The Second Time Around

by Rowan McAllister

  He and Phyllis moved to join Jon and Ernie at the bottom of the stairs as Russ and Isaiah ended their enthusiastic greeting and headed their way. Phyllis gave Jordan’s arm a little squeeze before stepping forward to greet the newcomer.

  “Hey there, stranger. Welcome back,” she called.

  Russ’s cheeks were flushed beneath his tan, and his grin was wider than Jordan had ever seen it. He practically glowed.

  Jordan studied the newcomer, his earlier joy fading with each second that ticked past. Close up, Isaiah was intimidatingly beautiful. He topped everyone there by a good couple of inches in height. His amber eyes were striking in contrast to the rich deep brown of his skin and black close-cropped hair. His well-muscled frame belonged on a magazine cover. Jordan smoothed a hand down his shirt until he realized how ridiculous the effort was, given he was dressed in one of Russ’s faded work T-shirts. Without lifting a finger, Russ’s ex made him feel scrawny, plain, and shabby, a sensation he was definitely not accustomed to anywhere other than his father’s office.

  He’d thought he was jealous when his little sister drooled over Russ. He’d been mistaken. This was what real jealousy felt like.

  It hurt.

  Russ had dropped his arm from the other man’s shoulder when they drew close, but the image was still burned into Jordan’s psyche. Swallowing down a sudden queasiness, he plastered on his patented Thorndike smile and joined the rest of them.

  “Phyl!” Isaiah boomed as he swooped in and lifted the woman into a hug. “You look as stunning as ever.”

  “Oh, go on with you,” she chuckled, but her cheeks reddened just the same.

  “Jon… Ernie,” Isaiah said to each man before shaking their hands in turn. “Glad to see you guys still holding down the fort. The ranch looks incredible. You’ve made a lot of improvements while I’ve been gone.”

  Isaiah’s gaze landed curiously on Jordan. Phyllis opened her mouth, but thankfully—before Jordan could throw one hell of an internal tantrum—Russ stepped forward and draped an arm around his shoulders.

  “Jordan, babe, this is Isaiah, a good friend. He’s been in Africa for a couple of years with Doctors Without Borders.”

  “And South America too,” Isaiah added with a smile, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Jordan.”

  Jordan shook it, giving as firm a grip as he got, and Isaiah’s gorgeous amber eyes raked over him with a little more intense scrutiny. Russ’s touch steadied him, and the green monster inside him at least stopped growling, even if it didn’t slip completely back under the rock from whence it came.

  Before the moment could become awkward—or any more awkward—Phyllis clapped her hands and said, “Well, why don’t we all go inside. I’ll get us somethin’ to drink, and you can tell us about what you’ve been up to, Isaiah.”

  Jordan saw Isaiah’s gaze shoot sideways to Russ, like he’d had other plans, but he smiled and bowed to Phyl. “Lead the way. I’ve been dreaming about your lemonade for three years now, Phyl. Please tell me you can put me out of my misery.”

  “I’ll do better than that, hon. I made a full pitcher just this morning, and it’s just waitin’ for ya.”

  AFTER WHAT felt like the longest lunch in the history of mankind, Jordan scurried to the barn to sulk while Russ walked Mr. Perfect to his car. Car wasn’t exactly the right word to describe the enormous gleaming black Expedition that dwarfed Jordan’s red convertible in the parking area. It served as the perfect metaphor for the way he was feeling at that moment.

  That’s me, small and shiny but not particularly practical, next to that behemoth that could carry a family of six and all their gear through rough country and smooth, plus tow a horse trailer if need be.

  At least neither one of the vehicles looked particularly at home on the ranch. He had that bit of consolation to hold on to.

  The long and short of the conversation around the kitchen table had been that Isaiah Green was practically perfect in every way. Not only was the man a doctor who’d passed on a lucrative residency to do charity work in underdeveloped countries for the last two-plus years, but he was a self-made man who’d worked his way up from a disadvantaged childhood. And now he was back in the area indefinitely, a gleaming addition to a prestigious hospital in Houston, come home to help take care of his aging parents.

  “A paragon. A fucking saint,” Jordan groaned.

  And Russ had been in love with him before Isaiah had gone off to save the world. It was written all over Russ’s face every time he looked at Isaiah. Jordan had actually thrown up what little he’d eaten at lunch before coming outside with everyone else to say goodbye. Now he was hiding in the back of the barn with his face pressed into Marina’s neck, wondering how in the hell he was supposed to compete with that.

  “Why did he have to be a fucking god?” he murmured miserably into Marina’s shoulder. “I mean, come on. How is that even fair?”

  “Jordan? You in here?” Russ called from the door.

  With a groan, Jordan patted Marina’s neck one more time and stepped away. By the time Russ reached him, Jordan had composed himself enough that he hoped the sick feeling in his stomach didn’t show.

  “There you are. Wow. That was somethin’, huh?” Russ blew out a breath, his cheeks still flushed and his eyes a bit wide. “I haven’t seen him in three years and up he pops, no call or nothin’.”

  “You didn’t know he was back?”

  “Nope. He said he wanted to surprise me. That was some surprise.”

  Russ’s smile seemed forced. Jordan supposed he was trying to look reassuring, trying to hide that he was rattled, but Russ sucked at hiding. If he wasn’t blustering and grouching or teasing and laughing, his mask didn’t cover his feelings for shit.

  “He should have called,” Jordan grumbled.

  “Yeah, probably,” Russ replied absently.

  If he’d been hoping for any indignation or criticism of Isaiah, apparently he was going to be disappointed. Unsure how to proceed, he worried his lower lip and studied the man he thought he knew so well.

  “Still, it’s great he can come back to help his parents,” Jordan offered when he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “I’m sure they’re very happy to have him home, safe and sound, after traveling all over the world like that.”

  “Yeah. Yeah. Rita and Kenneth will be ecstatic to have him home, though they were really proud of him for going.” Russ gave Jordan another absent smile before turning his attention to Marina. “How’s our girl today? Is she ready for a little workout?”

  With equal parts guilt and relief, Jordan jumped at the change of subject, and before too long, Russ was leading Marina out into the paddock for a little one-on-one time while Jordan set to his tasks with the same feverish intensity he’d given them his first days on the ranch.

  He could not afford to think too much right now, or he really might lose his shit.

  One thing was certain, now was not the time to try to have that talk with Russ. At least not until Russ stopped walking around looking like someone had just smacked him in the head with a board or he’d been struck by lightning.

  Jordan might be overreacting. He didn’t know the particulars of their relationship or their breakup. There could be absolutely nothing to worry about. But he’d never seen Russ thrown for a loop before, and that queasy feeling in his stomach wasn’t going away until Russ started acting like his old self again.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  ISAIAH “IZZY” Green was back to stay.

  Russ couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. He walked the ranch in a daze all afternoon and barely slept that night. At four in the morning, he’d finally given up and snuck out of bed so at least Jordan could get a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

  “Good morning,” Phyl said as she settled in her rocker next to him.

  A slash of orange had just erupted along the horizon, so at least someone in the house was able to sleep to her usual time.

  “Mornin’.”

  “Cof
feepot was almost empty. How long have you been up?”

  He shrugged. “A couple hours.”

  She took a sip of her coffee and eyed him for a bit. “You know, if that boy weren’t such a good person and a pillar of the community, I’d be tempted to put my boot in his ass until he never came back.”

  “What?” He gaped at her.

  “What?” she threw right back at him. “Isaiah. That’s what. Ain’t never seen anyone that can tie you in a bigger knot than that man. He’s not back in your life a day and you’re already not sleeping and brooding on the front porch… when everything was just fine, better than fine, not twenty-four hours ago.”

  “He just caught me by surprise. That’s all. I need a minute to wrap my head around the fact that he’s back.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Russ’s lips twisted sullenly. “We left it as friends, Phyl. You know that. We’ve traded emails over the years. We’re good.”

  “But it’s different seein’ him in the flesh, knowing he’s going to be an hour or so away. Isn’t it? You may have parted as friends, but that wasn’t what you really wanted. You were being noble and letting someone you loved follow his dreams and his passion. He left you hurtin’, even if he didn’t mean to. You can’t lie to me about that, ’cause I was here to watch you put the pieces back together.”

  With a sigh, Russ let his head thunk back against the rocker and closed his eyes. “It was almost three years ago. And as you said, I put the pieces back together. I’m okay.”

  “No, you’re not. Not yet anyway. You’ve obviously still got some things to work through in your head. Otherwise you’d have been tucked up with that lovely boy upstairs instead of brooding on the front porch in the dark.”

  “Before, you were warning me against Jordan. Now he’s a ‘lovely boy’?” he said, giving her a pointed look.

  With a wave of her hand, she rolled her eyes. “That was weeks ago. Besides, I warned you to be careful, not to stay away from him. And if you remember correctly, it was because of Isaiah that I felt I needed to butt my nose in and give you that warning… and I never said Jordan wasn’t a sweet boy.”

  Holding up his hands in surrender, he said, “Okay. Okay. You made your point. Maybe I have a few unresolved issues with Izzy, but I’ll work ’em out. I promise. I’m not gonna dump Jordan like a hot rock just because Izzy’s back in town. You know me better than that… or you should.”

  “Of course you won’t. All I’m sayin’ is don’t just remember the good times with Isaiah and forget everything else you went through. That man could charm the hair off a frog’s ass. I won’t deny it. He and our Jordan got a little bit in common there, I think.”

  “Our Jordan?”

  She smacked him lightly on the arm. “Don’t change the subject.”

  “And what is the subject again?”

  She huffed. “Don’t let him and all that unfinished business rattle your cage so much you do something stupid and forget what you’ve already got in front of you. And that’s all I’m gonna say on it.”

  With that, she stood and strode back into the house, leaving Russ with a headache starting behind his right eye. He rocked for a while, not really thinking about anything, until his phone buzzed in his pocket. Grateful for the distraction, he pulled it out and read the text.

  Morning, Russ. I figured you’d be up with the dawn, as always. It’s Izzy. This is my new number. I forgot to give it to you yesterday. Things were a little crazy, huh?

  Russ blinked at the screen for a few seconds, and before he could think of a proper response, it flashed with a new message.

  BTW, I know I said it yesterday, but it was really good to see you. I missed you.

  It was good to see you too, he typed back after blowing out a breath.

  I gotta go. Shift starts in an hour. But we should get together soon. Just the two of us, and really catch up.

  “Shit.”

  “Everything okay?” Jordan asked as he pushed open the screen door and stepped onto the porch.

  “Yeah. It’s fine,” Russ said, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

  Jordan frowned as his eyes tracked the movement. “Okay. Phyl says breakfast is almost ready.”

  “Okay, I’m comin’.”

  EVEN AFTER breakfast, Russ was still so distracted he decided to take a ride to clear his head. Jordan and Phyl had eyed him strangely the entire time he’d been eating, and Ernie and Jon joined in as soon as they arrived for the day. The scrutiny made him itchy and irritable. The way they were watching him, you’d have thought someone died.

  It was Friday, so the early weekenders would be arriving soon, and Russ was likely to bite some unsuspecting volunteer’s head off if he didn’t have some time to himself.

  On the ridge above the ranch, where he’d first kissed Jordan, he dismounted and plunked his ass on the ground under the dubious shade of the live oak, while Archer, a big gray that was close to being ready to be adopted, grazed on the sparse vegetation.

  Phyl was right. He was rattled. He didn’t want to admit it to anyone, especially not Jordan, but he and Izzy did have a lot of unfinished business. Russ had given his heart completely to that man. Three years ago, he’d even had dreams of a little house somewhere close to the ranch, or halfway between the ranch and the hospital, where he and Izzy would raise a couple of kids together. He hadn’t exactly been clear on the details of how that was going to work with him working full-time on the ranch and Izzy pulling crazy shifts at his job, but the dream had been there—however unrealistic.

  Then Izzy had been offered the opportunity to travel the world, and Russ had learned that the selflessness and civic-mindedness he’d admired so much in Izzy was also what would be taking him away. Healing the sick in Texas was no longer enough to satisfy Izzy’s humanitarian passion. He needed more. How the hell could Russ have said no to that?

  “And now he’s back.”

  Archer twitched his ears in Russ’s direction and lifted his head a little, but when Russ didn’t say anything else, he went back to grazing. Despite the early hour, the Texas heat rose off the dusty turf in shimmering waves as he watched people moving about their business down below. He could just make out Jordan’s blond head by the barn.

  Did he still have feelings for Izzy?

  Of course he did. He didn’t just stop loving someone because they’d gone away for a few years. They’d agreed to stay friends, but Russ had assumed Izzy would find someplace more exciting to settle down—and someone more exciting to settle down with. Russ had thought he might see Izzy once a year or so when he came to visit his folks, never that he’d come home to stay.

  Russ pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the messages again.

  If they really were friends, like he’d promised they would be, one dinner would be harmless enough. He’d be wrong to refuse such a simple request from a friend. He doubted Phyl and Jordan would see it that way, though.

  Jordan.

  Resting his head back against the trunk, he stared up at the clear blue sky above. Jordan had been unusually quiet since yesterday, despite Russ’s efforts to hide how unsettled he was. He was pretty sure Jordan would not understand him wanting to have dinner with his ex to work some of this out in his head, which left him in a damned-if-he-did, damned-if-he-didn’t situation.

  It wasn’t as if Jordan intended to stay on permanently anyway. Jordan had made that clear from the get-go. What they had was only temporary, and Russ had accepted that. He was a grown-up. He knew he couldn’t ask more of anyone than they were willing or able to give, especially someone who’d just had his whole life ripped out from under him.

  “I sure can pick ’em, can’t I?” he said to Archer, who twitched his ears but didn’t bother lifting his head. “You’re not much help.”

  With a sigh, he stood up and dusted off his jeans. The weekend was coming, and he couldn’t afford to spend all day sitting on his ass. He needed to check on their newest additions before Tish arrived that afternoon,
and he needed to make sure the horses closest to being ready for adoption were cleaned up and looking pretty. He had a job to do. The question of Izzy could wait.

  ANOTHER WEEK went by with Russ feeling as off-balance and out of sorts as he had the day Izzy surprised him on the ranch. Izzy kept texting him, here and there, subtly pushing for a get-together, but luckily he was too busy with his work, his parents, and finding a place to live to pay another visit, and he was easily put off when it came to deciding on an actual date for dinner.

  Jordan was as edgy as a wet hen all week, but Russ had issues of his own to deal with, in addition to their four newest fosters that needed practically round-the-clock care. He and Jordan slept in the same bed each night, but the ease, tenderness, and teasing they’d had before was strained. Russ should have taken the time to ferret out whatever bug crawled up Jordan’s butt, but he didn’t. Jordan was avoiding him, and he didn’t have the emotional energy to chase him down right then. Phyl was right. No one could tie him in knots like Izzy, and he needed a breather to wrestle with those knots, so he pushed his guilt aside and let things go on as they were, despite knowing he’d probably pay for it later.

  IN KEEPING with this trend, he rode out by himself every day for at least an hour to give himself someplace quiet to think, where no one needed anything from him or constantly jawed at him. He didn’t exactly make much progress on these trips, but the respite was nice.

  That was where he was on Friday when a flash of light drew his attention to the long drive up to the house in time to see Jordan’s red sports car headed for the main road, kicking up a cloud of dust as it went. Feeling a sudden twist in his gut, Russ mounted his horse and nudged him into a canter back to the barn.

  Phyl was talking to Michelle by the donkey pen, so he dismounted and walked Archer the rest of the way over to her. “Where’s Jordan going?” he asked when the ladies turned to greet him.

  “He said he had some errands to run in the city,” Phyl answered, her expression inscrutable.