“Ansel, I’m completely spent. I can’t deal with one more thing right now, but only a hot soak and a needed rest. Can it please wait?”
“I need to talk to you now. No, it cannot wait.”
“Then talk to me.” I said abruptly. My shoulders dropped as my patience wore thin.
“Not here, can we go to your chambers?”
I nodded, spun around, and headed to my room, leaving him to catch up to me. My nerves were frayed and my mouth had gone dry in anticipation of words I didn’t want to hear.
I pushed in the door to my chambers. He followed me in and closed it behind him. Turning to face him, I kept my distance. My eyes narrowed as I crossed my arms in front of me. With my jaw set, I tried to brace myself for what he was about to say.
“Amáne, this is not going to be easy for either of us.”
I stopped breathing. My heart accelerated. I pressed my lips together and waited for him to continue.
“I didn’t want to take you by surprise at Council, but wanted you to be prepared for my decision, so you’ll have time to think about it and accept it ... time to work on your quick temper ...”
“No! Don’t! We are not having this conversation right now. We can’t. You have to wait until the Council. Ansel, you’re not being fair.”
Not heeding my plea, he said sternly, “The danger is just too great for me to allow your quest at this time. It will have to be postponed to a later date.”
“A later date won’t work. You can’t just make that ruling right now. How can you prejudge your decision when you haven’t even listened to our plan? It’s unfair.”
Making an effort to speak respectfully to him, I found I was failing. I had to fight for what I thought was right — the Healer needed a dragon egg. Eshshah and I were the only ones that could get it for her. This is for his throne. Why can’t he understand that?
“It’s not unfair,” he remained firm, not backing down. “I’m telling you now so that you can get a grip on yourself before the Council meets. This way you can accept your orders as given, and not embarrass yourself by arguing with me in front of the other riders. You tend to run a little hot when you want something your way.”
At that moment I understood. It made perfect sense. Giving me the opportunity to think it over ahead of time would save both of us from embarrassment. Truthfully, he didn’t deserve the way I sometimes treated him. The other riders should never witness any disrespect, especially from a new rider. And there were some older riders who would be aghast that any disrespect toward the prince would come from ... a girl. Ansel was, of course, right. Without reason, though, this truth made me even more angry. And, as usual, I lost what little composure I had left. My tongue took over.
“Oh I get it, now! You’re afraid I’ll ‘run hot’ in the middle of Council. That they’ll see the true me — my temper — my stubbornness — my double fatal flaw.”
“Don’t use that word, Amáne.”
I didn’t apologize.
“ Amáne, please understand, I thought I had lost you,” he said low and desperate. “I couldn’t take it. I know it was terrorizing for you, and for that reason, it was torture for me as well. You’re safe now and I’m not ready to put you out there again.”
As well as he knew me, he should have known this was not the time to confront me with this information. He should have listened to me and let me recover. I know he thought he was saying the right thing, trying to help, but my exhaustion and torment crashed down on me at that moment. My eyes stung. My anger wrapped me in its dark hot embrace as I lashed out at him.
“You’re not ready to put me out there? If you would care more about your kingdom than you do your personal desires, then maybe you would have had your throne by now — and Farvard would still be alive!” Farvard was the dragon rider, and my friend, who had been killed when Ansel was abducted by Galtero’s men.
I regretted my words even as the last one left my lips. My eyes went wide. I clasped my hand over my mouth and backed up. Remorse tightened its claws around my chest.
Just as shocked at what I had said, he cursed. “Don’t insult me, Amáne! You know how much I care about Teravinea. It’s killing me to watch everything my father stood for be spat upon by Galtero. You also know that I accept full responsibility for Farvard’s death.”
I wanted nothing more in my life than to take back my angry words. But words will not retract. I stood silent.
“My personal desires?” He raged. “Because I care about your safety? I care about the safety of all the riders.”
He began to pace, running his fingers through his hair. Stopping abruptly, he faced me. “I can’t help feeling the way I do about you. I can’t just close my eyes and pretend it will go away, which seems to be the way you deal with things. It might work in your fantasy world, but not in my world.”
Ansel’s eyes narrowed. “I’m no fool, Amáne. Do you think that I don’t know what you’ve been trying to do all along? You think that if you hold me at arm’s length that it will make a difference in my decisions — that I’ll merrily approve your quest? How far you are from me and however often you push me away makes no difference. I can’t just turn off my love. And I can’t disregard your safety.”
I’d pushed him too far. Will I ever learn to hold my tongue?
He was unable to restrain himself. Through clenched teeth, he said, “You are the most stubborn person I have ever met.”
After a pause, he closed his eyes and took a deep jagged breath. When he opened them and met mine, they were filled with pain.
“Okay, you win. This round is all yours.” He put his hands up, conceding defeat.
I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll consent to your quest, Amáne. I promise. As you wish. Without even hearing your plan. Go. Do your duty however you see fit. Restore my throne. Save Teravinea. Save the whole world if that’s what you want.” Throwing in expletives at fitting intervals, he lost all sense of his manners as he cursed like the sailors in Dorsal.
“After that, you can just live your lonely life, never have anyone, or any memories of happiness, because your duty comes before anything that would ever make you happy. So be it. You can be like my aunt was for most of her life — alone.” His voice shook.
Then, in a low pained tone, “Just so you know, you’ve sentenced me to the same fate, Amáne ... because, like it or not, you own my heart. Even if I were duty-bound to take a wife, there would be no room for her. So you see, in essence, I too will be alone.”
That revelation cut me — right through my heart. My hand went involuntarily to my breast. My breath came in short gasps.
“Don’t worry, Amáne,” his face went hard, his eyes cold and sharp, “I will no longer bother you for your attentions. It will be strictly professional between us — allegiance and duty only. Have a nice and lonely life.” With that, he turned on his heel and rushed out of the room. But not before I saw the moisture in his eyes.
My victory. I’ll be allowed my quest. But at what price? This victory was not sweet, but bitter and nauseating. I loathed myself. It was unforgiveable what I had done to him. I’d lowered myself to the despicable selfish person I truly was.
Fiona’s words echoed in my mind, “You’re breaking that boy’s heart!”
She was wrong. I didn’t break it — I ripped it right out of his chest.
I turned my back to the door, bit my knuckles and moaned in anguish.
“Eshshah, maybe he’s right. Maybe I am fated to be alone. But look what I’ve done to him. Why does love have to be so hard?”
She was with me in thought transference, but didn’t answer my question. It was rhetorical — there is no answer.
“Love?” I stopped short. “Do I love him, Eshshah?”
“I’ve felt the strong attraction between you two, and your dedication you had to each other, though you denied it, Amáne. If that’s what you humans call love, then yes.”
I let out a dark laugh. “Well I’ve made short
work of it, then, haven’t I? I’ve lost any chance I may have had.”
I paced the floor. My harsh words echoed in my head. The more I thought about what I’d done, the more angry I became with myself. My pacing increased its tempo as my despair rose. Grabbing a cup from my table, I hurled it against the wall. It smashed into a thousand pieces.
My door burst open. Bern rushed in with his sword drawn. I snatched a candle stand off the table — ready to launch it at him. Luckily for him, I realized who it was. He quickly surveyed the room and then looked at me awkwardly.
“Are you guarding my door?” I shouted as I glared at him. Bern had no idea how to handle a fifteen year old girl who had just boiled over. He stood there uncomfortably for a short time. Then he bowed his head and backed out, closing the door behind him.
That was all I could take. Like the cup I just shattered, I broke. I threw myself down on my bed and began to scream uncontrollably into the pillows.
When I’d finally quieted down, there were two small taps on the door. I heard the Healer’s footsteps as she let herself in. A sweet aroma filled the air. My sensitive nose detected a combination of ginger, camomile and eleuthro, all calming herbs. I didn’t give her the courtesy of acknowledging her presence. I kept my face buried in the bedding. My harrowing ordeal, my shame, the loss of my best friend all weighed heavily on me.
“Amáne,” said the Healer, softly, “please have some tea. Lali will be in soon to help you remove your gown so you can have a hot soak. I’m truly sorry about what you’ve been through. If you can, think of the good that will come of it. A slave trade has been discovered. King Tynan is being advised and he will use his power to put an end to this despicable commerce. You, without your consent, have played a part in this. Lives will be saved. The guilty parties will be punished. Kalonice and her mother are being transported to King Tynan at this moment.”
I flinched at the mention of Kalonice’s name. “If good will come of this, then I’ll accept it, Healer,” I murmured into the pillows. But even the knowledge of Kalonice’s fate did nothing to lighten my mood.
“Look at me, Amáne.”
I hesitated and then reluctantly turned over to face her.
She regarded me closely, searching my face, then my eyes. “Ah ... there’s more to this.”
I didn’t answer, but chewed my lower lip. I couldn’t meet her eyes, but kept mine focused on the ceiling.
“Ansel spoke with you?”
I nodded.
“He told you that your quest will be denied?”
Again, I nodded.
After a pause, I added, “But then he changed his mind and told me that he’ll consent to it.”
Her eyebrows raised. “He told you he would approve your quest?”
“Yes, Healer, but it was only after I was so cruel to him. I insulted him — I’m the most horrible person in the entire kingdom. Why does my tongue always act before my head ... or my heart? Why did I have to hurt him? Healer, I never really deserved his friendship in the first place, and now I’ve lost it. What kind of monster am I?” I turned back over and sobbed into the pillow.
She put her hand on my head and stroked my hair, but before she could respond, there was a small knock and the door opened again. I lifted my face to find Lali. She brought in a tray of small cakes. Putting the tray down, she faced me and presented me with a sharp dragon salute.
My head jerked toward the Healer. I blinked in disbelief. The Healer nodded as if to say, ‘Lali now knows.’ Looking back at Lali I nodded and then leapt up from my bed and threw my arms around her gingerly, mindful of her injuries.
“I’m sorry, Lali.” I looked at her bruises, touching her face gently. “This is all my fault. Please forgive me.”
“Mistress Amáne, don’t you for one second think that any of this was your fault. I only apologize that I was so weak and allowed those two brutes to defeat me. But I’m sure they won’t forget the fight I gave them any time soon. One will have trouble for quite some time with his personals, and the other will be lamenting the use of his fingers. If only I would’ve had a dagger, or been quicker, they would never have gotten the better of me. We would have avoided the abuse you had to go through. I should be the one apologizing. If I ever see that girl again ... well ... she will wish she was never born.”
I couldn’t help but smile as she continued her prattle. The fact that Lali now shared my secret allowed me a small touch of comfort in the midst of my despair.
She released me from my gown and then drew a hot bath, placing lavender and other fragrant herbs in the steaming water. Since she knew I was a dragon rider, I no longer had to hide Eshshah’s linking mark. She looked quizzically at the hideous tattoo on my ankle, but didn’t insist. I decided one day I would explain it, but not now.
Twenty-six dragon riders sat around a large round table. One chair remained empty in memory of Farvard. Another empty chair sat three places to my right — to be occupied by Ansel. The room resonated with a low buzz as various conversations took place while we waited for his arrival.
This Council set my nerves on end for several reasons. The meeting included a special ceremony to officially swear Eshshah and me in as a linked pair, bound to the Royal House of Drekinn — Ansel’s line. I would again be the center of attention. My stomach quaked, nauseous in anticipation.
My ultimate distress — besides the fact that Ansel would be seated only three chairs from me — was that I would have to face him after what I’d said to him. I resigned myself to the fact that I must remain detached and professional, while we proposed our plan for our quest. I couldn’t begin to guess how Ansel would behave toward me.
I practiced deep and even breaths to gain composure. My head turned when the door opened. I caught my breath as Ansel entered and strode toward his chair. He carried himself in the most regal manner that I had never before seen from him. His face stern, his jaw set. Even as majestic as he had looked at the ball, it was no comparison to his princely bearing as he entered the Council room.
To my surprise, the riders all stood and saluted him. I had no idea that he merited the dragon salute. If I had bothered to give it any thought, it would have made perfect sense. He was the leader of all the riders, therefore deserving of the honor. I jumped to my feet and joined in the salute. He crisply saluted us back.
“Welcome dragon riders,” he said in an authoritative voice. This was not the same Ansel I had known, and shamefully abused. This was the true Prince of Teravinea. I trembled at my insolence.
“The Dragon Rider Council will now convene.” He remained standing and so did we. “We have a first order of business that has not been a part of our Councils for a great number of years. This will be the first in my lifetime. It is my honor to officially swear in a recently linked pair.”
He shot a look in my direction. His eyes didn’t meet mine, but fell somewhere around my lips or my chin. I swallowed hard as my heart pounded in my ears. I fought to remain in control.
Ansel continued, “I must apologize that this ceremony cannot be done properly — in an outdoor arena with rider and dragon side by side — as it should be. In these dire times, the linked pair have been essentially in hiding. We’re forced to perform this ceremony behind closed doors with Eshshah present only in open thought transference.”
Without further delay, he turned to me and began, “Eshshah and Amáne, have you undertaken to accept the privilege of Dragon and Chosen One as a linked pair bound to the Royal House of Drekinn, through your own desire, and with no coercion from another party?”
“We have, your Lord — er my Grace — that is, Your Grace.” My nerves were frayed This ceremony didn’t start as I would have hoped, especially in front of Ansel and twenty-five riders. The blood rose in my face. He showed no emotion, but remained hard and detached. I could hear quiet snickers from a few of the other riders.
“Very well, Rider Amáne, please join me at the steps. Riders, you may be seated.”
Ansel stepped away
from his chair and motioned for me to walk with him to a platform against the wall, near the door he had entered. It was shaped in a half circle with three steps leading up to it — a small stage.
The short trip from my chair to the steps proved to be the most difficult walk I had ever made in my life. Right beside him, yet I couldn’t look up at him, or take his arm, or find any pleasure in being by his side. A shell of myself, I blocked any feelings for him I may have had. The entire way, I concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other, lest I trip. Successfully making my way to the dais, I remained at the bottom while he took the three steps and turned to face me.
He drew his sword and held it in front of him. “Please kneel.”
Lowering his sword above my head but not touching it, “Amáne, daughter of Catriona of Teravinea, you have been deemed a Chosen One by Eshshah of the Royal line of Dragons to be her rider for eternity. Do you, Eshshah, and you, Amáne now swear by your linking that you will honor and defend the Kingdom of Teravinea under the Crown of the Royal House of Drekinn?”
“We will.” Eshshah and I said simultaneously.
“That you will acknowledge the additional bond to the royal family of Drekinn, due to Eshshah’s line intertwined with mine?” His voice quavered.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and responded, “We will.”
“That you will honor, defend and protect your Peers and those weaker than you?”
“We will.”
“That you will conduct yourselves in all matters as befits a dragon and rider to the benefit of your own good name and the greater glory of the Kingdom of Teravinea?”
“Yes, we will.”
“Then having sworn these solemn oaths, know that I, Ansel, son of King Emeric of the Royal House of Drekinn, true and rightful heir to the throne of Teravinea do bind you, Eshshah and you, Amáne, dragon and rider, as a linked pair to the Kingdom of Teravinea, and additionally to the Royal house of Drekinn to defend in honor and duty until you lie with your ancestors.”
Amáne of Teravinea - The Prophecy (The Teravinea Series Book 2) Page 13