”

  “David, I don’t want to talk about last night.” She rubbed at her forehead as if she had a headache.

  “You mean you want me to come back another time. You’re not feeling well?”

  “I’m fine. I’ve just—I’ve just had enough, David.” Tears sprang into her eyes.

  “Lavina, please. You’re upset. Get in the truck and let’s talk.”

  She rounded the hood. For a moment, when she hesitated, glancing at her house, he was afraid she was going to go on inside. Then she got into the truck.

  “I don’t want to go for a drive,” she said when his hand went to the ignition key.

  “Allrecht. I’ll just start the engine so the heater will keep us warm.” He did so, turning the vents toward her. “Is that warm enough?”

  She nodded and stared straight ahead.

  “I’m sorry I spent so much time cooling off last night that you walked home by yourself.”

  She shrugged.

  “Mamm said to tell you she’s sorry she argued with my dat last night and upset you.”

  She turned to look at him. “Nothing’s ever going to change there, is it?”

  Startled by the question, he didn’t know what to say for a moment. “Maybe I shouldn’t have invited you to supper the night before he had his test. He was anxious.”

  Her eyes widened. “I never thought I’d hear you make excuses for him.”

  David shrugged. “I can’t believe it, either. But I didn’t realize he was so worried about it.”

  “How is he? Did he have the test today?”

  “Ya. But they won’t have the results for a few days.”

  She bent her head and looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “This could go on for a long time. Sometimes people have to have chemo over and over.”

  He hadn’t thought about that.

  “The thing is, David, even if he gets better and doesn’t need more chemo, he’s not going to change. The two of you are always going to clash.”

  “We’ve gotten better.”

  She shook her head. “Last night, after I left your house, I got to thinking about what would happen if we got married.”

  “You’re not worried I’m like him?”

  “Nee. But if we didn’t have our own place, we’d have to live at
your house until we could afford one of our own. There’s no room at my house, remember?”

  Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “I can’t do it, David. I couldn’t bear to be in the middle of the kind of tension you have in your family.”

  “Lavina, you’re getting ahead of things,” he said quickly. “We can’t even get married until after the harvest next year. We could have our own place by then.”

  “How?” she asked, pulling a tissue from her purse to mop at her tears. “Neither of us makes enough money to save up for a house with what we earn, let alone the farm you want.”

  He tried to take her hand in his but she wouldn’t let him. “We don’t know that. I can get a second job.”

  “Even that’s not going to be enough.”

  “Have you lost your faith in us?” he asked quietly. “Have you lost your faith that God will provide?”

  “Maybe I have,” she said in such a low voice that he almost didn’t hear her. “I’ve been waiting for us for a long time, David.”

  She took a deep breath. “I need some time alone. I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while.”

  With that she opened the door, got out, and ran into her house.

  18

  David sat there for several minutes, trying to understand what had just happened.

  Once, when he’d been a teenager, he’d gone for a ride on a roller coaster at a local amusement park. What Lavina had just said reminded him of the sickening ups and downs he’d felt then.

  He didn’t blame her for being upset at the scene last night at supper. He’d been upset enough to go out to the barn to cool off. But he felt like she was blowing things all out of proportion. It wasn’t like her. She’d always been so calm, so steady. His rock.

  Apparently she had a breaking point he’d never been aware of.

  Finally, he started his truck and made the short drive back to his house. His conversation with Bill that afternoon came back to him as he parked, locked the truck, and walked slowly into his house. Bill had commented that he’d been a little selfish with Lavina, saying that he’d let her help him through difficult times with his dat, but hadn’t listened to her or supported her enough. The fact that she was as upset as she was now, when she didn’t react impulsively, made him realize he hadn’t been sensitive enough to her moods, her feelings sooner . . .