Rites & Desires

by Amanda Cherry

  And she let herself stare. She gave herself permission to wallow. She forced herself to look--to get used to the sight of her former lover together with his wife. And when feelings of regret or of anger or of sadness came calling, she let them come. Best to exorcise all emotion now, she figured; better to appear unaffected when one day they met again.

  She had no idea how long she’d been lying there when she became aware she wasn’t alone. She could sense a presence behind her; someone was on her terrace. Her visitor had appeared suddenly and silently. Which meant there was no question in Ruby’s mind who was there.

  "This can’t be healthy," Loki said aloud by way of announcing himself.

  "Since when did you give a damn about my well-being?" she asked sharply, not so much as bothering to turn her head to acknowledge him.

  "Now, now, Ruby," he chided, "don’t go making me admit that I care."

  Ruby sighed. She really was not in the mood to deal with Loki right now, but she had no idea how to tell a god to get the hell off her terrace. "How did you get here?"

  "You set up my fetishes all over the forty-sixth floor," he reminded her. "And what’s a couple of stories when you’re immortal?"

  Ruby rolled her eyes and let out a tense breath. Of course this would be the moment he finally decided to show up of his own accord. It was just her luck. "Come here to rub salt in my wounds?" she asked, allowing just enough nastiness to seep into her voice that Loki would be sure to know she was thoroughly displeased with his intrusion into her personal crisis.

  "No," he quipped lightly. "Kicking a person while she’s down isn’t really my style." He crossed the dark balcony and joined her on the chaise, sitting himself on its edge just behind her. "I’ve got to hand it to you, Ruby. You said you would do it and you did. That’ll teach me to underestimate you. I really thought you wouldn’t be able to pull it off. Brilliant move, using Discontent to get rid of the wife like that."

  "Thank you." Ruby hated to admit it, but that bit of praise made her feel marginally better.

  "Oh, you’re welcome," he answered. "It really was inspired. You ought to be proud of yourself--you managed to bed America’s least eligible man."

  "That I did. And now it’s done."

  "Did you really think it had a future?" he asked plainly. "You know he’s far too good for you."

  Ruby turned her head just enough to catch his eyes and frowned. "Thanks," she groaned, her voice filled to teeming with angry sarcasm.

  "I don’t mean he’s better than you," the god clarified, moving to lie beside her on the chaise. He spooned up behind her with his head propped on his bent arm so he could still see what she was looking at. "It’s just that he’s, you know, good. Full of goodness," he emphasized with a shudder. He really did have a distaste for the truly altruistic. "Truth and justice," he sneered. "Save the citizens!" He wrapped his arm around Ruby and squeezed. "That’s not you, Ruby. Another month and you’d have been bored to tears with goodness. Another year, and you’d have been asking me to come and murder him in his sleep--if you lasted that long."

  Ruby leaned back, settling into the god’s embrace and letting herself enjoy, for the moment, the feeling of his arm around her. "You’re probably right. But then," she asked, turning her gaze back to the goings-on across the way. "Why is that so damned hard to look at?"

  She didn’t expect an answer. And Loki had none to offer.

  He held her quietly for a time. "They’re not happy," he announced after a moment. "You can see that, right?"

  Ruby shrugged.

  Loki placed his hand on her shoulder and continued. "Look at her," he said. "She’s not altogether sure she wants to be there. Only a few short weeks ago, she was so unhappy she felt the need to leave. And even though that feeling has passed, she’ll spend the rest of her life wondering where it came from. And every time they argue, every time he irks her, every time she’s the slightest bit put out with him, she’ll wonder if coming back was the right thing to do. Oh, see there?" He pointed to the movement in the Stevenses’ kitchen. "She won’t let him get within ten feet of her. And he hasn’t looked her in the eye one single time. She knows about you. It’ll be a long time before she lets him touch her again. And when she finally does, she’ll always wonder if he touched you the same way he’s touching her. And storms forbid he ever wants to try anything new in bed."

  Ruby let out a guffaw in spite of herself. She surely had taught the vanilla superhero a few things in that department.

  "Does that make you feel better?" he asked in response to her sudden laughter.

  Ruby shrugged. "A little," she allowed. "A bit of schadenfreude always helps my mood." Ruby curled up tighter on the chaise as she fell silent again. She was fighting the urge to let her breath heave in her chest. If she was going to cry about this again, it would not be happening in front of Loki.

  Loki lay his head down beside hers. "Did you love him, Ruby?" he asked.

  The question sounded odd to her ears. Not only did it seem entirely preposterous to be discussing feelings with the Norse god of mischief, but equally odd was the tone in his voice. For the first time in the history of their association, he seemed to be speaking with total, unqualified sincerity. Ruby squeezed her eyes shut in defiance of her building tears and answered him with equal honesty.

  "I don’t know," she whispered. "I was barely myself without my powers. So, whatever I felt--whatever that was--it wasn’t altogether real. It wasn’t complete, because I wasn’t complete. So even if did love him, what does it matter when I wasn’t myself?"

  "You have your powers back now," he surmised.

  Ruby nodded. "I have powers," she answered. "More and different than I’ve ever had. They’re mine, I’m sure. Not granted or bestowed or borrowed. Mine. They sit in me the way my original powers did. But they’re new. They’re not the same as before, and I’ve only just begun to get to know them." She raised her left hand and brought it up in front of her face. And then it ignited. All at once, with no warning and no build-up, her fingers erupted in a blue-white flame. "Like this. I’ve never been able to do this before."

  "Mmmmm," Loki sounded in her ear. He reached around and took her flaming hand in his, interlacing their fingers together as his own hand ignited in a purplish flame much like her bluish one.

  Ruby stared for a moment, watching as the flames danced together against the pitch black of the night sky, enjoying the interplay of colors their joined hands had created. After a moment, suddenly fearful of being spotted by the neighbors, Ruby extinguished her flames. She grasped his hand tighter, and his fire flickered out in response. Then she leaned back into him and pulled his arm snugly around herself.

  She’d likely regret this later--being so open with Loki, needing to be held. This moment would surely come back to bite her, but right now she couldn’t be bothered to care. It felt good to have an arm around her, even if it was Loki’s arm. "Do you want to stay tonight?" she asked him quietly. "I know I usually talk a dangerous game, but as you can see, I’m hardly in a position to take advantage."

  He sidled up closer and kissed her lightly on the side of her neck. "You make a very tempting case," he said, moving his lips from her neck to her earlobe, where he nibbled a bit before going on. "But--and don’t take this the wrong way--I still don’t trust you."

  Ruby chuckled. If she were Loki, she wouldn’t trust her either. "No offense taken," she assured him, turning her head to give him better access to her neck, where his mouth was still doing delightfully wicked things. She wasn’t going to beg him to stay, no matter how badly she wanted not to go to bed alone. But she wasn’t going to tell him to stop, either.

  "Would you let me tie your hands?" he asked. His voice sounded eager, hopeful even.

  "If you’ll let me choose the bindings," she countered. A little light bondage and sex with a god sounded like just the thing to pull her out of her torpor. She wondered if her new powers would work on a god. Either way, this line of discourse felt promising.

>   "Of course," he agreed.

  Ruby took a deep breath and sighed. The idea of blowing off a little steam, coupled with the comfort of knowing she wouldn’t be sleeping alone tonight, was enough to get her to take her eyes off the Stevenses next door. Ruby stood, still holding her visitor’s hand, and looked down at where he lay on the chaise.

  Loki grinned wickedly.

  Ruby couldn’t help but smile back as she tugged on his hand, inclining her head toward the door to her penthouse. "C’mon then," she invited, encouraging him to follow. "Let’s go inside."

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Amanda Cherry is a television actress, musical performer, roller derby official, and Star Wars nerd. She is a contributing writer and podcaster at www.Tosche-Station.net, and a prolific tweeter of tweets (@MandaTheGinger). Amanda serves as Chief Editorial Assistant for Mad Scientist Journal (www.MadScientistJournal.org) and blogs about writing and life at www.TheGingerVillain.com. She lives happily in the Seattle suburbs with her husband and son, three cats, and adorable dog. She enjoys documentary films, leggings-as-pants, and not having to go outside.

  ABOUT THE ARTIST

  Lee Moyer’s award-winning work is featured in many annuals and anthologies and has been exhibited at the Smithsonian Institution and galleries in NYC, LA, and London. He is best known for his theatrical and film art for Laurel & Hardy, Spider-Man, Tori Amos, Stephen King and "The Call of Cthulhu." In collaboration with Ray Bradbury, George RR Martin, and Neil Gaiman, Moyer designed and painted three literary calendars that raised six figures for charity. His "Elements of Illustration" and "Kickstarter White Paper" are widely read. His games "The Doom That Came to Atlantic City" and "Cursed Court" are available now.