Seven Days
Page 10
She was quiet and he started to reload his camera with film. “I’ve got this great safari backdrop that I’m thinking of using. It has water buffalo and elephants in it. It’s quite striking. I think it’s just the thing to make Julian look good in comparison.”
“Oh stop!” he heard the smile in her voice and he was happy that he’d put it there.
“I know these will be great,” she emerged from the changing area holding the garment bag so that it did not touch the floor. He moved to take it from her and hung it on the rack. “I’ve seen the pictures in your house. They’re beautiful. You took all of them, right?”
Luke nodded. The foyer in the house had become his first gallery as he experimented with portrait photography in his younger days. The walls were filled with framed and matted pictures of the people he loved. It detailed his life and his journey as an artist as his skills and point of view sharpened.
“My dad gave me my first camera when I was a kid. At first it was just a toy and the pictures reflected that, but when he showed me how I could almost create a painting out of the surrounding environment, I started to see things differently. The more I played with that point-and-shoot camera, the more it helped me to see the world that, until then, I’d just been walking through.” He stopped talking, sure he was boring her, but she had returned to the stool she’d been on earlier and was watching him with interest. Milan was interested in him.
“I took that camera with me everywhere. It was my mom who realized that it was more than a passing interest for me. She bought me a used 35 millimeter camera for my tenth birthday and enrolled me in a three-week photography workshop at the art center. I still have that camera—somewhere,” he smiled softly, almost forgetting she was in the room.
“So you fell in love with photography as a kid and decided to become a professional. That’s pretty cool. I always loved fashion, but my dream of becoming a designer did not quite work out for me the way things did for you,” she smiled and crossed her legs.
Relaxed Milan was even more beautiful than usual. He slipped behind the camera and snapped a few frames while she spoke.
“Working retail downtown in Philly is great, but sometimes I think I should have followed Rhys to New York. I mean working at Herald Square would be fantastic! Then I think my family is here, Julian is here...and there are so many people in New York trying to get the same goal. At least here the competition’s not so tough. I mean I made manager in no time at all really.”
He’d kept shooting while she spoke, but she’d quieted and he watched her for a moment without the lens between them.
“Sometimes home is good enough,” he said.
She nodded, “What about you?” she let her gaze take in the studio, “Are you happy here, taking pictures of, what was it the other day? A lamp?”
He looked down and fiddled with some knobs on the camera, “It pays the bills. I really love portraiture. It’s what I want to do. I love being able to capture and preserve moments in a person’s life. Time is always moving forward and sometimes we aren’t present enough to see it as it’s passing by. A photo gives you a way to travel back in time and revisit.
“You know, one of the things I regret most is that I never photographed my parents. I mean, yes, I have snapshots that I’ve taken of them, but once I’d decided on that specialty, I did not take the time to do a real sitting with them before the accident that killed them. I’d always meant to, I just figured I’d have time. The two people responsible for me being a photographer are the ones who I never really used my talent on.”
It wasn’t like him to talk about himself, so Luke stopped speaking, but the urge to share kept pressing him to finish. He pushed aside the ghosts of his past that had filled the room.
“After they died, it was like I was either in the dark room or out shooting. I found that I had this need to capture life and hold onto it the only way I knew how. I’m not sure how much of the house you’ve seen, but let’s say the foyer isn’t the only room covered in my work,” he chuckled. “I guess I didn’t want to miss any more moments.”
The softness in her brown eyes would normally make him itch to get back behind the camera and get it on film, but he had no urge to put anything between them. He moved toward her and she reached for his hand. As she squeezed his, the reality of her hand on his stung. This time with Milan was something he knew he would treasure, but the truth was that he only got to have it because she was planning to marry his friend. She wasn’t his. He had to let this fantasy go.
“Your wedding is going to be beautiful, Milan,” he said and let go of her hand. “And with all the weddings I’ve shot, I know that it’s going to fly by and you are going to wonder where the day went. So before that happens, I wanted to take these pictures of you and Jules as my gift to you. I hope they truly capture a perfect time in both of your lives.”
Carolyn was sitting in the window seat when he came in. By the way she sat up when she saw him, she must have assumed it was Rhys who had knocked. “Jules, hi—”
She moved as if she was going to hug him but stopped herself, so he pushed his hands into his pockets. “Hi. You got a minute?”
She nodded vigorously and invited him to the window seat with the wave of her arm. It was a large window made all the more welcoming by the tufted seat padding, plush pillows and a fuzzy throw blanket. Carolyn curled her legs into a pretzel and tucked her feet under her knees. “How are you?” she asked when he’d settled in beside her.
“Busy,” he said, releasing a deep breath. “I’ve been just running since the last time I saw you.”
He wanted to shoot himself. He’d meant to ease into it. Forcing himself to look her in the eye he continued, “Which is really why I’m here.”
“Oh,” she said. “Oh, okay.”
He knew she was uncomfortable and trying her best to appear otherwise. This whole thing was wrong on so many levels. Just a few nights ago they’d been so at ease with each other. And then he had to ruin everything.
“I’m sorry about Rhys—”
“I’m sorry about the other night—”
They’d stepped on each other’s words. And did it again.
“I’m sorry, you first.”
“Sorry, you go ahead,” Carolyn laughed, “Well this is awkward.”
He smiled in agreement, “I wish it wasn’t. That’s why I’m here. I’ve run out of excuses to keep avoiding you. And frankly, with the rehearsal tomorrow, I’m running out of time, too. I just wanted to say I hope I didn’t embarrass you the other night and I’m sorry for kissing you. It was inappropriate.”
He watched her face, saw the question in it but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Was she mad at him like her brothers or was that something else he was seeing?
“I’m glad you came to see me,” she said. “You know, the other day you said to me that you didn’t know how I could drive on Lincoln Drive. I didn’t know how to explain it then but maybe I can now. I drive on that road every day to go to and from work. There is another route I can take and believe me, many times I wish I would.
“Yes, something horrible happened on it. My parents died on that road and I think about it every time I take that curve. But I have to do it. Life goes on and I can’t live it if I’m avoiding it. I’d be lying if I said that what happened Monday hadn’t been on my mind,” she touched his thigh and he focused on her hand. “It was nice—the part before Rhys and Cera joined us. But Julian,” she hesitated and he raised his eyes to hers, “are you really sorry about kissing me?”
He’d never wanted to die before. Just flat out keel over dead. No, no, no! How had he managed to make her feel like that moment between them was anything less than all he’d ever wanted?
He could tell her right now how he felt. She was asking him for clarification, for truth. Her eyes pleaded with him but if he gave her truth, then he would end up hurting so many people. If he lied and said he that he was sorry about kissing her, he’d hurt the one person in the world th
at he most wanted to protect. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t cause damage.
“Wait, don’t answer that. I can’t even believe I just asked you that,” uncurling her legs she pushed away from him, “Let’s just put this all behind us. We’re good, right?”
He wanted to pull her back to him and kiss her again, properly and without interruption this time. He wanted to tell her with his kiss that they were fine and let her know everything he couldn’t tell her with words.
“Julian, are we okay?” Carolyn’s voice wavered and that was it for him. He pulled her close and cupped her face with both hands. He would not leave this room without letting her know how he really felt. Once resolved it was simple. The words were unnecessary because all the love in his heart was shining through on his face.
She put her hands over his, holding them in place. Julian leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead.
“We’re good.”
He pulled back just as a tear slide down her cheek. Having said all he needed to, he brushed it away with his thumb and left.
***
Julian hurried down the stairs and out of the house. He’d stayed longer than he had intended—shared more, too. Now he was running late for his appointment with Luke and Milan. He backed out of the driveway and drove out of the neighborhood. If traffic cooperated he would just make it. He turned onto Lincoln Drive and stepped on the gas.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Rhys admired Cera’s new look as he followed her to her patio. She had gotten braids since he’d last seen her. Tiny ropes of tawny brown hair hung down her back making her like even more exotic and earthy than usual. She wore her signature look, a colorful print dress, this time in orange and white that hung almost to her ankles and billowed against her legs in the breeze. She placed a frosty bottle in front of him and settled into her chaise.
“What brings you to my door, Mr. James?”
Spending time with Cera was like going to the beach, her positive attitude warmed him to the core and washed his cares away. That was reason enough to visit. He sipped his drink and answered on a sigh, “Apologies and quests.”
“Ah, we’re being cryptic today. I like it,” Cera observed him through half-closed eyes. “Apologies are boring. Let’s start with the quest.”
He’d never thought of himself as being rash, but lately Rhys had started to wonder at his own actions. He’d left New York with no intention of returning. Now he was facing the reality of quitting his job.
“I came home without a plan. I’ve been scouring the classifieds for the last few days and coming up empty,” he stopped to take another sip. “Apparently, there is no work in Philadelphia.”
“You have to check the Sunday paper. There’s never anything in there during the week, you know that.”
He did, but it did not make him feel any better. “Yeah, well I need a job. After Saturday, my reason for being here is going to expire and I haven’t told the siblings that, ’Surprise! I’m here for good!’ I figure being gainfully employed will soften the blow.”
“Like they wouldn’t be thrilled,” Cera murmured.
Rhys sat forward and placed his hand on her leg, squeezing gently, “About that other thing, I’m sorry about the other night. Hope we didn’t ruin your grand opening.”
She made a show of rolling her eyes, “Like I said, boring.”
Carolyn answered her phone despite the call coming from an unknown number. A deep voice identified itself as Officer Something of the Philadelphia Police Department and asked to speak with Caroline Jones.
“Yes, this is Carolyn James,” she said, smoothly correcting him. She sat up straighter as the man continued to speak.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you there’s been an accident on Lincoln Drive…”
Carolyn gripped the phone tighter as if that would help her to focus, but for the next fifteen seconds there was no processing at all going on in her brain. Conscious thought froze as she was thrust three years back in time. She’d been home with her brothers the last time she’d gotten this call. It had changed her life irrevocably. Please God, she started to pray silently while trying to catch bits and pieces of what the officer was saying. Don't let his be another life-changing event.
Moments after she hung up the phone, Carolyn’s lungs started to function properly again. She sprung off the bed and darted around her room, frantically gathering necessary items while those fateful words filled her mind again and again.
Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you there’s been an accident on Lincoln Drive.
Purse, shoes, keys. Keys? Keys! She grabbed them and dashed out of the house.
Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you there’s been an accident on Lincoln Drive…
How could this have happened? He’d left her barely an hour ago! Carolyn slammed the driver’s side door of her car and froze. She had to get ahold of herself. She’d need to call people and let them know what had happened. Shoot! She didn’t even know herself what had happened yet. With deliberation, she strapped on her seat belt, forced air into her lungs and slowly exhaled. Then she repeated the process.
“Okay,” she whispered, “okay, Carolyn, you can do this. She backed out of the driveway and took off down the tree-lined street. The officer had said the ambulance was taking him to Chestnut Hill Hospital, which wasn’t far.
At the intersection she put on her blinker to make the left onto Lincoln Drive, but when the light changed she didn’t move. After a while, the car behind her honked its horn and finally pulled out to go around her. Two others followed suit. The light changed back to red and Carolyn stayed where she was.
It was the first time she had been paralyzed with dread at the thought of driving on this road. She had survived the devastation of her parents’ loss, but she didn’t think she had enough strength left over to go through another such loss. Losing Julian would qualify. She didn’t know his condition, just that his car was totaled and they weren’t sure of the exact circumstances. What if he…? Tears filled her eyes.
A car had come up behind her and honked. The light was green; she couldn’t just stay here. Turning off her blinker she went through the intersection. She would go up Germantown Avenue instead. More lights, more traffic, but it would take her where she needed to go.
On the move again she reached for her phone; she had to call Rhys.
Seeing Rhys unsure of himself was painful. It had nearly broken Cera when he left for New York, but she thought it was good for him to get away so he could grieve fully rather than stay here and be strong for everyone else. Maybe what he had needed was to stay in Philly so that others could be strong for him. He was home now. She’d make sure he got the healing he needed.
“I might know of a place that could use your talents,” she said as if the thought had just come to her. Her piano bar needed a piano player. Problem One: solved. “I can put in a good word for you if you’d like.”
“That’d be great. Thanks.”
Problem Two was a little trickier. They’d been skirting the issue for almost three years now and if she let it, they would continue to do so. Rhys was stuck and if someone didn’t intervene, he’d stay that way.
“I can’t do this again,” she started. No going back now. “I understand why you left two years ago. I welcomed it because I thought it was what you needed to make you whole again. But you’re back now, you say for good, but—”
“Cera—”
She continued to speak over him, “but you’re still broken, Rhys. Maybe you are doing a better job of hiding it from others than you are from me, but I see it.”
“I’m okay,” he took a long swig and avoided eye contact. She waited.
“I came back because I knew I had abandoned them. At the time, I just wasn’t up to the task of caring for them. I convinced myself that it would be better if I gave them room to find their own way. But really Cera, I just couldn’t handle it. I was in no position to give anything of myself—you know this better than anyone.”
“It wasn’t easy what you guys went through,” she said in a soft voice.
“Yeah, it wasn’t, but it happens,” he placed his bottle on the table with a clunk. “People die. It’s no excuse for how I treated you. It’s one of the things I regret the most and I’m so, so sorry for everything.”
A flash of despair filled his eyes for just a moment and then was gone. Tamped down by the sheer force of his will. But she’d seen it and, just as she had all the other times she’d glimpsed it these past few days, Cera kept herself from reaching for him to offer what comfort she could. That wasn’t what he needed from her.
“Baby, what did I tell you about apologies?” she asked, keeping her tone light. He relaxed as she’d intended him to and pulled his phone from his back pants pocket. She saw the text message indicator on the LED screen.
“Luke,” he said and started pressing buttons in reply while paraphrasing the text’s content. “He wants to know if I’ve heard from Julian who is late for his sitting and not answering his phone.”
Cera shook her head in answer to his unasked question. She had not heard from Julian either. Rhys hit send and then kept his attention on his phone as if he expected a response any second.
His distraction gave Cera a moment to gear up for what she was about to say. She’d been thinking about it since he crashed at her place the other night. It would be the best move for him but she was not sure if he’d agree. She reached for his hand and suddenly his eyes were on hers. Deep brown, intense and expectant. “Listen, if it’s too hard for you to be at that house—and I think it is—I want you to move in here.”