Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 1

by Samuel Richardson

  LETTER XXXI

  MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. MONDAY, MARCH 13.

  In vain dost thou* and thy compeers press me to go to town, while I amin such an uncertainty as I am in at present with this proud beauty.All the ground I have hitherto gained with her is entirely owing to herconcern for the safety of people whom I have reason to hate.

  *These gentlemen affected what they called the Roman style (to wit, the thee and the thou) in their letters: and it was an agreed rule with them, to take in good part whatever freedoms they treated each other with, if the passages were written in that style.

  Write then, thou biddest me, if I will not come. That, indeed, I can do;and as well without a subject, as with one. And what follows shall be aproof of it.

  The lady's malevolent brother has now, as I told thee at M. Hall,introduced another man; the most unpromising in his person andqualities, the most formidable in his offers, that has yet appeared.

  This man has by his proposals captivated every soul of theHarlowes--Soul! did I say--There is not a soul among them but mycharmer's: and she, withstanding them all, is actually confined, andotherwise maltreated by a father the most gloomy and positive; at theinstigation of a brother the most arrogant and selfish. But thou knowesttheir characters; and I will not therefore sully my paper with them.

  But is it not a confounded thing to be in love with one, who is thedaughter, the sister, the niece, of a family, I must eternally despise?And, the devil of it, that love increasing with her--what shall I callit?--'Tis not scorn:--'Tis not pride:--'Tis not the insolence of anadored beauty:--But 'tis to virtue, it seems, that my difficulties areowin; and I pay for not being a sly sinner, an hypocrite; for beingregardless of my reputation; for permittin slander to open its mouthagainst me. But is it necessary for such a one as I, who have been usedto carry all before me, upon my own terms--I, who never inspired a fear,that had not a discernibly-predominant mixture of love in it, to be ahypocrite?--Well says the poet:

  He who seems virtuous does but act a part; And shews not his own nature, but his art.

  Well, but it seems I must practise for this art, if it would succeedwith this truly-admirable creature; but why practise for it?--CannotI indeed reform?--I have but one vice;--Have I, Jack?--Thou knowest myheart, if any man living does. As far as I know it myself, thou knowestit. But 'tis a cursed deceiver; for it has many a time imposed upon itsmaster--Master, did I say? That I am not now; nor have I been from themoment I beheld this angel of a woman. Prepared indeed as I was by hercharacter before I saw her: For what a mind must that be, which,though not virtuous itself, admires not virtue in another?--My visitto Arabella, owing to a mistake of the sister, into which, as thou hastheard me say, I was led by the blundering uncle; who was to introduceme (but lately come from abroad) to the divinity, as I thought; but,instead of her, carried me to a mere mortal. And much difficulty had I,so fond and forward my lady! to get off without forfeiting all with afamily I intended should give me a goddess.

  I have boasted that I was once in love before:--and indeed I thoughtI was. It was in my early manhood--with that quality jilt, whoseinfidelity I have vowed to revenge upon as many of the sex as shall comeinto my power. I believe, in different climes, I have alreadysacrificed an hecatomb to my Nemesis, in pursuance of this vow. But uponrecollecting what I was then, and comparing it with what I find myselfnow, I cannot say that I was ever in love before.

  What was it then, dost thou ask me, since the disappointment had sucheffects upon me, when I found myself jilted, that I was hardly kept inmy senses?--Why, I'll grant thee what, as near as I can remember; forit was a great while ago:--It was--Egad, Jack, I can hardly tell whatit was--but a vehement aspiration after a novelty, I think. Thoseconfounded poets, with their terrenely-celestial descriptions, did asmuch with me as the lady: they fired my imagination, and set me upona desire to become a goddess-maker. I must needs try my new-fledgedpinions in sonnet, elogy, and madrigal. I must have a Cynthia, a Stella,a Sacharissa, as well as the best of them: darts and flames, and thedevil knows what, must I give to my cupid. I must create beauty, andplace it where nobody else could find it: and many a time have I been ata loss for a subject, when my new-created goddess has been kinder thanit was proper for my plaintive sonnet that she should be.

  Then I found I had a vanity of another sort in my passion: I foundmyself well received among the women in general; and I thought it apretty lady-like tyranny [I was then very young, and very vain!] tosingle out some one of the sex, to make half a score jealous. And I cantell thee, it had its effect: for many an eye have I made to sparklewith rival indignation: many a cheek glow; and even many a fan have Icaused to be snapped at a sister-beauty; accompanied with a reflectionperhaps at being seen alone with a wild young fellow who could not be inprivate with both at once.

  In short, Jack, it was more pride than love, as I now find it, that putme upon making such a confounded rout about losing that noble varletess.I thought she loved me at least as well as I believed I loved her:nay, I had the vanity to suppose she could not help it. My friends werepleased with my choice. They wanted me to be shackled: for early didthey doubt my morals, as to the sex. They saw, that the dancing, thesinging, the musical ladies were all fond of my company: For who [I amin a humour to be vain, I think!]--for who danced, who sung, who touchedthe string, whatever the instrument, with a better grace than thyfriend?

  I have no notion of playing the hypocrite so egregiously, as to pretendto be blind to qualifications which every one sees and acknowledges.Such praise-begetting hypocrisy! Such affectedly disclaimed attributes!Such contemptible praise-traps!--But yet, shall my vanity extend onlyto personals, such as the gracefulness of dress, my debonnaire, and myassurance?--Self-taught, self-acquired, these!--For my parts, I valuenot myself upon them. Thou wilt say, I have no cause.--Perhaps not. Butif I had any thing valuable as to intellectuals, those are not my own;and to be proud of what a man is answerable for the abuse of, and hasno merit in the right use of, is to strut, like the jay, in borrowedplumage.

  But to return to my fair jilt. I could not bear, that a woman, who wasthe first that had bound me in silken fetters [they were not iron ones,like those I now wear] should prefer a coronet to me: and when the birdwas flown, I set more value upon it, that when I had it safe in my cage,and could visit in when I pleased.

  But now am I indeed in love. I can think of nothing, of nobody, butthe divine Clarissa Harlowe--Harlowe!--How that hated word sticks in mythroat--But I shall give her for it the name of Love.*

  * Lovelace.

  CLARISSA! O there's music in the name, That, soft'ning me to infant tenderness, Makes my heart spring like the first leaps of life!

  But couldst thou have believed that I, who think it possible for meto favour as much as I can be favoured; that I, who for this charmingcreature think of foregoing the life of honour for the life of shackles;could adopt these over-tender lines of Otway?

  I checked myself, and leaving the first three lines of the following ofDryden to the family of whiners, find the workings of the passion in mystormy soul better expressed by the three last:

  Love various minds does variously inspire: He stirs in gentle natures gentle fires; Like that of incense on the alter laid.

  But raging flames tempestuous souls invade: A fire which ev'ry windy passion blows; With pride it mounts, and with revenge it glows.

  And with REVENGE it shall glow!--For, dost thou think, that if it werenot from the hope, that this stupid family are all combined to do mywork for me, I would bear their insults?--Is it possible to imagine,that I would be braved as I am braved, threatened as I am threatened, bythose who are afraid to see me; and by this brutal brother, too, towhom I gave a life; [a life, indeed, not worth my taking!] had I nota greater pride in knowing that by means of his very spy upon me, I amplaying him off as I please; cooling or inflaming his violent passionsas may best suit my purposes; permitting so much to be revealed of mylife and actions, and intentions, as may give
him such a confidence inhis double-faced agent, as shall enable me to dance his employer upon myown wires?

  This it is that makes my pride mount above my resentment. By thisengine, whose springs I am continually oiling, I play them all off.The busy old tarpaulin uncle I make but my ambassador to Queen AnabellaHowe, to engage her (for example-sake to her princessly daughter) tojoin in their cause, and to assert an authority they are resolved, rightor wrong, (or I could do nothing,) to maintain.

  And what my motive, dost thou ask? No less than this, That my belovedshall find no protection out of my family; for, if I know hers, fly shemust, or have the man she hates. This, therefore, if I take my measuresright, and my familiar fail me not, will secure her mine, in spite ofthem all; in spite of her own inflexible heart: mine, without condition;without reformation-promises; without the necessity of a siege of years,perhaps; and to be even then, after wearing the guise of merit-doubtinghypocrisy, at an uncertainty, upon a probation unapproved of. Then shallI have all the rascals and rascalesses of the family come creeping tome: I prescribing to them; and bringing that sordidly imperious brotherto kneel at the footstool of my throne.

  All my fear arises from the little hold I have in the heart of thischarming frost-piece: such a constant glow upon her lovely features:eyes so sparkling: limbs so divinely turned: health so florid: youth soblooming: air so animated--to have an heart so impenetrable: and I, thehitherto successful Lovelace, the addresser--How can it be? Yet thereare people, and I have talked with some of them, who remember thatshe was born. Her nurse Norton boasts of her maternal offices in herearliest infancy; and in her education gradatim. So there is full proof,that she came not from above all at once an angel! How then can she beso impenetrable?

  But here's her mistake; nor will she be cured of it--She takes the manshe calls her father [her mother had been faultless, had she not beenher father's wife]; she takes the men she calls her uncles; the fellowshe calls her brother; and the poor contemptible she calls her sister;to be her father, to be her uncles, her brother, her sister; and that,as such, she owes to some of them reverence, to others respect, let themtreat her ever so cruelly!--Sordid ties!--Mere cradle prejudices!--Forhad they not been imposed upon her by Nature, when she was in a perversehumour, or could she have chosen her relations, would any of these havebeen among them?

  How my heart rises at her preference of them to me, when she isconvinced of their injustice to me! Convinced, that the alliance woulddo honour to them all--herself excepted; to whom every one owes honour;and from whom the most princely family might receive it. But how muchmore will my heart rise with indignation against her, if I find shehesitates but one moment (however persecuted) about preferring me to theman she avowedly hates! But she cannot surely be so mean as to purchaseher peace with them at so dear a rate. She cannot give a sanction toprojects formed in malice, and founded in a selfishness (and that at herown expense) which she has spirit enough to despise in others; and oughtto disavow, that we may not think her a Harlowe.

  By this incoherent ramble thou wilt gather, that I am not likely to comeup in haste; since I must endeavour first to obtain some assurance fromthe beloved of my soul, that I shall not be sacrificed to such a wretchas Solmes! Woe be to the fair one, if ever she be driven into mypower (for I despair of a voluntary impulse in my favour) and I find adifficulty in obtaining this security.

  That her indifference to me is not owing to the superior liking she hasfor any other, is what rivets my chains. But take care, fair one; takecare, O thou most exalted of female minds, and loveliest of persons, howthou debasest thyself by encouraging such a competition as thy sordidrelations have set on foot in mere malice to me!--Thou wilt say I rave.And so I do:

  Perdition catch my soul, but I do love her.

  Else, could I hear the perpetual revilings of her implacablefamily?--Else, could I basely creep about--not her proud father'shouse--but his paddock and garden walls?--Yet (a quarter of a miledistance between us) not hoping to behold the least glimpse of hershadow?--Else, should I think myself repaid, amply repaid, if thefourth, fifth, or sixth midnight stroll, through unfrequented paths, andover briery enclosures, affords me a few cold lines; the even expectedpurport only to let me know, that she values the most worthless personof her very worthless family, more than she values me; and that shewould not write at all, but to induce me to bear insults, which unmanme to bear?--My lodging in the intermediate way at a wretched alehouse;disguised like an inmate of it: accommodations equally vile, as thoseI met with in my Westphalian journey. 'Tis well, that the necessity forall this arise not from scorn and tyranny! but is first imposed uponherself!

  But was ever hero in romance (fighting with giants and dragons excepted)called upon to harder trials?--Fortune and family, and reversionarygrandeur on my side! Such a wretched fellow my competitor!--Must I notbe deplorably in love, that can go through these difficulties, encounterthese contempts?--By my soul, I am half ashamed of myself: I, who amperjured too, by priority of obligation, if I am faithful to any womanin the world?

  And yet, why say I, I am half ashamed?--Is it not a glory to love herwhom every one who sees her either loves, or reveres, or both? Drydensays,

  The cause of love can never be assign'd: 'Tis in no face;--but in the lover's mind.--And Cowley thus addresses beauty as a mere imaginary:

  Beauty! thou wild fantastic ape, Who dost in ev'ry country change thy shape: Here black; there brown; here tawny; and there white! Thou flatt'rer, who comply'st with ev'ry sight! Who hast no certain what, nor where.

  But both these, had they been her contemporaries, and known her, wouldhave confessed themselves mistaken: and, taking together person, mind,and behaviour, would have acknowledged the justice of the universalvoice in her favour.

  --Full many a lady I've ey'd with best regard; and many a time Th' harmony of their tongues hath into bondage Brought my too-diligent ear. For sev'ral virtues Have I liked several women. Never any With so full a soul, but some defect in her Did quarrel with the noblest grace she ow'd, And put it to the foil. But SHE!--O SHE! So perfect and so peerless is created, Of ev'ry creature's best.

  SHAKESP.

  Thou art curious to know, if I have not started a new game? If itbe possible for so universal a lover to be confined so long to oneobject?--Thou knowest nothing of this charming creature, that thou canstput such questions to me; or thinkest thou knowest me better thanthou dost. All that's excellent in her sex is this lady!--Until byMATRIMONIAL or EQUAL intimacies, I have found her less than angel, it isimpossible to think of any other. Then there are so many stimulativesto such a spirit as mine in this affair, besides love: such a field ofstratagem and contrivance, which thou knowest to be the delight of myheart. Then the rewarding end of all!--To carry off such a girl as this,in spite of all her watchful and implacable friends; and in spite of aprudence and reserve that I never met with in any of the sex;--what atriumph!--What a triumph over the whole sex!--And then such a revenge togratify; which is only at present politically reined in, eventually tobreak forth with greater fury--Is it possible, thinkest thou, that therecan be room for a thought that is not of her, and devoted to her?

  ***

  By the devices I have this moment received, I have reason to think, thatI shall have occasion for thee here. Hold thyself in readiness to comedown upon the first summons.

  Let Belton, and Mowbray, and Tourville, likewise prepare themselves. Ihave a great mind to contrive a method to send James Harlowe to travelfor improvement. Never was there a booby 'squire that more wanted it.Contrive it, did I say? I have already contrived it; could I but putit in execution without being suspected to have a hand in it. This I amresolved upon; if I have not his sister, I will have him.

  But be this as it may, there is a present likelihood of room forglorious mischief. A confederacy had been for some time formed againstme; but the uncles and the nephew are now to be double-servanted[single-servanted they were before]; and those servants are to bedouble armed when they attend their masters abroa
d. This indicates theirresolute enmity to me, and as resolute favour to Solmes.

  The reinforced orders for this hostile apparatus are owing it seems to avisit I made yesterday to their church.--A good place I thought to begina reconciliation in; supposing the heads of the family to be christians,and that they meant something by their prayers. My hopes were to havean invitation (or, at least, to gain a pretence) to accompany home thegloomy sire; and so get an opportunity to see my goddess: for I believedthey durst not but be civil to me, at least. But they were filled withterror it seems at my entrance; a terror they could not get over. I sawit indeed in their countenances; and that they all expected somethingextraordinary to follow.--And so it should have done, had I been moresure than I am of their daughter's favour. Yet not a hair of any oftheir stupid heads do I intend to hurt.

  You shall all have your directions in writing, if there be occasion. Butafter all, I dare say there will be no need but to shew your faces in mycompany.

  Such faces never could four men shew--Mowbray's so fierce and sofighting: Belton's so pert and so pimply: Tourville's so fair andso foppish: thine so rough and so resolute: and I your leader!--Whathearts, although meditating hostility, must those be which we shall notappall?--Each man occasionally attended by a servant or two, long agochosen for qualities resembling those of his master.

  Thus, Jack, as thou desirest, have I written.--Written upon something;upon nothing; upon REVENGE, which I love; upon LOVE, which I hate,heartily hate, because 'tis my master: and upon the devil knows whatbesides: for looking back, I am amazed at the length of it. Thou mayestread it: I would not for a king's ransom. But so as I do but write, thousayest thou wilt be pleased.

  Be pleased then. I command thee to be pleased: if not for the writer'sor written sake, for thy word's sake. And so in the royal style (for amI not likely to be thy king and thy emperor in the great affair beforeus?) I bid thee very heartily

  Farewell.