Stay

by Julia Barrett

  “Damn it, Syd, what the hell is wrong…?”

  She didn’t hear anymore.

  I have got to stop fainting. This is ridiculous.

  Syd shoved Cass’s helping hands away and hauled herself to her feet. “I wish everyone would just leave me alone.”

  Without a backwards glance she stormed into the house, slamming the door behind her.

  “You son of a bitch!”

  Lucas ducked at the last second, just barely avoiding another punch to the jaw. He darted out of the sheriff’s reach, his sudden movement sending the full bottle of formula flying. “What the hell did I do now?”

  Cass kept his fists raised. “C’mon. Let’s have this out once and for all. The way you treat Syd is a disgrace. You’re no better than a dirty low-down cur.”

  Lucas danced away. “I’ve never done a damn thing to hurt that woman.”

  “You should be ashamed of yourself. After all she did for you, risking her life and her career. She was willing to break the law for you, go to jail for you. She nearly blinded herself for your sake.” The sheriff stomped his booted foot on the floor. “Get your ass back here and face me like a man.”

  Lucas raised his hands, palms open. “I don’t want to fight,” he said. “I’ve already been hit once today.”

  Cass’s smile was evil. “Who beat me to it?”

  “Dr. Benoit knocked me down in the parking lot at the hospital when I came to get Sydney.” Lucas rubbed his sore jaw. “If I remember correctly, and everyone around here seems to think my memory is pretty faulty these days, he called me a son of a bitch.”

  “Good for him. I always knew that man had a set on him.” The sheriff lowered his fists. “You had to drive into town to get Sydney? Why? What happened?”

  “She passed out during her shift.” Lucas kicked some hay over the spilled formula and searched for the bottle. “He says she’s anemic.”

  “She just fainted out by my truck.”

  “What?”

  “Out by my truck, she keeled over.”

  “Shit. Where is she?”

  “I tried to help her but she told me to leave her alone. She’s in the house.”

  Lucas set the bottle down on a post and headed toward the barn door. “Feed that calf, will you? There’s powdered formula in the milking shed.”

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I’ve got to get some food into that stubborn woman before she kills herself.”

  Syd sat on the floor of the shower, letting the hot water dilute her tears.

  All I do is blubber. Everyone must be sick to death of me. I’m sick to death of me.

  Someone banged on the door. She figured it was Cass. She wanted to yell at him to go away, but she didn’t have the strength. She felt empty, drained of all life force or whatever it was that made a human being put one foot in front of the other.

  They’d taken Wolf… Those creatures had taken him; that was bad enough, but to make matters worse they were sadists. Wolf had come back to her without any memory of his past life or previous incarnation. She didn’t even know what to call his previous existence. It was beyond her understanding.

  Syd shoved a shock of wet hair from her face.

  He said he’d give up eternity for me. What a crock. Now he can’t wait to get away from me. I don’t blame him, I’d run too. I’m a pathetic loser who never stops weeping.

  And stop that damn banging.

  The door flew open and Wolf stomped into the room. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, scaring me half to death? I thought you’d passed out in here.” He stopped in his tracks, staring unabashedly at her through the clear glass door.

  Syd held his eyes. “Um, Wolf, I’m in the shower. Naked.”

  One corner of his mouth turned up. He looked feral in that moment, very much like the old Wolf. “I can appreciate that.” He took a moment to adjust his jeans. “I think you do this to me on purpose.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. You have to get out of the shower and eat something.”

  “The hell I do.” She waved a hand at him, dismissing him. “You’re not the boss of me, Lucas Jennings.”

  He grinned like a devil. “You said my name, Sydney Blake.”

  Syd couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing. “I did, didn’t I? Well how do you like those apples?”

  “C’mon.” Lucas reached for a bath towel. He opened the shower door and lifted her from the tile floor. “Up you go.”

  He took care to wrap the towel around all her exposed parts, but Syd noticed that didn’t stop him from getting a closer look first. She could hear the hitch in his breathing; see the obvious bulge stretching the front of his jeans.

  “Maybe you should kiss me again,” she said.

  “Maybe I should, but I won’t.” He flashed her that wicked grin once more. “Not until you’re dry and fed and tucked into bed. Maybe then you’ll have earned a kiss.”

  “I’m not the one who has to stop doing anything,” Syd said. “You need to stop doing this to me.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Giving me hope.” Syd let him dry her off, taking perverse pleasure in the fact of his overt arousal. She turned her back to him so he could help her with her robe. When he unexpectedly smacked her bare bottom she jumped in shock and spun on her heels.

  Only Wolf would be so brazen.

  “Sorry,” he said, “I don’t know why I did that.” He looked surprised at his own action, but not at all repentant.

  “It’s not the first time you’ve done it.”

  Syd waited for him to get angry, but he merely said, “You must be talking about that other fella, but I have to admit he has good taste. Don’t take this the wrong way, Sydney, but you sure have a nice ass.”

  She tried to suppress a grin, but failed. “I think I’d prefer to take it the wrong way.” She knew Wolf was right there below the surface in that sexy cowboy body, just itching to get out, but she couldn’t push things too far, not yet. Lucas wasn’t quite ready for the full Monty. “What are we having for supper?” She sniffed the air.

  “Steak, potatoes, green beans, salad and chocolate ice cream.”

  “Sounds good.” She trailed him to the kitchen. She had an appetite for the first time in a long time. “Hey, wait, if you’re in here cooking, who’s feeding the calf?”

  “Cass.”

  Syd dropped into a chair and closed her eyes. “Oh shit, Cass.”

  Lucas opened the broiler to turn the steaks. “What’s the problem? He knows his way around the barn.”

  “It’s not that.” She shook her head. “It’s something else. We can talk about it later. If I talk about it now I’ll lose my appetite.” She changed the subject. “You know that cow is a triplet, too. Obviously it’s genetic. It would be nice to find a mother for the heifer but that means we lose a baby. How are the two bull calves?”

  “Tough little fellows. I suspect they’ll do all right. I’ve got them in the pasture behind the barn so I can keep an eye on them; make sure the mother has enough milk.” He sat down across the table from her. “Don’t do that again.”

  “Do what?”

  “Scare me like that. I was in here cooking for half an hour and all I could hear was that damn shower running. I thought you’d died in there.”

  “Sorry.”

  “What were you doing?”

  Syd snorted. “What was I doing? What was I doing? What do you think I was doing? Feeling sorry for myself. I was trying to decide whether or not to give you your walking papers so you won’t have to waste your time with pathetic old pregnant me. That’s what I was doing.”

  Wolf reached for her hands. “I don’t want to leave. You can’t work this ranch on your own, especially now.”

  She stared down at his big, rough cowboy hands. The memories of the way those hands had once caressed her sent a shiver up her spine. “But you’ll leave in the fall won’t you?”

  When Cass stomped into the mud room, Wolf dropped her hands li
ke they were hot potatoes. He didn’t answer her question.

  “That’s a sweet little heifer you got out there. You have a mom for her?”

  Wolf rose and walked to the stove. “You staying for supper, Sheriff?”

  “If it’s not any bother. I want to make sure Syd eats.” He washed up at the kitchen sink. “So, you have a mother for her?”

  Syd shook her head. “I don’t mind feeding her. Ben won’t let me back into the hospital for a while. Guess I need something to do.” She pushed herself out of her chair. “I’ll set the table.”

  “No, you sit,” said Cass, “I know where everything is.”

  Syd watched the two men bustle around the kitchen. She’d known Cass all her life and she knew how competent he was, but Wolf, or rather Lucas, had shown her his very first day on the ranch just how comfortable he was in the kitchen. He’d made her pancakes.

  He’s right. I should call him by his name. Even if he was Wolf once, he’s Lucas Jennings now.

  Cass set a placemat down in front of her.

  “What were you doing out there all this time, Cass?”

  His face reddened. “Playing with the baby.” He shrugged. “She was feeling feisty so I let her run around the barn. Besides…” He shot a quick glance at Lucas. “I had a little cleaning to do.”

  Syd nodded, filled with an unaccustomed sense of peace. It was nice to let someone else take charge for once.

  Lucas checked on Syd after he finished cleaning the kitchen. She lay on her side, burrowed beneath the blankets like a little bear cub. Unable to resist, he bent over to kiss her on the forehead. Even though her eyes remained closed she graced him with one of her rare smiles.

  Damn, the woman was an angel when she wasn’t moping or trying to pretend he was that other Wolf.

  She mumbled something and he leaned closer. She said, “The lower fifteen acres, those fronting the main road, they need to be reseeded. The seed didn’t take well enough.” She rolled over onto her other side, pulling the blankets up to her chin. “And I want to begin branding next month.”

  He grinned at her words. The woman might be pregnant, she might be anemic, she might be working full-time at the hospital, she might be delusional at times, but she sure knew her ranch.

  She yawned, showing that little pink tongue, and then just like that, she was asleep. Lucas turned off the light and closed the door, leaving her to her dreams.

  He just wished she would dream of him and not that other fellow, the one who got her pregnant and disappeared.

  Lucas stretched. He was pretty tired himself, but he needed to make one more check on the cows. A handful still hadn’t dropped their calves. He’d moved them into the closest pasture so he could keep an eye on them. When he went to the mud room to grab his coat, he spotted the sheriff leaning against his pickup.

  Lucas headed out the door. “I thought you left,” he said, keeping his voice soft so he wouldn’t wake Syd.

  “I’ve been waiting for you.” The sheriff pushed himself away from the truck. “I have something to show you. I stuck it in the back of the tack room. It belongs to Syd, sort of.”

  Lucas was confused. “Why tell me? Shouldn’t you tell Syd?”

  “I tried. She told me to get rid of it, but I can’t. It’s hers, or it’s yours. I’m not sure which.”

  The sheriff turned on his heel and made a beeline for the barn. Lucas followed. He spoke to the man’s back. “You don’t make any more sense than Syd does, you know.”

  “Well,” the sheriff shot a glance over his shoulder, “Maybe this will ring some kind of bell.”

  “I never know what the hell you people are talking about.”

  The sheriff laughed. “I know. Sorry about that.”

  Great. Something else for me to obsess about. Irritated, Lucas followed the sheriff into the barn. “Cass, I do need to check on the stock before it gets much later.”

  “Won’t take but a minute. C’mon back here.” The sheriff vanished into the dark tack room.

  Keeping the truck to a crawl, Lucas made his rounds. It was eating at him, that gold. The sheriff had wrapped the wire in a blanket, but there was no disguising it, even in the dim light.

  Damn it, remember. Lucas used his open palm to smack the side of his head. It was right there on the tip of his brain, on the edge of his consciousness, something about lightning and gold covered barbed wire and wire cutters and another man, a man who tried to…

  Tried to what?

  Hurt Sydney.

  Someone had tried to hurt Sydney, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember who, what, when or where.

  Cass knew.

  What had she said? Ask Cass to show you… Show me what?

  Why the hell didn’t you ask him?

  Because you’re a coward, that’s why.

  Shit.

  Wolf climbed out of his truck and shone a flashlight on the little calf. The cow bawled and licked at the limp body, but to no avail. Lucas checked to make certain, but the calf was dead. Syd wouldn’t be happy to learn she’d lost a calf. He didn’t relish the thought of telling her.

  Well, now he had a mother for the heifer if this cow would accept her. He took a good look the cow. She hadn’t even expelled the afterbirth yet. If he could get this dead calf skinned fast it might work out fine. The cow would make a much better mother for the heifer than a human.

  Lucas used his stick to drive the cow off so he could load the body onto the back of the flatbed. The bawling cow followed him all the way down to the shed. He managed to pen her in then he hurried to the shop with the dead calf, planning get him skinned as quick as he could.

  “What happened?”

  Lucas stopped his knife at the sound of resignation in Syd’s voice.

  “I don’t know. Found him dead.” He straightened up and took a long look at her, hoping she wouldn’t faint at the gruesome sight. Syd stood tall. He saw no sign of a weak stomach. She’d tossed on a pair of torn jeans and a worn t-shirt. “I can do this. You need your rest.”

  “No.” She rubbed a delicate hand along the wet, bloody body. “Did the cow lick him first?”

  Lucas nodded. He saw the tears that filled her eyes. “Go on back to bed, Syd. I can handle this.”

  Syd seemed to ignore him. “I hate it when babies die. No baby should die.” She stopped speaking. Her throat moved up and down, as if she forced herself to swallow a huge lump. She placed the bloody hand over her belly, staining her white t-shirt red. “What if this baby dies, Wolf? I don’t think I could stand it if I lost your baby. It’s bad enough that I’ve lost…”

  “Me? Goddamn it.” He tossed the knife onto a table and took her in his arms. “You can’t lose something you never had to begin with.”

  Eyes guileless, she looked up at him. “I beg to differ.”

  “Syd, whoever that other fellow was, whatever he was, he wasn’t real. I’m real. Look at me. See me. I’m flesh and blood.” Lucas held her face with his big hands, oblivious of the gory mess he made. “I want you, but there’s no room for me when all you think about is him.”

  “I think about you both,” she said. “I want you both. I can’t change the way I feel. You’re the same person, just, oh, I don’t know, mixed up souls or something.”

  He stared into Syd’s lovely liquid eyes for the longest time. He didn’t know whether to kiss the daylights out of her or order her to leave him alone. He did neither. At last he said, “I need to finish this.”

  “I’ll help you.”

  He wanted her to go back into the house. This was bloody work. But if there was one thing he’d learned it was Syd always said what she meant and meant what she said. She was stubborn as all get-out and the Triple Creek was her ranch.

  They finished the job in silence.

  When the pelt was ready, he carried it up to the barn. Syd put a small halter on the heifer and guided her out of the stall. They draped the calf-skin over her, stuck her feet through holes cut in the legs and made sure it was secure.
Lucas grabbed a coil of robe and lifted the heifer in his arms.

  “Poor little thing. She looks like she’s wearing a bearskin,” Syd said. He noticed she kept a hand on his arm as they walked. He slowed down, concerned she felt light-headed. “You’re sure the mother was licking the calf when you found him?”

  Lucas nodded.

  “She might accept her without too much trouble then. If not you can rope her or we can shift the fence so she can’t move away.”

  “I think it’ll be okay,” he said. “I think she’ll take to her.

  Syd held onto the wiggling calf while Lucas shoved the bawling cow over to the side of the shed. He pushed the fence up against her and then carried the heifer to her, giving the cow a chance to smell the skin of her own calf.

  After a mild show of protest, she settled down and allowed the heifer to suck. Lucas decided to keep the cow where she was for the rest of the night with the calf in the other half of the shed. The baby could stick her head through the slats to nurse.

  Syd spread enough straw on the floor to keep the calf warm and stuck some grain and alfalfa in the feeder for the cow. She straightened up, her hands on her hips. “You think it’s safe to leave them for the night? I can stay here with them while you haul away the carcass.”

  Lucas shook his head. He grabbed the flashlight and held it out to her. “Go to bed, Syd, after you take another shower. You’re a mess.” He smiled at her.

  She smiled right back. “I think of the two of us you got the worst of it.” She took the flashlight from him, bouncing it in her hand as if checking its weight. “That was good work, Lucas. Thank you.”

  He tipped his hat. “You’re welcome, ma’am.”

  Syd disappeared into the night, but he heard her voice.

  “You know I don’t lock my door, Lucas.”

  He understood what she meant. He knew good and well she didn’t lock her door and he knew she wouldn’t say no. Not a night went by he didn’t give himself a good talking to, stop himself from walking right in and taking advantage of everything she offered.

  “When I’m certain it’s me you’re inviting into your bed…” He didn’t finish his sentence, there was no need.