The Secret She Keeps

by HelenKay Dimon

  She couldn’t do this.

  “Okay, enough.” She stood up so quickly that she knocked her chair over. It crashed against the hard floor. “I just laid it all out there. You all wanted to know, and now you do.”

  The look of concern on Sylvia’s face spoke for the room. “Maddie . . .”

  “I’m done with show-and-tell.”

  Maddie stormed out of the room. The words spewing out of her were unfair and she knew it. But the fire in her head and the mash of memories running through her mind—the ones she tried so hard to pack and put away—knocked her off balance. Her fingers tingled and her heart raced.

  She made it the whole way to the outside of the building before she doubled over. Balancing her butt against the wall, she braced her hands on her knees. Took deep, cleansing breaths. Forced her mind to think of good memories, but hunting those down zapped her strength.

  She slid down the stucco wall until her ass hit the wet grass. Last night’s rain soaked through her jeans on contact, but she had bigger problems. Tipping her head back, she let the cold breeze blow over her. Above her all she saw was a solid gray sky. No rain but something was coming. She felt it to her bones.

  A door banged shut in the distance. She could hear a dog barking and assumed someone walked by and got a front row seat to her messy reaction. She closed her eyes, not wanting to know who or how many people stood around or waited in their cars to see what she would do next.

  This was what mental exhaustion looked like. All that running and energy spent convincing herself she was fine when she felt anything but. The anxiety built and grew and just walloped her.

  “You forgot your jacket.”

  She opened her eyes and saw Connor standing over her. He held out her raincoat but his expression was unreadable. She looked for anger or disgust but got an emotional void. It was as if he felt nothing and that realization punched into her, stealing the last of her will.

  She took the coat. “I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, you look fine.” He glanced at the wet ground, then sat down beside her.

  “You’re going to have wet underwear.”

  He shrugged. “Won’t be the first time.”

  “That sounds like a story.” She turned to look at him and half hoped he’d tell it.

  He sat in a sprawl with his long legs bent at the knee and his feet flat against the ground. His arms hung between his legs and a slight smile crossed his lips. “He’s a hotel guy now, but when I was growing up, my dad had a thing for camping.”

  “What about your mom?”

  The smile grew. “She did not. She was always pro-hotel. But he would get us out there, to this cabin in the woods that he loved, and we’d go boating and swimming.”

  The longer he talked, the more the tension eased from her body. “In your underwear?”

  “Hansen thought it was funny to try to throw Alexis in the lake. When he couldn’t find her, he’d come after me. Lots of sibling wrestling happened on that dock in Maryland.”

  “You’re close to your family.”

  “My parents are good people. Not perfect, but clear.” He glanced at her then. “Do you know what I mean by that?”

  She realized she’d snuggled up next to him but didn’t care. Didn’t try to move away. “Like, honest?”

  “Sort of. It’s like I know who they are because they’ve always been true, even when they messed up. Hansen lost it when Alexis died. His temper raged and he couldn’t work. The most natural thing was for Dad and me to step up and to get Hansen out of there so he could find peace. We didn’t debate it. We filled the void.”

  They were good people. She knew that from what she knew about Hansen, from the articles she read, and from being with Connor nearly nonstop since he arrived on Whitaker.

  He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. “Years before we lost Alexis, my dad had a drinking problem, so none of us drink. My mom had a cancer scare when I was in college, so we all vowed to shave our heads, even Alexis. Never had to, but that’s how it worked. We were a team, still are, but we’re down a player.”

  “Losing Alexis must have been devastating.”

  “My mom changed. Retreated emotionally. She describes losing a child as this sucking pain that never goes away. She is pretty stoic and not outwardly emotional, but it’s as if a part of her heart was ripped out and she never refilled the hole. Never wanted to. She talks about not being able to breathe some days.”

  Maddie leaned her head against his shoulder. “I can’t imagine.”

  “You’ve known loss.”

  She thought about the secrets she’d just shared. “My mom died while I was in witness protection. Ovarian cancer.”

  He pulled back a few inches and looked down at her. “Were you able to see her?”

  She choked back the unexpected rush of tears. “Too dangerous. But it had always been us. My parents divorced when I was young and my father immediately moved on to a new family.”

  “What the fuck kind of father is that?”

  Of course that would be appalling to him. He only knew family acceptance. She’d learned long ago that the concept of unconditional love had its limits. “Some guys leave.”

  “Some guys suck.”

  She wanted to reach out and take his hand. Forget that they were right there, in the middle of town, sitting on wet grass in the freezing cold, and her with a jacket on her lap but not on. Let them watch and wonder. “Does it matter?”

  He looked confused. “What?”

  “My past. The money. Being involved in that mess.”

  “It wasn’t your mess, Maddie.” He sucked in his breath. “Should I still call you Maddie?”

  “I’m Maddie now . . .” There were so many buts that went after that. She wasn’t sure where to start. “You’re honest and decent and . . . I get it if what I told you is too much.”

  “Would it surprise you that many of the people I deal with in my job every day think I’m a ruthless dick?”

  “I can imagine you being successful, but that description doesn’t really fit you.”

  “Don’t let vacation Connor fool you. I fight pretty hard for what I want.”

  It was the way he said it. His voice dipped deep and heat flashed in his eyes.

  The last of her panic subsided. “What do you want?”

  “You. From the first day I talked to you.”

  She smiled because he made the distinction between meeting her and talking to her. That was her fault but the guilt over the hitting had also eased. That’s what Connor did. He made things better.

  “My underwear is wet.” She had to fight off a laugh as she said the words.

  “We should do something about that.” He jumped to his feet and held a hand down to help her up.

  That lightness she sought, the sensation that was supposed to hit when a person told the truth they’d been hiding, still eluded her. But the burden wasn’t as heavy now.

  “You’re smiling.” He helped her into her raincoat. “It’s good to see.”

  He put it there. She knew it and she sensed a part of him knew it. “I’m tired of running.”

  “We’ll move into your place.” He reached for her arm. “And we’ll—”

  “Touch her and you die.”

  She heard the voice and looked up. That’s when she saw the gun pointed at Connor’s head.

  Chapter 20

  Connor froze. The pressure of the barrel against his skull held him in place. He thought about all those boxing sessions and ways he could trip up the man next to him, but every option led to a bullet to the brain.

  The other option was to call out for Ben. Yell, then take Maddie to the ground, hoping Ben would get out there in time to stop whatever came next, but that put Maddie in danger.

  Both choices sucked.

  He tried to send Maddie the silent message to duck and run, but she wasn’t looking at him. Her focus centered on the man over his shoulder and there wasn’t an ounce of fear in her frown.r />
  “Evan?” She sounded as confused as she looked.

  “Police.” Ben shifted into view from around the side of the building. He had his gun and walked alone, careful and determined, while Sylvia pushed bystanders back into the parking lot and out of the way. “Put the weapon down.”

  Tension still snapped through Connor. Too many people hovered and all of them had guns. That was too many guns for his comfort.

  “It’s okay. Let’s stay calm.” Evan’s voice remained even and placating. There was a rhythm to his words that was almost hypnotizing.

  “You heard me.” Ben kept his gun raised with his aim clear. Nothing in his demeanor suggested he was ready to back down.

  “How did you even know we were out here?” Evan kept the conversation light despite the tensions slamming against them. “Impressive.”

  “Four people came into my office to report you the second you got close to Maddie and Connor.” Ben’s voice didn’t waver. “Now, put the gun down.”

  Color flooded into Maddie’s cheeks. She looked at the men around her, the weapons, and held up her hands. “This is the marshal. Evan Williams.”

  Ben hadn’t moved. “Lower the weapon, Evan. Now.”

  Evan hesitated another few seconds before dropping his arm. Relief flooded through Connor a second later. Every instinct in him screamed to punch this guy but he pushed it down. He still was the only one other than Maddie without a weapon.

  “He was bothering Maddie and I stepped in.” Evan slipped his weapon into the holster he wore at his side.

  She shook her head. “He really wasn’t.”

  “It’s good to see you.” Evan stepped forward and hugged Maddie.

  She stilled and he clapped her shoulder a bit harder than normal. The touching struck Connor as one of the more awkward welcomes he’d ever seen. He guessed that made sense since Maddie and Evan had a relationship based on danger and safety. Add to that her reluctance to have protection and it was not exactly a recipe for a close friendship.

  “I’m Ben Clifford and that needs to be the last time you draw your weapon on this island.” Ben’s shoulders relaxed as he shifted out of battle stance but his voice stayed firm.

  Evan shook his head. “I can’t promise that.”

  “Do it anyway.”

  For a second Evan just stood there in his dark pants and slim black down jacket. Then he nodded. “Happy you called and filled me in about what’s been happening. Looks like it was just in time.”

  Connor’s dislike of the other man was immediate and unrelenting. He tried to nail down what bugged him. The guy thought a lot of himself, which wasn’t a surprise. That tended to come with the carry-a-gun-so-I’m-in-charge vibe. He walked into danger without hesitating. That level of self-assurance sometimes bled over into asshole.

  He was fit and tall, probably in his late forties, and wore an expression that suggested he viewed himself as Maddie’s savior. No wonder she wanted out of the program as soon as possible.

  “This is Connor Rye.” Maddie moved to stand next to him and touched his arm. “He’s a . . . friend.”

  She had to be kidding. “Are you serious right now?”

  Evan looked from Maddie to Connor. “What am I missing here?”

  “Everyone.” Sylvia joined them, lowering her voice after her initial greeting. “We have an audience. I think we should head over to the Lodge. I can get Mr. . . .” She looked at the marshal.

  He shot her a wide smile. “Williams, but call me Evan.”

  Yeah, Connor didn’t like the guy at all.

  Sylvia gestured for Evan to come with her. “We’ll get you settled in. I’m thinking we can all use some pie or liquor. Maybe liquor and pie.”

  Sylvia had guided Evan toward the parked cars and the small crowd that had gathered there, eavesdropping with abandon. Not even pretending to hide they were listening in. Even Paul stood there with Mr. Higginbotham.

  Evan and Sylvia only got a few steps before Evan turned around. “I get that we have a crowd issue but I need to talk with Maddie. Just a few minutes alone. We can get a lot of this straightened out and let the people on the island get back to their lives.”

  Connor had to give the guy credit for knowing his target. He knew where to aim. He had to know she felt guilty about upsetting people on Whitaker and he drove right there. The asshole.

  But if Maddie felt obliged to go with him, she didn’t show it. She waved off the concern. “We can do that at the Lodge. Get checked in and then we’ll run through what’s happened and some new information that might have come up while you were on your way here.”

  Evan’s eyes narrowed. “Interesting.”

  Connor enjoyed seeing her deny Evan’s order and ignore the emotional blackmail more than he wanted to admit. “Isn’t it?”

  “Then we’re all agreed.” Sylvia had her hand under Evan’s elbow and got him moving back toward the parking lot again. “Let me show you the way.”

  A wave of exhaustion hit Connor, but he welcomed the release of tension. Maddie’s outpouring about her past. Her breakdown right there in the grass. All that sharing took a toll. He’d spent two years blocking every emotion and keeping as far out of people’s private lives as possible. He’d been on Whitaker little more than a week and he’d been roped into investigations and protective details . . . and being with her.

  “Isn’t it?” Maddie said, mimicking his tone. “Really?”

  If she wanted to do this, they would do it. “Friend?”

  She shook her head as she walked past him, following in Sylvia’s footsteps. “Behave yourself. He’s here to help.”

  He thought about pointing out how she didn’t want the marshal here but he let the subject drop. No use getting into a battle he couldn’t win because she’d keep changing the rules anyway. “Yes, ma’am.”

  He tried to remember where he’d put his keys. Before he could take a step, Ben shifted in front of him.

  “Careful.” Ben made a show of glancing in Evan’s direction and Maddie’s retreating back before looking at Connor again. “I’m serious. This is good advice, so take it.”

  He sure looked serious. Stress showed in every line on his face. Adrenaline likely still thrummed through him following that standoff with the marshal.

  But that didn’t mean Connor understood the message Ben was trying to send. “Meaning?”

  “The man carries a gun.”

  “Yeah, I know. He aimed it at my head when he threatened me.”

  Ben finally seemed to relax a bit. “You do have that effect on people.”

  “Now that we know about Maddie’s past and what happened, is he really needed?” Connor knew the answer—no. The guy should leave, go back to his desk. Go help the other people he was supposed to watch over. The ones actually in the program.

  Ben smiled. “You’re pretty transparent.”

  “How?”

  “You’re jealous of the marshal.”

  No way was Connor engaging on that topic. His feelings for Maddie were on constant fire. His brain misfired and fogged around him. She generally had him running in circles. Something he never did. He stayed focused, so focused that he’d nearly worked himself to death over the last two years. This constant blur of mental confusion . . . he blamed her.

  But none of that was the point. This was about some jackass bursting into her life and trying to take it over. That way of existing was behind her and she was clear that’s where she wanted it to stay. “She doesn’t want to be in the program anymore.”

  “He thinks she should be. I know that because we’ve talked several times. He’s convinced someone from her past, from that case, wants revenge.” Ben sounded like he agreed.

  Connor got it. All of the responsibility for Whitaker landed on Ben’s shoulders. Having Maddie gone meant less danger. But there was another answer. The one where they found out who was messing with her and stopped it. “Did he tell you who might want this revenge? Because it sounds like most of the key players in wha
t happened to her are now dead.”

  “He didn’t give me any details but I got the impression he’s been watching over her from afar out of concern.”

  Of course he was. He acted like he owned her, or at least got to decide how she reacted to the situation in front of her. So, it wasn’t a surprise. “Creepy.”

  Ben let out a long sigh. “It’s probably a habit.”

  Made sense but Connor wasn’t in the mood to be practical or fair. “Well, he can go back to watching her from a distance.”

  Ben whistled. “He’s right about one thing.”

  “What?”

  “This is going to get interesting.”

  They all jammed into Sylvia’s office twenty minutes later. Evan sat in her leather desk chair, because of course he did.

  The reasons for Connor to dislike the guy kept piling up.

  Sylvia and Maddie took the other chairs and Ben and Connor stood by the door. Connor thought it might be good to be this close to the exit. He didn’t see a reason to be trapped in here any longer than necessary.

  “We have notes without fingerprints.” Ben took over the conversation after the initial passing out of water and coffee. Liquor and pie would need to wait. “Threats that might link back to the dead PI, but why would he leave them for Maddie? What does a PI gain from that sort of behavior?”

  “He could be working for someone else,” Evan said. “Completely unrelated. It’s possible we’re jumping to conclusions.”

  Ben shrugged. “Possible but not likely.”

  Maddie had turned her chair around so she could face everyone in the room. Up until that point she’d been busy staring into her coffee cup, but at Ben’s comment she perked up. “There is no way the PI on an assignment thousands of miles away from home—a home where I once lived—just happens to pick this island where I’m hiding out. That coincidence is too much to believe.”

  “Agreed. That’s why I’ve made a request for a review of his client files and computer.” Ben talked in clipped sentences, fully back in command and clearly not ceding the floor to Evan. “Tomorrow I’ll start a search of the island to figure out where he was staying before he was killed and see if we can find anything to direct us there.”